How to fix issues without nagging?
With a hammer.
A solid sucker punch in the gut will tend to be preferable to the most extreme forms of nagging (from a notoriously messy guy’s point of view — though I’m not married), but you
will normally need the assistance of a carefully
trained professional in narrowing down which issues you need to put your foot down strongly and consistently until you see results versus which issues you need to learn to let go of.
Unmeditated tolerance or unmeditated nagging is usually counterproductive. You need a bit of a sense of direction with where you’re going, though still with enough respect to maintain the difference between setting some boundaries and fixing your relationship with a grown man than, say, a child or especially a dog to train. (Or ‘handle’.)
Instead, use brothers, cousins and male coworkers as your default reference.
On the other hand, I want to stress this is not about your concerns and wishes not being legitimate. They certainly are legitimate, but having people respect your legitimate concerns and wishes and personal boundaries usually takes some work.
Part of the reason you need to talk to someone with sufficient training is that shame-related motivation can do a lot of damage without realizing. This means that while it certain can work and some amount of it is probably always needed, one still needs to be careful not to overdo it. Like I said before (though not explicitly), the same applies to ‘forcing’ people to do something, e.g. basically making them pick up those socks. Which is a good tool but one that needs some care. You want to motivate him to get in shape, not simply prove your point — as you well (all but) pointed out in your opening post. (Just realizing that goes a long way.)
