How to explain why I don't receive communion in my family's churches?

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Saoirse

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I am not sure if this should go in this area or in the family section, it looks like it could fit in both. so sorry if this is the wrong spot.

Since last summer, when I realized that I longed to be in union with the Catholic Church, I have been refusing to receive communion in the Lutheran Church where my grandparents attend - despite this offending them, I have tried to explain that I am not in union of belief with their church.

I am now a Neophyte Catholic, and I have to say that after truly receiving the body, blood, soul and divinity of Christ in Holy Communion, I would never dream of receiving a false communion elsewhere as that, to me, would be making a mockery of Christ’s gift of Himself in the Blessed Sacrament.

However, when I was on a poverty awareness trip over Lent, one of the trip leaders who teaches in the Catholic school system said that she receives communion in whatever church she is in at the moment - be it Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran, or whichever.

How can I explain my refusal to receive communion in their churches to my grandparents and family members, when they have “Catholic” friends who receive communion in their churches and who will skip MASS some weekends in order to attend the church of the family they are visiting?

I don’t want to offend that entire half of my family, but it seems like I have to in order to be true to my faith. When there are “Catholics” out there who do not follow the teachings of the Church in these matters, how can I legitimatly explain to my family why I do obey the Church in this matter?

in faith, always,
Saoirse
 
Tell them that you cannot recieve the Lutheran “communion” because by receiving their communion you are assenting to their teachings (that is what “being in Communion” means- as a Catholic you may not recieve from Churches who are not in full Communion with Rome, even if their Eucharist is valid like in Eastern Orthodoxy).
 
Do you have to go often to your family’s church? Make sure you are not skipping Mass in order to go to their Lutheran Church.
This is a tricky issue, for me as well. Later this summer I will be visiting in-laws who are expecting us to go to their small fundamentalist church (of course they won’t have Communion). But it means missing Mass to go to their church. I’ll try to go Monday to a regular Mass to make up for it and try to get a dispensation from our priest. But it presents problems for me in a big way, spiritually speaking.
Explain, IF they ask, that you only receive communion in your own church and leave it at that. If they press the issue, tell them that you believe that the bread and wine are truly the Son of God and that as a member of the Catholic Church you are not allowed to take communion in other churches. You may receive some derision; offer it up as your cross to bear. Sometimes things are not easy in living our faith.
Prayers for you!
Lissa
 
Saoirse said:
How can I explain my refusal to receive communion in their churches to my grandparents and family members, when they have “Catholic” friends who receive communion in their churches and who will skip MASS some weekends in order to attend the church of the family they are visiting?
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Simply say to them that unfortunately the Catholic is misguided or deliberately disobeying Church teaching and that you do not intend to follow their poor example.

Two wrongs do not make a right.

Oh, and you are really under no obligation to explain or defend anything. As a matter of fact, after explaining it one time from then on I would simply say “the subject is closed for discussion.”
 
I hope this isn’t a really dumb question, but is the Catholic taking Communion at another church committing a mortal or venial sin?
 
Saoirse said:
I am not sure if this should go in this area or in the family section, it looks like it could fit in both. so sorry if this is the wrong spot.

Since last summer, when I realized that I longed to be in union with the Catholic Church, I have been refusing to receive communion in the Lutheran Church where my grandparents attend - despite this offending them, I have tried to explain that I am not in union of belief with their church.

I am now a Neophyte Catholic, and I have to say that after truly receiving the body, blood, soul and divinity of Christ in Holy Communion, I would never dream of receiving a false communion elsewhere as that, to me, would be making a mockery of Christ’s gift of Himself in the Blessed Sacrament.

However, when I was on a poverty awareness trip over Lent, one of the trip leaders who teaches in the Catholic school system said that she receives communion in whatever church she is in at the moment - be it Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran, or whichever.

How can I explain my refusal to receive communion in their churches to my grandparents and family members, when they have “Catholic” friends who receive communion in their churches and who will skip MASS some weekends in order to attend the church of the family they are visiting?

