How to just listen?

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Ophelia23

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This is not the first time that I have received this same penance: Spend x amount of time in silence, just being still and listening.

I listen really well to my husband when he speaks. I listen really well to him when he doesn’t speak. I listen well to my preschooler, and I understand her wants and needs and desires. I listen to my infant and can understand through her cries when she’s hungry versus when she’s tired. I listen to the cat, for crying out loud, and know very well what she needs and when she needs it. I listen to–and understand–all of these people and things, but I stink at listening to God.

When I sit in “silence” to “listen” (yes, I used quotes… hear me out here) my mind goes bananas. I mean, 900 thousand different things are in my mind pulling me from my focus. I try to listen. When my mind wanders, I try to acknowledge it by saying something like “Yes, that is interesting. Please take it, Jesus.” and refocus myself. And a nanosecond later, POOF! I’m thinking about why an elephant could not logistically ever drive a car! (Ok, so maybe I don’t think about that particular subject, but NOW I am…) I really struggle with this. I stay at home with my little ones. My husband leaves for work in the morning and returns home after 10:00 at night. Moments of silence are so few and far between that when one hits me it’s like my brain goes into overdrive. Now prayer when my hands are busy is a very different story. Washing dishes, folding laundry, changing diapers, cooking meals–doing these things seems to work as a conduit for prayer for me. I can quiet my heart, fall into the lull of the activity that I am doing, and pray my rosary. Or I can fit a few prayers in here and there all throughout my day. When changing a diaper, I think of the infant King. When I am up in the middle of the night nursing, I think of our mother Mary. I find Christ through (or in spite of?) all of the activity and the noise. But when I sit in silence, my mind wanders away.

I haven’t always had this problem. I used to be really good at listening! If I would relax my face and soften my eyes and breathe deeply I could just quiet my mind and listen. I knew that the word of our God was more of a movement in my heart than it was a cognitive awareness of speech. And yet, when I try to employ these techniques, I find my mind still wandering to this, that and the other place.

I am talking a little tongue-in-cheek in this post, but the conundrum is very real. There are moments when I am able to quiet my mind, but the vast majority of the time it is reeling. Racing. Every few seconds I have to re-center myself on to Christ. It is tiring, and I want to just sit with Him for a little while.

I am certain–certain–that I am not the only one to have experienced this. Does anyone have advice or tips that worked well for them?
 
Persistence. 😛

Breathing helps and you mentioned that. Lectio is great because it gives you at least one small thing to focus on.

Start small. Pause while washing dishes and just breathe and focus for a few seconds. Maybe next week try a minute of just standing there. It’s hard when you are moving so quickly during the day. I wouldn’t discount those quiet late night nursing sessions. Yes you are busy, but it’s not quite the same as loading the dishwasher! This time in your life will pass too. And you will eventually, sooner than it seems possible, have plenty of quiet time during the day and no elephants to disturb you.
 
This is not the first time that I have received this same penance: Spend x amount of time in silence, just being still and listening.

I listen really well to my husband when he speaks. I listen really well to him when he doesn’t speak. I listen well to my preschooler, and I understand her wants and needs and desires. I listen to my infant and can understand through her cries when she’s hungry versus when she’s tired. I listen to the cat, for crying out loud, and know very well what she needs and when she needs it. I listen to–and understand–all of these people and things, but I stink at listening to God.

When I sit in “silence” to “listen” (yes, I used quotes… hear me out here) my mind goes bananas. I mean, 900 thousand different things are in my mind pulling me from my focus. I try to listen. When my mind wanders, I try to acknowledge it by saying something like “Yes, that is interesting. Please take it, Jesus.” and refocus myself. And a nanosecond later, POOF! I’m thinking about why an elephant could not logistically ever drive a car! (Ok, so maybe I don’t think about that particular subject, but NOW I am…) I really struggle with this. I stay at home with my little ones. My husband leaves for work in the morning and returns home after 10:00 at night. Moments of silence are so few and far between that when one hits me it’s like my brain goes into overdrive. Now prayer when my hands are busy is a very different story. Washing dishes, folding laundry, changing diapers, cooking meals–doing these things seems to work as a conduit for prayer for me. I can quiet my heart, fall into the lull of the activity that I am doing, and pray my rosary. Or I can fit a few prayers in here and there all throughout my day. When changing a diaper, I think of the infant King. When I am up in the middle of the night nursing, I think of our mother Mary. I find Christ through (or in spite of?) all of the activity and the noise. But when I sit in silence, my mind wanders away.

