How to interest a teen in God?

[nana3]

I have been homeschooling my dd since 3rd grade and she is about to be a freshman this school year. She is so anti-religion. At night she won’t hold the rosary when we all pray. She makes comments like she wishes we were atheist if I dare ask for a prayer in the middle of the day. We are picking out her classes for her freshman year and she asks if she has to take religion. It is a Catholic program. She can’t stand silences. She is always on the IPOD or cellphone. I have all her passwords and keep an eye on everything she does. She has gotten into sites on the web that are not good for her. We now have parental restriction on all her devices. She wants to dress immodestly and it hurts me and my husband. We taught her all that the Church teaches for her age group, but now if I mention Jesus, God or the Church, she gets angry. I don’t know what else to do but pray.

Any other suggestions? We could use your prayers as well. Thanks

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

You say a lot about trying to talk to her, and don’t say so much about talking with her. Do you know what I mean?

 

[scorpio1990]

A little clarification: what do mean by “sites that are not good for her”? Are you talking anti-religion sites, suicide blogs/sites, anything adam sandler related, etc?

 

[Jon_S_1]

A little clarification: what do mean by “sites that are not good for her”? Are you talking anti-religion sites, suicide blogs/sites, anything adam sandler related, etc?

This is just a thought…no experience to back it up,

But she says she wants to be atheist.

I wonder if it would leave an impression on her to one day gather all her belongings and “fun” things. Leave her with 4-5 modest outfits and her school books and tell her,

The law says we have to feed you, clothe you, and educate you but if we are atheists I am under no moral obligation to do anything above and beyond the law for you.

You only know how she would respond to such a move, but it may make her think about this a little deeper.

If something like that is too drastic I think explaining to her that she lives in your home and needs to respect your rules and decisions. She doesn’t have to believe but you will educate her on religion. Education is a good thing. Maybe you can mix in other world religions and atheism so she understands the logical and historical and philosophical grounding for Christianity. If she doesn’t want to pray the Rosary then maybe it’s time to get back to basics and the roots/foundation for belief in God and Jesus.

I will pray for you I am sure it is very difficult.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

The law says we have to feed you, clothe you, and educate you but if we are atheists I am under no moral obligation to do anything above and beyond the law for you.

Puzzling. Do you think atheists believe this? Aren’t atheists concerned not only with their children’s physical welfare but also with their mental and emotional health?

Moreover, are you suggesting that a Christian parent with an atheist child should neglect the child’s mental and emotional health, in order to bring the child to spiritual health? Do you really think that would work? Did Jesus cut people off from human decency in this way?

Mind you, I think that there are times when it’s a good decision to take away IPods, technology, and the like. However, I think there are hundreds of other things that go above food and clothing that we provide to our children, many of them non-physical. I guess I must be misunderstanding you, but that sentence makes it sound like you advocate not even talking pleasantly to the girl.

 

[Cat]

I am a 56-year-old woman who raised two daughters who are grown and doing well.

I think that what your daughter is going through is normal teenaged rebellion.

NORMAL. Please note that word, NORMAL.

It is normal for teenagers to challenge their parents and other authorities. The teenager is trying to grow up and become independent, so they “test” everything and everyone, and disagree with everything that they have ever been taught.

This can be extremely upsetting to parents and others who thought that they did a good job raising the child! It’s especially upsetting to religious parents, because their child’s eternal soul is at stake.

What you need to remember is that the teenager has not yet made up their mind yet. They’re only TESTING. They are trying out different belief systems, behaviors, personalities, vocabulary, dress, music, etc. in their attempt to figure out who they are and how they fit into this world.

Also keep in mind that the teenager is extremely insecure and in their heart of hearts, terrified to be independent of their parents. This is a scary time in their lives, and they tend to be emotional, grumpy, mean, surly, pouty, highly-dramatic, etc.

What you need to do as a parent is step back and allow the teenager to explore life, even though you find much of their exploration disturbing. At the same time, you need to protect the teenager from exploring things that may kill or hurt them; e.g., drugs, alcohol, sex, gangs, crime of any kind, reckless driving (without seat belts), etc.

For everything your teenager does, ask, “Will this kill her?”