I don’t want to offend that entire half of my family, but it seems like I have to in order to be true to my faith. When there are “Catholics” out there who do not follow the teachings of the Church in these matters, how can I legitimatly explain to my family why I do obey the Church in this matter?

in faith, always,
Saoirse
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All I can tell you is don’t do what everyone else is doing. Receive Holy Communion in a Catholic Church only and do not skip Mass unless you have a serious and valid reason.
 
I think the issue is best resolved w/ conversation before you get to Church. Here is how I explained it to my friend when I attended his church with him:

Christ desires us to be one and our separation brings tears to His eyes. For me to recieve Communion is would require me to pretend that the separation isn’t real. While you recieve, please allow me to pray that we one day become one as Christ desires.

When he attended with me, I said:

"Please respect my faith which teaches that Catholics or non-Catholics separated from the Church not recieve but to make a Spiritual Communion. I beg you to respect me and my faith by either coming up for a blessing while you pray for our unity or wait patiently for us to rejoin you in the pew.

Both times it was accepted in the spirit intended. I feared when he was w/ me that he would ask “why don’t you respect my faith which invites you to recieve?” but the question never came. Thank God!
 
jujubee said:
I hope this isn’t a really dumb question, but is the Catholic taking Communion at another church committing a mortal or venial sin?
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It’s grave matter, which makes it a mortal sin if the Catholic knows at the time that it is against Church teachings, yet does it anyway. (If they don’t know any better, then it’s a venial sin, even though it is grave matter.)
 
This comes up with my mother from time to time - she can’t figure out why I don’t receive Holy Communion when I go back to her church sometimes. I don’t like discussing it with her because she seems bull-dozer insistent that everyone should receive Holy Communion no matter where it is offered - which is the very reason that I don’t often invite her to Mass; I don’t want to have to try to explain her behaviour to my priest.

This is just to let you know that you are not alone - I have no solution for this.

I also ran into a Protestant guy receiving Holy Communion at my parish a few weeks ago. I played dumb and asked him whether he had made a Profession of Faith and joined the Church? No. He thinks he has the right to receive Holy Communion because 22 years ago someone who didn’t know any better told him he could. :rolleyes: 😦
 
A message to all of those whose family members invite them to take non-Catholic communion ~ be gracious as you decline and be grateful they ask. There are worse things than being asked to take communion in a church you don’t belong to.

You could be like one Catholic woman I heard of, who, when invited to her husband’s family for Thanksgiving dinner had to endure her mother-in-law refer to her as a PAGAN during the blessing of the food.

I’d be happy to take being asked to take communion by anyone, anyday, rather than to be referred to in public as a pagan! So when people ask you to take communion, be gracious as you decline and don’t make a big deal out of it.
 
as I used to literally be a Pagan, I would’ve taken offense in more than one way at that meal.

Firstly because I am already sick of people acting like Catholics aren’t really Christians.

Secondly because I am sick of people taking the word ‘Pagan’ to be synonymous with ‘bad’ (doesn’t make for great interfaith relations, let me tell you)

Thirdly because I believe that family should be a place where people can share their faith openly, and where differences arise, family members should be able to lovingly respect each other - and if they feel it necessary (which I definitely do in regards to several of my family members) - to make a point of praying for the conversion of their family members in private as a true and honest plea to God rather than as a clearly intended, public slight upon another person’s faith.

I guess I’m just frustrated, trying to explain to my family that no, I won’t recieve communion in their church, and no, I will not skip MASS - and it especially frustrates me when they can turn around and say “well, we’ve friends who are Catholic who go to our church with us and recieve communion at our church and don’t worry about missing MASS when they’re visiting. it’s common manners”

and then, because I am new to my faith, it is automatically assumed (by my family) that these other Catholic friends of theirs (whom I pray are simply misinformed) must be right and I must just be making it all up or be super-conservative or have misinterpreted somewhere.

anyways. I just had my wisdom teeth out two days ago, and it’s starting to actually hurt now. I need to go lay down because I can’t even remember what I was going to say. sorry.

love always
Saoirse
 
Saoirse said:
I guess I’m just frustrated, trying to explain to my family that no, I won’t recieve communion in their church, and no, I will not skip MASS - and it especially frustrates me when they can turn around and say “well, we’ve friends who are Catholic who go to our church with us and recieve communion at our church and don’t worry about missing MASS when they’re visiting. it’s common manners”
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Just tell the that you do not follow “common manners” but that you want to use “proper manners” toward Christ as clearly directed by the Catholic Church. If they argue with you on what “proper manners” toward Christ are show them the Catechism of the Catholic Church.
 
