How to gently educate un-educated Catholics about Holy Days of Obligation

[phil19034]

Yesterday, I was texting my cousin. We were talking about mid-night Mass, etc. He said that he couldn’t attend with me because he will be out of town.

So I asked him about possibly attending “Solemnity of Mary, its a Holy Day of Obligation” (the text in quotes is actually what I typed to him).

His reply back to me was “Wasn’t planning on it. Thanks any way.”

He is the only member of my entire family under the age of 60 who is in “Good Standing” with the Church. Yet he isn’t Catechized enough to know about Holy Days.

Even my Grandmother and Mother feel it’s OK to miss Mass on Sunday or Holy Days. The last time I checked, they were not called “Holy Days of Option”

Has anyone dealt with this before? Any advice? My cousin is 36, married with a kids (so it’s not like it’s my responsiblity or anything)… I used to not be the best Catholic, now that I’ve learned more about the faith and feel Evanglized, I feel a urge to Evanglize the rest of my family.

Thank you!

 

[pianistclare]

My pastor refers to them as “Holy Days of Opportunity” which puts a whole different perspective on going. He says it’s another chance to meet Christ in the Eucharist. Who in their right mind would pass on that?

 

[kingston1]

Yesterday, I was texting my cousin. We were talking about mid-night Mass, etc. He said that he couldn’t attend with me because he will be out of town.

So I asked him about possibly attending “Solemnity of Mary, its a Holy Day of Obligation” (the text in quotes is actually what I typed to him).

His reply back to me was “Wasn’t planning on it. Thanks any way.”

He is the only member of my entire family under the age of 60 who is in “Good Standing” with the Church. Yet he isn’t Catechized enough to know about Holy Days.

Even my Grandmother and Mother feel it’s OK to miss Mass on Sunday or Holy Days. The last time I checked, they were not called “Holy Days of Option”

Has anyone dealt with this before? Any advice? My cousin is 36, married with a kids (so it’s not like it’s my responsiblity or anything)… I used to not be the best Catholic, now that I’ve learned more about the faith and feel Evanglized, I feel a urge to Evanglize the rest of my family.

Thank you!

Tell him to go “or else…” and leave it at that. No, seriously though, I wonder why the Priest don’t say something during their homilies or at the end of mass to remind us that the day of obligation is coming up. Isn’t it the church’s responsibility to let us know these things?

 

[MonikaBarbara]

I had a Catholic friend/ acquaintance in college who I suspected was uneducated about such matters.

So, one day in lab, when we were rinsing out beakers, I casually mentioned my plans for the next week, saying that I was excited for the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception, or something like that.
When she was like “what?” I explained that it was a Holy Day of Obligation. She admitted that she had not known that.

If your cousin is relatively religious, you might take a more direct route and point out that its mandatory, like a Sunday.

Or (check me on this) because its Jan 1st, I ASSUME that Dec 31st vigil would count. Ask him if he wants to go to church then…to thank God for the whole year, before he and his wife go out to party. Then, as you are leaving or whatever, mention how nice it is that your mandatory obligation has been filled…maybe this will start a conversation.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Yesterday, I was texting my cousin. We were talking about mid-night Mass, etc. He said that he couldn’t attend with me because he will be out of town.

So I asked him about possibly attending “Solemnity of Mary, its a Holy Day of Obligation” (the text in quotes is actually what I typed to him).

His reply back to me was “Wasn’t planning on it. Thanks any way.”

He is the only member of my entire family under the age of 60 who is in “Good Standing” with the Church. Yet he isn’t Catechized enough to know about Holy Days.

Even my Grandmother and Mother feel it’s OK to miss Mass on Sunday or Holy Days. The last time I checked, they were not called “Holy Days of Option”

Has anyone dealt with this before? Any advice? My cousin is 36, married with a kids (so it’s not like it’s my responsiblity or anything)… I used to not be the best Catholic, now that I’ve learned more about the faith and feel Evanglized, I feel a urge to Evanglize the rest of my family.

Thank you!

Yeah, I have. I ended up annoying people.

What really helps your cause with stuff like this is practicing what you preach. Otherwise, all you can really do is tell them and after that, it’s up to them. Free will, my friend.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Hi phil19034,

Do you feel comfortable giving your cousin a religious calendar as a gift, and do you think that your cousin would be receptive to receiving one?

There are some really lovely ones out there, with some beautiful pictures in them.

I always have one hanging on one of my walls when the new year comes around. I like being reminded of the Holy Days and the Feast Days of each Saint.

If you wanted to give one to your cousin, you could approach it in that way and say that you find it to be a beneficial reminder to you of all of the Feast Days of the Saints, and of the Holy Days of Obligation, too.

