How to get involved in parish as a new mom

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AClaire11

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Now that we are without a car, we’re attending a new parish within walking distance. And it’s a lot bigger. It’s a decently sized church and it’s always packed. What are good ways for someone with a small child to get involved? I can’t do anything that meets in the evenings, like choir, theology on tap, or the young adult events, or anything that requires a car. Daily Mass is either before my daughter wakes up for the day or after she’s asleep for the night. After Mass on Sunday, people stand around outside and talk, but it was freezing, the baby needed her nap, and I was exhausted from having to wrangle the baby and stroller all by myself (husband is lapsed and didn’t want to come). And if my husband did come, he’s very introverted and would just want to leave ASAP. He really dislikes sticking around to socialize. Plus, everyone seemed to know each other already and it’s intimidating to just go up to strangers and talk to them out of the blue! Maybe on a less stressful day, I could manage that…I emailed asking for info about the playgroup they have and am still awaiting a response.
 
Does you husband go to Mass with you?
You could train to be an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion or a Lector.
 
pianistclare said:
Does you husband go to Mass with you?
You could train to be an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion or a Lector.
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He was coming for a while after she was born, but then got out of the habit over the last month and doesn’t want to anymore. It fluctuates. I promised myself I wouldn’t pressure him to come because it makes everything worse, but it’s really difficult to go by myself. I think if I was an occasional lector, he’d come on those Sundays. Would I be able to bring the baby to the training, do you think? The parish is veryyy traditional and doesn’t have EMHCs.

Heard back from the playgroup organizer just now. She said she’ll do her best to get some meetups in over the winter, but that it’s more active in the spring and summer. Which is understandable, but too bad because I feel like I’ll end up staying inside too much now that it’s cold and I have to walk everywhere and I’ll become more isolated and at risk for depression.
 
AClaire11 said:
They have a playgroup, but it looks like it won’t be very active until the spring.
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If your Parish has a school, inquire about volunteering to help in the school. Or how about volunteering to help in the Rectory (counting collections on Monday, clerical help).
 
AClaire11 said:
He was coming for a while after she was born, but then got out of the habit over the last month and doesn’t want to anymore. It fluctuates. I promised myself I wouldn’t pressure him to come because it makes everything worse, but it’s really difficult to go by myself. I think if I was an occasional lector, he’d come on those Sundays. Would I be able to bring the baby to the training, do you think? The parish is veryyy traditional and doesn’t have EMHCs.

Heard back from the playgroup organizer just now. She said she’ll do her best to get some meetups in over the winter, but that it’s more active in the spring and summer. Which is understandable, but too bad because I feel like I’ll end up staying inside too much now that it’s cold and I have to walk everywhere and I’ll become more isolated and at risk for depression.
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The training only lasts an hour. It should be fine. Our lectors number so many they only read once every couple of months and you get to state your first preference for Mass time.
 
Does your church have a daytime “mom’s ministry”? Our church has a daytime bible study for moms, and once a month they say the rosary with time to socialize afterward. Childcare is provided by volunteers, it seems to be mostly dads (?).

I don’t know how long ago you emailed about the playgroup, but be persistent, and try calling if you can’t get an answer to an email. People, even many administrators, tend to be better at one or the other. I prefer email for several reasons, but find that sometimes, if I really want an answer, I have to step into the other person’s comfort zone to get it.

It is intimidating, but another option is to look around for someone like you – another new mom, or maybe someone who looks friendly but also like she’s at a loss after Mass, and walk up and introduce yourself. Mention you’re new to the church. Ask her if she knows of a way new moms can plug in: if she does, you have your answer, and if she doesn’t, by that point you’ll know if you’ve met a potential new friend, and then you can proceed according to however you usually go about getting to know someone. I am very introverted (I make my also-introverted husband look like a raging extrovert!), but I have done this. Sometimes it’s successful, sometimes it’s a short and unfruitful conversation, but I’ve never lost anything by it.

It’s hard to be in a new season in your life and also in a new church. I prayed for you, and I hope you find your niche soon.
 
tawny said:
If your Parish has a school, inquire about volunteering to help in the school. Or how about volunteering to help in the Rectory (counting collections on Monday, clerical help).
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I’ll see about sending the office an email about it. I don’t think that will work with the baby, though… She wants to crawl and explore all the time AND she loves to try to eat any paper she can get her hands on.
 
pianistclare said:
The training only lasts an hour. It should be fine. Our lectors number so many they only read once every couple of months and you get to state your first preference for Mass time.
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Awesome, I’ll check that out.
 
AClaire11 said:
I’ll see about sending the office an email about it. I don’t think that will work with the baby, though… She wants to crawl and explore all the time AND she loves to try to eat any paper she can get her hands on.
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How old is your baby? Is she old enough to be enrolled in the Pre K, if your Parish has one. If so, you could volunteer for that & you would be able to be around her.
 
The diocese is the one who puts on the workshops for EMHC where I live - which is understandable because the Bishop approves the candidate. Although the Bishop does not approve the Lectors and the Ushers, there are even workshops in Spanish for Ushers. I have not seen child care provided during these workshops – and at times I have “hosted” workshops.

