How to forgive?

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Flame4

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To be blunt, I’m caught up in hating some right now. He has been rude to me in the past, and has emotionally wounded me (althought it is nothing severe I suppose). He has reentered my professional life, and will take up such space for a short amount of time (a few weeks). The problem is that every time I see him, I get very angry internally and can’t concentrate on my work. Does any one have any tips on how I can forgive him for his past actions and control my anger? Mind you, I’m not acting on the anger in an external way, but I need to manage it internally as well. It is draining my energy, and I know it is wrong, but I can’t seem to stop it. Thank you and God bless
 
Forgiveness is an action (really a set of actions), not an emotional state. The action is treating him appropriately and not harboring that anger when it arises. Don’t think about him after each encounter either.
 
Yes I certainly know how you feel ,but you just need to beat it,
Because if you Don’t , then it’s just going to eat at you ,like an ugly cancer,
The thing is ,…it’s possible this person doesn’t even know or care how you feel,
It’s affecting only you, I had a similar situation, it took years for me to get over it,
I had to make a conscious discission to get over it , I was the only one suffering ,
I had to mentally forgive this person,I had to force myself to forgive,
Prayer helped,bible reading helped, getting involved in other things other than work helped,
I hope a bit of moral support helps.
 
Flame4 said:
To be blunt, I’m caught up in hating some right now. He has been rude to me in the past, and has emotionally wounded me (althought it is nothing severe I suppose). He has reentered my professional life, and will take up such space for a short amount of time (a few weeks). The problem is that every time I see him, I get very angry internally and can’t concentrate on my work. Does any one have any tips on how I can forgive him for his past actions and control my anger? Mind you, I’m not acting on the anger in an external way, but I need to manage it internally as well. It is draining my energy, and I know it is wrong, but I can’t seem to stop it. Thank you and God bless
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In short, the anger and resentment is about fear of being hurt again by this person. Anger is fear of not being in control of what might not go one’s way. Trust in God.

I had the same things happen to me. Then I was told to pray for the person I had a resentment against. At first I thought “You got to be joking!” But it works.

This is how I would pray for him: “Dear God, my Beloved One. Please help this man to not get rude and be hurtful to others whenever he gets scared about things not going his way. Please help him to realize that he can feel safe and loved by you Lord, regardless of what happens around him. Show him Lord that his truth, and the love of that, will set him free from being rude and hurtful to others. Free him from his fears. Thank you my Beloved One for hearing my prayer.”

Such a prayer would help me to see myself in his shoes too. And from forgiving myself as a fearful person also, helps me to forgive him too.

Hope this will help.
 
Flame4 said:
To be blunt, I’m caught up in hating some right now. He has been rude to me in the past, and has emotionally wounded me (althought it is nothing severe I suppose). He has reentered my professional life, and will take up such space for a short amount of time (a few weeks). The problem is that every time I see him, I get very angry internally and can’t concentrate on my work. Does any one have any tips on how I can forgive him for his past actions and control my anger? Mind you, I’m not acting on the anger in an external way, but I need to manage it internally as well. It is draining my energy, and I know it is wrong, but I can’t seem to stop it. Thank you and God bless
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I felt that way towards a family member at one time but Fr. told me as long as I pray for her I’m doing whats right. So I started saying the prayer that Jesus said from the Cross. “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do,” whenever the anger and hurt came over me. That really helped me deal with the inward feelings. God Bless, Memaw
 
Flame4, As mentioned in some of the above posts, prayer would be an excellent weapon to transcend this temptation. Prayer will draw down the Lord’s graces necessary for your healing. In addition to the above suggested prayers, here is a beautiful prayer for healing both the offended and the offender, written by Rev. J. Roothan, S.J.

Prayer For Those Who Have Hurt Me.*

"Dear Jesus, I implore you
by the meekness and love of your Sacred Heart
to bestow your most precious gifts and graces
on those who cause me pain
or have ever hurt me in the past.

Forgive them, Lord,
if by chance they have offended you;
or if they have shown me their dislike,
show them your loving face.

Give them, O Lord, your blessing
in return for words they speak against me
either to my face or behind my back;
and if some bear a grudge against me
for any reason whatever,
pour into them your holy love.

In order that, while bearing my crosses,
I may be pleasing to your Sacred Heart,
give me patience and meekness,
love and courageous perseverance.

I offer you these acts of sincere love
together with all the troubles they might cause me.
I offer them in union with the sufferings of your Heart
and with the love with which you have loved and still love
all who have inflicted pain on you.

Jesus, accept my services and in your infinite mercy,
have mercy on me. Amen."*

I hope you’ll find the prayer helpful.
 
Several posters have mentioned praying for the person you have issues with. This works for me. We can’t be angry with someone and be praying for them or wishing them well at the same time-it can’t be done. So pray for their health, well being, happiness, and the health, well being, and happiness of their friends and family members also. This will help in the short term and then eventually you will be able to let go and forgive altogether. Eventually can be a very long time-that is up to you. Well worth the effort for your own health, well being, and happiness. Blessings to you and yours.
 
Simply put: Repent and go to confession.

As to ones emotions - remember one may still have feelings etc happen to one - you do not consent to them and turn to something good.

Forgiveness is a choice.
 