Wearing immodest clothes will not kill your daughter. Refusing to hold a Rosary will not kill her. Not wanting to pray or take religion class will not kill her.

Yes, it hurts you and your husband But this isn’t about you, it’s about HER and her growing-up and away from you.

You HAVE done a good job raising her. I suspect that you have probably sheltered her a little too much, possibly even smothered her a little. But for the most part, you’ve raised her well. TRUST your childrearing. Trust that God will bring all that she has been taught to her mind.

If I were you, I would back way off. I wouldn’t even sit down with her and tell her about this “new” strategy. I would simply smile and say, “Hi, honey. Have a good day at school.”

I would allow her to make as many decisions as possible by herself. e.g., Why are you helping her choose high school classes? Let HER do it. Tell her that this is HER responsibility, and you will honor whatever she chooses. Advise her to pick classes that will help her to become a well-rounded and well-educated person. And then drop it.

Don’t nag at her about anything. Just leave her alone and allow her to explore.

If there are certain house rules that apply to everyone in the house, then enforce those. But don’t make up a huge list of new house rules just for her. Only enforce the rules that have always been your house rules.

And don’t worry about the phone habits. Every teenager and many adults in the U.S. is glued to their cell phone. It’s not worth making a fuss about, even if she’s exploring “sites that aren’t good for her.” Big deal In the past, kids read “novels that weren’t good for us.” We survived. It’s just reading.

SAVE any “battles” for those behaviors that are life-threatening. E.g., march into HELL to save her from drugs! Move to a different state to get her away from gangs.

But don’t even bother to fight about cell phones, computers, makeup, music, hair styles, language (unless it is insulting to God), silences, pouts, drama, dating, friends, classes, etc.

And make sure that she is taking charge of as much of her life as possible. She should be looking for a job, or earning money for any entertainment through doing home chores, paying for her own recreation, clothing, etc. Choosing her own friends. Choosing her own hours. Getting herself up for school. etc. Don’t treat her like a baby or a small child.

But don’t gloat when you make her responsible, and she blows it. Just help her to start over. (E.g., if she oversleeps and is tardy for school–don’t drive her there, let her walk . But when she gets home, ask if there is anything you can do to help. e.g., help her choose a good alarm clock!)

But…tell her over and over again that you love her and believe in her and that you are proud of her. She may scoff and grunt and turn away. But she appreciates this in her heart, and it will keep her grounded.

In my family, I was rebellious and I clashed constantly with my mother. One day, we were arguing, and I yelled, “Why won’t you let me do anything!?!”

And she started crying and said, “Because I’m scared that you’re going away to the big university.”

That was the turning point. At that point, I realized that my mother wasn’t trying to ruin my life, but that she loved me. The tenderness did more than the screaming and arguing.

So tell your daughter that you love her over and over again. Send her little cards, or text her. (Don’t be excessive, just be nice.)

I hope all this helps.

 

[Jon_S_1]

This is just a thought…no experience to back it up,

But she says she wants to be atheist.

I wonder if it would leave an impression on her to one day gather all her belongings and “fun” things. Leave her with 4-5 modest outfits and her school books and tell her,

The law says we have to feed you, clothe you, and educate you but if we are atheists I am under no moral obligation to do anything above and beyond the law for you.

You only know how she would respond to such a move, but it may make her think about this a little deeper.

If something like that is too drastic I think explaining to her that she lives in your home and needs to respect your rules and decisions. She doesn’t have to believe but you will educate her on religion. Education is a good thing. Maybe you can mix in other world religions and atheism so she understands the logical and historical and philosophical grounding for Christianity. If she doesn’t want to pray the Rosary then maybe it’s time to get back to basics and the roots/foundation for belief in God and Jesus.

I will pray for you I am sure it is very difficult.

Cat’s advice is very good!

I just wanted to clarify in my post, I did not mean permanently taking her stuff one day. It was more an idea to just shock her so a good discussion in atheism/ morality could ensue. I don’t think it would be in any way appropriate to punish her for questioning.

 

[CradleJourney]

I am a 56-year-old woman who raised two daughters who are grown and doing well.

I think that what your daughter is going through is normal teenaged rebellion.

NORMAL. Please note that word, NORMAL.

