How to keep a marriage happy/healthy?

[steph410]

Just curious if anyone has advice for keeping a marriage healthy (besides counseling). Not that there’s anything wrong with counseling, i’m just wondering outside of something like that, how do you keep things happy/healthy?

in particular if you don’t have much in common (outside of your children) and if neither of you is able to spend much time at all with each other. thanks

 

[Em_in_FL]

HUMOR!
No matter how busy our lives get or how much conflict is going on surrounding our lives… humor binds us together.
Find something to laugh about together… it forms incredible bonds.

 

[PaulinVA]

Talking. Lots of talking.

Respect. Lots of respect.

Humor. Lots of Humor.

A deep desire to remain married and to do what’s best for one’s spouse.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Treat your spouse as your free gift from God that will help you into Heaven.

and…yes. Laughter. Lots of it, too!

 

[ProdglArchitect]

Talking. Lots of talking.

Respect. Lots of respect.

Humor. Lots of Humor.

A deep desire to remain married and to do what’s best for one’s spouse.

My wife and I game together a lot. We recently both started playing Guild Wars 2 together. We’ve spent a lot of time together working towards a common goal (The mass slaying of monsters ) It’s great because we’re actively working together and spending time together participating in a mutually-enjoyable activity. Also, go outside and do stuff together. Something as simple as throwing a Frisbee around is a lot of fun and very relaxing.

My wife and I have a lot in common though, so I’m not sure how well this advice might work for your situation.

 

[chaela_may]

Just curious if anyone has advice for keeping a marriage healthy (besides counseling). Not that there’s anything wrong with counseling, i’m just wondering outside of something like that, how do you keep things happy/healthy?

in particular if you don’t have much in common (outside of your children) and if neither of you is able to spend much time at all with each other. thanks

i say that you should have creative date nights. even if you don’t have a lot of time, you can schedule one night a week or even just one night a month for something zany or sweet or relaxing or adventurous. any of these could apply to sex as well. be creative!

but my husband would just say that the best way to keep a marriage going strong is to stay together because of irreconcilable differences. it is just an attitude!

My wife and I game together a lot. We recently both started playing Guild Wars 2 together. We’ve spent a lot of time together working towards a common goal (The mass slaying of monsters ) It’s great because we’re actively working together and spending time together participating in a mutually-enjoyable activity. Also, go outside and do stuff together. Something as simple as throwing a Frisbee around is a lot of fun and very relaxing.

My wife and I have a lot in common though, so I’m not sure how well this advice might work for your situation.

we tabletop roleplay. we’re doing pathfinder in our group atm. very fun!

 

[J-cath]

Hello check out The Love Dare book.

My wife and I do it, and we do not have any problems in our marriage. For us it’s about being proactive and keeping the marriage going. Basically each day there is a dare in the book that your wife an you carry out. I purchased a copy for myself and one for my wife. It’s done wonders… love it. It’s a Christian book and it’s for people that want to work on their marriage or repair it. Hope this helps!

God bless!

 

[ProdglArchitect]

we tabletop roleplay. we’re doing pathfinder in our group atm. very fun!

I’m a fan of tabletop gaming, but my wife isn’t very much. We do play board games. We especially love the D&D box games (We have Castle Ravenloft). They are a great deal of fun and they’re something that the two of us can play together. We love Munchkin as well, but it takes more than two people. We used to play Magic the Gathering together, but that got a bit too expensive

 

[Samuel63]

How about going deep into the faith together. You should have a monthly date that includes a trip to the confessional, time at Eucharistic adoration, and on occasional week-day morning Mass. It is hard to fight when you are driving home from the Sacrament of Penance.

Start an adult faith formation program at the parish to help others learn real catholicism.

Do something that is lasting, as in eternal.

For the other secular tricks listed above, take these with a grain of salt.

 

[dedo]

Connect in your spiritual life on a regular basis (Mass etc.)

Find something you like to do together.

Many couples have different interests–because opposites attract.

For us, we both like movies, ballet, opera, live theater, eating out, travel, and the beach.

However, personality wise, we are as different as night and day.

