How to handle screaming baby during mass

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Bonnie said:
My kids did plenty of screaming at home - so much at times that I wondered if the neighbors thought I as abusing them. My son’s public meltdowns were always quiet - that’s just the way he was. My darling daughter, on the other hand, could be pretty loud. She had only one major screaming meltdown in a store. I looked at her lying on the floor, kicking & screaming, and decided to abandon my shopping. I picked her up, carried her to the car, and went home. She had calmed down by the time we got home & for some reason, she never had a meltdown in public again. I didn’t punish her, & she was too young to have a discussion about it.

She was almost as loud a year or 2 later in church. Once. It was near the end of Mass so we just went straight out to the car. Never happened again.
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My daughter had a fit in the Mall too, over ice cream. Dh picked her up, like yours she was kicking and screaming, and we went home. Oh, and no ice cream. I’m so mean. 🙂
 
Just repeating this because, frankly, I think babochka wins the thread.
Faith1960 said:
I’ve only seen that once or twice. Here and especially at the church I visited, it was older folks. I assume they can’t hear and practically yell their conversations at each other.
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babochka said:
It is awfully kind of you to give them the benefit of the doubt, and assume their best intentions and a reasonable cause for their behavior, which some might consider rude.
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Though I suspect this was a bit too subtle for certain individuals with only one child, whom they never brought to church, to pick up on.
 
Each child is different .Some have short attention spans and want to explore and be more vocal others are happy to sit and focus on a toy.They are all great.
Circumstances are all different.Could have been a restless night or due for a nap now.
I’m sure God rewards those who offer up not hearing parts of mass.
I know my concentration can vary in mass, especially if I’m hungry or tired.I just offer that up because God knows my good intent.
 
Faith1960 said:
My daughter had a fit in the Mall too, over ice cream. Dh picked her up, like yours she was kicking and screaming, and we went home. Oh, and no ice cream. I’m so mean. 🙂
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This was when she was a little older, not a baby. She was about 3 at the time .
 
Brandon_Cal said:
Just repeating this because, frankly, I think babochka wins the thread.

Though I suspect this was a bit too subtle for certain individuals with only one child, whom they never brought to church, to pick up on.
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Oh. This is some kind of compeition? :rolleyes:
 
PhiloMed said:
Anyone commenting about the “annoyance” of babies at church and does not have children of their own should really just simmer down. Nobody really takes your opinion seriously. You just don’t get it.
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Yes, others take their opinions seriously. If we follow the instructions of St. Paul on the matter, we should look to the needs of others first and ourselves second, having the humility of Christ, per Philippians 2.
Faith1960 said:
I think the parents who allow their kids to scream in Mass are, like the other poster said, selfish.
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Likewise, we need to avoid generalizing to specific parents whose decision to stay may be more complex than just selfishness. I do not question that some parents do forget the principle of putting the needs of others first. However, I would like to think most do not. Ideally , those annoyed by children should care first and foremost about the welfare of the child and grant the parent leniency in our heart, while the parent needs to care more about the worship of others than their own, while they do their best to raise their child.

I appreciate priests best when they chill out about this. Pause to gather concentration is understandable, but public condemnation for something that may not even be sin in the slightest, little serves the mission of the Church.
 
Faith1960 said:
It also seems that the majority of parents okay’ing the screaming babies are the ones with…screaming babies or noisy kids. Coincidence, I think not.
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🙂

To be perfectly honest, I don’t know that I’ve ever been bothered by babies during Mass, at least not to a significant degree. Maybe I just have different pet peeves from you, or maybe my parish of some 3 or 5 thousand families is just quieter than yours.

But I do find it a bit odd that parents in your own parish apparently “OK” the fact that their babies scream and their older children are noisy.

You surely don’t mean they want their children distracting all the other parishioners? I mean … we don’t need to be concerned about a conspiracy in your parish, right? 🙂
 
Moneyball said:
Hi everyone, I need some advice. I’ve got a 16 month old and another one on the way, my wife and I would like our kids to start coming to mass with us at a young age, but the problem is sometimes our little guy just won’t stop making noise. Sometimes it gets to the point where my wife has to bring him to the back where he can walk around a little, otherwise no one would be able to hear the priest.