I haven’t always had this problem. I used to be really good at listening! If I would relax my face and soften my eyes and breathe deeply I could just quiet my mind and listen. I knew that the word of our God was more of a movement in my heart than it was a cognitive awareness of speech. And yet, when I try to employ these techniques, I find my mind still wandering to this, that and the other place.

I am talking a little tongue-in-cheek in this post, but the conundrum is very real. There are moments when I am able to quiet my mind, but the vast majority of the time it is reeling. Racing. Every few seconds I have to re-center myself on to Christ. It is tiring, and I want to just sit with Him for a little while.

I am certain–certain–that I am not the only one to have experienced this. Does anyone have advice or tips that worked well for them?
Hello Ophelia! 🙂

Yes, I have had issues in the past with listening to God, similar to you. The moment everything is silent, everything just attacks you all at once in your mind, and it is not only annoying, it’s also very disruptive when trying to listen to Him. What I always try to do is just let my mind be blank, for however long, e.g. 15 minutes. I take those 15 minutes, empty my mind, and listen. I stress before and after those 15 minutes, but those 15 minutes are for God to speak to me. I know it’s easier said than done, but something else that helps me is listening to Salve Regina, or Ave Maria, as they are soft chants that really ease your mind and help you to focus on God. They are only a couple of minutes in length, as well.

Lately, I haven’t been having too much trouble, but a few months ago it was so bad that I would just go on with this incessant rant, asking God “Why can’t I focus? Why is it so difficult for me to listen to you? I haven’t had this problem before, God. It’s like I’m not me right now.” It was almost as if I asked Him for guidance to help me, and it may be something you could think about, as well. Pray to Him, and ask Him for His help so you can focus on Him.

I don’t mean to sound rude, but why don’t you try praying for the intercession of St. John Nepomucene? He’s the patron saint of silence, and he may be able to help you to keep silent while praying. 🙂 St. Vincent de Paul is the patron saint of spiritual help, and his intercession may be helpful, as well.

I really hope I could help you out! I will keep you and your family in my prayers, but there’s one thing you must remember: don’t worry yourself over it! God knows our intentions better than we do, and He knows how much you want to be silent while listening to Him. 🙂
 
I have the same problem

When I try to listen to God and my mind wonders, I say, in my mind, “Be still.” (It comes from the song “Be still and know that I am God.”

In the beginning, I say it every few seconds. As my mind clears, I say it less often.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But, I can say, the more I do it, the better I get at it. 👍
 
You bring up an excellent point about the elephants. Even if a car were made big enough to suit them, they could never grip the steering wheel! Also, I doubt their feet would have the flexibility to work the gas and brakes. Hmm…we should make special elephant cars for science…
 
Hi, I think I can answer your question-I like your sense of humor-i went back to copy paste a few of my posts on related questions:
while contemplative prayer is said to be ‘easy’ in catholic books; well, really?I don’t think it is easy….elephants are common ; )
but a promotion of the after affect is worth it-just a few seconds to be in the presence of God…as follows that copy paste, in pretext

