O
Ophelia23
Guest
This is not the first time that I have received this same penance: Spend x amount of time in silence, just being still and listening.
I listen really well to my husband when he speaks. I listen really well to him when he doesn’t speak. I listen well to my preschooler, and I understand her wants and needs and desires. I listen to my infant and can understand through her cries when she’s hungry versus when she’s tired. I listen to the cat, for crying out loud, and know very well what she needs and when she needs it. I listen to–and understand–all of these people and things, but I stink at listening to God.
When I sit in “silence” to “listen” (yes, I used quotes… hear me out here) my mind goes bananas. I mean, 900 thousand different things are in my mind pulling me from my focus. I try to listen. When my mind wanders, I try to acknowledge it by saying something like “Yes, that is interesting. Please take it, Jesus.” and refocus myself. And a nanosecond later, POOF! I’m thinking about why an elephant could not logistically ever drive a car! (Ok, so maybe I don’t think about that particular subject, but NOW I am…) I really struggle with this. I stay at home with my little ones. My husband leaves for work in the morning and returns home after 10:00 at night. Moments of silence are so few and far between that when one hits me it’s like my brain goes into overdrive. Now prayer when my hands are busy is a very different story. Washing dishes, folding laundry, changing diapers, cooking meals–doing these things seems to work as a conduit for prayer for me. I can quiet my heart, fall into the lull of the activity that I am doing, and pray my rosary. Or I can fit a few prayers in here and there all throughout my day. When changing a diaper, I think of the infant King. When I am up in the middle of the night nursing, I think of our mother Mary. I find Christ through (or in spite of?) all of the activity and the noise. But when I sit in silence, my mind wanders away.
I haven’t always had this problem. I used to be really good at listening! If I would relax my face and soften my eyes and breathe deeply I could just quiet my mind and listen. I knew that the word of our God was more of a movement in my heart than it was a cognitive awareness of speech. And yet, when I try to employ these techniques, I find my mind still wandering to this, that and the other place.
I am talking a little tongue-in-cheek in this post, but the conundrum is very real. There are moments when I am able to quiet my mind, but the vast majority of the time it is reeling. Racing. Every few seconds I have to re-center myself on to Christ. It is tiring, and I want to just sit with Him for a little while.
I am certain–certain–that I am not the only one to have experienced this. Does anyone have advice or tips that worked well for them?
I listen really well to my husband when he speaks. I listen really well to him when he doesn’t speak. I listen well to my preschooler, and I understand her wants and needs and desires. I listen to my infant and can understand through her cries when she’s hungry versus when she’s tired. I listen to the cat, for crying out loud, and know very well what she needs and when she needs it. I listen to–and understand–all of these people and things, but I stink at listening to God.
When I sit in “silence” to “listen” (yes, I used quotes… hear me out here) my mind goes bananas. I mean, 900 thousand different things are in my mind pulling me from my focus. I try to listen. When my mind wanders, I try to acknowledge it by saying something like “Yes, that is interesting. Please take it, Jesus.” and refocus myself. And a nanosecond later, POOF! I’m thinking about why an elephant could not logistically ever drive a car! (Ok, so maybe I don’t think about that particular subject, but NOW I am…) I really struggle with this. I stay at home with my little ones. My husband leaves for work in the morning and returns home after 10:00 at night. Moments of silence are so few and far between that when one hits me it’s like my brain goes into overdrive. Now prayer when my hands are busy is a very different story. Washing dishes, folding laundry, changing diapers, cooking meals–doing these things seems to work as a conduit for prayer for me. I can quiet my heart, fall into the lull of the activity that I am doing, and pray my rosary. Or I can fit a few prayers in here and there all throughout my day. When changing a diaper, I think of the infant King. When I am up in the middle of the night nursing, I think of our mother Mary. I find Christ through (or in spite of?) all of the activity and the noise. But when I sit in silence, my mind wanders away.
I haven’t always had this problem. I used to be really good at listening! If I would relax my face and soften my eyes and breathe deeply I could just quiet my mind and listen. I knew that the word of our God was more of a movement in my heart than it was a cognitive awareness of speech. And yet, when I try to employ these techniques, I find my mind still wandering to this, that and the other place.
I am talking a little tongue-in-cheek in this post, but the conundrum is very real. There are moments when I am able to quiet my mind, but the vast majority of the time it is reeling. Racing. Every few seconds I have to re-center myself on to Christ. It is tiring, and I want to just sit with Him for a little while.
I am certain–certain–that I am not the only one to have experienced this. Does anyone have advice or tips that worked well for them?
