How to feel comfortable talking with a priest and reaching out in church?

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laurengirl06

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Hi all,

I’m in the middle of trying to discern whether or not to become Catholic (and have posted on here before a couple of times before, great community!). I’ve attended daily Mass for the last week and my first RCIA class last night. I love the teachings of the Church, the liturgy, etc. My only obstacle, it seems, is finding a way to feel comfortable talking with a priest, or asking to the discuss questions/concerns I might have. I can be shy anyway, but it seems like this huge thing to openly talk about personal faith struggles with a stranger, not just because of the struggles per se, but how the priest is going to judge you for them, or judge you in general (I know a lot of people say this won’t happen, but I have a hard time believing it). And since I know the Church is very hierarchical, and the priest represents God in some respects besides, it seems like his opinion of you carries a lot of weight.

Does anyone have any advice about this, or is this a totally abnormal thing to feel worried about? I do very much want to ask the questions and have the discussion, but I don’t know how to begin. I sent an email asking if I could make an appointment with the priest who attended our RCIA class, but so far haven’t heard anything back.
 
Perhaps you are just nervous and jumping the gun a little. Maybe when you attend more classes you will feel more comfortable and when you have a question, you will ask it. You may be anticipating a problem that doesn’t exist. Give it some more time and see how it goes. 🙂
 
Don’t worry about the priest thinking poorly of you, he truly won’t. So many people tell priests their personal problems and their most wicked of sins in the confessional that they have to learn to not be judgmental. Even if he does form a poor opinion of you, it doesn’t carry any weight if you are innocent in the eyes of God.
 
The hierarchy is administrative.

Your biggest relationship is straight to God, and to whatever other church members you choose.
 
Most priests are extremely kind. Pick one you like, make an appointment with him and discuss your questions with him. He will not judge you. If it helps, let him know that you have trouble asking questions. He will put you at ease.

If anything, he will be most welcoming. Priests love to see people who are interested in learning more about our Faith.

Welcome and God bless you.
 
laurengirl06 said:
Hi all,

I’m in the middle of trying to discern whether or not to become Catholic (and have posted on here before a couple of times before, great community!). I’ve attended daily Mass for the last week and my first RCIA class last night. I love the teachings of the Church, the liturgy, etc. My only obstacle, it seems, is finding a way to feel comfortable talking with a priest, or asking to the discuss questions/concerns I might have. I can be shy anyway, but it seems like this huge thing to openly talk about personal faith struggles with a stranger, not just because of the struggles per se, but how the priest is going to judge you for them, or judge you in general (I know a lot of people say this won’t happen, but I have a hard time believing it). And since I know the Church is very hierarchical, and the priest represents God in some respects besides, it seems like his opinion of you carries a lot of weight.

Does anyone have any advice about this, or is this a totally abnormal thing to feel worried about? I do very much want to ask the questions and have the discussion, but I don’t know how to begin. I sent an email asking if I could make an appointment with the priest who attended our RCIA class, but so far haven’t heard anything back.
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There is nothing you can tell a priest that he has not heard many times before. You may think there is, but there’s not. I have seven uncles who are priests, so I should know, though of course, they never divulge the contents of a private conversation to me.

I find parish emails often go astray. I would call for an appointment.
 
Thanks for the responses. Still haven’t heard anything, so maybe I’ll call. My worry is that perhaps my discomfort was obvious, which probably made the people around me uncomfortable, so now it’s a thing. Although that’s rather a narcissistic statement now that I read it.
Lily_Bernans said:
There is nothing you can tell a priest that he has not heard many times before. You may think there is, but there’s not. I have seven uncles who are priests, so I should know, though of course, they never divulge the contents of a private conversation to me.
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Thank you for the insight. It’s difficult to convince yourself of this when you have no experience, but it’s heartening to hear from someone with so many priests in the family. 🙂
 
Does anyone have any advice about this, or is this a totally abnormal thing to feel worried about? I do very much want to ask the questions and have the discussion, but I don’t know how to begin. I sent an email asking if I could make an appointment with the priest who attended our RCIA class, but so far haven’t heard anything back.
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This is not abnormal at all. I am also a very shy person so I know how you feel.

