How to get hubby to consider NFP?

[7WatersDaughter]

Hello everyone! Hubby is not a Catholic – but I am. He is very supportive of most everything I do, and willing to read the Bible with me, attend Mass with me and raise our daughter in the RC church.

I’ve been away from the RC church for about ten years (since I was 17), but have recently come home. Now, I’m trying to align my life with the teachings of the church. I broached the idea of NFP with hubby and he didn’t seem too impressed.

How can I learn more about it (any books/websites you would recommend?) and how can I get hubby to be more open-minded about this?

Thanks!

 

[Big_Feet]

1. Purchase or borrow any number of different talks on CD or books about the Theology of the Body (Christopher West, Katrina Zeno, among MANY others) and ask him to listen to/read them (do it with him, so your understanding of this teaching is in line with his). This teaching underscores the reality of the love and image in which God has created us and how we should reflect this love with our body, and respect of others to the world around us. I feel that this
2. Have him attend an NFP class with you (your diocese/parish should be able to point you to one). These are usually taught with respect and understanding that some may have some objections, and help those to understand why this is a proper method of understanding our bodies in the physical relationship between man and wife.

Just some ideas. Others will have more, I hope!

 

[hwriggles4]

7Waters Daughter:

I know the Couple to Couple League has some good resources. You can find them online at ccli.org/

Another source I really like is called One More Soul, which is based out of Dayton, Ohio. Their website is: onemoresoul.com/

If these links don’t work, type One More Soul or Couple to Couple League into your search engine.

These resources should be available in Canada. Your diocese may have a pro-life office that promotes NFP and has an NFP counselor.

Hope this helps.

 

[maryjk]

Hello everyone! Hubby is not a Catholic – but I am. He is very supportive of most everything I do, and willing to read the Bible with me, attend Mass with me and raise our daughter in the RC church.

I’ve been away from the RC church for about ten years (since I was 17), but have recently come home. Now, I’m trying to align my life with the teachings of the church. I broached the idea of NFP with hubby and he didn’t seem too impressed.

How can I learn more about it (any books/websites you would recommend?) and how can I get hubby to be more open-minded about this?

Thanks!

Don’t just broach the subject.

Discuss it. Explain how important it is to you. And make it important to you.

My husband isn’t Catholic. And we used ABC when we were first married.

We switched to NFP when it became important to me.

 

[JamalChristophr]

One good reason, I think, your husband should appreciate it:

"Couples who practice Natural Family Planning have a divorce rate of about 5%, markedly lower than the 50% divorce rate of couples who utilize contraception.”

Also, it fosters greater intimacy between spouses, I believe.

And certainly not least, it seems to me, the woman no longer feels as though maybe she’s just being used sometimes by her husband.

 

[maryjk]

One good reason, I think, your husband should appreciate it:

"Couples who practice Natural Family Planning have a divorce rate of about 5%, markedly lower than the 50% divorce rate of couples who utilize contraception.”

**Also, it fosters greater intimacy between spouses, I believe.

And certainly not least, it seems to me, the woman no longer feels as though maybe she’s just being used sometimes by her husband.**

As someone that has done both, ABC and NFP, I have to say that both of these are exaggerated.

I have never felt used by my husband.

And our intimacy level didn’t change when we switched between methods.

(It actually offends me when people assume that my husband used me.)

 

[Kelfa28]

One good reason, I think, your husband should appreciate it:

"Couples who practice Natural Family Planning have a divorce rate of about 5%, markedly lower than the 50% divorce rate of couples who utilize contraception.”

Also, it fosters greater intimacy between spouses, I believe.

And certainly not least, it seems to me, the woman no longer feels as though maybe she’s just being used sometimes by her husband.

I think those statistics are seriously flawed and based upon other factors that aren’t mentioned. Many of these couples that use NFP have lower divorce rates because they tend to be both devote Catholics, tend to wait to have sex until marriage (which nearly guarantees a zero chance of divorce) and tend to be more educated with college degrees (which also lowers divorce rates).

I seriously doubt it’s NFP all by itself that lowers divorce rates.

Plus, I’m with MaryJK, it’s insulting to assume that men use their wives if they are on the pill. I was on the pill before I was married (and before I was Catholic) and my husband has been nothing but wonderful and loving, before and after NFP.
Sex may have actually improved for us, but that was purely because the hormones were taking out of the equation and we were having sex naturally…not because my husband loved or appreciated me more.

