How to guide learning challenged son who is interested in being a priest?

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yecats

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Hi,
We have a son who will be 13 in June. He has recently started to speak of aspirations to become a priest. He has some very real learning and mental processing challenges. We are working hard to help him through therapy him but learning is a real struggle for him. Socially he radiates and has an amazing and inspirational background of survival and of God’s intervention in his life. Our son is a walking, talking miracle.

I do not want to discourage his hopes, but if his challenges remain the same, college is something that would need true divine intervention. I am not ruling out the possibility that God may help our son overcome his learning challenges if he is calling him to Priesthood, I totally believe if it’s God’s will it will happen. But I am wondering if there are other religious pursuits that I should also be educating him about that may be better suited to his situation?

Many Thanks.
 
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Why don’t you contact your local seminary and find out what the requirements are?
Or possibly a monastery.

You weren’t clear on your son’s diagnosis, but there might be a vocation for the neuro-diverse.

In fact, there is a convent in France that admits a certain number of women with Down’s syndrome.

Maybe there is a monastery equivalent…
 
We are currently living in Germany and do not speak the language so going to our local seminary would be difficult. I was hoping someone on this forum could point me in the right direction. I’ve researched online and it seems pretty universal that to become a Priest you need to complete a bachelor degree and then get a Masters. Thank you for the information on the convent in France (I just learned they also have one in Branford, CT in the U.S.A.).

Our son is very functional but due to many struggles in the first 11 years of his life, he has a below average IQ (border line mentally challenged). His interest in the priesthood is a new development and like all young kids may change. I just want to educate myself so I can help to best direct him.
 
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The priesthood will probably be impossible for him, but not necessarily … look at St. Joseph of Cupertino! However, to direct him in that direction would be folly, and you seem to understand that in all its fullness. Religious life as a lay brother may still be an option if his physical health is sound. Although quite out of the ordinary, maybe you could research and find some communities that may be a good “fit” for him and write about the possibilities. Then, when you find one that seems open to him, a process of befriending and making casual (non-vocational) visits may begin.

I have an uncle that seems to be similar to your son. He could never have a professional career or even a normal career. However, he does hold down a regular job, has a small house and lives a mostly normal life. In looking at him and knowing some communities, I think, “Yeah, he could live the life of a lay brother.”

Monasteries are the heart of the church, and those who live therein live in the antechamber of heaven. Few people are privileged enough to be able to live under the same roof with our Lord – even our parish priests!
 
If its Gods will for your son to become a priest, He will provide. Does your local seminary do their bachelors of philosophy (first 4 years of seminary) in-house?
 
You might want to let him know that there are many ways to serve God, not just as a priest. Perhaps he is called to be a brother? There are and always have been many holy brothers, and the academic requirements are not always as rigorous as those for priests. [NOTE: Some brothers are extremely well educated, and have PhDs and so on. Some communities of brothers run colleges, and many others teach and do medical work. So I am not denigrating the capacity of brothers!] In any event, you might want to lead him to think about other options for dedicating his life to God, if that is where he is called.
 
Speak with the Diocese Vocations Director. He will know of the various monastic orders in your area.
 
There are non-monastic options as well like the Franciscans. There are options for religious vocations that don’t require a graduate level education.
 
For now, why not just encourage his interest in serving God? Is he capable of serving on the altar? That might be a good place to start.

In the meantime, pray and remember that through God all things are possible. My memory might be sketchy here, but wasn’t St. John Vianney thought not smart enough to be a priest? Perhaps ask for his intercession to help guide your son to the place where he is meant to be in life.
 
Agreeing with Casslean. My own son is on the spectrum; has a college degree; and works at a cleaning job four hours a week – sometimes more. He is able to attend Mass with me when he isn’t working. He still has to receive the Sacrament of Confirmation, and I would like to see him serving the daily Masses he attends.

My emerging society of apostolic life has an online group for parents of primarily Autism Spectrum children. We also have an “eremitical network,” comprised of myself; a Spectrum man working toward diocesan eremitism; and another Spectrum man who is a lay contemplative.

Additionally, our Gilbertine Minister is a member of the Network. St. Gilbert of Sempringham, whose double order we hope to resurrect, was deformed physically, and was learning-challenged as a child. His father was a Norman knight who sent him to France to study for the clergy. St. Gilbert eventually founded the only native English monastic order which was suppressed at the Reformation.