My advice would be to make a phone call to your priest instead of an email to set up an appointment. Explain your situation and ask him for a private meeting.

As other posters have stated, priests have heard it all in a confessional. Trust me, he will not judge you or think poorly of you. He will be happy you are joining the Church.

When I returned to the Church after a 30 year absence I was so afraid my priest would think poorly of me during my first confession. I thought (wrongly), “Man, this priest hasn’t heard anything like this before.” After my confession and absolution, my priest said to me, “That was a great confession…doesn’t it feel great to unburden yourself?” Then he welcomed me back and said he was so happy that I returned. It was the total opposite of what I expected.

I will never forget that confession.
 
laurengirl06 said:
Thanks for the responses. Still haven’t heard anything, so maybe I’ll call. My worry is that perhaps my discomfort was obvious, which probably made the people around me uncomfortable, so now it’s a thing. Although that’s rather a narcissistic statement now that I read it.

Thank you for the insight. It’s difficult to convince yourself of this when you have no experience, but it’s heartening to hear from someone with so many priests in the family. 🙂
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It’s not narcissistic at all. Just talk to the priest like you talk to a good friend and know he will never divulge anything that you tell him, whether in the confessional or not.

I can’t read your mind, of course, and I’ve been around priests all my life so never had a problem taking to them, but I think you’re worrying too much. It’s natural for one in your position, so don’t worry about that! Just talk to him like you talk to your best friend - almost. Most priests really will treat you like a beloved child.
 
Priests (surprisingly) are people. And like all other people, they come in different sizes, shapes and etc., including temperaments. And like all other people (well, most other people), they put their pants on one leg at a time, and they have good days and bad days.

Without going up and talking with them, careful observation of how they talk with other people can give some clues. Some are shy. Some are very outgoing. Some seem serious; others, perhaps light hearted. A few a gruff, or can be so; and I usually find the gruff ones to be older. Which is not to say older ones are gruff - just some.

Once you become more comfortable around priests and get to know some, you will probably find you like some more than others - just about like anyone else you meet.
 
laurengirl06 said:
And since I know the Church is very hierarchical, and the priest represents God in some respects besides, it seems like his opinion of you carries a lot of weight.
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Be careful not to place priests on a pedestal like this. Priests are simply men, like the rest of us. Men with a very special role, but plain ordinary men nevertheless. A priest’s opinion of you is no more important than anyone else’s opinion of you.

The priest facilitates the sacraments, he is not God’s representative. The priest is in persona Christi during parts of the Mass, but that is not because of his own personal attributes, quite the reverse.

Do not worry what a priest might think of you, that in itself is of little importance.
 
otjm said:
Priests (surprisingly) are people. And like all other people, they come in different sizes, shapes and etc., including temperaments. And like all other people (well, most other people), they put their pants on one leg at a time, and they have good days and bad days.

Without going up and talking with them, careful observation of how they talk with other people can give some clues. Some are shy. Some are very outgoing. Some seem serious; others, perhaps light hearted. A few a gruff, or can be so; and I usually find the gruff ones to be older. Which is not to say older ones are gruff - just some.

Once you become more comfortable around priests and get to know some, you will probably find you like some more than others - just about like anyone else you meet.
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I have seven uncles who are priests, and all of them are very different. One is very outgoing, loves to be invited out to dinner, either at the person’s home or in a restaurant, and has tons of friends and goes to movies, fairs, musical concerts, etc. His brother, also a priest, is just the opposite. He is very quiet and humble and loves to read religious books. He doesn’t even own a TV. He keeps away from restaurants, movies, fairs, etc., but I think his love and compassion are greater than the first priest I described, though it takes time to get to know him since he’s very reserved. My oldest uncle, actually a great-uncle, who is a priest, is almost otherworldly, he’s so saintly. Everyone loves this man. He’s not gruff at all. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a gruff word come out of his mouth, and I see him at church and at family things, though I have known gruff priests, but not many. My great-uncle is such a sweetheart. He once celebrated Mass in my parish when our pastor was on a two-week vacation. On the way out, people were welcoming him to the parish and shaking his hand. When I reached him, he said, “Little one, how are you today?” I told him, “Fine” and hugged him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, which caused a minor scandal for about 30 seconds until someone who knew us both said, “He’s her UNCLE!” LOL

Very convenient having so many priests in the family. They are a great blessing. 🙂

And you are so right; they come in many different personalities. Some people will prefer one, while other people will prefer others.
 