For the OP…I suggest the secular book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Just so your husband can understand that this is not just something the Church promotes.
Also, just an FYI, the book TCOYF may say that you could use condoms during your fertile days but the authors highly discourage it.
They say if you are serious about postponing a pregnancy then you increase your odds of getting pregnant because you’re using condoms. What better chance for a condom to fail during the time you are MOST likely to get pregnant?

Also, listen to the CD “Contraception, Why Not?” by Dr. Janet Smith. It convinced my husband when it came to NFP.

 

[Galbin]

I think those statistics are seriously flawed and based upon other factors that aren’t mentioned. Many of these couples that use NFP have lower divorce rates because they tend to be both devote Catholics, tend to wait to have sex until marriage (which nearly guarantees a zero chance of divorce) and tend to be more educated with college degrees (which also lowers divorce rates).

I seriously doubt it’s NFP all by itself that lowers divorce rates.

Plus, I’m with MaryJK, it’s insulting to assume that men use their wives if they are on the pill. I was on the pill before I was married (and before I was Catholic) and my husband has been nothing but wonderful and loving, before and after NFP.
Sex may have actually improved for us, but that was purely because the hormones were taking out of the equation and we were having sex naturally…not because my husband loved or appreciated me more.

For the OP…I suggest the secular book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Just so your husband can understand that this is not just something the Church promotes.
Also, just an FYI, the book TCOYF may say that you could use condoms during your fertile days but the authors highly discourage it.
They say if you are serious about postponing a pregnancy then you increase your odds of getting pregnant because you’re using condoms. What better chance for a condom to fail during the time you are MOST likely to get pregnant?

I agree. This assertion that couples who use ABC are “using” each other is quite offensive. I also kinda laugh at the NFP low divorce thing. NFP use is confounded by the other factors such as the couple obviously being extremely faithful Catholics (I know a lot of practicing Catholics and zero of them use NFP). Extremely faithful Catholics do not believe in divorce.

And I agree that FAM clearly points out that failure rates are higher during the fertile phase. I’ve used FAM for over seven years, and most of the couples on the FAM board either avoid or, more commonly, double up (i.e. condom plus withdrawal) at this time.

 

[7WatersDaughter]

I see this as a controversial topic, even among fellow Catholics! Right now, my main prayer and hope is that my husband first comes to know and love Jesus, becomes Catholic and then the other things should fall into place. I think right now, if the issue of using condoms or not (he and I both disagree with hormonal birth control and other forms) would make him frustrated with my newly re-claimed faith, I think it’s something that can wait until God gives us both the gift of understanding.

 

[hwriggles4]

Also, listen to the CD “Contraception, Why Not?” by Dr. Janet Smith. It convinced my husband when it came to NFP.

7Waters Daughter:

Kelfa 28 gives a good tip here. I have listened to this CD before. I think it is even on YouTube if you type Janet Smith into the search engine. One More Soul might carry the CD. I ordered it from there years ago, and it helped me understand this teaching much better.

Here’s one that can be ordered from Lighthouse Catholic Media. It is called, “Contraception: Cracking the myths”, and it is relatively inexpensive.

lighthousecatholicmedia.org/store/title/contraception-cracking-the-myths#

 

[underacloud]

I see this as a controversial topic, even among fellow Catholics! Right now, my main prayer and hope is that my husband first comes to know and love Jesus, becomes Catholic and then the other things should fall into place. I think right now, if the issue of using condoms or not (he and I both disagree with hormonal birth control and other forms) would make him frustrated with my newly re-claimed faith, I think it’s something that can wait until God gives us both the gift of understanding.

I think that is a sensible attitude to have.

NFP is hard work for faithful Catholics, and I think to push it onto a non-Catholic spouse is a potentially dangerous thing to do. I agree that it could make him resent your faith as a whole.

But, as a Catholic you are bound to make your beliefs known clearly to your spouse on this issue. You may continue to have sex with him if he is using contraception against your wishes, but you may not participate in it (eg buying condoms for him) and you must make your own position clear that you are against it. This doesn’t have to be each time you have sex or any sort of nagging or the like. It is done patiently and lovingly, but I sense that is the attitude you have anyway.

So just explain the Catholic position to him, ask that he considers it (over time), and not force the issue to the extent of causing any friction or frustration.