It is a pity that people who “appear” to know each other already and are talking do not look at you and include you :bighanky:. :hug3:Is it possible for you to go to another parish using public transportation? There could be a “friendlier” parish. . . .

**Let Nothing Disturb You
Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.

Patience,
Obtains all things,
Whoever has God
Lacks nothing:
God alone suffices.

Santa Teresa de Jesús
(Santa Teresa de Ávila)**

Luz María
 
MrsAngelala said:
Does your church have a daytime “mom’s ministry”? Our church has a daytime bible study for moms, and once a month they say the rosary with time to socialize afterward. Childcare is provided by volunteers, it seems to be mostly dads (?).

I don’t know how long ago you emailed about the playgroup, but be persistent, and try calling if you can’t get an answer to an email. People, even many administrators, tend to be better at one or the other. I prefer email for several reasons, but find that sometimes, if I really want an answer, I have to step into the other person’s comfort zone to get it.

It is intimidating, but another option is to look around for someone like you – another new mom, or maybe someone who looks friendly but also like she’s at a loss after Mass, and walk up and introduce yourself. Mention you’re new to the church. Ask her if she knows of a way new moms can plug in: if she does, you have your answer, and if she doesn’t, by that point you’ll know if you’ve met a potential new friend, and then you can proceed according to however you usually go about getting to know someone. I am very introverted (I make my also-introverted husband look like a raging extrovert!), but I have done this. Sometimes it’s successful, sometimes it’s a short and unfruitful conversation, but I’ve never lost anything by it.

It’s hard to be in a new season in your life and also in a new church. I prayed for you, and I hope you find your niche soon.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your prayers! I did actually find some women’s groups after clicking on almost every link on the website. I’ll email and ask for more info. They also need altar linens laundered and ironed and there’s a legion of Mary group that could work out depending on naps.
 
tawny said:
How old is your baby? Is she old enough to be enrolled in the Pre K, if your Parish has one. If so, you could volunteer for that & you would be able to be around her.
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She is 8 months, so no. And we couldn’t afford the pre-k if she was old enough.
 
The church here has a day once a month or so for new parishioners. I don’t remember what it is called but it is to welcome the new people and to talk about the different ministries they have at the church, such as rosary makers and knights of Columbus…a mom’s group, etc. I would ask the office about it and definitely keep an eye on the bulletin. It should list all the different functions they have.
 
Altar society at our parish washes the alb and purificators. You’ll perform a great service, but you won’t meet anyone
Are you looking to meet more people or simply be a good steward for the good of the liturgy and parish?
 
pianistclare said:
Altar society at our parish washes the alb and purificators. You’ll perform a great service, but you won’t meet anyone
Are you looking to meet more people or simply be a good steward for the good of the liturgy and parish?
Click to expand...
Here we have a monthly meeting and pray the rosary before early mass once a month as well…we have fund raisers for altar flowers…we also have a fundraiser for the children making first communion at religious ed, and give them their rosary, and a white communion missal. We take turns with the altar linens.

Now we are looking forward to the Christmas party. I guess each parish is different.
 
If your parish has regular Adoration, you could volunteer an hour - and even make it a family friendly one. 😉

One nearby parish has a kind of “mini-preschool” that is “Mommy and Me.” I think it starts at age 2, but something like that would give you some time to interact with other parents. Another parish has a (free!) meeting once per month that is for children ages birth-5 (I’m always really appreciative of events like this - a lot of (non-religious) stuff for kids in our area sounds really promising, but then they don’t allow siblings, which means families with kids closer than 5 years in age will never get to take advantage of that programming. Pet peeve.)

Five years ago I had a seven month old and didn’t do anything besides go to Mass. It does get better and the fact that you deliberately want to get involved helps. I think sometimes we expect stuff to fall into our laps. Once you know some people that kind of thing can happen, but you’re the one who will get the ball rolling. So that’s good you’re starting on there!

Keep on with the playgroup, too. This is a hard time of year for anything. I’m really active in our moms group and I think I’m only doing one thing with them between now and January. After Christmas things should settle down.
 
mommy_k said:
Here we have a monthly meeting and pray the rosary before early mass once a month as well…we have fund raisers for altar flowers…we also have a fundraiser for the children making first communion at religious ed, and give them their rosary, and a white communion missal. We take turns with the altar linens.

Now we are looking forward to the Christmas party. I guess each parish is different.
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I’ll say, that sounds wonderful. 🙂
We only have flowers at Easter and Christmas. Church picks up the tab. for gifts and holiday flowers
No fundraisers allowed except for Knight of Columbus. Our pastor has a strict “we’ll live within our means” policy… the only unlimited budget is for Formation of the children and adults. We even tithe out of our collection, 20% to charities that the parishioners vote upon quarterly. No second collections. Ever. If we have to give to the Seminarians fund…we take 20% off the top.

Interesting eh?
Amazingly, we are a small parish, but we always pay our bill on time and we have plenty of social functions.

This is the first parish that I’ve worked at that is like this.

I like the prayer groups. We need more of that everywhere. 👍
**Perhaps the OP can start a little prayer group fro mothers with toddlers? ** :bounce:
 
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