How to handle screaming baby during mass

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Children need to learn how to behave appropriately during Mass. Screaming babies/toddlers should be removed for as long as it takes to get them to stop crying. Once they stop crying, the parent should bring the child back in. Bring one or two quiet toys. Quiet rooms are great but bottom line, the child(ren) need to learn appropriate behavior for Mass.

We have a fairly modern half circle type church and sometimes parents will allow fussy run and play around the back. All this does is let the child know it’s ok to play during Mass. There is another man who brings a 2-3 year old boy and lets the kid talk/cry/yell. A couple of weeks ago this guy gave the kid a handful coins to play with. Well you can imagine how that went.

I’ve seen parents give kids their cell phones to play with (with sound on) or other electronic games. Occasionally a parent brings two teenage boys to Mass and then they spend most of Mass chatting. Obviously these boys never learned appropriate behavior during Mass. It’s one hour a week.
 
babochka said:
Wow. Things happen. Usually well-behaved babies and toddlers have bad days. Parents, who generally try to remain at the end of pews (allowing for a quick exit), find themselves trapped in the middle of the pew and have to make a choice - stay and hope the baby will calm down soon, or cause certain disruption as they try to crawl over keeling people in the pew. Sometimes perfectly quiet, but wiggly children fall and hit their heads on the pew in front of them. It happens, and it is almost a guarantee of a prolonged scream. (It isn’t negligent parents; falls are just a part of toddlerhood. Can we just not assume the worst of someone (rudeness) and assume the best and sympathize with the struggle, even if they don’t make the best choices. Mass isn’t the theater and we cannot set our expectations as if it ?
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I’ve NEVER seen anyone who got to Mass early and sit at the end of a pew get trapped in the middle. Everybody I’ve seen either let’s them pass by or gets out to let the newcomers into the middle of the pew
 
27lw said:
Okay,
This is kind of one of my pet peeves. I am probably being judgmental. When there is a cry room, why do parents not use it when their kids are being noisy at Mass? If they have to bring other kids there too, so be it. I agree that it seems rude to sit there and let a small child cry / make loud noises for a prolonged time.

I get it that the cry room is not a great place, but it is a useful place. I have used it as well when my kids were too little to understand that they should be quiet during Mass. Me and my husband had lots of times at Mass walking in the back (at a previous parish), wishing there was a cry room, so I don’t understand why people don’t use it when there is one?
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IT A. 👍
 
babochka said:
I’ve got to say - I’m 46 years old and a cradle Catholic. I don’t recall ever hearing somebody’s child screaming throughout Mass. For an uncomfortably long time, yes. But never more than a minute or two, which can seem like forever, of course. But I really think this kind of behavior is extremely rare. But what constitutes a scream is subjective, of course, and I have a high tolerance for baby noises.
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A couple minutes or even one is enough time to miss something important during the homily.
And don’t get me started on screaming during the consecration of the Eucharist.
 
27lw said:
So is mine, and the cry room seems relatively little-used. : )

Thanks for you comments!
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Usually ours is little used too but some days there are quite a few parents of little ones in there.
 
Before we had our child. I would ignore the kids noise but most were well behaved.

The noise didn’t bother me, some may think me strange but I found it oddly comforting to hear a baby gurgle or cry out and kids whispering.

I suppose some people have a shorter temper than others. I don’t blame the parents.
 
SAVINGRACE said:
Before we had our child. I would ignore the kids noise but most were well behaved.

The noise didn’t bother me, some may think me strange but I found it oddly comforting to hear a baby gurgle or cry out and kids whispering.

I suppose some people have a shorter temper than others. I don’t blame the parents.
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For me it’s not a short temper, it’s that I can’t hear over the racket.
 
Moneyball said:
So I have two questions, is it necessary for my wife be attentive throughout the entire mass if she has to go in the back with our son? And does anyone have any advice on how to handle kids in that situation? Thanks.
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Honestly, it sounds like you are doing just fine. This issue stirs debate because we all have different cry rooms, churches, priests and parents. There is no answer from one person that will apply universally.

