How to forgive the most heinous sins?

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PamOurlady

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I want to forgive everyone who wronged me and my family. But how does one forgive someone who has raped and molested a child and you see the horrible effects of that trauma on the now adult. I try to tell her to forgive and also to forget. But I have never experienced what she has. I am finding it hard to forgive not only her abuses but everyone I hear about who have hurt children in this way. My heart breaks when I think out poor children being abused with no one to save them.
 
I cannot speak for her situation, as I’ve never been in a similar position, but I have been hurt before, so I know exactly how that is. Being hurt by someone has changed my future completely, I never look at my body the same way again after dealing with what happened in my own past.

It sucks, I know. It’s like a curse you can’t get past.

But forgiveness, to me, is a choice. You can still allow yourself to be angry because those feelings come and go, but it helps to consciously say “I forgive you.” I like this article, if that helps.
 
PamOurlady said:
I want to forgive everyone who wronged me and my family. But how does one forgive someone who has raped and molested a child and you see the horrible effects of that trauma on the now adult. I try to tell her to forgive and also to forget. But I have never experienced what she has. I am finding it hard to forgive not only her abuses but everyone I hear about who have hurt children in this way. My heart breaks when I think out poor children being abused with no one to save them.
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Have you ever heard of Msgr Hugh O’Flaherty?

During WWII Msgr O’Flaherty’s good friend (a fellow priest) was executed by the Gestapo Colonel Kappler. You see all the Italians in the firing squad some how missed… So the Colonel shot the priest himself. Years later Col. Kappler had but one visitor while in prison and that was Msgr. O’Flaherty. Kappler eventually was baptized into the Catholic Church. There is more to the story. hughoflaherty.com/index.cfm/page/kappler

Those are a couple of ideas.

You might also read up on St. Maria Goretti. She was stabbed 14 times by her attempted rapist, but in her hospital bed she forgave the young man. Maria’s mother also forgave the man. There is a video titled Fourteen Flowers of Pardon
ewtnreligiouscatalogue.com/FOURTEEN+FLOWERS+OF+PARDON±+DVD/cid=277/page_no=2/edp_no=14337/shop.axd/ProductDetails

Here is link to a video: youtube.com/watch?v=z5HJ5IYcic8
 
PamOurlady said:
I want to forgive everyone who wronged me and my family. But how does one forgive someone who has raped and molested a child and you see the horrible effects of that trauma on the now adult. I try to tell her to forgive and also to forget. But I have never experienced what she has. I am finding it hard to forgive not only her abuses but everyone I hear about who have hurt children in this way. My heart breaks when I think out poor children being abused with no one to save them.
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Forgiveness in most cases doesn’t happen overnight, especially for very serious offenses. Even though her feelings might scream otherwise and her whole system rebel against the mere thought, these words can be said: I will to forgive. Remind her that forgiving someone doesn’t mean that they’re off the hook (God’s justice will see to it), nor is it a way to say nothing happened. It’s just a way (the only way?) to free oneself. Carrying bitterness, hostility, anger, unforgiveness only further hurt oneself. I’m sure it’s a great comfort for her to have an ally like you.

Resources from Joyce Meyer can also be helpful (she was the victim of her incestuous father as a young girl), she deals extensively with forgiveness and letting go of the past. You can find videos of her online, I think at a very low point in my life she was a life saver, I needed to hear what she had to say. God bless you both.
 
Abuse of children is horrific and very hard to forgive. Keep in mind that forgiving people doesn’t mean forgetting or giving them a free pass to do it again. It is a mindset of charity, wanting what’s best for your enemy and letting go of animosity.

JPII forgave the man who shot him. But he also went around in the pope-mobile after that, as he didn’t want to get shot again. So likewise - forgive people, but continue to protect yourself, and innocent children, as best you can.
 
underacloud said:
Abuse of children is horrific and very hard to forgive. Keep in mind that forgiving people doesn’t mean forgetting or giving them a free pass to do it again. It is a mindset of charity, wanting what’s best for your enemy and letting go of animosity.

JPII forgave the man who shot him. But he also went around in the pope-mobile after that, as he didn’t want to get shot again. So likewise - forgive people, but continue to protect yourself, and innocent children, as best you can.
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Good point. We have so many misconceptions about what forgiveness is.
 
PamOurlady said:
I want to forgive everyone who wronged me and my family. But how does one forgive someone who has raped and molested a child and you see the horrible effects of that trauma on the now adult. I try to tell her to forgive and also to forget. But I have never experienced what she has. I am finding it hard to forgive not only her abuses but everyone I hear about who have hurt children in this way. My heart breaks when I think out poor children being abused with no one to save them.
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Divinisation gradually restores spiritual vision to see how principalities are manipulating offenders and also foresee the peril in store for them. Recall how our Lord and the martyr Stephen were spontaneously moved with compassion to forgive and also intercede for their tormentors: Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them” (Acts 7:60ab).
The Son of God who had already demonstrated His Divine Authority through wondrous signs and by forgiving sins, now humbly pleaded as a divinised human for the forgiveness of his tormentors: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Lk 23:34a).

We can see clearly, that even our Lord in his human incarnation, forgave the tormentor in the last stage of divinisation. We may aim for the ultimate, but may reach there only in stages.
 
Thank you all for your responses. I am going to share these with her and hopefully this will help with the healing process. God bless.
 
PamOurlady said:
Thank you all for your responses. I am going to share these with her and hopefully this will help with the healing process. God bless.
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Please post an update when you have time. I always like to read what is happening with these situations.

God bless
 
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