How to explain the need to renew vows in Catholic Church?

[jlyz28]

My Catholic brother and his Christian wife were married in a non-denominational Christian church a few years ago. They have recently been asked to be Godparents of a close friend’s child (the family is Catholic). In order for them to do so, they had to renew their vows in the Catholic church in order for the church to recognize their marriage and allow them as the Godparents. My sister-in-law is having a very hard time understanding why their first marriage ceremony “wasn’t good enough” for the Catholic Church. I’m trying to prepare an explanation for her, and any help would be greatly appreciated.

 

[NMJenny]

Unless a Catholic has a dispensation, his marriage must be witnessed by a priest in order to be valid. The Church has a right to set forth the requirements for its sacraments. Protestant churches do the same thing–for instance some will not baptise babies, or insist that baptism must be by immersion, and if those requirements haven’t been met, then they don’t regard the baptism as legitimate.

There are probably better examples, but maybe what I mentioned will help your SIL understand. Check http://www.usccb.org/laity/marriage/marriagefaqs.shtml
for a statement on this point from the USCCB…

 

[puzzleannie]

My Catholic brother and his Christian wife were married in a non-denominational Christian church a few years ago. They have recently been asked to be Godparents of a close friend’s child (the family is Catholic). In order for them to do so, they had to renew their vows in the Catholic church in order for the church to recognize their marriage and allow them as the Godparents. quote]
this is not simply a renewal of wedding vows, it is a convalidation, that is, having their marriage recognized as valid by the Catholic Church. Explain to your sister-in-law that your brother is bound by Catholic canon law to marry in accordance with the laws of the Church. Since he did not seek a dispensation to marry a non-Catholic in a non-Catholic venue, he is not married. Since she chose to marry a Catholic, she has to live with the fact that, if he now wishes to claim the privileges of being Catholic such as serving as a godparent (which only he, not his wife, can do), he must comply with Catholic laws regarding godparents–they must be fully initiated Catholics and if married, it must be valid. She can however, once this is done, stand up with him as Christian witness. Once the marriage is convalidated, if she is baptized, it will also become sacramental. You may want to explain the meaning and importance of that fact as well.

 

[jlyz28]

Thanks for the responses; you’ve both given me great information. My problem is that I feel like I need to talk with my sister in law on her (non-Catholic) level; and explaining how the Catholic church simply doesn’t recognize their first marriage ceremony isn’t going to get me very far. Is there a good argument I can use when she says, “why isn’t it good enough for the Catholic Church?” She’s looking at the situation as though we think that we’re superior; and I don’t want to go down that path…

Thank you,
Jenny

 

[Inman]

One way to explain it is that the Church views marriage as extremely important. Accordingly, it wants the opportunity to be a part of the marriage of its members.

In a situation such as hers where a Catholic married outside of the church, the church at least wants the opportunity to be a part of and recongize the marriage, even if only after the fact. While the Church doesn’t pressure people to have such marriages convalidated, if a Catholic wants to participate in the life of the church, it views it as necessary.

However, I am not sure whether or not sugar coating the explanation is a good idea or not. If she is considering having the marriage convalidated, she ought to know what she is getting into, even if that means she is less likey to go through with it.
If its already happended, I guess that isn’t as big a concern.

 

[kage_ar]

Explain that Catholics have to follow both the laws of the country where they live AND Canon Law. Her husband has to follow the law.