So I have two questions, is it necessary for my wife be attentive throughout the entire mass if she has to go in the back with our son? And does anyone have any advice on how to handle kids in that situation? Thanks.
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Does anyone really think that the OP and his wife are not handling this problem correctly? It is a shame that this thread has drifted so far away from the questions asked by the OP into an attack and defense of parents trying to handle small children at Mass. :tsktsk:
 
zab said:
It is difficult to teach your children not to talk in church- that is engage in needless conversation- when the adults give such bad example. It is always easy to criticize and think that we did better than other parents who are having difficulty with their crying babies in church when we are not presently in their shoes. “If they think…then they are delusional” :rolleyes: We learned through trial and error and they will, too. And even the best of parents sometimes learn that one child is more difficult than another. Any advice that may help these parents. should be given in a kind helpful manner not a condescending slam.
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👍
 
Good grief - take the child out. They shouldn’t be allowed to disrupt others - would you bring your child to a court/formal proceeding? Do you pray with your screaming child next to you? I bet not. We went to separate masses many years.
 
Faber said:
Good grief - take the child out. They shouldn’t be allowed to disrupt others - would you bring your child to a court/formal proceeding? Do you pray with your screaming child next to you? I bet not. We went to separate masses many years.
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Good grief! Start another thread if you want to complain about what parents should do.
 
JakeWI said:
We have a 3 1/2 month old who has been attending Mass with us since she was born (or shortly after, I will say). She seems best behaved when she is able to look around and see things in the church when she is awake. Usually she will sit in my wife’s lap. A few times, she has caused some fuss to which my wife would take her out to the back of the church and calm her. For some reason, I cannot calm her as quick as my wife can.

Overall though, our daughter seems to calm to the music of the Mass. The organ vibrating through the church is something we tried exposing her to, even prior to her being born through these “tummy bud” things we got. I would play a Catholic hymn via organ on youtube through those buds everyday. It is definitely a soothing thing for her. Our hope is that she will want to help in Church music someday! She definitely has the long fingers for the piano/organ! 🙂
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I think that this is just a really cute and sweet post! 😃

I had the pleasure of watching a pair of twins grow up in a parish that I attended. They were brother and sister, and used to sit with their parents near me, towards the front of the church.

When they were little, they used to wiggle around the pew, and sometimes they would be behind me, and would sometimes accidentally hit me in the back while they were bouncing around. 😛

I became friends with their Mom, and she and I would talk to each other, and see each other at Mass and other church functions.

They grew up to be altar servers, and I worked with them in the Youth Choir too, when they were older. They were delightful and really sweet children, and I was happy to know them.

They moved out of the parish with their Mom when they were about thirteen years old. I had fun knowing the family. 🙂
 
Faith1960 said:
LOL. Uh, the OP asked what should be done.
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Not true. The OP had two questions:
1.** is it necessary for my wife be attentive throughout the entire mass if she has to go in the back with our son?**
and
2. And does anyone have any advice on how to handle kids in that situation? Thanks

The OP’s wife was already taking the child out. No one on this thread has ever objected to taking out a disruptive child. Getting into arguments and using harsh tones telling parents to use the cry room or take the child out are uncalled for and off topic. If you have any advice that you would kindly like to share with this inquiring parent on how to handle a noisy child, that would be fine. But using this thread to further one’s complaints about disruptive children and how one feels about it is not the topic of this thread.
 
I suggest this thread be shut down. It’s going nowhere. There is too much child psychology involved (and needs to be studied) before we even begin to discuss civilly what to do when babies start crying in a crowded environment or anywhere for that matter. It isn’t good either to imply one isn’t fit to be a parent because it appears he or she has no control over the kids. Just my opinion.
 
Bonnie said:
Screaming children are not just an “annoyance.” I do have children. They are now grown up & somehow I was able to teach them to be quiet. When they weren’t, I took them out. So I do “get it.”

I changed parishes when the old one became unbearable with noisy children & even noisier adults. The parish I’m in now is much quieter. The worst noisy woman doesn’t come very often.

It’s a matter of respect. If people think their crying babies get something out of Mass, they’re delusional. If they think it doesn’t matter if other people are disturbed or can’t hear the priest, they are selfish.
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I understand what you are getting at, but we need to be careful about limiting Mass only to people who get something out of it. That’s not the main reason we are there. My son has autism. By all appearances, he gets nothing out of Mass. But were I to wait until he was capable of visibly getting something out of it, he may never get to that point. I’m not going to keep Him from heaven-on-earth in the liturgy just because I don’t see him getting something out of it. We were created for worship. And Mass is where that happens par excellence.

I don’t view this as an either/or issue—as in either parents of children can do whatever they want and they “win” or else the Church must be a silent monastery and those parents “lose”. We need mutual respect and mutual consideration from everyone.

Are some parents oblivious and inconsiderate? Absolutely. But what good does it do me to sit there getting upset with them and assuming they are oblivious and inconsiderate? I’d rather assume the child is having an off day or that they are in the midst of implementing a larger strategy which will yield better long-term results for appropriate behavior. Might I be wrong? Sure. But I feel much more at peace assuming the best rather than the worst. And the noise then bothers me much less.

