How to go to confession

[white_sheep]

I am clearly doing something wrong. I follow what I believe is the standard formula I was taught as a child.

Father forgive me (some say bless me instead) for I have sinned, my last confession was ___ long ago.

I have: list sins. Give # for mortal sins.

Sometimes the priest asks a question.

Gives penance.

Act of Contrition.

Absolution.

As far as I can tell that is the right way, but here’s the problem, I’m done in 90 seconds to two minutes. So is everyone else in my family. My lifetime average can’t be over 2 minutes. The average time for everyone else is much higher. Tonight when I got to confession there was already a penitent in the confessional who was there for about another 12 minutes. The next 2 were about 9 each, and then there were 4 faster than average people who were out in about 5 minutes. I’d say most people are 6-7 minutes, but almost never have I seen anyone confess as quickly as I and my family do, it is almost always at least twice as long for someone else.

So how long does it take you and how do you go to confession? I really want to hear from some 10-15 minute people. What is taking so long?

I’m not trying to be argumentative, this has come up hundreds of times.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

I believe that 1. some people go into excess detail in confessing their sins/explaining circumstances, and 2. expect advice from their confessor rather than just absolution. Is there anything wrong with this other than it keeps others waiting? I would say no, the important thing is that they are going to Confession.

 

[white_sheep]

I believe that 1. some people go into excess detail in confessing their sins/explaining circumstances, and 2. expect advice from their confessor rather than just absolution. Is there anything wrong with this other than it keeps others waiting? I would say no, the important thing is that they are going to Confession.

I really don’t want to talk about whether or not it is wrong.

 

[coptsoldier]

Dont get too caught up on the formula. Ive been to confession plenty of times, even yesterday when the priest asked me to pray the contrition prayer I had to say “Im eastern Catholic I don’t know it” and he was fine. Most priests care far more about the intention then the wording. Also 2 minutes in the confessional from the heart is better then 1 hour not repenting. God bless.

 

[China123]

I think you are worrying too much

My confessions are fairly short as I try to be aware of people in the line. If I need to go into depth I do or I make an appointment with a priest.

There seems to be quite a few people coming back to the Church or coming back after not going to confession for awhile. I say this because I have talked to many people in my parish after Mass or while waiting to pick up kids, etc. and they mention they just went to confession after being gone 10+ years. Maybe you are seeing some of these people. And then there are some people that just like to go into depth. I wouldn’t worry about it. I think if the priest needs more info he will ask you. Many blessings.

 

[Richard_White]

Maybe this just means you don’t have much to confess! We don’t always have to have a huge list of sins every time we go. Just going to the Sacrament out of devotion and receiving God’s abundant graces without necessarily absolutely having to go is a very good practice.

May God bless you all!

 

[jjgigem]

My confession takes about a minute to list my sins. I simply put the sins out there without going into mitigating circumstances. The priest usually talks to me for a few minutes, sometimes as long as 10 minutes to help me because I have a problem with knowing that I am really forgiven. The priest helps me keep the faith and keep moving forward with my life reminding me that Jesus always love me.

 

[ClearWater]

Sometimes it is to talk about the circumstances of the sins, to ask or receive advice. I’ve had where I’ve been quick in confession and the priest will keep me longer to give me advice on how to handle something.

 

[pianistclare]

I’m right there with you. In fact, the priests around here specifically tell people that if they need counseling that they should make an appointment. That confession is for confessing, and their office is for counseling.
So…I have the same experience. No sweat.
Peace to you!

 

[white_sheep]

I’ve had a priest or two who would talk a while, but that has been very exceptional.

 

[white_sheep]

Maybe this just means you don’t have much to confess! We don’t always have to have a huge list of sins every time we go. Just going to the Sacrament out of devotion and receiving God’s abundant graces without necessarily absolutely having to go is a very good practice.

May God bless you all!

I am not a saint. I am referring to my entire life experience here and have confessed all sorts of things. Everyone else clearly does something different in there than I do, that’s what I’m trying to figure out. They must confess at least 5 times as good as I do. That or they have been torching villages.

 

[SuperLuigi]

I am clearly doing something wrong. I follow what I believe is the standard formula I was taught as a child.

Father forgive me (some say bless me instead) for I have sinned, my last confession was ___ long ago.

I have: list sins. Give # for mortal sins.

Sometimes the priest asks a question.

Gives penance.

Act of Contrition.

Absolution.

As far as I can tell that is the right way, but here’s the problem, I’m done in 90 seconds to two minutes. So is everyone else in my family. My lifetime average can’t be over 2 minutes. The average time for everyone else is much higher. Tonight when I got to confession there was already a penitent in the confessional who was there for about another 12 minutes. The next 2 were about 9 each, and then there were 4 faster than average people who were out in about 5 minutes. I’d say most people are 6-7 minutes, but almost never have I seen anyone confess as quickly as I and my family do, it is almost always at least twice as long for someone else.