 

[EasterJoy]

My pastor refers to them as “Holy Days of Opportunity” which puts a whole different perspective on going. He says it’s another chance to meet Christ in the Eucharist. Who in their right mind would pass on that?

Well, many Catholics pass on that opportunity essentially every day of the week, and probably most pass on it far more often than they realize. It isn’t just a matter of opportunity, because we have many opportunities to go to Mass that are not obligations.

It is unfortunate that “obligation” has become a dirty word, IMHO. Who in their right mind would give up all the blessings in life that are also obligations?

 

[mlz]

I don’t think you are alone. Our priest lets people know but almost apologetically and then is so pleased when people show up. As a new convert I’m sadly aware that many Catholics don’t know their faith nor why the Church asks us to do what they ask us to do. We ALL (hard as it is) need to evangelize those within the Church as well as those outside the Catholic faith. It is what we are called to do for the souls of those needing it.

Yes, be gentle but firm. Explain why we have Holy Days of Obligation and if you need an example use taking care of your health as an example. The reason we do (whatever the Church deems important) what the Church asks us is that the Church is trying to care for us so that we all will be able to be Holy and give our dear Lord glory in this life and the next as well as give witness to our deep faith in this life to those in need of salvation. It is like caring for our health with needed prescriptions, visits to the doctor and exercise etc. (Confession being a big one) God needs healthy Christians that take their faith walk seriously.

Blessings,
mlz

 

[EasterJoy]

“Solemnity of Mary, its a Holy Day of Obligation” (the text in quotes is actually what I typed to him).

That was a gentle nudge in the right direction. I hope that when he wrote “wasn’t planning on it”, he meant he wasn’t planning on going on Jan. 1…because he was going to a Vigil Mass. OK, it’s a long shot, but it is possible. He could be hurt if he does meet his obligations and you assume that he does not, and perhaps even if he knows them and doesn’t always meet them, so proceed carefully. When in your position, I just refer to them as “Holy Days”, but then I know few people who do not know that"theoretically" there is an obligation. It is getting into the habit of doing it that is the trick.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Someone said what I was going to suggest.

1. 
   *]Get them a nice Catholic calendar that has the Holy Days of Obligation marked on it.
   
   *]If they don’t get to church each week, pick up a copy of the bulletin for them that has the parish Christmas events in it.

 

[EasterJoy]

Speaking of obligations and days of opportunity, encourage him to go to the Triduum liturgies, even though there is not an obligation to go to all of them. Many Catholics do not know how rich they are.

 

[malkad]

Well, many Catholics pass on that opportunity essentially every day of the week, and probably most pass on it far more often than they realize. It isn’t just a matter of opportunity, because we have many opportunities to go to Mass that are not obligations.

It is unfortunate that “obligation” has become a dirty word, IMHO. Who in their right mind would give up all the blessings in life that are also obligations?

I second that opinion. A “holy day of opportunity” is just another way of appealing to the lowest common denominator. I’m not a six-year-old, and I really resent priests who feel compelled to speak to me as one.

It seems to me, you either get it (the obligation of mass attendance) or you don’t.

 

[EasterJoy]

I second that opinion. A “holy day of opportunity” is just another way of appealing to the lowest common denominator. I’m not a six-year-old, and I really resent priests who feel compelled to speak to me as one.

It seems to me, you either get it (the obligation of mass attendance) or you don’t.

Some people seem to think that an act of love is cheapened if it is at all compulsory. That is so wrong-headed–I mean, it does not play out that way in real life. Our lives are filled with “command performances” that we would not miss for the world, that we would never miss if not for circumstances that dispense of the obligation. Whenever we are tempted to do otherwise, there is regret. I think that in the light of eternity, missing a Holy Day, even when forgiven, is going to seem like having missed Christmas with the family in favor of going to work, instead. It is going to seem not just wrong, but so profoundly foolish!

 

[SurlyMermaid]

Just my :two cents:

I don’t think this cousin (or many other Catholics) are going to care too much about these prescribed times. I think many people see them as more rules and more burden to inspire guilt. I think our job foremost is to live with Catholic joy and passion so, through us, others will long to be devout.

My in-laws are lapsed. They tried to argue with me about a certain day being a Holy Day of Obligation (we had gone by their house after Mass still in church clothes). “Well, since WHEN is this a Holy Day?” I had to just smile and suck it up. I played up what a beautiful service and how meaningful it was.

I’m trying to be joyful and live right. That’s a huge part of my evangelism. Unfortunately, people now are about “What’s in it for me?” Talk of eternity is not an instant gratification subject. It’s not appealing to most people. We have to allure them. Think Hosea 2:14.

Start there. As one deepens in a walk with Christ, everything else falls into place!

