How to get spouse to listen

[davia]

I am hoping to get some advice on how to talk to my husband. He thinks he is always right and never wants to listen to anyone. Tonight several friends of his came over and they all ate and had some drinks and had a good time. Well most were tired by 11 and wanted to go home, but my husband wanted them to go out with him to a bar (it takes an hour to get there). Well, he didn’t tell me that and here I was and had 2 drinks and I don’t like to drink and drive (although I would have been under the limit by that time), and my DH and his friends that wanted to go with him (2) were pretty drunk. I mean, I won’t go into it, but it was getting bad and embarassing. Also, there was bad weather expected. It is raining and they expect it may imediately freeze into ice, and I don’t really want to drive with my 2 year old to the bar so DH can dance for an hour. Finally this argument gets through to them (those that want to go there) and they all leave and my DH is sick now. I mean, I am sick of not having him listen and then I get blamed - say it doesn’t freee over, then I am a controling worry wart ruining his good time and he “takes chances”.

It’s getting rediculious. He’s not God and he is not always right as much as he thinks he is. What’s your advice?

 

[jmcrae]

Stick to your guns.

If he wants to go to the bar, he can call a cab; why should you have to babysit a grown man?

 

[HOPEFUL_IN_UK]

“He takes chances?!” What about his child?!

This is not your problem. Well, it is, but not in the way he’s making it your problem. What he wanted you to do was unreasonable. You don’t have to chauffeur him around at night. You had good reason not to.

It sounds to me like he had a good buzz on going and wasn’t being reasonable. Be grateful he didn’t insist on trying to drive, himself. Although, if my husband were to try that, I’d let him know that the instant he started the car, I’d be calling the police. (Assuming I couldn’t take his keys.)

 

[PaulinVA]

I’m still stuck on getting to a bar at midnight.

I must be getting really old - I’m always asleep by midnight!

 

[dulcissima]

So your husband wanted to you to bundle up your two year old at 11 o’clock at night, drive out in terrible weather to some place that is an hour away, so that he can dance with other women while you sit in the car with your child?

 

[Norseman82]

It appears that whatever you did got him to listen.

However, is this behavior with alcohol normal for him? The fact that they would endanger a child to have a good time makes me wonder if he (they) have a deeper problem with alcohol that needs to be addressed.

Also, now that there has been a night to “sleep it off” and he is sober, you may want to consider whether or not now might be a good time to revisit the subject in a way such as “now don’t you think it is better that we didn’t go out at midnight”?

 

[Scottgun]

How long have you been married? I ask because I started out as a complete boozy, king-of-the-world hooligan and 13 years later have converted, rarely have more than 2 drinks ever, and treat my wife like the queen she is.

Stay holy without being a judgemental hen-peck, but don’t give in to any perpetual adolesence baloney. Pray and try to see him as God does. Get ready to muster ALOT of patience awaiting the day he finally pulls his head out of his ***.

 

[Norseman82]

I think the problems in your marriage may be the both of you as this is the case in my own marriage and most that I know. You said “he always thinks he is right”, I don’t know him but (forgive me) this is probably an exaggeration. Most reasonable people know that they are not always right. Also you said “he never listens” but it appears that sometimes he does. Your exaggerations about him are probably made out of frustration and anger but it is only going to help your marriage if you are honest and don’t try and exaggerate to make your husband look bad.

What are his good points? What is wonderful about him? What does he do that is kind and thoughtful? Really think about these things and pray a lot.

Your post is titled “how to get spouse to listen”. You are asking for advice on how to control another person’s actions which you probably know is almost impossible to do. Your marriage needs love, understanding and much prayer…not more confrontations which both of you are contributing to.

Another issue is your husband’s drinking which I am not sure if this is rare or frequent. I promise to pray for your marriage. If I were you I would concentrate on what YOU can do to be a loving wife…really, try it and see what happens. God bless.

Did you read the part where the husband was drunk and wanted to go out drinking when the weather was such that it could have turned icy? Alcohol + fatigue + icy roads = accident waiting to happen. By her “confrontation” she may just have saved some lives. If she hadn’t but instead given in, and an accident occurred, then everyone would have been criticizing her for letting them go out when she knew they were drunk.

The OP was 100% correct in what she did and has no need to apologize. Anyone who has ever had to deal with a family member with a drinking problem knows that confrontation is often necessary, and if the person with the problem can potentially harm themselves or others, confronting and stopping them is the most loving and Christain thing you can do!

 

[puzzleannie]

I’d say your problems go a lot further than listening and communication. when you are ready to talk with other adults who have had to join al-anon (for families of alcoholics), just post and we will respond.