How to keep a friendship in unrequited love

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ineedofmercy

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As many of probably already read
There’s this girl I’ve been styling my feelings to stop liking for awhile
But wether I’m in love with her or not i want to be her friend
She’s a fun and trust worthy person
I get sad when I see that I can’t be as good friend with her in person because of fear and just how restricted I am
I don’t want to tell her I think our friendship is weakened because I like her
No girl wants to hear from a boy they care about that because he’s likes her he feels the friendship isn’t a great anymore

We are still friends and still talk very frequently
But over text the messages get short sometimes (but she can be busy)
But in person talking to her I feel like I’m doing something wrong
And she doesn’t want to be teased if she acts close to me (which I understand)

Is it tragically impossible to get back that friendship?
Am I just wanting something unreasonable?
Maybe I just want it both ways as in have good friendship and be close to her?
Has anyone here had a similar experience but this just really gets me down because I feel like I’m losing a friend because I feel that way about her
 
I don’t think you can just be friends because you actually want it to be more and it isn’t. You cannot be happy just being friends, and it shows that you are not happy as things are.
 
Irishmom2 said:
I don’t think you can just be friends because you actually want it to be more and it isn’t. You cannot be happy just being friends, and it shows that you are not happy as things are.
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I agree. I’m afraid it’s very difficult to be “just friends” with someone when you feel more for them.

Sorry, I don’t have much advice. I suggest you pull back a little and spend time with other friends. Having frequent contact isn’t going to help you to pull your feelings towards her back to just friends.
 
We have pulled back and I was ok for bit
But after liking this other girl who turned out to be an athiest
I went back to her a little
I don’t want to just break the friendship with her and hurt her

I never expected it to work out with her
Sure in a miracle situation it would but even then It would be hard to believe

I just miss how close of friends we used to be

It’s like a good option doesn’t exist

I guess I’ll just be patient and let her decide
I just want to talk to her more in person
I think that would be fine

She’s one of closest friends and she’s a good Catholic
I’d hate to throw that away just because of my feelings
I wish I never had them
Its like I can’t be the friend I used to be and others are because of something I couldn’t control
It’s very unfair 😦
 
I think you should find a new friend.
It’s just awkward now.
 
At a certain age of life, men and women simply cannot be friends.

Ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend. If she says no, then, pray for her, remain on good terms when you see her at Church or at the store, but, cut out the texting/flirting/etc.
 
In another thread of yours, if this is the same girl, it sounds like she depends on you to lift her up when she is emotionally down. But then, when she feels better, you are not the one she wants to be with.

You are in the friend zone. I know it is hard to be 17, but that is the reality. She is not that into you as you are her. She knows you like her, and honestly, she uses that to make herself feel better.

Let it go. Stop trying to hang onto something that isn’t there. Stop trying to call it something else when it isn’t what you want. Just let it go.
 
Irishmom2 said:
In another thread of yours, if this is the same girl, it sounds like she depends on you to lift her up when she is emotionally down. But then, when she feels better, you are not the one she wants to be with.
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Sadly, there are women who keep a nice guy as their “in case of emergency” guy. Give them just enough attention to keep them on the line, toy with affections.

Listen to @irishmom2
 
This is a good opportunity for you to practice loving with detachment and purity.
 
Unrequited love can be beautiful if it is chivalrous and courtly and if she accepts at least the sentiment. But dude you are too young for all this. Wait til you are in college. Don’t pine after women. You are the prize.
 
I know she sounds like one of those girls but she isn’t
I know I need to move on or just give up on love in general

But she apologized for way she acted for emotional support that made me like her
She doesn’t want manipulate me and she is genuine when she says she doesn’t feel that way and she’s sorry

She say I was very good of her and she felt at times that I deserved to be liked back

She’s a very good person and she just isn’t interested in relationships (maybe just wants to be a single or a nun) she only ever really liked one guy

It just sucks to think that I may have to throw a friend like that away and I had no choice in it.