 

[chaela_may]

I’m a fan of tabletop gaming, but my wife isn’t very much. We do play board games. We especially love the D&D box games (We have Castle Ravenloft). They are a great deal of fun and they’re something that the two of us can play together. We love Munchkin as well, but it takes more than two people. We used to play Magic the Gathering together, but that got a bit too expensive

yeah, tabletop gaming wasn’t my thing until my husband got me into it. i love hanging out with friends and we’re especially grateful that God is nothing like ao!

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Treat each other with respect. Don’t have any arguments at bedtime (not easy sometimes!). Honor each other. Laugh. Go out and do something fun every couple of weeks, if not more often. Separate from your family of origin and cling to your spouse. Never toy with your spouse’s emotions (flirting in front of them, making fun of them). Try to see and bring out the best qualities of your spouse. Talk about your spouse to others in a complimentary way. Do not put yourself in any situation which could tempt you in any way. Lots of people have sworn, “I’d never be unfaithful,” and then tempted fate and have ruined their marriages. Make a budget and stick to it! Plan for the future. Set goals. Go to Mass together, and volunteer together. Keep the word “divorce” far away.

That’s a start, anyway.

 

[Lucky7]

Treat each other with respect. Don’t have any arguments at bedtime (not easy sometimes!). Honor each other. Laugh. Go out and do something fun every couple of weeks, if not more often. Separate from your family of origin and cling to your spouse. Never toy with your spouse’s emotions (flirting in front of them, making fun of them). Try to see and bring out the best qualities of your spouse. Talk about your spouse to others in a complimentary way. Do not put yourself in any situation which could tempt you in any way. Lots of people have sworn, “I’d never be unfaithful,” and then tempted fate and have ruined their marriages. Make a budget and stick to it! Plan for the future. Set goals. Go to Mass together, and volunteer together. Keep the word “divorce” far away.

That’s a start, anyway.

I vote this the best post in this thread.

I am currently reading a book called Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; the Respect He Desperately Needs It is the second time I am reading it because it made that much of an impact on me the first time around. Ufortunately, I think I forgot its main points and I needed a refresher. I think it hits the nail on the head.

We both need love and respect, but the author focuses on the Bible verse in Ephesians. Women crave love more than respect; men crave respect more than love. Therefore men need to focus more on being loving to their wives; wives need to focus more on being respectful toward their husbands.

 

[Cariethra]

I have lucked out in regards to the fact that my husband and I have a lot in common and share a lot of the same interests.

Lately we’ve been going through a lot. In fact we’ve gone through a lot in just 4 years of marriage. From financial/job issues to the loses of two pregnancies. In the end, we still talk and do things, like when we first met. We listen to eachother’s interests, the ones we share and the ones we don’t.

When I think of him, I still get giddy like a child, I get butterflies when I know he is on his way home soon.

I know I can tell him anything, and he will listen to the entire thing without judgement. He will support me in my own endeavors just as I support him in his.

In the end, I always tell him I love him at the very least, at the beginning and end of the day. He does the same to me. There hasn’t ever been a moment in our relationship where I doubted that simple fact.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

in particular if you don’t have much in common (outside of your children) and if neither of you is able to spend much time at all with each other. thanks

Every couple is different. My fiance and I have almost everything in common and are very happy. But a lot of couples are like you and your husband and very different (but good) people and are also very happy with each other.

Try to find a thing that you both enjoy. Maybe there’s a TV show that you could both like? Heck, make it a point to try as many as it takes until you find one and then watch a quick episode together every night before bed. It could be something as lighthearted as ‘I Love Lucy’ or as intense as ‘Dexter’, or even a nature show if that’s what you’re in to.

Do you guys like food? Why not try to cook a nice (not too fancy, but enjoyable) dinner together once a week?

Board games? FH and I love sitting at diners and coffee shops playing board games.

None of those things take up too much time and they can be worked around your schedules. But the ultimate goal is for you guys to start cultivating a few common interests. You both may have to try some new things with an open mind, but I’m sure you’ll find things you enjoy doing together.