How to explain Christianity to a non believer

[TomD123]

I have a friend who has serious doubts about God and about Jesus. We have talked about the faith. I have answered simple questions and explained what I think the point of life is. I told her about some miracles. She says that she does not feel God’s presence. I told her she should say a short prayer every day. What I am wondering is if there is anything I should tell her? Any concept that I should introduce her too, any prayer I could tell her she could say or any style of praying that might be helpful. Has anyone here had any similar experiences and any success? How should I speak of God’s mercy and is there any way in which I could explain the relationship of faith, certainty, doubt, dark night of hte soul, etc.? Any help is greatly appreciated and of course prayers for my friend’s soul are welcome.

 

[SecretGarden]

When it comes to talking with a non believer, it’s important to avoid Christian language. I find when I use general language and make comparisons between normal common things, you are more apt to gain the person’s interest. I would also invite them to a mass, but make sure it is with a pastor you can ask questions to and in a church where the people are warm.

Message me if you have some specific questions or if you want more details.

SG

 

[reconman]

I have a friend who has serious doubts about God and about Jesus.

I do to. I’ve been plagued with doubt my entire life. It’s not something I want or can control, it just is. Perhaps it is so with your friend as well.

She says that she does not feel God’s presence.

I never have either. I can empathize with your friend. It’s not fun to live with, and I’m guessing, like me, she would like to feel this presence but never has.

 

[MidnightSun12]

As a former non-believer, I found my greatest impediment to finding God in my life was the fact that I didn’t understand the concept of love (including the love we have for family and friends). Love is the most important commandmant, and if there’s anything that you can drive home I think it should be the concept of love. If you can explain to your friend that love is simply the full giving of yourself to God and those around you, I think you can create a great place for a person’s faith to start from. If you can explain that love is simply what we do in the absence of sin (sin being the witholding of ourselves from God and our fellow man) you can drive home the fact that love is a very uncomplicated thing that a 5 year old can do and that we actually have to consciously deny God to reject Him from our lives.

When I was a non-believer, Satan was very effective at keeping me away from the faith by making love seem like this unnatural thing that would be painstakingly difficult to ever do properly. This shut down any real contemplation of becoming religious since Satan had won before I had even started the journey!

By ourselves, we really don’t have much hope in changing somebody’s heart (only the Holy Spirit can do this). I also recommend strong prayer for your friend as this can be even more pursuasive then words can!

 

[SMA_12]

This is advice from a missionary I had the opportunity to learn from. He said to be able to give an account of the powerful message of the Gospel, the 4 main points being:

1. We were created for a personal relationship with God.
2. Sin destroys that relationship.
3. Christ came, died and rose to conquer that sin.
4. We must respond to Christ to rebuild that relationship and turn from sin.

Obviously being a non-believer your friend won’t take the Gospel as an absolute truth, so in telling this message you should share how you personally came to find these things as truth and how it has affected and brought joy and hope to your life personally. The best tool for evangelation is always joy!

I also love MidnightSun’s idea of sharing the concept of love.

After all, Christ’s life is the greatest love story of all time

 

[surritter]

Maybe it’s cuz I’m an engineer, but how about the “logic” angle? If she looks around, it is evident that all the things of the natural world didn’t get here by themselves. There had to be a “first cause,” and this is a starting point to acknowledging that there is a God of some sort.

If I’m walking along the seashore and find an ornate pocketwatch in the sand, I’m obviously not going to say that the watch made itself and got there by chance. It had to have a maker. Well, how much more complex are our bodies and other created things!

As for Jesus, the “logic” angle is to look at history. There was undoubtedly a person named Jesus that caused a ruckus some 2000 years ago. She should investigate the claims of his followers. Were they reliable witnesses to the astounding story of seeing a man come back from the dead? Yes – each of the Apostles went to his death (a grisly martyrdom for most of them) clinging to the truth that they witnessed. If their story were fictional, would they really write a Gospel that portrays them as bumbling idiots (denying Jesus right before his death, etc.)? Wouldn’t they have trumped up the story to make themselves look better?

Anyway, start from there and then if the brain can be moved toward belief, perhaps the heart will follow.

