How to Handle EXTREMELY Picky Eater

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HELP!!! I told my daughter I would ask on the forum for her. My 7-1/2 year old grandson is SUPER picky to the point of we are worried he won’t be healthy. He will eat red grapes, apples, nuts, chicken, 3 flavors of yogurt and a couple different cereals and things like chips and certain cookies and icecream. That’s really about it. He eats NO vegetables. DD and her hubby have started telling him he has to at least have a taste of the foods offered for supper and they no longer give him what HE wants to have and also no dessert or snack if he has failed to at least taste the new food, but he has himself so psyched up that he will hate the new foods that he throws up if he finally does try, which isn’t often. While we were there they had a rice dish and he didn’t even eat one GRAIN of the rice. He put about 1/16th of a green bean in his mouth and gagged.

Has anyone had a similar problem and what did you do? My daughter is about ready to take him to a child psychologist. He has been fussy about food since he first started being weaned and DD kind of catered to his tastes so in a way has contributed to the problem, but that is beside the point. She did her best and most kids would have gradually accepted new things–he just never did.
 
He may have an aversion to textures and may actually need to see a special therapist to get over this. Please have your grandson see a doctor. Continued forcing of the issue is only going to make it worse. Food is one area where children have control and it’s silly to make eating such a battle.
 
for veggies try that juicy juice with vegetables.I think it is called harvest. (cant remember) It is made for kids like your grandson. They have several different flavors.
You can also get some fruit/veggie gummies. They have fruit and veggie extracts. I usually get them from whole foods.
These are some simple ways to get him to eat veggies and fruits
As far as actual food, I’m stuggling on this with my daughter. We tend to do mac and cheese a lot. Fruits are good too. Try watermelon. Most kids like that! And that is a start!
 
Jennifer_J said:
He may have an aversion to textures and may actually need to see a special therapist to get over this. Please have your grandson see a doctor. Continued forcing of the issue is only going to make it worse. Food is one area where children have control and it’s silly to make eating such a battle.
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I agree, forcing wont help and will make it worse. My friends daughter had aversions to textures and tastes because she ate from a tube for 2 years.
She would gag when they forced her to eat something she didnt like or forced her to eat more than she could handle…She finally got over it but before she did the therapists suggested trying new things, different things and not pressuring. Things like carnation instant breakfast, canned chicken soup, healthier junk food options (ie baked chips) …what about fruit smoothies? you could throw a few veggies in there. Have you tried lettuce with ranch dressing? or cucumbers. Those veggies have like no taste but will give him some nutrients.
 
Thank you to those who responded. I guess I should have added the ONLY “juice” he will drink is Crystal Light Lemonade mix. And for the other things I listed, they are really the only things he will eat. I even offered him a one dollar bill one time if he would try a 1/2 inch long spaghetti noodle and he wanted that dollar SO bad but wouldn’t put the noodle in his mouth.

Jennifer J I think you are probably right and this is what my daughter and husband have been thinking. It is way beyond the “normal” child eating problem. Maybe if they literally starved him and withheld everything he does like and he got hungry enough he would try some of the new things but I don’t think my daughter could handle that. Ugh. My husband and I have even told them we would take him for three days and on the third day he would eat anything we gave him. We are old and have raised four kids so are much more toughened to the whining, crying, etc. when kids don’t get their own way and think we could be the hold outs but in a way that seems wrong too. Maybe a child psychologist would just say give him what he will eat and eventually he will grow out of it. But he’s almost 8 and in second grade and they worry he will start getting teased at school for his goofy food problem.

Ok, I’m just venting/talking to myself here. I thought maybe someone else would have had a similar situation. As for sneaking things into what he does eat–HA!! I made popcorn at my house, microwave, he smelled it and refused to eat it as his mom makes “real” popcorn with “real” butter and that is all he will eat. Oh, he eats Nutella but won’t touch peanut butter, which is the same texture too. He won’t even eat jam! He will eat a certain brand of chicken nuggets or the fast food kind but when I made my own he wouldn’t touch them. He will eat pepperoni pizza but no other kind. Nothing makes any sense. I guess that’s why, in the end, it is in his head and he needs help.
 