Don’t think of an apple…pause…scroll down please…

so i suppose that is exactly what you thought of-that apple…
distractions can be a fixed image…to bug you…
Does a certain personality type fit more comfortably into one mode of prayer or another: depends on if you are an introvert or extrovert…to know yourself is good;

an introvert may choose contemplative prayer…since he/she is comfortable being alone; as the extrovert is out going-likes people-a choice of prayer might be-public-prayer in groups- to help others; so there is private prayer and prayer to action…leads one to think-the church needs all types-of personalities…prayer is to contemplate purpose; hence,to be in need of a ‘counselor.’.Prayer does not make you smarter…but can turn your intelligence to good things.
.
Prayer ponders paradoxes…seems your description of your needs describe a paradox;( in context-a person finds their self in a paradox) …preplexing things of irony-situation-that take me out of a comfort zone…those dilemmas, catch-22s…(self evidence that life has so many knots) …a paradox has a twist at the end of the story…untying-unfolding…a document that a jesuit spiritual director once gave me) mentioned, there are two types of distractions-those small ones,like flies that can be easily ‘shooed’ away;then what might be termed a malignant distraction…very bothersome, perhaps an unresolved issue that comes back to haunt you…or as i remember-the document mentioned that the same malignant distraction is like a mushroom that thrives in the darkness… more hidden like a fence post in soil-underneath-in the subconscious-hidden-and comes out at the worst possible time…Yet,how deep is the mercy of God? When i pray-i am both of two actions, within me,like Martha, busy in the kitchen-and like mary magdeline, who is admired by contemplatives-seeking the better part…My Martha is so busy; my mary magdeline is at the feet of Jesus…to hear when a spiritual ‘counselor’ speaks…
while i am pretty small in the process-small specs of dust, with a soul and breath of life-; such an odd irony, of wonders-i am too small for-even tiny the effort; Prayer ponders life’s big and little situations…turning some static situation into a dynamic one.yet, again in irony,…when the holy spirit knew your birth, and being there when you were born…today pursues you, in chapels (and busy homes); and hunts you like a hound-you run, faint dying ember-meanwhile-must live best comfortable in rational thought-the necessary ‘thinking’; he will pursue you even there. even little-small things cannot hide from the eyes of God- consider if there are only a few minutes alone–it could be said to belong to God and used for nothing else.
…there is a type of prayer called silent prayer…sometimes called centering prayer…it is said to occur and then a person can be at peace/ to feel peaceful…which is your goal, right?in a quiet place, listen to sounds far away, draw closer,listen to sounds near…draw your thoughts to the center…rely on your baptism and sacraments-perhaps, the nature of the spiritual heart (and related desires) is like a clock’s pendulum… making one moment to recognize chasing away God…yet, swinging again at the heart’s content to know divine love…so, experiment!
if i could reference a book; the cloud of unknowing-kind of antique…offering possibility of contemplative prayer- a bit heavy reading…summed up for beginners (and sinners) …as prayer is like being in a cloud/ a lostness/yet there is to be growth…this seems …’ hey, my mind seems to be in a cloud…" This only requires a new learning curve…to seek God; as definitions of him begin as where he is not…then look else where…he is not in nervousness; he is not in fidgeting; he is not to be found in a busy activity…a quiet time is needed…that being discovered as a time to know that you are made in the image of God-and loved no matter what; no matter how a soul tries, although perfection is desired-the perfection is not there… now thoughts proceed that are distractions…That is not God either…those hidden thoughts…developed last week…still hidden…and return/show themselves, Hence there can be a willful response as a time to exclude (thoughts and memories) of human persons, their judgement, and attitude/memories of these/leave them and their words behind and enter cloudy part of the mind; as these had been known to be repeating and come out-just at the inappropriate time…now this is a panic-God would not be in the fears…Look else where…because a man (or women)of God takes only a moment to exchange anxiety for healing…(the book-the cloud of unknowing states:“i would leave all that thing that i could think…and choose to my love that thing that i cannot think…”) unquote; so rising above , in prayer time, above the distractions of any thought…this is time to discover - ask the Holy Spirit-’ Lord, what am i truly feeling?)…by going to a ‘place’ of hidden things of two weeks ago…these are in a cloud of the mind-yet divine love-is more powerful…ask for the gift-the presence of God! when prayer is recognized as that small still voice…
 
St Teresa of Avila at one point used a picture of Jesus in her time of Quiet prayer. She just simply looked at Jesus in the picture and it helped her a lot.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
 
Don’t feel so bad… You are partaking in reality… you live in the REAL world…

You are a normal Mature good mother, things happen a zillion miles per hour…

you are organised and in tune with whats going on around you…

you can’t just switch off, because you are an organiser and your organised…

be proud of that fact… there will be times you will be relaxed with the house at peace…

few and far between perhaps…grab those 36.7 seconds… and take a few deep breaths,

say a quick prayer for the blessings you have…
 
Look to the monks to learn about silence and listening. If you want to learn about silence and listening then the monastery is the first place to visit.