It is normal for teenagers to challenge their parents and other authorities. The teenager is trying to grow up and become independent, so they “test” everything and everyone, and disagree with everything that they have ever been taught.

This can be extremely upsetting to parents and others who thought that they did a good job raising the child! It’s especially upsetting to religious parents, because their child’s eternal soul is at stake.

What you need to remember is that the teenager has not yet made up their mind yet. They’re only TESTING. They are trying out different belief systems, behaviors, personalities, vocabulary, dress, music, etc. in their attempt to figure out who they are and how they fit into this world.

Also keep in mind that the teenager is extremely insecure and in their heart of hearts, terrified to be independent of their parents. This is a scary time in their lives, and they tend to be emotional, grumpy, mean, surly, pouty, highly-dramatic, etc.

What you need to do as a parent is step back and allow the teenager to explore life, even though you find much of their exploration disturbing. At the same time, you need to protect the teenager from exploring things that may kill or hurt them; e.g., drugs, alcohol, sex, gangs, crime of any kind, reckless driving (without seat belts), etc.

For everything your teenager does, ask, “Will this kill her?”

Wearing immodest clothes will not kill your daughter. Refusing to hold a Rosary will not kill her. Not wanting to pray or take religion class will not kill her.

Yes, it hurts you and your husband But this isn’t about you, it’s about HER and her growing-up and away from you.

You HAVE done a good job raising her. I suspect that you have probably sheltered her a little too much, possibly even smothered her a little. But for the most part, you’ve raised her well. TRUST your childrearing. Trust that God will bring all that she has been taught to her mind.

If I were you, I would back way off. I wouldn’t even sit down with her and tell her about this “new” strategy. I would simply smile and say, “Hi, honey. Have a good day at school.”

I would allow her to make as many decisions as possible by herself. e.g., Why are you helping her choose high school classes? Let HER do it. Tell her that this is HER responsibility, and you will honor whatever she chooses. Advise her to pick classes that will help her to become a well-rounded and well-educated person. And then drop it.

Don’t nag at her about anything. Just leave her alone and allow her to explore.

If there are certain house rules that apply to everyone in the house, then enforce those. But don’t make up a huge list of new house rules just for her. Only enforce the rules that have always been your house rules.

And don’t worry about the phone habits. Every teenager and many adults in the U.S. is glued to their cell phone. It’s not worth making a fuss about, even if she’s exploring “sites that aren’t good for her.” Big deal In the past, kids read “novels that weren’t good for us.” We survived. It’s just reading.

SAVE any “battles” for those behaviors that are life-threatening. E.g., march into HELL to save her from drugs! Move to a different state to get her away from gangs.

But don’t even bother to fight about cell phones, computers, makeup, music, hair styles, language (unless it is insulting to God), silences, pouts, drama, dating, friends, classes, etc.

And make sure that she is taking charge of as much of her life as possible. She should be looking for a job, or earning money for any entertainment through doing home chores, paying for her own recreation, clothing, etc. Choosing her own friends. Choosing her own hours. Getting herself up for school. etc. Don’t treat her like a baby or a small child.

But don’t gloat when you make her responsible, and she blows it. Just help her to start over. (E.g., if she oversleeps and is tardy for school–don’t drive her there, let her walk . But when she gets home, ask if there is anything you can do to help. e.g., help her choose a good alarm clock!)

But…tell her over and over again that you love her and believe in her and that you are proud of her. She may scoff and grunt and turn away. But she appreciates this in her heart, and it will keep her grounded.

In my family, I was rebellious and I clashed constantly with my mother. One day, we were arguing, and I yelled, “Why won’t you let me do anything!?!”

And she started crying and said, “Because I’m scared that you’re going away to the big university.”

That was the turning point. At that point, I realized that my mother wasn’t trying to ruin my life, but that she loved me. The tenderness did more than the screaming and arguing.

So tell your daughter that you love her over and over again. Send her little cards, or text her. (Don’t be excessive, just be nice.)

I hope all this helps.

This! Couldn’t have said it better!

 

[Lasting_faith]

As father to two atheist kids, what ever you do, don’t force anyone to get faith. Either they got it or not, but remember that no matter what they belive, God loves them. His love is beyond everything we can understand. So have faith.