Every one of us struggles with faith, our faith is constantly attacked, as it has been since Christ and even before Christ. Faith is a gift, so pray for more faith.

The first several lines of the Lord’s prayer are statements of faith
Hallowed be Thy Name !

Thy Kingdom Come !

Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven !***

We profess our faith to the Father and pledge ourselves to Him before we dare utter the word “give” … give us this, give us that. Give us first our daily bread – God’s word, Jesus the Christ.

If you can attend Eucharistic adoration even if for 20 or 30 minutes, put yourself in God’s presence and tell your concerns to Him. Ask for faith and hope.
 
Never feel uncomfortable talking too a priest, for he is their too help bring you closer too Jesus,he is a way a disciple of God,and don,t be afraid to let him here your confession, for he can,t let no one about what you say in the confessional,it,s between you and the priest and God,and tell all your sin,s,because God know what you did, but he is all forgiving ,and want,s us to be in the state off Grace.the priest has heard many off sin,s, but can,t real-late them too one one ,so If you are truly their too ask forgiveness, don,t be afraid to tell the Priest,he not going to chew you out OK,his their to forgive you threw the power that God gave the Disciples,and know they are called priest. Amen God be with you.
 
Thank you all again for the kind responses. Since I never received a response to my email I ended up calling the parish and asking to make an appointment. The very nice lady on the phone transferred me to someone’s voice mail, but I didn’t hear back after a week. So I called again this morning and made an appointment with a different priest.

The roadblocks here seem very odd to me. I know it’s strange, but I kind of feel like this might be a sign I’m not meant to go any further. I know it’s not a staffing issue. Is it uncommon for people to make appointments to speak with their priest outside of Mass or Confession?
 
laurengirl06 said:
Thank you all again for the kind responses. Since I never received a response to my email I ended up calling the parish and asking to make an appointment. The very nice lady on the phone transferred me to someone’s voice mail, but I didn’t hear back after a week. So I called again this morning and made an appointment with a different priest.

The roadblocks here seem very odd to me. I know it’s strange, but I kind of feel like this might be a sign I’m not meant to go any further. I know it’s not a staffing issue. Is it uncommon for people to make appointments to speak with their priest outside of Mass or Confession?
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Hey Lauren. I strongly recommend that you not put too much weight into any one experience.

One of my fellow seminarians felt called to the priesthood, so he made several attempts to contact his hometown diocese’s vocations director. He never got a phone call back, so he just approached the diocese he was living in at the time instead. Which happens to be my diocese, and we are blessed to have him.😉 Obstacles are not necessarily messages from God to stop what you’re doing. If they were, faith would be impossible, as there are always obstacles.
 
It is very normal for people to be nervous about talking to a priest. Many who are already Catholic are nervous about meeting with a priest. I agree with other posters here, most are very kind. That is part of why they were called to the priesthood. Their concern is to get you into a relationship with God, so don’t worry to much about them admonishing you for your questions–it probably won’t happen.

Priest’s are very busy during the week. They visit sick parishoners, counsel grieving families, do funerals, as well as business tasks for the parish. Don’t be to worried if it takes a while to get an appointment.

You stated that you have attended Mass. How about some other functions at the parish. Like some of the social functions. This might make getting to know the priest easier. Many people will go to confession outside of the parish because they are uncomfortable talking to their parish priest. You might try that same idea just to discuss your questions. Try to get an appointment with a priest outside of the parish you thinking of joining.