RWMorris said:
Do you have to go often to your family’s church? Make sure you are not skipping Mass in order to go to their Lutheran Church.
This is a tricky issue, for me as well. Later this summer I will be visiting in-laws who are expecting us to go to their small fundamentalist church (of course they won’t have Communion). But it means missing Mass to go to their church. I’ll try to go Monday to a regular Mass to make up for it and try to get a dispensation from our priest. But it presents problems for me in a big way, spiritually speaking.
Explain, IF they ask, that you only receive communion in your own church and leave it at that. If they press the issue, tell them that you believe that the bread and wine are truly the Son of God and that as a member of the Catholic Church you are not allowed to take communion in other churches. You may receive some derision; offer it up as your cross to bear. Sometimes things are not easy in living our faith.
Prayers for you!
Lissa
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Lissa, perhaps you can scout around a bit and find an earlier Mass at another church or a Saturday Mass at another church. You may have to adjust your travel plans in order to do this but you’d be really witnessing to your MIL on the importance of the Catholic Faith. And you wouldn’t be missing Mass.
 
You don’t have to explain anything. On the rare occasions I go to church with my relatives I don’t recieve their communion and nobody has said anything to me about it yet.

If you don’t make a big deal out of it then they probably won’t either.
 
Saoirse said:
When there are “Catholics” out there who do not follow the teachings of the Church in these matters, how can I legitimatly explain to my family why I do obey the Church in this matter?
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Dear one, from which side is the legitimacy of your explanation for faithfulness to the Church questioned – your family, or yourself?

I do understand, in part, as my entire (very large) extended family remains evangelical Protestant in one form or another, with my immediate family (husband, kids, grandkids) the only Catholics among 'em. We live in different states, and when I visit them it’s understood that although I will gladly accompany them to their church I will also, at some time, be going to Mass. This has smoothed out by now and become accepted, to the point that some of my relatives even go to the trouble to find out Mass times at nearby Catholic churches and make sure I have time to attend.

However, it wasn’t always such smooth sailing, and some eyebrows did get raised when I passed along the communion plate and grape juice without partaking.

What you’re experiencing is common. If the only Catholics your family has known are ones who have been misinformed, poorly catechized, or simply cherrypick which doctrines they agree with and which they don’t, then you have two choices: Get frustrated and defensive and drawn into arguments, or calmly tell them that what you do is what faithfulness to the Church look like. Then continue to practice your faith as you know you should. If you’ve called to be an example in this situation, then you’ll also be given the graces necessary to carry it out.
 
What’s the first commandment say?

I am the Lord your God, thou shalt not have any strange gods before thee.

Receiving anything but the real presence of God in the Holy Eucharist would putting a false god in the same vein as the Holy Eucharist. It’s very wrong to do that. So dont’ feel obliged because of peer pressure to receive their version of Holy Communion which is most cases, is used as a memorial or recreation of the Last Supper.

All you have to do is ask them, what do you do with your unused bread? They will probably tell you, they toss it out. Well, if it’s the real presence, why don’t they adore it…by storing it in a tabernacle? Pray on it, pray to the Holy Eucharist to put the right words in your mouth…and like St Francis of Assisi taught us…preach often, but when necessary use words.
 
I hope this isn’t a really dumb question, but is the Catholic taking Communion at another church committing a mortal or venial sin?
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I thought even participating at a service (outside of a wedding or funeral) at a non-Catholic worship was.
 
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