 

[Razanir]

I would start by figuring out why she’s an atheist. WHY doesn’t she believe in God?

 

[Cat]

I would start by figuring out why she’s an atheist. WHY doesn’t she believe in God?

Because she’s a teenager.

Honestly, she isn’t doing this because she’s convinced that God doesn’t exist. She’s dabbling in atheism because it’s something different than she was brought up with, and she’s “trying it out” to see if it “feels comfortable”, and also to “shock” her parents so that it will be easier for her to break away from them and be an adult. Teenagers struggle with staying home and remaining a child, or growing up and leaving home. They don’t really want to grow up, and yet, they do. It’s a struggle inside them. They reason (in their immaturity) that if there is a conflict between them and their parents, it will be less heartbreaking for them to leave home. They can blame their parents for “forcing them to leave.”

Of course, most teens, when they are truly on their own and full-fledged adults, come to realize that this is nonsense. But don’t expect teens to understand that in the teen years.

I wouldn’t suggest a lot of intellectual discussion, apologetics books, or meetings with pastors and teachers. I would just say, “Honey, I trust that you will study all the options thoroughly and make a wise decision. We’ll love you no matter what religion or non-religion you choose.”

Put it on HER. Do not take up this battle. It’s not a life-and-death battle. Save any battles for life and death. Just encourage her to study and make a wise decision, and assure her that you will love her no matter what she chooses.

Now if she continues practicing atheism into her 20s, THEN get out the apologetics books and begin the debate!! But then you will be arguing with an adult, not a teen. Fair fight.

 

[scarletibis]

Think CAT makes a lot of sense, you being the best example of your faith will help your daughter to experience that God is important and real. Also expect the challenges to come, that is a part of growing, and any good relationships needs a challenge or two. Keep praying.

 

[BettyBoop416]

A little clarification: what do mean by “sites that are not good for her”? …anything adam sandler related?

Adam Sandler related?

 

[Razanir]

Honestly, she isn’t doing this because she’s convinced that God doesn’t exist. She’s dabbling in atheism because it’s something different than she was brought up with, and she’s “trying it out” to see if it “feels comfortable”, and also to “shock” her parents so that it will be easier for her to break away from them and be an adult. Teenagers struggle with staying home and remaining a child, or growing up and leaving home. They don’t really want to grow up, and yet, they do. It’s a struggle inside them. They reason (in their immaturity) that if there is a conflict between them and their parents, it will be less heartbreaking for them to leave home. They can blame their parents for “forcing them to leave.”

My atheist friends were set in their beliefs by sophomore year, it felt.

 

[nana3]

Thank you everyone. Let me clarify that my dd is not an atheist. She says she wishes we were so that she did not have to pray, go to Mass etc. The program she was in Seton Home Schooling is very strong in our Faith and that is what she had until her eighth grade. I made up her program and we just read the Bible for religion class. Many have advised me that this was wrong because it makes it seem that God is the problem and He is not.

She is not in High School yet. She keeps changing her mind between being homeschooled for her high school years and going to public HS. I think she is afraid. As far as just allowing her to dress as she wants, we can’t do that in good conscience especially for Mass. She wore this dress one time that showed too much cleavage and I was embarrassed because it reflects on us as parents. She is only 13 years old, or she was at the time, but has a 17 year old body. She is now 14 years old. I am not as strict as my husband is and he won’t let something’s go. I don’t care if she holds the rosary or not, but wonder why she doesn’t though. I think it is to hurt my dh for they argue too much.

I did talk to a friend who happens to be a priest and since she is our only daughter, he says that things like praying as a family and going to Mass are things we are going to do as a family and she needs to abide by those rules of our Catholic Family.

I believe the Seton program is great, but it was just too much for her and now she wants History books and other classes that are not related to the Catholic Church. As far as allowing her explore all religions, she doesn’t care to do that either. All she cares about now is just listening to her music which is not bad. She is a home body just as I am, but her dad, my dh, is not. He is also too strict. Everything CAT wrote, he won’t go by.