God bless you.
 
Lily_Bernans said:
I have seven uncles who are priests, and all of them are very different. One is very outgoing, loves to be invited out to dinner, either at the person’s home or in a restaurant, and has tons of friends and goes to movies, fairs, musical concerts, etc. His brother, also a priest, is just the opposite. He is very quiet and humble and loves to read religious books. He doesn’t even own a TV. He keeps away from restaurants, movies, fairs, etc., but I think his love and compassion are greater than the first priest I described, though it takes time to get to know him since he’s very reserved. My oldest uncle, actually a great-uncle, who is a priest, is almost otherworldly, he’s so saintly. Everyone loves this man. He’s not gruff at all. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a gruff word come out of his mouth, and I see him at church and at family things, though I have known gruff priests, but not many. My great-uncle is such a sweetheart. He once celebrated Mass in my parish when our pastor was on a two-week vacation. On the way out, people were welcoming him to the parish and shaking his hand. When I reached him, he said, “Little one, how are you today?” I told him, “Fine” and hugged him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, which caused a minor scandal for about 30 seconds until someone who knew us both said, “He’s her UNCLE!” LOL

Very convenient having so many priests in the family. They are a great blessing. 🙂

And you are so right; they come in many different personalities. Some people will prefer one, while other people will prefer others.
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I just loved it ,Lily !
So much fun to have such a variety of priests and personalities …
Thanks for sharing ! Lovely family picture !
 
laurengirl06 said:
Thank you all again for the kind responses. Since I never received a response to my email I ended up calling the parish and asking to make an appointment. The very nice lady on the phone transferred me to someone’s voice mail, but I didn’t hear back after a week. So I called again this morning and made an appointment with a different priest.

The roadblocks here seem very odd to me. I know it’s strange, but I kind of feel like this might be a sign I’m not meant to go any further. I know it’s not a staffing issue. Is it uncommon for people to make appointments to speak with their priest outside of Mass or Confession?
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I’ve had the issue with emails not eliciting a response both from secular businesses (car servicing)* and with vocations directors too.
Sometimes sending a follow-up after a few days can help - it shows you are serious, or it jogs their memories and they have an “oh ****, I completely forgot!” moment.

Also had the ‘voicemail’ problem with the health service in my old town :mad:

Its often best to be persistent, or trying to “catch” the Priest after Mass and quickly arrange something with him, pass on your phone number, or something like that. That way, you’re not dealing with an intermediate party who may or may not let calls through, or even pass messages on (some secretaries can be very difficult).
  • I have a pathological dislike of using the telephone. Unless I know the person, I feel “wrong” calling people.
    Funny thing with the car place was they said, “Oh, you’re the one who emailed!” I didn’t say anything, but was thinking, “It would’ve been nice to get even a short response…”
 
laurengirl06 said:
Thank you all again for the kind responses. Since I never received a response to my email I ended up calling the parish and asking to make an appointment. The very nice lady on the phone transferred me to someone’s voice mail, but I didn’t hear back after a week. So I called again this morning and made an appointment with a different priest.

The roadblocks here seem very odd to me. I know it’s strange, but I kind of feel like this might be a sign I’m not meant to go any further. I know it’s not a staffing issue. Is it uncommon for people to make appointments to speak with their priest outside of Mass or Confession?
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Well for one everyone is meant to be Catholic whether they know it or not but with regards to what you said I have no idea I would like to think it is since most people like to talk to their priests, yes. I’ll tell you what is cool about is when you see a priest you know not necessarily your priest but one you’ve met, in public. I couldn’t tell you what it was for but I was at Chuck E Cheese I don’t know if it was for my little sisters because I don’t know how old they were then or if it was for my nieces, but it was for someone’s birthday (I think) and I saw a Catholic priest there that I happen to know and I had him bless my rosary in the Chuck E Cheese. Let me ask you this are you intellectually convinced that the Catholic Church is the church that Christ founded? Because if you do not belong to that church and you are convinced that that is the future you are acting against your conscience
 
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