Silence is complex. It is an art form. It has to be cultivated, nurtured and learned. Its practice takes perseverance. Find a quiet place and go there. Just sit. It takes time to become comfortable there. It took me about 1.5 years before I was really comfortable in long periods of silence. I listen in the silence and often don’t hear anything. Later on God will speak - maybe the next day or next week.

Read the essay “Silence” by Susie Hayward in the book titled “The Oblate Life.” It is excellent. books.google.com/books?id=g_XHSJtqX5cC&pg=PA119&lpg=PA119&dq=silence+susie+hayward+oblate&source=bl&ots=QyfI7A-9j3&sig=Tet00FwEzBfe-cl9ZHcp4Sm3BZM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=N2fdUpCbKKapsQSPjYCoAg&ved=0CC8Q6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=silence%20susie%20hayward%20oblate&f=false

I would love to get silence and listening as penance. It would be like being told to eat Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for penance. 😃

My own advice is to not drink coffee before you sit in silence.

-Tim-
 
This is not the first time that I have received this same penance: Spend x amount of time in silence, just being still and listening.

I listen really well to my husband when he speaks. I listen really well to him when he doesn’t speak. I listen well to my preschooler, and I understand her wants and needs and desires. I listen to my infant and can understand through her cries when she’s hungry versus when she’s tired. I listen to the cat, for crying out loud, and know very well what she needs and when she needs it. I listen to–and understand–all of these people and things, but I stink at listening to God.

When I sit in “silence” to “listen” (yes, I used quotes… hear me out here) my mind goes bananas. I mean, 900 thousand different things are in my mind pulling me from my focus. I try to listen. When my mind wanders, I try to acknowledge it by saying something like “Yes, that is interesting. Please take it, Jesus.” and refocus myself. And a nanosecond later, POOF! I’m thinking about why an elephant could not logistically ever drive a car! (Ok, so maybe I don’t think about that particular subject, but NOW I am…) I really struggle with this. I stay at home with my little ones. My husband leaves for work in the morning and returns home after 10:00 at night. Moments of silence are so few and far between that when one hits me it’s like my brain goes into overdrive. Now prayer when my hands are busy is a very different story. Washing dishes, folding laundry, changing diapers, cooking meals–doing these things seems to work as a conduit for prayer for me. I can quiet my heart, fall into the lull of the activity that I am doing, and pray my rosary. Or I can fit a few prayers in here and there all throughout my day. When changing a diaper, I think of the infant King. When I am up in the middle of the night nursing, I think of our mother Mary. I find Christ through (or in spite of?) all of the activity and the noise. But when I sit in silence, my mind wanders away.

I haven’t always had this problem. I used to be really good at listening! If I would relax my face and soften my eyes and breathe deeply I could just quiet my mind and listen. I knew that the word of our God was more of a movement in my heart than it was a cognitive awareness of speech. And yet, when I try to employ these techniques, I find my mind still wandering to this, that and the other place.

I am talking a little tongue-in-cheek in this post, but the conundrum is very real. There are moments when I am able to quiet my mind, but the vast majority of the time it is reeling. Racing. Every few seconds I have to re-center myself on to Christ. It is tiring, and I want to just sit with Him for a little while.

I am certain–certain–that I am not the only one to have experienced this. Does anyone have advice or tips that worked well for them?
Hello Ophelia23,

I think it is normal to be distracted when we are in silence.
You could read the Bible or try lectio divina like others said, maybe you would be more able to listen to God.

I will pray for you! 🙂

Good night and God bless you! 🙂

hope19
 
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