I wish I didn’t have these wants or desires so I could just follow the rules and get to heaven

Its so hard to let go and I’m not blinded with the desire to be with her

I knew from the start I never would be
But no other girl stands out and trust me I’ve had times where I was looking elsewhere
That didn’t work and for now sure I like her again but I’m not looking to date her
She’s just nice to talk to (she’s everyone’s trusted friend) and I would like to atleast a couple times get to talk to her in person about and maybe discuss distance

But please don’t get the wrong idea about her
She’s not doing any wrong by me
Which makes her harder to get over at times because she didn’t hurt me
 
I’ve gone a year and half without a hug once after we stopped hugging when she was embarrassed from people asking her if we together

And now hugs are on a rare occasion (knows I’m down or after a big event but even then rare )

Maybe she is the practice for my heart to desire and want good for someone but not expecting anything back

But now I’m afraid to do this again
Sure right now I surely seek it but the thought of this happening again is just horrifying
Is it worth the risk? I give these girls a hard time too
No one likes to know they broke a heart because they couldn’t love it that way and it’s not their fault

My hope now is in heaven when all this is gone
Maybe I’ll see her and she’ll know and things will be perfect up there with God
And that if I see her heaven not seeing her for the rest of my life won’t be the end
 
Work on yourself and your education. You can’t be her friend because you are still unwilling yo accept that she wants to at this time remain platonic. You are at the one period in life where romantic love isn’t as bound by finance utility or obligation because you guys are young. If she isn’t reciprocating she is not for you dude. And even if she does come around eventually wouldn’t that also make you feel uneasy or that it’s not genuine because she wasn’t crazy about you at first too? It can be great way to grow when you have unrequited love for someone. They can be a muse. Be an inspiration. Mold you into something positive. That is conditional on if they are actually a good person. But dude. You need to date someone who you 100% both ways have an attraction otherwise you are wasting your time. Everybody loves to be in love… But it can get in the way of real life and in the case especially for men it can get in the way of their ultimate self actualization and life goals. We are cannon fodder bro. Don’t take a bullet unless she’s really worth it. You have more to live for than this chick. Trust me.
 
Well I’d take a bullet for any of my friends

That’s actually an ideal situation for me

I would love to die for someone else is legit the perfect way to die

I don’t have many life goals
I plan on going to trade school and from there idk see what comes and remain in state of grace
Maybe try to keep a hobby

Other than that I don’t really know

I’ll let her go someday
I know she isn’t for me in my head but my heart has a harder time accepting that

I hate how in today’s world there is huge gap in 17-19 in which relationships fail due to college
I don’t want to just be a single but maybe that’s what I’m supposed to do
Help out where I can and wait my life out
Get closer to God and just wait till it’s over
 
That is very romantic but we need to accept the cross that is given to us.(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
 
(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.) (Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.) (Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
 
ineedofmercy said:
I’ve gone a year and half without a hug once after we stopped hugging when she was embarrassed from people asking her if we together.

Well, what is that about? If she was really a friend, she would have defended your friendship to others. Instead, she backed away from you. She loved all the support you gave her, but was ashamed of you.

But now I’m afraid to do this again Then don’t repeat your mistake with someone else.
Sure right now I surely seek it but the thought of this happening again is just horrifying
Is it worth the risk? I give these girls a hard time too
No one likes to know they broke a heart because they couldn’t love it that way and it’s not their fault

My hope now is in heaven when all this is gone
Maybe I’ll see her and she’ll know and things will be perfect up there with God. I know you don’t want to believe this, but by the time you get to heaven, you will have mostly forgotten about her, and it won’t matter anyway.
And that if I see her heaven not seeing her for the rest of my life won’t be the end
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You need to do things differently. Stop being the guy that let’s girls dump on him when their boyfriends are mean. Yeah, you get them because they are not being very nice to you. Stop being so desperate for a girl that you take whatever behavior they throw your way. Raise your standards!

You could probably be helped by some counseling if you continue to dwell on the situation.
 
She wasn’t ashamed of me
She told them i was just her friend but told me we should probably not do it so we don’t get teased (I was 15 she was 14 the kids didn’t care)
I respected it and just didn’t want to ask her for a hug because she’d give me one even if she was nervous of being asked questions

She never had a boyfriend
She was dealing with an unrequited love of her own (I tried to help her get with guy all I could) and part of that made me like her because she was hurting
She got over him but I still knew she wouldn’t like me
I eventually told her she told she knew and felt awful for me and did her best not to hurt me
I don’t need to find a reason to hate her to get over her
I need to just say “she’s a great girl but she’s not mine” and just cry it out til I get past it

Maybe I will forget by the time I Die (hopefully I don’t live that long)
I know in heaven there will be many joys and especially the presence of God

But the thought of seeing her in heaven lightens the blow of letting her go
Because one day in heaven when everyone has a perfect non-romantic or earth poisoned love
The thought that we will be friends again in heaven
Gives me a closure and peace that once this life is over
Everything will be made right even a crush like this
 
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