Honestly, I think a lot can depend on the general temperament of the parish. My parish has a ton of families with small children. But the noise level is actually pretty minimal because most of those are Catholics who “get it” (as in, they strive to live out Catholic teaching in their whole lives). I’ve been to other parishes, though, where the atmosphere is one of noise in general (from adults and children). For me, it is that general atmosphere that is more bothersome than a given isolated outburst.

Okay, I’ve rambled long enough now. 😛 :o
 
There’s one thing I really don’t get here. Who, in this thread or elsewhere, has advocated that parents stay in the church with screaming children? I don’t know anybody who believes that this is okay. Most parents would acknowledge that is better for the other parishioners, the priest, and the baby himself to be somewhere else.

The closest this thread has come to advocating that is the quotes I posted from the Holy Father, who did say that he is annoyed by the demands that crying babies be removed from the church. In spite of the Pope’s insistence that crying babies should stay, I will personally continue to leave the church if my crying baby can’t be quieted in a reasonably short period of time. That doesn’t just go for screaming, either. It goes for fussing, crying, jabbering, squealing, shrieking laughing, etc. I’m much more likely to remove quickly during the readings, the homily or the Eucharistic prayer. At other times, I might give it a bit of time. Its always an on -the-spot judgment call. I’m a human being, and sometimes my judgement is off. I’m really not trying to be selfish - I’m trying to balance the needs of everybody involved. Eventually, and I’m talking years here, babies will grow up and they will learn to be quiet in church, especially if the adults and big kids around them model good behavior.

Yes, it would be selfish if a child were having an all-out scream in church, and the parents steadfastly refused to remove him because “he has as much right to be here as anybody”. But who does that? I’ve never met them. I’ve met (and been) the overwhelmed parent who isn’t quite sure how to accomplish what needs to be done. Those parents deserve assistance and sympathy.

So, you missed an important line in a homily? I’m sorry. Really, I am. We need to hear good preaching. But the homily isn’t the focus of the Mass, isn’t the source and summit of our faith. You still have the beautiful opportunity to worship God and to receive him in the Holy Eucharist. What about that poor mother who likely hasn’t heard a complete homily in years because she’s dutifully taking her children out so that others can listen? Doesn’t she have that same need? Sometimes, we make sacrifices. We’re all called to make sacrifices. Children are the future of all of us; the future of humanity, the future of the Church. Whether we are parents or innocent bystanders, we are still called upon to make sacrifices. We can sacrifice with a grateful heart for all we have, or we can look upon the sacrifices forced upon us with bitterness and resentment. It is our choice, but one path leads to holiness and peace, the other leads to further bitterness and resentment.

This isn’t about what is right or what is wrong. It is about showing each other love.

So many of these things are cultural and we have always had a bit of a culture clash in the United States.

I’ll just close with another quote from Pope Francis, who comes from quite a different culture than our quiet, sedate, German and Irish influenced Church culture.
What I wanted to say is this: children cry, make noise, go from one side to the other … and I am so annoyed when a child cries in church and people want him to go outside. No! It is the best homily! The cry of a child is God’s voice. Truly, never, never chase them out of the church!
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Now, as we know, Pope Francis isn’t always particularly precise with his off -the-cuff remarks. There is a difference between screaming and a bit of fussing. I suspect he’s referring to fussy babies, not screaming or having a tantrum. Regardless, his opinion on the general principle of children making a bit of noise in church is clear.
 
Wow, I really wasn’t expecting 8 pages, thanks everyone… especially those of you who weren’t rude about it.

We decided to bring a few board books with us (as proposed by some in this thread) and it’s made a positive difference… for now anyway.🙂
 
zab said:
Not true. The OP had two questions:
1.** is it necessary for my wife be attentive throughout the entire mass if she has to go in the back with our son?**
and
2. And does anyone have any advice on how to handle kids in that situation? Thanks

The OP’s wife was already taking the child out. No one on this thread has ever objected to taking out a disruptive child. Getting into arguments and using harsh tones telling parents to use the cry room or take the child out are uncalled for and off topic. If you have any advice that you would kindly like to share with this inquiring parent on how to handle a noisy child, that would be fine. But using this thread to further one’s complaints about disruptive children and how one feels about it is not the topic of this thread.
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Yes, thank you.

For the record, we have no cry room and it’s well below freezing mark here in Ontario, Canada. Our only other options would be to go to separate masses, or hire a babysitter every time we go to mass… we were hoping to avoid those two alternatives.
 
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