Marquette said:
Thank you to those who responded. I guess I should have added the ONLY “juice” he will drink is Crystal Light Lemonade mix. And for the other things I listed, they are really the only things he will eat. I even offered him a one dollar bill one time if he would try a 1/2 inch long spaghetti noodle and he wanted that dollar SO bad but wouldn’t put the noodle in his mouth.

Jennifer J I think you are probably right and this is what my daughter and husband have been thinking. It is way beyond the “normal” child eating problem. Maybe if they literally starved him and withheld everything he does like and he got hungry enough he would try some of the new things but I don’t think my daughter could handle that. Ugh. My husband and I have even told them we would take him for three days and on the third day he would eat anything we gave him. We are old and have raised four kids so are much more toughened to the whining, crying, etc. when kids don’t get their own way and think we could be the hold outs but in a way that seems wrong too. Maybe a child psychologist would just say give him what he will eat and eventually he will grow out of it. But he’s almost 8 and in second grade and they worry he will start getting teased at school for his goofy food problem.

Ok, I’m just venting/talking to myself here. I thought maybe someone else would have had a similar situation. As for sneaking things into what he does eat–HA!! I made popcorn at my house, microwave, he smelled it and refused to eat it as his mom makes “real” popcorn with “real” butter and that is all he will eat. Oh, he eats Nutella but won’t touch peanut butter, which is the same texture too. He won’t even eat jam! He will eat a certain brand of chicken nuggets or the fast food kind but when I made my own he wouldn’t touch them. He will eat pepperoni pizza but no other kind. Nothing makes any sense. I guess that’s why, in the end, it is in his head and he needs help.
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It could be a combination of things: texture, taste (sensitive taste buds), experience, familiarity, the fact that he gets a rise out of everone, etc… that’s why it would be good to have him evaluated by a physical therapist and maybe a child psychologist. His main doc would be able to point him in the right direction. If it IS a sensory issue, forcing WILL make it worse. If he’s just being stubborn, forcing WILL make it worse. OFFER and repeat. CALMLY Offer a normal meal with 1 or 2 things he will eat. OFFER again. and again. Keep emotion out of the equation. In the meantime, she should get him evaluated, and get some help to know how to really deal with this.
 
I’d go with a visit to the pediatrician first, then a psychologist.

I have a very acute sense of smell and it impacts my eating. I have **always **been tagged a “picky” eater, and I’ve found it to be related to both overactive taste buds **and **olfactory sensitivity.
 
Start with the pediatrician.

My 12 yr old son is also similar and limited in his food selections. No veggies and only 1 fruit. Chicken/turkey only and no other meat. No cheese - milk in cereal only. He will eat plenty of breakfast cereal. Go-gurts - but no other yogurt. Forget burgers and hotdogs.

He has eating OCD. Doc tells me to not nag him about food and that breakfast cereal is OK for meals. His blood tests come back normal and healthy and he has seen a psychiatrist - is on meds - but just boils down to anxiety.

He is growing and the doc sees him every 3 months. I was concerned for a while, but he did try a bite of apple pie recently! Hope is there.👍

See the Pediatrician for assurance and ask if a multivitamin is needed for a supplement.
 
Sounds like a pretty ok diet. Some kids have a strong aversion to textures. As long as he’s growing OK, relax.

My baby sister would only eat rice until she was 7 or 8. My mom used to take her outside-highchair and all- and try to force feed her peas. I’m a bit more sneaky. Cauliflower makes great “mashed potatoes.” THe kids also like to dip broccoli"trees" and red pepper “boats.” My now 16 yr old didn’t eat well at all then something happened at 12 and he even cooks for himself. He has Aspergers & takes things very literally & we thought home ec & health would be great electives. It’s worked.
Be patient. Children will eat only certain things and then one day suprise you.
 
My niece used to be the same way. When she came to live with us at age 8, she would eat chicken nuggets, beanie weenies, macaroni and cheese and plain hamburgers.

Everyone in the family had made such a big deal out of what she ate. Her mother and both sets of grandparents nagged the kid constantly. My husband and I decided she had enough problems and let her eat what she wanted to.

We offered her the option to taste new foods, but didn’t push the issue. The foods she was willing to eat gradually increased. When she turned 9, I told her I was not a short-order cook and if she didn’t like what I made for dinner, that she would have to prepare her own dinner. I taught her how to heat food in the microwave and she began making her own dinner.

