How to forgive someone that doesn't care that they hurt you?

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Rozellelily

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Especially when you take so personally what they said?
Isn’t forgiving them almost like permission that they can act whichever way they want towards you?
I feel like if I forgive in this instance them I’m just a doormat with no self respect because “they” are saying words to me like “just move one” and not acknowledging my hurt feelings at all.😦
 
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Blessings.
Its obedience. Their hurting us is from some insecurity in their life. God will heal your hurt. Write a note to clarify the situation and how it hurt you. It’s s learning lesson for both of you.
The Our Father says, FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US.
See, if we don’t forgive, God eontbforgive us…OOPS! You chose w your head to forgive. Your heart follows through. You may have to keep saying to yourself,”I FORGIVE HER! Lord, help me to mean it!” It’s a constant exercise.
It will be OK.

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

– St. Teresa of Avila
In Christ’s Love
Tweedlealice
 
We forgive anyone, no matter how bad they seem. It is not of us to be judging them, maybe they will turn around. Doesn’t mean you have to be the doormat, forgiving isn’t always being all smiles to them. Forgive what they done and maybe distant yourself from them, they got your forgiveness. Pray for them and without ceasing, maybe one day God will turn their lives around. And if not, then surely God will be the one to judge them fairly.
 
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“Forgiving” means that you personally let go of the hurt and anger you’re carrying around inside about this person. Maybe pray for them.

It does NOT mean that what they did to you was OK. It’s fine to say to them, “What you just said is not true, it is hurtful, and it is unacceptable behavior.” If their behavior is something reportable (to the police, to your boss in the workplace, etc.) it’s fine to report it and you should report it.

It does NOT mean that you should put yourself in a position to have them do it again, unless there’s no way you can get out of the situation. An example of a situation you can’t get out of would be if the person is, for example, your elderly parent, and they are old and sick and you are taking care of them, and they hurt you by criticizing you and being angry with you. Obviously you still have to keep taking care of the person because they are dependent on you.
But in most cases, where it’s just somebody outside your family, you can limit your contacts with them. I’ve cut a number of former friends totally off, blocked them on the Internet, etc. because of toxic behavior.
I still forgive them for whatever they did - and in some cases I even recognize that it was a situation with no “bad guy”, just a friendship that no longer worked because our lives or values went in different directions, causing a hurtful situation to develop.

In short: “Forgiveness” means you let go of internal bad feelings, anger, hate etc. towards the person.
It does not mean you have to be a doormat or approve of/ allow toxic behavior.

Edited to add, You don’t always have to call them up and say “I forgive you” either. You can do it in your heart, especially in cases where reaching out to the person is just going to set off another round of toxic drama.
 
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Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to pretend it never happened.

Sometimes it helps me to think about how a loving parent deals with a child. When your child gets angry and says mean things to you, a loving parent forgives the child. But the parent also disciplines the child, because their forgiveness doesn’t mean there are no consequences.

Obviously you don’t discipline other adults like that, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences appropriate to the situation. If it’s someone in your personal life, forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to keep spending time with them.
 
Good day. As to your op. Just because someone is telling to “just move on” doesn’t necessarily mean they are trying to hurt or don’t care about what you are going through or that you are hurting or that you are hurt by what they say. I read most of the posts of this thread and agree with all the advice that I did read.
Now. I’ve told folks many times to move on, or let it go. This is often sound advice but not what we want to hear. Often we just want to be heard and aren’t even looking for advice so I’ll try to remember to ask someone who starts telling their stories if want advice or if they just want to be heard. Even if they are asking my advice it goes unheeded. So they really did only wish to be heard. I wasted my time and breath. They have stolen my time and energy.
I also try to tell someone that I’m only looking to be heard. I’m not trying steal their energy but if they offer unsolicited advice it may or not be followed. We all have that free will thing. Advice is only advice whether solicited or not. Sometimes we get into the habit of telling someone our problems over and over and… sometimes for years we steal their energy with the some old stuff we haven’t let go of. I wish the best for you Op.
 