So how long does it take you and how do you go to confession? I really want to hear from some 10-15 minute people. What is taking so long?

I’m not trying to be argumentative, this has come up hundreds of times.

There is no time requirement for Confession. You need to Confess mortal sins in kind and number, and senior apologist Jimmy Akin notes “you should Confess what you feel you need to, unless you are scrupulous in which case you need a spiritual director to guide you.”

If you’re all of this, I don’t see a problem.

As to why Confessions take longer than others, sometimes people talk to the priest in a casual way (I find this rude when there is a line) or they are seeking some kind of advice.

I’m not sure about the culture of Confession at your Church. Some of the larger Churches, like the cathedrals, will post signs asking politely for people to get to the point in Confession and that additional counseling needs to be done outside of Confession.

 

[SuperLuigi]

I am not a saint. I am referring to my entire life experience here and have confessed all sorts of things. Everyone else clearly does something different in there than I do, that’s what I’m trying to figure out. They must confess at least 5 times as good as I do. That or they have been torching villages.

The other thing to keep in mind is that if you go to Confession more frequently than others, you probably don’t have as much to say.

 

[white_sheep]

There is no time requirement for Confession. You need to Confess mortal sins in kind and number, and senior apologist Jimmy Akin notes “you should Confess what you feel you need to, unless you are scrupulous in which case you need a spiritual director to guide you.”

If you’re all of this, I don’t see a problem.

As to why Confessions take longer than others, sometimes people talk to the priest in a casual way (I find this rude when there is a line) or they are seeking some kind of advice.

I’m not sure about the culture of Confession at your Church. Some of the larger Churches, like the cathedrals, will post signs asking politely for people to get to the point in Confession and that additional counseling needs to be done outside of Confession.

It’s been a while but I have heard the occasional homily about getting to the point in the confessional. I have never seen a sign. Around here it usually takes at least 2 tries to go to confession unless you arrive 20 minutes early. I’ve had as few as 4 people take up the whole hour and you get turned away. I know several people who have had one person take up the whole hour. It has taken me 3 tries to go to confession repeatedly, and I think even 4 once or twice. I only have the opportunity to go to confession about every 3 weeks on average and it usually take me 2-3 months to go to confession due to all the times I get turned around. People frequently give up and just leave and walk out and I have found myself encouraging other people who have been repeatedly denied confession not to give up. It is pretty discouraging when you plan your day out and give up doing the things you want to be doing repeatedly just to stand in line at church for an hour. It just so happens that the time they have confession is about the only free time I really have to do things I like such as fishing or whatever.

 

[pianistclare]

It’s been a while but I have heard the occasional homily about getting to the point in the confessional. I have never seen a sign. Around here it usually takes at least 2 tries to go to confession unless you arrive 20 minutes early. I’ve had as few as 4 people take up the whole hour and you get turned away. I know several people who have had one person take up the whole hour. It has taken me 3 tries to go to confession repeatedly, and I think even 4 once or twice. I only have the opportunity to go to confession about every 3 weeks on average and it usually take me 2-3 months to go to confession due to all the times I get turned around. People frequently give up and just leave and walk out and I have found myself encouraging other people who have been repeatedly denied confession not to give up. It is pretty discouraging when you plan your day out and give up doing the things you want to be doing repeatedly just to stand in line at church for an hour. It just so happens that the time they have confession is about the only free time I really have to do things I like such as fishing or whatever.

You might consider doing confession by appointment in the future then. If your priests asks why you want an appointment, tell him what you have described here. That no disrespect is meant to those ahead of you, but that you have been unable to confess or have been turned away so many times, that it’s better to have an appointment. It might make him take time constraints into consideration, or at least, maybe place more times on the schedule. Just a thought.

 

[VivienneJ]

White Sheep, I’m in a huge parish, we have multiple Masses (from Friday morning to Sunday evening, which all count as Sunday Mass, there are 16 in English; weekdays there are two); confession is offered for half an hour before each Mass. The lines vary in length, but most are in the confessional for about a minute or so - I can’t say I have ever timed them, but, even when far down the line, I have gotten to the confessional within a reasonable time and before the end of the time allowed. Our priests do offer advice or short counselling. I would think one just needs to name the sins, not offer long descriptions, but there are those who need to explain more, I guess.

I really don’t see anything wrong in your family’s style of confession, however, I do think that your priest needs to be made aware that people are frequently being turned away from the confessional due to some taking a long time so that he can encourage those who need a long time to see him by appointment. That has always been my understanding, if you have something weighing deeply and need more counselling and to confess, you should make an appointment.

 

[Boswell]

WhiteSheep,

I go to Confession every couple of weeks or so. I have certain sins that have dogged me all my life. I’ve never paid attention to the time it’s taken me in the Confessional until your post, but I think it must run between 2 and 5 minutes. Upon reflection, I recall it’s depended upon 1) which particular priest is hearing Confessions; (2) How long before Mass begins. Some priests offer a bit of counseling with the Absolution. Others offer just Absolution. I go for the Absolution…the counseling is just gravy. When I feel a strong need for counseling, I’ll make an appointment for a face-to-face Reconciliation with the Priest who I think is also well-trained as a counselor.