She turned 13 this past summer and something happened, maybe she just matured, or maybe her taste buds developed more, but she now eats many more things.

She prefers plain foods, plain hamburgers, plain chicken, fresh fruits, etc… She hates rice, salad and most vegetables. Hates eggs, eats her cereal dry.

One thing my husband did that worked to some extent, was when he was eating something he knew she didn’t like, he would say “Oh, this stuff is horrible! I will eat it all and save you from it.” Of course our niece knew he was teasing, but it made her curious about what the foods tasted like. She would then ask my husband if she could taste whatever food it was and he would at first say no, to the point he had her begging to taste the food. We made it more of a game for her.
 
I would go with those who suggested a thorough evaluation by the pediatrician first of all. If he says the child is gaining weight normally and doesn’t have rickets or any dietary deficiency diseases, let him eat what he will eat and wait it out. A peanut butter and jam sandwich, a glass of milk and an orange is a balanced diet. The doctor may be able to recommend a dietician who can make up balanced meals out of the food the child will eat.

And I recommend a book called “Bread and Jam for Frances” about a little girl badger who will only eat bread and jam. Her mother feeds those two things to her for every meal and every snack until one day she bursts into tears and begs to eat what the family is eating. The book is cute – there is no nagging or lecturing in it – and the little girl finally starts prompting her mother, “Don’t you think I will rot my teeth? Don’t you think I should try new foods?” and the mother just says, “No, I don’t think so.” Even if that isn’t his problem, you and he would enjoy that book.
 
Agreed that pediatrician should be consulted, if not already. And then perhaps a psychologist to either rule out a real food issue or to help deal with something underlying.

My only thought is that whether or not this is physiological, there could also be an issue with whining and attention getting or tantrums etc…I would do my best to take those out of the equation. If the parents are (as I would be) really stressed about this at many meals, they might be making it into a bigger deal than is helpful in front of him. Try to pretend you aren’t bothered by his pickiness. If he refuses something, be nonchalant about it. Don’t try to cajole or force him into trying something, just be very matter of fact, and don’t dwell on his complaints. If he whines or tantrums about food, tell him that he doesn’t have to eat it, and he can tell you politely, but if he whines or tantrums, he’ll be disciplined. His interactions with the parents are the issue here, not the eating habit. This may help reduce the drama and control issue that might (or might not?) be happening here, and then the cause of the picky-ness can be addressed.
 
As usual, I’m going to be the oddball here.

I don’t think he sounds picky at all. I think his diet sounds pretty good.

Picky is our nephew, who between ages 3 and 4 would eat NOTHING except chicken fries and sevenup. That’s it. NO veges, fruits, milk, grains, sweets, etc. Only chix fries and Seven UP.

He’s gotten a little better now that he’s five, but he still doesn’t eat much. A few chicken nuggets, one piece of pizza, a small bowl of cereal. That’s about it.

And he’s fine. Charming and healthy as a horse.

Both of my daughters turned up their noses at a lot of foods when they were growing up. I paid no attention. They had enough healthy foods in their diet that I didn’t worry it they turned down many foods. Other people worried about it–several times I received phone calls from moms telling me, “She won’t touch the birthday cake and ice cream. Is she sick?” And I would say, “No, she’s fine.”

And both of them grew up fine. The older daughter will eat anything now, including all kinds of beans and legumes. Skinny as a model. The other daughter is more picky, and still won’t drink milk at all, but she’s incredibly healthy.

I’m a med tech, so I have just a little background in nutrition (not as much as a dietician). It seems to me that the combination of foods that you listed contain all of the nutritional factors that he needs. Red grapes and apples contain a lot of different vitamins, including vitamin C. Also, most of the cereals off the shelf are fortified, so he’s getting another dose of vitamins there. Nuts and chicken are good sources of protein. Yogurt and ice cream contain calcium. He’s getting plenty of carbs with the fruit, yogurt, and cereal. And most of what you listed is low fat and low in sugar (except for the cookies)–that’s good.

A human doesn’t HAVE to eat vegetables. The nutrients in veges are found in other foods.

And as for variety, many cultures in this world eat the same thing every day, day in, day out, for a lifetime, and they’re very happy to get it!

I wouldn’t worry about a thing unless he manifests symptoms consistent with poor nutrition (weight loss or gain, thinning hair, skin problems, failure to thrive, etc.) He sounds very healthy to me. I should eat such a good diet!
 