Rozellelily said:
Especially when you take so personally what they said?

Isn’t forgiving them almost like permission that they can act whichever way they want towards you?

I feel like if I forgive in this instance them I’m just a doormat with no self respect because “they” are saying words to me like “just move one” and not acknowledging my hurt feelings at all.😦
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No. Forgiving someone does NOT mean you have to let them keep doing whatever it is. You can’t make them acknowledge your feelings, but you can distance yourself so that they have less, or even no, opportunity to hurt you again.
 
John Paul Jackson has a teaching in utube on “receiving God’s Justice”

And that’s what you really want.
 
The same way you forgive somebody who asks for forgiveness.
Make the decision to forgive.
Refuse to dwell on the incident.
When the person or incident pops into your mind and you feel anger, ask God to pour his blessings out on them, and keep praying until you mean it.

Hugs to you for what you went through, and I will keep you and them in my prayers.
:pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2:
 
Forgiving someone has nothing to do with THEM, but everything to do with you and God. You forgive them because God has commanded us to. We must love those who hate us. Pray and ask God to remove that person from you or the hurt after praying and forgiving that person…

Luke 23:34
And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”
 
Forgiveness does not mean not being mad anymore at the person. People are mistaken for thinking that forgiveness means ypu do not feel the hurt or anger. Feelings are not sinful, it is how you act on them. It also does not mean that ypu have to talk or interact with them. My advice is, love from afar, stay away from thw toxic. Pray for them. Does not mean they have to be in your life in a concrete way.
 
I’m talking about when the person who hurt you themselves telling you to move on -not a different objective friend etc.
 
You first have to confront the person that has offended you. If they say they are sorry then forgive them immediately. If not, if they still dont see their error, give them to God and forgive them in your heart, although your relationship will change with that person. If you live with the person and are abused you will need yo figure out another method to go along with the first two I explained like getting some time away.
 
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You remember none of us is perfect and you have no doubt hurt people in the past without apologizing to them. Then you move on and look forward.

With that said, if the behavior continues you let them know it may compromise the relationship. There is nothing wrong in choosing who you keep company with, based on behaviors.
 
Your username is beautiful. How do you forgive someone you believe doesn’t deserve it? We are called to forgive but we are not required to reconcile. My best advice is pray for them, I’m sure you really hate this answer because I hate doing this too. Try to forget. If my answer is bogus, just forget about it.
 
Rozellelily said:
Isn’t forgiving them almost like permission that they can act whichever way they want towards you?
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No. Forgiveness is primarily an interior thing.You can tell a person that you forgive them if they ask but if not asked for? Prudence is called for.
tweedlealice said:
Write a note to clarify the situation and how it hurt you.
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Go ahead and write the note bit don’t send it. It’s out if your control once it’s out of your hands and in the wrong hands things could get worse.
 
This world can be a terrible place and we often wish others would think the way we do but that’s not always the case for whatever the reason. Maybe that person doesn’t have the same upbringing that you have or is dealing with something that causes them to do the things they do. We must forgive people not only because it’s the right thing to do but also because we will never have peace in our heart if we don’t forgive. However, in the situation you spoke of I might suggest to refrain from saying ‘I forgive you’ for the reasons you are concerned about. So rather than ‘saying’ I forgive you, you might say to this person who hurt you something like 'when you say this to me it makes me feel this way… and forgive them in your heart. Just think about it, sometimes you don’t have the opportunity to forgive someone, perhaps they are no longer in your life than what? And then again if we care about our own self worth sometimes space is needed between us and those ‘toxic’ relationships. When we have to deal with people who bother us (like a co-worker) this way the best approach is to rise above and stay nice not because they are but because you are…(that’s from a quote unknown author),

Killing them with kindness just may get under their skin…😉
 
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