I will say that at this young age, taking the child out and then back in works well, and it fine. At an older age, I changed tactics a little. I might allow a book or something to hold for a distraction (age 2-4), as well as hugging letting him lay on my lap and generally keeping him calm. When I had to go to the cry room (if was mostly my wife), all such comforts ceased. I did not want the cry room to be a place of comfort, lest he act up to be taken out. When he wanted his book, animal, toy, whatever, he could have it as soon as he agreed he could come back in and be quiet.

I do regret that I was not able to trade off with my wife though and be the bad guy that took him out.
 
Faith1960 said:
A couple minutes or even one is enough time to miss something important during the homily.
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Have pity. Some of those parents won’t get to hear a complete homily for years. Maybe you could try to develop a friendship with some of them, so that someday you can offer to take the fussy little one out and let the parents hear a homily for a change.
And don’t get me started on screaming during the consecration of the Eucharist.
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'Cause babies just know to cry at the most inappropriate times, right? Even the most responsive parent in the world would have a hard time reacting and getting a baby out in time if the child started to fuss just before or during the consecration.
 
babochka said:
Have pity. Some of those parents won’t get to hear a complete homily for years. Maybe you could try to develop a friendship with some of them, so that someday you can offer to take the fussy little one out and let the parents hear a homily for a change.

'Cause babies just know to cry at the most inappropriate times, right? Even the most responsive parent in the world would have a hard time reacting and getting a baby out in time if the child started to fuss just before or during the consecration.
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They should sit in the cry room then
 
Faith1960 said:
They should sit in the cry room then
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Cry rooms don’t work. That is why our pastor did not add one during our renovation. And places with cry rooms in parishes that I have been too, had people with no children sitting in them.
 
Faith1960 said:
I’ve NEVER seen anyone who got to Mass early and sit at the end of a pew get trapped in the middle.
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I usually don’t want to arrive too early to Mass. Even if it is just a few minutes, it is just a little bit longer to expect the little ones to stay quiet.
Everybody I’ve seen either let’s them pass by or gets out to let the newcomers into the middle of the pew
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Maybe it varies from region to region. In some parishes, I’ve often been asked by ushers to scoot down to allow for someone else to join in the pew. I’ve always considered it the polite thing to do.
 
babochka said:
I usually don’t want to arrive too early to Mass. Even if it is just a few minutes, it is just a little bit longer to expect the little ones to stay quiet.

Maybe it varies from region to region. In some parishes, I’ve often been asked by ushers to scoot down to allow for someone else to join in the pew. I’ve always considered it the polite thing to do.
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I’m glad our Church doesn’t do that. I have an anxiety disorder and need to be at the end in case I need to get out.
 
zab said:
Cry rooms don’t work. That is why our pastor did not add one during our renovation. And places with cry rooms in parishes that I have been too, had people with no children sitting in them.
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I’ve never seen that, either. Sorry.🤷
 
Faith1960 said:
For me it’s not a short temper, it’s that I can’t hear over the racket.
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Since cry rooms have become so popular in the last few decades, perhaps a new idea can take off. Parishes can install “quiet rooms” for people who have little tolerance for noise and are easily distracted. They might need to be individual stalls, though, to guarantee that one isn’t disturbed by unwanted noises.

My parish is on a busy city corner down the street from a fire station. Our Divine Liturgy is frequently disrupted by the sound of fire trucks, sirens blaring, driving past. It is quite distracting, even for me, but what can you do? Say a prayer for the firemen/paramedics and for those in need and move on. Distractions are an unavoidable part of life.

As an aside, if I happen to be seated next to you at Mass someday and I have one of my coughing spells, I apologize in advance for the racket that I cause. They can go on for quite some time and be very distracting, I don’t always know when they begin if I can just clear my throat a few times and move on, or if it will go on and intensify. (I do leave the church if it is really bad. And rest assured, I’m not contagious and spreading my germs to everyone. )
 
zab said:
Unfortunately, for me, the constant conversation of certain adults are more distracting than any child.
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I’ve had to listen to that, too, at another Church I visited. I sometimes like to arrive early to pray my rosary and the talking was so loud I had to give up.
 
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