Many people who are far smarter than me have told me that sincerely praying for that person is the way to relieve yourself from the burden and weight of hatred in your heart. But you need to be committed to praying for the person every day until those feelings are lifted.

I tried it for the person in life that I disliked the most that in my biased mind had wronged me, caused me personal grief, and raised justifiable anger. It took more than a month. (I didn’t keep track, but it may have been a lot longer than a month.) God removed the anger from my heart and I grew to feel compassion for that person.

I’ve not seen the person since I began praying for him, so I may be a hypocrite. My feelings of anger towards that man are gone.
 
WJeffrey said:
Many people who are far smarter than me have told me that sincerely praying for that person is the way to relieve yourself from the burden and weight of hatred in your heart. But you need to be committed to praying for the person every day until those feelings are lifted.

I tried it for the person in life that I disliked the most that in my biased mind had wronged me, caused me personal grief, and raised justifiable anger. It took more than a month. (I didn’t keep track, but it may have been a lot longer than a month.) ** God removed the anger from my heart and I grew to feel compassion for that person.**

I’ve not seen the person since I began praying for him, so I may be a hypocrite. My feelings of anger towards that man are gone.
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What I highlighted above is your goal. Greet him as a friend with a smile, do good. He may still be mean but it will be all on him, you will be blameless. Clear your heart of any anger and forgive. You really dont want to see him end up in hell. Maybe your ‘kindness’ will make him rethink his meanness. Maybe not. At least you tried and your conscience will be cleared.

Proverbs 25:21-22

If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat;
And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
For so you will heap coals of fire on his head,
And the Lord will reward you.

Romans 12:19-21

Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Therefore:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

1 John 4:20-21
If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.
 
Casilda said:
What I highlighted above is your goal. Greet him as a friend with a smile, do good. He may still be mean but it will be all on him, you will be blameless. Clear your heart of any anger and forgive. You really dont want to see him end up in hell. Maybe your ‘kindness’ will make him rethink his meanness. Maybe not. At least you tried and your conscience will be cleared.

Proverbs 25:21-22

If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat;
And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink;
For so you will heap coals of fire on his head,
And the Lord will reward you.

Romans 12:19-21

Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Therefore:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

1 John 4:20-21
If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.
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You have made me understand that I do need to contact this person. I need to find a way to do it so I can clean my side of the street without creating disturbance in his life which would be very easy to do. Thank you for your advice. I appreciate it. It will not be an easy thing to do. With God’s help I can do the Christian thing and move forward with my life.
 
Bookcat said:
Simply put: Repent and go to confession.

As to ones emotions - remember one may still have feelings etc happen to one - you do not consent to them and turn to something good.

Forgiveness is a choice.
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Amen, Amen, Amen.

I was just going to write that - repent and bring this to Confession.

In the Our Father we pray “forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us” so you must forgive this person. Bring your lack of forgiveness to Confession. Even if you have to go multiple times. The graces received there will help you. I know, they have helped me in a similar situation.
 
WJeffrey said:
You have made me understand that I do need to contact this person. I need to find a way to do it so I can clean my side of the street without creating disturbance in his life which would be very easy to do. Thank you for your advice. I appreciate it. It will not be an easy thing to do. With God’s help I can do the Christian thing and move forward with my life.
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That is not always recommended. As in the case of an assault or other dangerous situation. I would not wish a rape victim to have to confront her rapist. The scripture mentioned what reflects Flame’s situation, this person has come back into his life, a normal interaction, where we must treat them cordially, to give no occasion for the ‘enemy’ to say, he deserved my ill treatment.
 
Flame4 said:
To be blunt, I’m caught up in hating some right now. He has been rude to me in the past, and has emotionally wounded me (althought it is nothing severe I suppose). He has reentered my professional life, and will take up such space for a short amount of time (a few weeks). The problem is that every time I see him, I get very angry internally and can’t concentrate on my work. Does any one have any tips on how I can forgive him for his past actions and control my anger? Mind you, I’m not acting on the anger in an external way, but I need to manage it internally as well. It is draining my energy, and I know it is wrong, but I can’t seem to stop it. Thank you and God bless
Click to expand...
I have had a similar experience. I have anger issues dating back to childhood. Most recently the person who was a cause of my lifelong anger died. Then something happened that I never expected to happen. I started to pray for him. I knew at once that my anger had dissolved and that I had forgiven him. I don’t know if that will work for you. I’m sure this person is in need of your prayers, as all of us are in need of each other’s prayers.

Also, an occasional smile in his direction may disarm him from his rudeness. 🤷
 
I have been hurt by several people in my life, especially in my childhood. I don’t won’t go into the details, but what happened is the very worst things that can happen to a child. Recently, I had forgiven those who have harmed me and screwed up my life. Some have died, but I still has forgiven them, I had forgiven several of them in person, over the phone actually, and they thanked me for my forgiveness. Forgiving certainly wasn’t easy and it took decades, and I believe that it was largely due to Christ and knowing and realizing that He forgave us, all of humankind for what we did to Him, whom am I not to forgive? Forgiving people really isn’t about making those who hurt others, but to lift off the yoke which burdens us for what they did. But this does not mean I desire to lift the yoke that we all deserve for sinning and I believe that we must carry our cross as our Lord did. If I am incorrect about anything, please feel free to let me know where I err.
 
It’s never to late to realise what’s important in your life
 
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