How to forgive

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rowermath

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As much as I know about forgiveness, and have used it much of my life, I’m not sure I really know what it is. How does one truly “forgive” someone else? It was definitely part of my elementary school’s curriculum, but that was on a super simple level. What does it mean in adult terms? How would I know if I have actually forgiven someone or if I just want to forgive him or her?

Thanks! God Bless!
 
You know you have forgiven someone if you want good for them (especially if you desire their salvation), if you do not want revenge or to make them suffer for what they have done, if you can greet them and speak to them civilly (even if not affectionately), if you pray for them.

It does not necessarily mean that you “like” them, that you choose to socialize with them, nor that you must trust them unconditionally or let them walk all over you.
 
Here is a passage from the Diary of St. Faustina… which may help you. It has helped me, tremendously.

(1628) “During Holy Mass, I saw Jesus stretched out on the Cross, and He said to me, ‘My pupil, have great love for those who cause you suffering. Do good to those who hate you.’ I answered, ‘O my Master, You see very well that I feel no love for them, and that troubles me.’ Jesus answered, ‘It is not always within your power to control your feelings. You will recognize that you have love if, after having experienced annoyance and contradiction, you do not lose your peace, but pray for those who have made you suffer and wish them well.’”

God bless.
 
rowermath said:
As much as I know about forgiveness, and have used it much of my life, I’m not sure I really know what it is. How does one truly “forgive” someone else? It was definitely part of my elementary school’s curriculum, but that was on a super simple level. What does it mean in adult terms? How would I know if I have actually forgiven someone or if I just want to forgive him or her?

Thanks! God Bless!
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The most important thing to remember about forgiveness is that it is not a feeling,but an conscious act of the will. You can forgive someone and not feel that good right away…that’s ok. If you get bad thoughts, just say a prayer and affirm that you forgive the person. Also, remember what when we pray the Our Father, we ask God to forgive us for our trespasses to the same extent that we have forgiven others. For me, that makes forgiveness a whole lot easier!

God Bless,
Gary
 
The most important thing to remember about forgiveness is that it is not a feeling,but an conscious act of the will. You can forgive someone and not feel that good right away…that’s ok. If you get bad thoughts, just say a prayer and affirm that you forgive the person. Also, remember what when we pray the Our Father, we ask God to forgive us for our trespasses to the same extent that we have forgiven others. For me, that makes forgiveness a whole lot easier!
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Gary, this is SOOO good. It’s one of the best explanations I’ve heard. I hope lots of people read this, God bless, Annem
 
Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut! This is really helpful. But now I have another question: What is the difference between forgiveness and love? Aren’t both to “will the good of the other person”?
 
rowermath said:
Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut! This is really helpful. But now I have another question: What is the difference between forgiveness and love? Aren’t both to “will the good of the other person”?
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Perhaps to forgive is to love despite the offense.
 
I looked up forgiveness, and it defined it as the giving up resentment.

I saw a great article on forgiveness called …Forgive but cut ties? Some believe to forgive means we must socialize with the person. The article puts forgiveness and cutting ties as 2 independent issues, that we are to forgive. However, it depends on the circumstances whether or not to cut ties. hannahscupboard.com/ST-forgive-cutties.html In fact, there are cases, (especially those of physical abuse, for example) where socializing with the person would not only not be a not good idea but potentially dangerous and harmful.

There are many websites on how to forgive. I will list just one. It’s called Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness…mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131.
 
Forget about the offense to you (let it go) and hold no grudge against your enemy; pray to God that he grants good things in this life and in the next to him/her and do good to him/her yourself, always remembering to return good for evil. If you do these things, you have forgiven your enemy. God bless you.
 
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