I am trying to do the best I can and yes, it hurts that I homeschooled her for so many years and shared our Faith with her. I do not talk to her but with her. I think someone mentioned that, but they must have misunderstood if that is the impression you got. My dh talks to her and not with her and that is why they clash.

I guess, I will just leave her alone, but have to teach whatever the homeschool program has me to teach her and lot of it has our Faith in them. She may not like this. I did tell her to go to public high school, but she doesn’t want to go. She changes her mind a lot. She is very shy. I had her in teen choir, she quit. I had her in middle school youth group and she hated it, but I made her go. She was in 4H and some other activities and she wanted to quit them all. I even let her quit piano, like CAT said it won’t kill her, so I allowed it. She stopped for two years and now she wants to play again and start up the lessons again. She loves music and wants to be a singer and a composer. I think that is great, but she is lazy as well. I told her it will take work and commitment.

Thanks again, everyone. Oh, someone asked what bad things she got on the internet and it was pornography. She was also writing dirty stories online. Some of what she wrote about was explicit and I did not know of some of the things she wrote. I asked her where did she find all this out and she said the web. So no we can’t have her surfing the web with no parental control just because it doesn’t kill her. It does kill the soul though. She was unable to sleep for months while she went to these sites and I wondered if something was wrong and I found out. She was feeling quilty. Even our family counselor spoke to her and talked against pornography and the distortion it gives her of sex and of her own self-image.

 

[Prodigal_Son]

Thanks again, everyone. Oh, someone asked what bad things she got on the internet and it was pornography. She was also writing dirty stories online. Some of what she wrote about was explicit and I did not know of some of the things she wrote. I asked her where did she find all this out and she said the web. So no we can’t have her surfing the web with no parental control just because it doesn’t kill her. It does kill the soul though. She was unable to sleep for months while she went to these sites and I wondered if something was wrong and I found out. She was feeling quilty. Even our family counselor spoke to her and talked against pornography and the distortion it gives her of sex and of her own self-image.

I think she will need lots of prayer and support for this. In fact, this may be the main thing going on.

So let me just say this: I have spent most of my life battling pornography addiction (including reading erotic stories), and these things have a tremendous power to shape one’s self-image, and a power to distort one’s image of God. God becomes the enemy who hates us for sinning – how’s THAT for a distorted image? Your daughter probably doesn’t want anything to do with God because she thinks God doesn’t want anything to do with her!

And she is so young! I felt terrible shame for my sexual sins as a teenager, and I never even looked at pornography until I was 16 or so. She’s probably been looking at this stuff, reading and writing it for years already. She needs someone who is willing to listen to her talk about it – someone who wants to hear what she has done. Unless someone really knows what she has done and loudly and clearly loves her anyway, she will feel that she is worthy of condemnation. The shame is eating her up.

I would talk to her, and tell her effusively how much I loved her, and tell her that she can tell me about anything she’s struggling with, anything she’s done, no matter how bad, and nothing that she’s done could possibly change the way that I love and adore her.

My brother said that to me once, and it changed my life forever.

My two cents.

 

[Tous_Logous]

I have been homeschooling my dd since 3rd grade and she is about to be a freshman this school year. She is so anti-religion. At night she won’t hold the rosary when we all pray. She makes comments like she wishes we were atheist if I dare ask for a prayer in the middle of the day. We are picking out her classes for her freshman year and she asks if she has to take religion. It is a Catholic program. She can’t stand silences. She is always on the IPOD or cellphone. I have all her passwords and keep an eye on everything she does. She has gotten into sites on the web that are not good for her. We now have parental restriction on all her devices. She wants to dress immodestly and it hurts me and my husband. We taught her all that the Church teaches for her age group, but now if I mention Jesus, God or the Church, she gets angry. I don’t know what else to do but pray.

Any other suggestions? We could use your prayers as well. Thanks

Speaking as a young woman and a teenager not so long ago:

This is a typical phase when it comes to religion. I went through this exact same phase when I was a freshman in high school. Why teenagers do this, I don’t know. I think it has to do with a growing awareness of who we are and the fact that they may be trying to grow in independence. I saw high school as something where I didn’t feel like I was “chained down” anymore. I had more freedom. Unfortunately, this is not always a good thing.