A consult w/ a good ped won’t hurt.

Do the parents put out a variety of foods and let him choose?

I guess it could be psychological, but I’d be inclined to assume something simple first. A child won’t starve himself . . . put out a variety of nutritious foods (get rid of junk foods) and let him choose. If he doesn’t want what mom puts out at one meal, serve a healthy snack a little later. If he doesn’t like that, serve something different at the next meal.

Offer a variety, not just his favorites, and see what happens.
 
Thank you to all who responded. I forwarded these to my daughter so I shall see what happens now. There are many things to think about here.
 
Two things, I have three VERY picky eaters and it’s rubbing off on the fourth(ages 7 5 4 2). They haven’t always been this way so maybe it’s different for your grandchild.

First, if he ate well as a toddler, then stopped it may not be a texture issue. A visit to the ped. might be fine but I think a psychologist is a bit extreme.

Second, sounds like he’s just deciding what he want’s to eat and it may be a power struggle if his parents argue with him.

The only meal we are strict about is dinner. My kids can have whatever for breakfast or lunch but what I make for dinner is what they get. There is no snacking after 4:30 and they must eat the very little bit we put on their plate or they sit at the table until bedtime. I have been making desserts more often as a bit of a bonus for eating. Also, I will not stand (or my husband mostly and I tend to ignore them) for any disrespect at dinner about the food.

It was tough for about three days, I mean all out fits. But after that they knew that it was either eat or sit.
 
Has he always been a picky eater?

My 8 year old was not at all a picky eater until he was 2 years old. That was the point at which things in my marriage deteriorated rapidly. From that point on, it was difficult to get him to eat much of anything. His pediatrician told me that it is a control issue. Kids who don’t have enough control, who have a parent is controlling and overbearing or emotionally abusive will become picky eaters to try and regain some sense of control over their own life. My now ex husband fit that description.

The list of things my son will eat is pretty similar to what your grandson will eat, although it has grown a bit over the years. Sometimes when he goes and sees his dad, his dad will force him to eat vegetables and he will throw up or he will throw up if he is forced to eat breakfast when he doesn’t want to.

What I do at my house is that I do not cater to him. I have him sit down at the table, dish up very small portions of everything on his place and act surprised (but not upset) that he doesn’t want to eat it. I will suggest that he should try to at least eat 8 small bites (since he is 8 years old). If he doesn’t want to eat it, he doesn’t have to. After dinner is over and the table has been cleared I will make him something simple like a peanut butter and honey sandwich (on whole grain bread). So, he still has to experience the consequence of not being catered to and having to wait to get something to eat. It is not terribly uncommon these days for him to be hungry enough to try what we are having and discover that he actually likes it.

I think just staying calm is the main thing. Don’t get upset and don’t cater. Just give him the space to figure out that being a picky eater isn’t fun.
 
He’ll grow out of it. I’m almost 60 and am still a way too picky eater:(

I still hate most cooked vegetables, and eggs are evil, evil, evil!!!

But I am extremely healthy, and not nearly as picky as I once was.
 
I personally have a difficult time with the idea of not allowing snacks and “grazing.”

Many doctors say that grazing is one of the healthiest ways for children and adults to maintain a healthy weight.

The idea is that the body is constantly burning calories as you constantly give it calories to burn, and so you never gain weight. Our trainers at our gym recommend this diet, along with exercise, of course.

Many of you breast-feed on demand dozens of times a day. Why not allow an older child to eat constantly, assuming that the food choices are not high-sugar, high-fat, and high-calorie? A carrot, an apple slice, a tomato slice, a piece of bread, a piece of cheese, a cracker, a few grapes, a leftover chicken nugget, a jello, etc.–this is a good way to eat, especially if there is a SAH parent.

Now I admit that it won’t work well in a daycare or school setting, so at some point, the grazing has to be limited. But to eliminate snacks–well, like I said, I question that approach with children and adults. I’m not advocating adding more food–just stretching out the “three meals” into 6-10 meals a day. Very healthy.
 
I don’t eliminate snacks completely, just very late in the afternoon so the kids will actually be hungery by the time we have dinner. I really agree with the “grazing” idea, but I at least want one sit-down meal a day.
 
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