 

[Hokomai]

If I may be permitted to do an inverse Screwtape, and in the hope I do not cause offense:

First of all, seek out a time when your unbeliever clearly sees reality: their family will die, they will die, all will die. Catch them at a moment of misery, not on New Years’ eve or a football game, or a dinner party. Then explain how Christianity will make the misery go away and ‘wipe away every tear’. Carefully avoid discussion of the cases where this does not happen, such as babies dying in pain, or the suffering of billions of innocent animals. Always use the word “mystery” when you are tempted to say “I don’t know”. explain that all mysteries will be explained in the next world, and that through prayer we can find acceptance of the mysteries. Do not for a moment admit that this means “being happy about not understanding something”. Do not mention difficult-to-accept things about your religion (transubstantiation, children going to hell). Talk instead about enlightenment values like liberty, equality and fraternity, as if these were Christian beliefs. “Tolerance” is something people believe in a lot, and mistakenly think is a Christian value. You can use this by being offended at criticism of religion, and calling it ‘intolerance’. Above all, avoid discussing whether there is any actual evidence for the existence of God. Talk instead about what people ‘feel’. everyone ‘feels’ things. Get them to use the word “God” to describe these feelings. Sunsets and babies are particularly good at evoking such feelings.

 

[TomD123]

Firstly, Thanks for everyone who replied
Second…

When it comes to talking with a non believer, it’s important to avoid Christian language. I find when I use general language and make comparisons between normal common things, you are more apt to gain the person’s interest. I would also invite them to a mass, but make sure it is with a pastor you can ask questions to and in a church where the people are warm.
SG

Thank you for the advice, she goes to Mass because her family is Catholic, she actually goes to my Parish but unfortunately I don’t think our parish is especially warm, and there is nothing special about the community, etc. so I think in some ways her experience with Mass has probably not helped her. I have considered taking her to adoration for a short period of time though, not sure if this is good yet…

By ourselves, we really don’t have much hope in changing somebody’s heart (only the Holy Spirit can do this). I also recommend strong prayer for your friend as this can be even more pursuasive then words can!

Thank you, this I think will be helpful because love is such a key concept in Christianity. And yes, I pray for her.

Anyway, start from there and then if the brain can be moved toward belief, perhaps the heart will follow.

Yes, I have tried the logic angle and will continue to do so. Personally, I was convinced because of the logical reasons for Christianity. I think that this is important but I feel as though I overdo the logic, if you know what I mean…like because its my style I focus on the logic rather than any other parts of belief.

Then explain how Christianity will make the misery go away and ‘wipe away every tear’. It doesn’t so I probably wouldn’t go in that direction Do not mention difficult-to-accept things about your religion (transubstantiation, children going to hell Transubstantiation is hard to believe but pretty amazing once its accepted and I wouldn’t bring children going to hell into the discussion cuz I sure hope that’s not what my religion teaches). Talk instead about enlightenment values like liberty, equality and fraternity, as if these were Christian beliefs. I tend to stick to faith, hope, and charity because these are most certainly Christian values

So any other advice is still appreciated, and of course prayers
Any one have any idea of any advice I could give her on prayer/praying?
Thanks

 

[Hokomai]

** I wouldn’t bring children going to hell into the discussion cuz I sure hope that’s not what my religion teaches**

I am sure Catholics will correct me if I am wrong, but I am confident the Church has taught than on achieving the age of reason at about the age of 7, mortal sin is possible for anyone, and that anyone, including a child, who dies in that state, deserves an eternity of extreme pain and distress in hell. There is a sort of ‘out’ in that the Church also says it cannot be sure that anyone at all is in hell. But the teaching is still that they deserve hell. The average non-believer finds it hard to accept that a child who (for example) deliberately missed Mass on a Sunday would be tortured forever by an all-loving God, or at least by something put in place by that God.

 

[surritter]

I am sure Catholics will correct me if I am wrong, but I am confident the Church has taught than on achieving the age of reason at about the age of 7, mortal sin is possible for anyone, and that anyone, including a child, who dies in that state, deserves an eternity of extreme pain and distress in hell. There is a sort of ‘out’ in that the Church also says it cannot be sure that anyone at all is in hell. But the teaching is still that they deserve hell. The average non-believer finds it hard to accept that a child who (for example) deliberately missed Mass on a Sunday would be tortured forever by an all-loving God, or at least by something put in place by that God.