I hate to say this but it sounds like you are trying to absolutely control everything in her life. Maybe you should try easing off on the control (blocking websites, parental restriction, etc.) and she will come to trust you more, maybe become more open to Catholicism and God. Also, this phase tends to last several years; it did for me at least.

Until your daughter comes to the realization that her lifestyle may not be the healthiest thing for her, all you can really do is pray for her and try to make her life a little easier. Talk to her, communicate with her. Ask her how she truly feels. I also find it odd that you are picking out her classes for her (then again, I don’t know much about homeschooling); let her take classes that truly interest her.

I seriously thought I would never “get my religion back” so to speak. I was a drifting agnostic, then a neo-pagan, then agnostic, then contemplating Gaudiya Vaisnava Hinduism. The high school years are a rollercoaster of confusion when it comes to religious beliefs. It wasn’t until a few years ago when I was an undergrad at college that I had an epiphany, started to believe in Jesus as the only Son of God who died on the Cross, and attended Mass again. I plan on never living that “agnostic” life again because it was boring and miserable. Many of those who are in that phase always appear angry and extremely anti-religious; I know I was. Catholicism and anything Bible-related are now my biggest hobbies. Who knew?

Please note that I am not trying to criticize you in any way but merely trying to put myself in the shoes of your daughter since I was that young not so long ago, and all of this is still fresh in my mind.

 

[HouseArrest]

I would do two things - one - offer to change religion this year to a comparative religion class. Compare and contrast different faiths of the world - it would be interesting, she needs to know it, and it would show her you take her questions seriously.

Second, if you can afford it, send her to one of those Catholic adventure camps, or tell her you will look into one for next year. A few that I know of are Camp Wojtyla in Colorado, The Envoy summer camp in NC, University of Dallas has one for high school aged students called Odyssey Days or something. Thomas Aquinas College has one. There is another that just started at St. Vincent College in PA. I am sure there are more. Look through the Newman Guide and search what those recommended colleges offer. They are a lot of fun and students become more interested in their faith and meet other teens that they are interested in doing the same. Those weeks away have changed lives, from what I understand.

 

[Cat]

He is also too strict. Everything CAT wrote, he won’t go by.

I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope with all my heart that he does not regret his choices someday. Strictness isn’t bad for children (most children and teenagers prefer strict parents and teachers.) But some parents, especially fathers, confuse strictness with harshness. A harsh father will drive his children away. If you feel that your husband is harsh, then perhaps he will agree to meet other fathers in your parish who manage to raise their children well, with strict rules, but are able to do this without being harsh.

I am trying to do the best I can and yes, it hurts that I homeschooled her for so many years and shared our Faith with her.

No, I don’t think that hurt her. I think it’s wonderful! Proverbs 22:6 tells parents “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Cling to that promise and remind God of it often! God will honor His promises!

So all your teaching of the Faith has not been “hurtful,” but helpful.

I think what may have been a little tough on your daughter is being just a little over-sheltered. I know a lot of homeschooled kids (I work with kids in music and drama in my community and parish), and most of them are great kids. But some have been sheltered just a little too much, and they have a hard time dealing with the real world, freedom, growing up, etc.

It’s hard for homeschooling families to find a good balance. After all, one of the main reasons people homeschool is to help their children keep their innocence and grow up “unhurried.”

That’s why I always recommend that homeschooling families get involved with homeschooling co-ops in their area. These co-ops allow parents and children to interact with others who are like-minded, and it helps the children to develop social skills and savvy needed to deal with the world outside their safe home.

But don’t beat yourself up over homeschooling your daughter and teaching her the Faith. These are GOOD things, not bad.

I even let her quit piano, like CAT said it won’t kill her, so I allowed it. She stopped for two years and now she wants to play again and start up the lessons again. She loves music and wants to be a singer and a composer. I think that is great, but she is lazy as well. I told her it will take work and commitment.

I play piano, and I am involved with youth music in several ways. I wish I could meet your daughter!

Here are a few suggestions.

Make sure that your daughter has a teacher who is a good role model and hopefully friend to her. I hope that the teacher is a female, not a male. It’s not that I have anything against male piano teachers–I have a male organ teacher right now and I adore him and think he’s the best music teacher in the world! But I think that a female role model other than mother would be good for your daughter at this stage in her life.

