Actually, the wife said she was fine around everyone except him, but he had also just said that the wife was berating the son which led to the argument, so obviously, she is NOT fine around everyone and therefore, she may NOT be able to control it.I respectfully disagree with everyone who’s said that you should just be more patient and compassionate. I do understand that this behavior of your wife’s is caused by a medical condition and/or a combination of the drugs treating it, but that does not alleviate her duty to be loving and kind to others – especially if you’re correct in your last post that she is only this way with you. That means she can control it.
I agree, but I would think that the wife would have to be the one who brings her emotional issues to the doctors and unfortunately, the meds have her to where she thinks everyone else is the problem but her.This needs to be addressed with her doctors. If she’s not careful and doesn’t become more intent on figuring out what’s causing this and getting it corrected, she could lost her family.
It isn’t kind or loving to walk on eggshells around the OP’s wife, or to force a child to do so. Another visit to the doctor is warranted, and in the meantime the OP must make clear to his wife that meanness toward family members is not okay.Actually, the wife said she was fine around everyone except him, but he had also just said that the wife was berating the son which led to the argument, so obviously, she is NOT fine around everyone and therefore, she may NOT be able to control it.
I agree, but I would think that the wife would have to be the one who brings her emotional issues to the doctors and unfortunately, the meds have her to where she thinks everyone else is the problem but her.
No, I agree. He didn’t mention a child before I gave my original answer. It is his obligation to protect the child(ren). Depending on the age of the child(ren), the OP should have a conversation with the child regarding Mom’s behavior and that the child should NOT take it personally because of the meds Mom is on.It isn’t kind or loving to walk on eggshells around the OP’s wife, or to force a child to do so. Another visit to the doctor is warranted, and in the meantime the OP must make clear to his wife that meanness toward family members is not okay.
I would say, “She didn’t feel up to coming.” That’s true but neutral.The whole drug/sleep apnea thing is so complex. Its almost like a half sleep/half weight loss by pills plan type operation (because the weigh loss helps with sleep apnea). The place she went to scored her as borderline…and suggested she use the sleep mask thing. She wanted no part of that so they put her on a medicine that was supposed to help with sleep–and also help her loose weight! Sent her home with a box and said it was covered by insurance. When she was out and went to refill it was $700/month! We can’t afford that as two daughters are already taking Adderall for ADD…
Tried a Generic, and it was no cheaper, so the next check up they moved her to Adderall. She only shares bits and pieces with me because of the previous incident with Adderall. I pay for it all, but get no say or info on any of it…
Well, in passing she noted that she wasn’t going to our family reunion with the kids and I tomorrow, so I’ll be taking them all myself. So do I make up a lie to my family about why she isn’t there, or just tell them she didn’t want to come (truth). Just completely sad that my Catholic wife would act this way…even if the reason she is upset was 100% my fault…
As slh notes…will try and show mercy and not take it personally. In her mind she’s justified in this treatment towards me. Nothing I can do or say otherwise.
^ This.I would say, “She didn’t feel up to coming.” That’s true but neutral.
It seems like she’s refusing help that would actually make a difference (the CPAP machine, for instance.) I think you would need to have a serious talk with her and say that yes, while she is the one who is suffering, she needs to realize that she needs to think about everybody else, too. This is a much more minor example, but my husband has mentioned several times giving up coffee for Lent. I told him under no circumstances was I going to be OK with that, because he turns into an unbearable grouch, and he shouldn’t be inflicting his chosen penance on the rest of us.
Your wife may be under the mistaken impression that her health doesn’t affect the rest of you, but it does. Her attitude is NOT ok. Yes, you need to be compassionate and loving, but that doesn’t mean enabling her to treat the rest of you badly. She has options she hasn’t tried yet. I think it’s reasonable to ask her what her objections are and see if they can be overcome.
I agree with Pensmama87,I would say, “She didn’t feel up to coming.” That’s true but neutral.
It seems like she’s refusing help that would actually make a difference (the CPAP machine, for instance.) I think you would need to have a serious talk with her and say that yes, while she is the one who is suffering, she needs to realize that she needs to think about everybody else, too. This is a much more minor example, but my husband has mentioned several times giving up coffee for Lent. I told him under no circumstances was I going to be OK with that, because he turns into an unbearable grouch, and he shouldn’t be inflicting his chosen penance on the rest of us.
Your wife may be under the mistaken impression that her health doesn’t affect the rest of you, but it does. Her attitude is NOT ok. Yes, you need to be compassionate and loving, but that doesn’t mean enabling her to treat the rest of you badly. She has options she hasn’t tried yet. I think it’s reasonable to ask her what her objections are and see if they can be overcome.
I’m so glad the meds are helping. And it’s great that your husband was able to point out in a loving way that you weren’t doing well, and that you have such a healthy perspective on his comments.^ This.
I hope I’m not harping on this, but I’ve had (and currently do) postpartum depression. This time, it’s being treated with medication. Medication does take a few weeks to kick in, though, and while this postpartum period has been a lot better than the last, I have had a few bad days. About 3 weeks in, I had a string of bad days, and DH kindly but firmly pointed them out, and strongly suggested that if I had another couple of days in a row like that, I should consider talking to my OB about upping my meds. As it happened, they kicked in a day or two later and I’ve been generally okay since, but I appreciated very much that a) he loved me enough to notice, and b) that he loved me enough to be honest about how I (wasn’t) functioning. A married couple are a team; they should have each other’s backs in this kind of thing. Part of that is being lovingly honest when something isn’t working well.