Saints for the spectrum are Leonie Martin (for whom our group is named); Blessed Herman Contractus (patron of our eremitical network); St. Gilbert of Sempringham; and St. Thorlak of Iceland. There is question as to whether St. Agnes of Montepulciano, OP, was on the Spectrum. The latest saint for the Spectrum is St. Solanus Casey, OFM.

I will post our groups’ links at the end of my signature.

Blessings,
Mrs Cloisters OP
Lay Dominican
http://cloisters.tripod.com/
http://cloisters.tripod.com/charity/
http://cloisters.tripod.com/leonieleague/
http://cloisters.tripod.com/blherman/
http://cloisters.tripod.com/gilbertinerenewal/
 
But in St. John Vianney’s case, it wasn’t a problem of intelligence, but rather education. Our family is currently reading a biography about him, and the author is careful to state that because of the upheaval in France during his upbringing, his education was spotty. He didn’t get any of the classics, Latin or Greek before beginning seminary. He wasn’t the only one, and the seminary held special classes to help some of them with the very basics.
 
yecats said:
(I just learned they also have one in Branford, CT in the U.S.A.).
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If you could provide more details, we would appreciate knowing about this community’s expansion into the US. The only monastery I know of in CT, besides Regina Laudis, is that of the Glorious Cross, belonging to the Benedictines of Jesus Crucified. Or did the Down Syndrome sisters make a new foundation, and take over the Glorious Cross monastery?
 
@yecats - are you a military family? If you are, I wonder if the Catholic chaplain might be able to offer some help. I know in the military it’s not always who you know, but the people your contacts know.
 
Most 50 years and younger in Germany speak basic English and at least 1 or 2 other languages.

I went to Mass in the UK three years ago and the altar servers were all children with Down syndrome. After Mass I read in the bulletin that there was a school in the area which specialised in teaching children with DS. Asking them or children with ADHD etc to be altarservers helps them to pay attention to the Mass and also if they have a hard time sitting still then there are some more times when they need to “move their bodies” if they are the candle holders or bringing the offering.
 
HeDa said:
I went to Mass in the UK three years ago and the altar servers were all children with Down syndrome. After Mass I read in the bulletin that there was a school in the area which specialised in teaching children with DS. Asking them or children with ADHD etc to be altarservers helps them to pay attention to the Mass and also if they have a hard time sitting still then there are some more times when they need to “move their bodies” if they are the candle holders or bringing the offering.
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This is beautiful.

I was at a parish at one time where there was a boy with high-functioning autism who desperately wanted to try serving (or “helping Father” as he put it). The individual responsible refused to let him. I had a rapport with this young man and offered to serve with him (I’m not a server, technically, but know how to serve and had previously assisted in training new servers) so that I would be on hand if he needed a little bit of extra reminding (as he sometimes did). We have one Mass a month where the youth fill the roles, and the parishioners know and are patient with a few mistakes and missteps, so it would have been a good time for him to try. It was flatly refused, and the dynamics were such I didn’t feel comfortable going directly to the priest to raise the issue, but I did feel bad for the child.
 
My parish has only developmentally disabled adults as altar servers and greeters. It is wonderful. Most of them are members of L’Arche communities (we have 4 in our city).
 
I just trained a young man (11 years old) who is a high functioning Autistic. He wanted to be an altar server, but his parents were skeptic. I said let him try. We went over the basics that everyone would do (processioning, bowing) and then I gave him two jobs; hold the book and assist with the gifts. We worked on those two jobs until he was comfortable. His first Mass Sunday, he did beautifully!
 
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While it is true that most seminary programs are bachelors/masters programs, the rule is that he must go through them, not necessarily graduate with a degree. If God is calling your son to be a priest, and he is willing to do anything to fulfill God’s will, then he will become a priest. In my experience, he will most likely find the more hands-on formation he would need to overcome his learning disability within a religious order with a smaller local/provincial community. Sometimes seminarians with special formation needs like your son (and I, myself, fall into this category with my severe ADHD and panic attacks) fall through the cracks of diocesan and larger order formation programs.
 
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