Make sure that the piano teacher will also teach your daughter music theory! I can’t emphasize this enough. If she wants to compose music, she has to understand music. My piano teacher never taught me theory, and I just picked it up on my own, but now that I am older, I take theory lessons from my organ teacher as well, to make up for the many holes in my knowledge.

Since your daughter wants to be a singer, find a voice teacher for her. This person SHOULD be a woman, preferably a pretty woman who runs her music studio in a fun, exciting way, and who gets her students involved in recitals, shows/musicals, recitals, cabarets, etc… Your daughter should feel excited to be part of this women’s group of students. She will get to know the other students (the voice teacher will be helpful with this), and this will be a good way for her to feel comfortable and not so shy.

She’s a little young to take voice lessons, and some teachers won’t accept young students. Find someone who will accept her as a student. Explain that you want her to learn to sing correctly, and that’s she interested in composing as well as just singing.

Final suggestion–find a good choir (young people) for her to join. IN fact, if you can’t find a good voice teacher who is willing to take such a young student, the CHOIR is the best place for her to learn good singing techniques. Make sure the choir is a good choir, one that does lots of performing and has a lot of fun together. IT doesn’t matter what kind of choir–Broadway-type choir would be great for your daughter, but it could be barbershop, traditional (school-type), classical, Christian (contemporary or traditional)–whatever you can find that has a good director.

Just a little suggestion, though–it might be best to avoid the “schola” type choir at this time, unless your daughter is really excited about it. Your daughter probably won’t be excited about more “religion.”

Let your daughter make the choice of choirs. Maybe you would prefer that she join youth Bach choir, and she prefers to join a swing/jazz choir. Go with her choice.

 

[inmortisexamine]

I would love to chime in on this, although what I have to say is difficult. I have actually been doing some meditation on this exact issue (being atheism/ignorance in the youth) and I have come to some conclusions.

I am on the younger side and I was a self-proclaimed ‘atheist’ throughout my young teen years. Thanks be to God I am no longer and I have rediscovered my faith. However, most of my friends from my youth have either completely renounced the faith and/or openly speak out against it. Now that I have moved back into the faith, I try and try to get my friends to see the truth of Christ but they do their normal routine-- insulting me for having ‘lost my mind’ or saying that I’m being indoctrinated by the school I attend. They will not even entertain the ideas I propose to them. It is literally in one ear and out the other.

Of course this behavior frustrates me, but I know somewhere deep down that it is exactly what I would have done when I was an ‘atheist’. In fact, I did it all the time when my family tried to get me to snap out of it. It is the darkest, most helpless depth for a teen to sink to.

Now, you may not like to hear what I say next, but it is my own conclusion that I have drawn. There is no help for young atheists but the graces that they actively seek through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It is how I got out of it. We all know that denying the faith is a grave sin. Grave sins, from personal experience, usually lead to more grave sins. It’s the digging of a teen’s own spiritual grave. Forcing them to go to Mass or to pray the Rosary will mean absolutely nothing to them, for their cycle of sin has disconnected them from God (this is why, of course, we call certain sins mortal-- the death of the soul).

Which brings me to my second point. There is a verse in 1 John that I often contemplate as my sort of explanation for this ‘darkness’ among teens. It is also how Catholics often explain the distinction between mortal and lesser sin.

1 John 5:16-- If you see any brother or sister commit a sin that does not lead to death, you should pray and God will give them life. I refer to those whose sin does not lead to death. There is a sin that leads to death. I am not saying that you should pray about that. (Keep in mind that this verse is taken from the NIV I have on hand. If you were to look in the NAB or NRSV, it would instead read ‘mortal’)

St. John basically says this-- no spiritual action of ours will revive a dead soul, just like no physical action of ours could revive a dead body.

So, my advice is this-- as painful as it is to watch your daughter suffer, you have to let her be. Eventually, our all-merciful God will lead her out of it, but she must ultimately be the one to initiate the change. You must have faith that He will eventually triumph in her, because He did in me and Lord knows my soul was more dead than dirt.

I will be praying for the Lord to give you patience in this endeavor. I do not know how my mother survived.

God bless.