Sure, I’d be glad to correct you.
“Anyone…who dies in that state -]deserves/-] has demanded for themselves an eternity of extreme pain and distress in hell.”

You see, God is not some monster that condemns these hapless souls. He wants them to share in His communion of love. And they simply declared that they wish to live in the shadows and not be in God’s light. This is what they want, but the effect is that it is painful, yes – but it is less painful than being in the light of Truth.

I think if you re-calibrate your understanding of Christianity, you’ll be less likely to portray it in such deprecating and bombastic ways.

 

[Hokomai]

Sure, I’d be glad to correct you.
“Anyone…who dies in that state -]deserves/-] has demanded for themselves an eternity of extreme pain and distress in hell.”

You see, God is not some monster that condemns these hapless souls. He wants them to share in His communion of love. And they simply declared that they wish to live in the shadows and not be in God’s light. This is what they want, but the effect is that it is painful, yes – but it is less painful than being in the light of Truth.

I think if you re-calibrate your understanding of Christianity, you’ll be less likely to portray it in such deprecating and bombastic ways.

Happy to calibrate. As it is children we are discussing, let’s just calibrate your comment:

“Any child who dies in that state has demanded for themselves an eternity of extreme pain and distress in hell.”

You see, God is not some monster that condemns these hapless children. He wants them to share in His communion of love. And the children simply declared that they wish to live in the shadows and not be in God’s light. This is what the children want, but the effect is that it is painful, yes – but it is less painful than being in the light of Truth.

I think if you re-calibrate your understanding of Christianity and children, you’ll be less likely to portray it in such deprecating and bombastic ways"

Should the OP say this to unbelievers, do you think?

 

[TomD123]

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Should the OP say this to unbelievers, do you think?

I think its best to explain how anyone who makes a complete life choice against God (mortal sin) cannot enjoy the happiness of heaven. Age is not really significant here, I don’t think there are any 9 year olds who have a desire to do anything seriously wrong…
God is fair, if a child dies and has chosen hell, freely and knowingly, God gives them what they have asked for. In reality, this, I would think, hardly ever happens (the younger the child, the less often)

Anyway, I think I understand that the harder concepts to understand in Christianity are best explained later, but I wasn’t expecting her to ask about children in hell. Good discussion, lets try to get back on track now, and try to talk about how I should be explaining Christianity, and specifically any prayer advice for her?

Thanks

 

[Hokomai]

Anyway, I think I understand that the harder concepts to understand in Christianity are best explained later, but I wasn’t expecting her to ask about children in hell.

Why later? Why not immediately? This is hard to accept, but seems to me to be fundamental to Catholic thought. You seem to be following the advice in my reverse Screwtape posting above!

 

[TomD123]

Why later? Why not immediately? This is hard to accept, but seems to me to be fundamental to Catholic thought. You seem to be following the advice in my reverse Screwtape posting above!

Later because certain concepts build on one another. I won’t explain the incarnation until I explain the Trinity, which I won’t explain till I explain God (just an example).
The point is you explain things in a way that they all fall into place. Part of the reason for my post in the first place is to have help making sure I do this correctly. Yes, we have talked about hell, and no, children have not come up but that’s not really an issue. I don’t think children generally commit mortal sins and die unrepentant. I actually don’t think it ever happens, like what does a 10 year old even want to do that’s grave matter?

So can we please move on to something a little more important, something that will actually help her?

 

[surritter]

Happy to calibrate. As it is children we are discussing, let’s just calibrate your comment:

“Any child who dies in that state has demanded for themselves an eternity of extreme pain and distress in hell.”

FIrst of all, the OP had nothing to do with children. You’ve injected that here – it might be a question worth discussing, but totally irrelevant to the thread.

That said … If a child is of the age of reason and completely fulfills the 3 requirements for something to be a mortal sin, then he has chosen to be separated from God. I don’t get what your issue is with that.

Oh wait – you’re going to say that God is horrible for allowing a child with sufficient knowledge and reason to make such choices. But are you the one who will determine if a given child has sufficient knowedge and reason? Am I?

Since you should have answered “no” to those questions, it’s obvious that only God knows if someone – even a child – has really committed a sin worthy of judgement to hell.

So once more we see that there really is no issue. Re-calibrate again.