How to handle parents

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wonderingCatholic

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My parents are extremely controlling and over involved. They moved to right down the street from me. My wife has had enough and it’s cauding problems between us. We have 3 children and they are very opinionated which honestly pisses me off. My mom just bought my 6 and almost 3 year old an iPad. My wife and I are totally against it but they see no problem with it. It doesn’t help matters my wife and I both suffered brain injuries. We are fully functioning and independent. I just want to move and so does she. Does anyone else have experience with this? I don’t want to bother my wife anymore, but I don’t know who to talk to. They also have a drinking problem. A big problem and they fail to admit so it always ends up in me calling them drunks and swearing. I don’t know what to do.
 
You need to sit your parents down and establish boundaries. If you don’t want your children to have the iPad, return it. Tell your parents in no uncertain terms that they need to respect your parenting decisions and your boundaries or they will not longer be welcome in your home. Tell them straight out that they need to back off and that you and your wife are the ones who parent your children and make the decisions in your household, not them.

You will have to stick to those boundaries. Tell them what the rules are, such as presents will need to be discussed with and approved by you first before giving them to the kids, they cannot drop in for visits without pre-planning (i.e. it’s your home and they are not welcome to just come in without an invitation) or whatever it is you think the rules should be.

If they don’t like the boundaries you establish, then you need to follow through on the consequences which may include cutting off contact for a period of time.

If you need third party counseling, do you have someone in social services or a priest at your church who could help mediate? Is it perhaps the brain injuries that you and your wife suffered that cause your parents to be overly involved thinking you need the help? Would your doctor be able to tell them this isn’t the case?

Just some suggestions.
 
wonderingCatholic said:
My parents are extremely controlling and over involved. They moved to right down the street from me. My wife has had enough and it’s cauding problems between us. We have 3 children and they are very opinionated which honestly pisses me off. My mom just bought my 6 and almost 3 year old an iPad. My wife and I are totally against it but they see no problem with it. It doesn’t help matters my wife and I both suffered brain injuries. We are fully functioning and independent. I just want to move and so does she. Does anyone else have experience with this? I don’t want to bother my wife anymore, but I don’t know who to talk to. They also have a drinking problem. A big problem and they fail to admit so it always ends up in me calling them drunks and swearing. I don’t know what to do.
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If you are not dependant on them then you need to be a man and say no.

No to iPad, no to other toys and treats, no to seeing them when they drink.

You should find books on narcisism, co-dependance and boundary setting as well as perhaps toxic relatives.
 
It’s not as easy as that, I was given a settlement and so was she after our accidents. The money is in their control. I have no say really with what happens.
 
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Yes, it’s the brain injuries. It happened when I was 18 now I’m 34 and they won’t let go.
 
wonderingCatholic said:
It’s not as easy as that, I was given a settlement and so was she after our accidents. The money is in their control. I have no say really with what happens.
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This story sounds familiar.

A disability atourney ought to be your next stop.
 
I would look for some sort of mediated counseling between you and your parents. Perhaps any social worker or social services person you’ve dealt with in the past could help, or your pastor could suggest a counselor through Catholic Charities.

Your parents need to come to terms with the fact that you are capable of living your own life and that they are harming your relationship through their smothering and controlling behaviors.

What conversations have you had with them in the past about this?
 
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