I have noticed that others before me vary in the length of time they are in the Confessional, but I haven’t timed them, but I don’t see what everyone else does, only those who are there when I am there.

There are no parameters of time for the making of a good Confession; therefore, there is no problem, and you are doing nothing wrong except, perhaps, focusing on what’s around you rather than what’s within you when you’re preparing for the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Make an appointment with a priest whom you know to be a good listener and discuss this so that you can put it behind you.

I have said a prayer for you.

 

[AnneTeresa]

Several possibilities for why some people are taking longer in the confessional… they may be asking advice for something they are really struggling with… they may have been gone from confession for many years and have a LOT to confess… they may not have had much spiritual help along the way and are just trying to get some (name removed by moderator)ut on what is sinful and what isn’t… they may ask a question of the priest about something about the church because they can’t find answers anywhere else… they may be a spiritual wreck and have nowhere else to turn so are in there sobbing.

I’ve been in all these categories myself. AND I’ve also had the 60 second confession at times too.

It just depends. They are all OK, nothing wrong in any of it, it’s Jesus meeting us and we’re all in different spots, even the same person at different times. It’s all good.

edit… ok, just saw your second post about not being able to get in to confession when you go… I’ve had that happen too, I just pray about it and realize that whoever is in there needs prayers! I try not to get frustrated, after all whoever is in there is meeting Jesus. So I have to try again, small price to pay for someone else getting the spiritual help they need. I confess to God, tell him I’ll try again to get in. I know He understands and forgives so it’s not worth getting upset over.

 

[ccmcmg]

I am clearly doing something wrong. I follow what I believe is the standard formula I was taught as a child.
Father forgive me (some say bless me instead) for I have sinned, my last confession was ___ long ago.
I have: list sins. Give # for mortal sins.
Sometimes the priest asks a question.
Gives penance.
Act of Contrition.
Absolution.

As far as I can tell that is the right way, but here’s the problem, I’m done in 90 seconds to two minutes. So is everyone else in my family. My lifetime average can’t be over 2 minutes. The average time for everyone else is much higher. Tonight when I got to confession there was already a penitent in the confessional who was there for about another 12 minutes. The next 2 were about 9 each, and then there were 4 faster than average people who were out in about 5 minutes. I’d say most people are 6-7 minutes, but almost never have I seen anyone confess as quickly as I and my family do, it is almost always at least twice as long for someone else.

So how long does it take you and how do you go to confession? I really want to hear from some 10-15 minute people. What is taking so long?

I’m not trying to be argumentative, this has come up hundreds of times.

First, please do not judge others by how long they are in the Confessional. Do not compare your own to theirs. Maybe it’s their first confession in a long time, or they are struggling in some areas, or who knows? PRAISE GOD they are in Confession!!! My confessions have ranged from a few minutes to many minutes (perhaps 10-15). When I feel that I will be longer, I arrange to be last in line if there is only one priest hearing confessions. I’ll also tell the priest that I think I’m the last in line (it’s usually 45-60 minutes wait by then).

Actually, it hasn’t been ‘me’ that kept me in the Confessional longer; the priest offered his time, his advice, asked probing (good) questions. The priest when I’m at Reconciliation before Mass makes it QUICK QUICK, unless there is a serious issue to address. Others, when on a weeknight, or after Mass, take more time to counsel if I have a serious issue. Yes, I have been kept waiting in line before Mass, and yes, I had to miss Communion because I could not confess before the Mass. I made a spiritual communion, and went afterwards. By not receiving Reconciliation that day before Mass, it was the first day since we returned to the Faith a year ago (right now! ) that I was unable to receive the Eucharist in Mass.

Being a creature of (sinful) habit, I have had to confess the same ‘group’ of sins more than once. It took different amount of times from the priest each time (and I have no reason to believe that the priest knew it was me).

How would you feel if others were judging YOU on the length of your confession? So you only take two minutes: let’s assume that you must be a goody two shoes and holier than thou. Ouch. That probably didn’t feel good, did it? I’m not saying you are; not at all; I’m saying it’s not easy being judged (which, for the record, isn’t a good thing to do). Have you thought about making a more thorough examination of Conscience? There are some very good books out there about deepening the Sacrament.

I’ve arrived 20 minutes early, and still had a 45 minute wait. It gives me LOTS of extra time to pray and examine my conscience. And you know what? I don’t just pray for myself. I pray for the priests, for you, for the others in line and going to confession, and those unable to go to confession that evening but wanted to.

Arrive 20 minutes early. It won’t hurt you, I promise.

YAY for going to Confession. Keep it up!

 

[white_sheep]

Are you sure you just aren’t accepting your sin and trying to make excuses and that’s why it takes so long?