:hug1:

SM

 

[pianistclare]

I second that opinion. A “holy day of opportunity” is just another way of appealing to the lowest common denominator. I’m not a six-year-old, and I really resent priests who feel compelled to speak to me as one.

It seems to me, you either get it (the obligation of mass attendance) or you don’t.

Um, I think the original poster asked for a “gentle” way to speak to people about it.

Using terms like “lowest common denominator” “and either you get it or you don’t” seem very uncharitable. Plus, the priest in question is a good and holy man. I quoted him because I respect him both as a Priest and a person. I have to say, that I truly “resent” the implication that he’s not a good parish leader. Nothing he said would appeal to a six year old.
Mean spirited remarks are just that.

 

[JimG]

Just my :two cents:

I don’t think this cousin (or many other Catholics) are going to care too much about these prescribed times. I think many people see them as more rules and more burden to inspire guilt. I think our job foremost is to live with Catholic joy and passion so, through us, others will long to be devout.

My in-laws are lapsed. They tried to argue with me about a certain day being a Holy Day of Obligation (we had gone by their house after Mass still in church clothes). “Well, since WHEN is this a Holy Day?” I had to just smile and suck it up. I played up what a beautiful service and how meaningful it was.

I’m trying to be joyful and live right. That’s a huge part of my evangelism. Unfortunately, people now are about “What’s in it for me?” Talk of eternity is not an instant gratification subject. It’s not appealing to most people. We have to allure them. Think Hosea 2:14.

Start there. As one deepens in a walk with Christ, everything else falls into place!

:hug1:

SM

I fully agree that the best evangelizing is being a joyful Catholic. Still, I don’t see any contradiction in recognizing that being Catholic and following Christ fully does bring with it certain obligations.

I’m afraid that several generations have been deliberately miseducated about such matters of obligation.

 

[EasterJoy]

…the priest in question is a good and holy man. I quoted him because I respect him both as a Priest and a person. I have to say, that I truly “resent” the implication that he’s not a good parish leader. Nothing he said would appeal to a six year old…

I don’t object to that way of saying it in theory, excepting when it is presented with the implication that there is something low about a fulfilling a duty that is compulsory. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I also know people act as if they have some right to resent the natural consequences of a real commitment, but I think the wrong-headed thinking needs to be corrected. Gently corrected, yes, but the “opportunity” phrasing has not done that job, in my experience. A good idea; I just don’t think this method of teaching usually works as intended.

IOW, if the priest says, “If you come because it is compulsory, that is better than nothing, but let us hope that you can stir up more appreciation for the day than that.” And then point out that this is an opportunity not to be taken lightly or treated as if it were distasteful, since that shortchanges both God and the soul who wrongly takes that attitude. That, I can get on board with, and it is possible to mean “Day of Opportunity” in that way.

 

[John_Lazarus]

My in-laws are lapsed. They tried to argue with me about a certain day being a Holy Day of Obligation (we had gone by their house after Mass still in church clothes). ** “Well, since WHEN is this a Holy Day?” **I had to just smile and suck it up. I played up what a beautiful service and how meaningful it was.

These are the questions that when they’re asked, the asker expects no answer.* You could always answer anyway, tongue in cheek:

“Well, since WHEN is this a Holy Day?”
“Since at least the Council of Tours in 567…”

*Kind of like when they asked Peter, “Who died and left **you **boss?”

 

[pianistclare]

I don’t object to that way of saying it in theory, excepting when it is presented with the implication that there is something low about a fulfilling a duty that is compulsory. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I also know people act as if they have some right to resent the natural consequences of a real commitment, but I think the wrong-headed thinking needs to be corrected. Gently corrected, yes, but the “opportunity” phrasing has not done that job, in my experience. A good idea; I just don’t think this method of teaching usually works as intended.

IOW, if the priest says, “If you come because it is compulsory, that is better than nothing, but let us hope that you can stir up more appreciation for the day than that.” And then point out that this is an opportunity not to be taken lightly or treated as if it were distasteful, since that shortchanges both God and the soul who wrongly takes that attitude. That, I can get on board with, and it is possible to mean “Day of Opportunity” in that way.

Well, it works at our parish…it was packed. We don’t tend to pick apart what he says…we are just glad that he himself has such a happy vocation. People who aren’t inclined to follow the rules of the church won’t budge, and arguing with them just makes them less inclined to participate in a positive way. It’s really their loss.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I don’t bother with being gentle about it with my family members anymore. They’ve all heard the soft, wishy-washy explanations. When they ask or complain now, I tell them bluntly that it’s a Holy Day of Obligation and that they’re just as required to go then as they are every Sunday. Since the ones who question it consider themselves to be moving into “Jesus freak” territory if they go to more than Christmas & Easter in a year, it usually doesn’t amount to anything, but at least I can look back on the situation and say that I handled it honestly and provided a good example.