How to Lose Virginity?

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Rolypoly

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I apologize for the provocative thread title but I couldn’t figure out how to phrase it succintly.

I am nearly 30 and I have never technically had a girlfriend, but at age 20 I and a young lady were at a party and I am pretty sure that I lost my virginity to her because of what we did. However, I am not certain. Due to the explicit details of what we did, I won’t go into specifics, unless someone really needs to know in order to answer the question. Rather, I will just ask the general question because I would like to call myself a virgin if I still can: What are all the ways of losing your virginity in the eyes of the Church? Or maybe it is better to ask: What is “losing your virginity” in the eyes of the Church?
 
My apologies, I suppose forum rules prohibit any kind of detailed list, but how can I go about finding an answer, and how does the Church define virginity and how it is lost?
 
Plain and simple: If you had sexual intercourse you are no longer a virgin. Furthermore, whether you lost your virginity or not, it does not sound like you were behaving in a way that is in line with Church teachings for an unmarried couple. Read up on John Paul II’s Theology of the Body teachings. Christopher West has written good books on it, “Theology of the Body for Beginners” and “The Good News About Sex and Marriage” are very good books and give very practical information on the Church’s teaching regarding marriage and sexuality. The teachings on marriage and sexuality really do go hand in hand.
 
Rolypoly said:
My apologies, I suppose forum rules prohibit any kind of detailed list, but how can I go about finding an answer, and how does the Church define virginity and how it is lost?
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oce.catholic.com/index.php?title=Virginity

In the proper sense of the virtue of virginity - it applies to anyone who is celibate, never consummated a marriage, and has abstained from any sinful sexual pleasure, be it masturbation or fornication, etc. etc. their entire life. Someone who is raped is still a virgin in this sense.

Then there’s the ‘material’ fact of virginity, which only exists in women, and can be lost through rigorous activities that have nothing to do with sex, or even stolen by rape.

What the world considers virginity is just anyone who has not engaged in sexual intercourse.
 
Rolypoly said:
I apologize for the provocative thread title but I couldn’t figure out how to phrase it succintly.

I am nearly 30 and I have never technically had a girlfriend, but at age 20 I and a young lady were at a party and I am pretty sure that I lost my virginity to her because of what we did. However, I am not certain. Due to the explicit details of what we did, I won’t go into specifics, unless someone really needs to know in order to answer the question. Rather, I will just ask the general question because I would like to call myself a virgin if I still can: What are all the ways of losing your virginity in the eyes of the Church? Or maybe it is better to ask: What is “losing your virginity” in the eyes of the Church?
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Losing your virginity means having had intercourse. That said, we should be striving more to be chaste in our lives (which means avoiding more than just intercourse before marriage). I would even say that it is better to be living a chaste life now while having lost your virginity say X years ago, than to be a very unchaste person who has technically never had intercourse because the opportunity to go that far hasn’t arisen.

I’m pretty sure though that the virginity of marriage was not technical virginity as defined above. I’m sure Our Lady was completely chaste and virginal in a much more profound way.
 
If your penis has never been in a vagina, you are a virgin.

At least this is MY understanding. That is what having intercourse is.

Masturbation, manual sex, oral sex, anal sex, bestiality, homosexuality - none of these are “intercourse”. Hence, none of those acts counts as “losing your virginity”.

Unfortunately this technicality has led many to believe that these extramarital acts are okay.
 
WetCatechumen said:
Unfortunately this technicality has led many to believe that these extramarital acts are okay.
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Yes, unfortunately that is true. Many people think that as long as you don’t have sex, everything else is ok. Not true.
 
Fidelia said:
Yes, unfortunately that is true. Many people think that as long as you don’t have sex, everything else is ok. Not true.
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Don’t you mean “Many people think that as long as you don’t have intercourse, everything else is OK”?
 
Rolypoly said:
I apologize for the provocative thread title but I couldn’t figure out how to phrase it succintly.

I am nearly 30 and I have never technically had a girlfriend, but at age 20 I and a young lady were at a party and I am pretty sure that I lost my virginity to her because of what we did. However, I am not certain. Due to the explicit details of what we did, I won’t go into specifics, unless someone really needs to know in order to answer the question. Rather, I will just ask the general question because I would like to call myself a virgin if I still can: What are all the ways of losing your virginity in the eyes of the Church? Or maybe it is better to ask: What is “losing your virginity” in the eyes of the Church?
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You need to have had intercourse with her. It doesn’t matter if you had it for two seconds or until you both were done. If you’ve had any form of intercourse, you are not a virgin.

That being said, if you’re not a virgin, it’s not the end of the world. So don’t beat yourself up for something you did in the past. 👍
 
Adam1986 said:
Then what does the Church refer to men as? :confused: Sorry, I’m just curious.
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There’s no cognate term. In the Litany of St. Joseph, St. Joseph is referred to as “most chaste” and “chaste guardian of the Virgin”. St. Aloysius of Gonzaga took a private vow of chastity at the age of 9. There are other great examples of heroically chaste, virtuous men … but no cognate term to “virgin”.
 
jmj603 said:
There’s no cognate term. In the Litany of St. Joseph, St. Joseph is referred to as “most chaste” and “chaste guardian of the Virgin”. St. Aloysius of Gonzaga took a private vow of chastity at the age of 9. There are other great examples of heroically chaste, virtuous men … but no cognate term to “virgin”.
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Oh. Thanks. 🙂

Why is that? Just because Mary was a virgin?
 
WetCatechumen said:
Unfortunately this technicality has led many to believe that these extramarital acts are okay.
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Including a former President of the USA. (What, somebody had to crack that joke!)

I’m not aware of any theological reason a man can’t be called a virgin. As far as I can see the only reason it wasn’t done in the past was the same reason they stoned women for adultery and not men: double standards. Let’s admit that the feminists occasionally make a good point. Women have historically been held to higher standards than men. There are two potential explanations for that. Neither one is flattering to men! (think about it)

We also don’t know for sure Joseph was a virgin. He may have been a widower prior to Mary (which is one of the common explanations for the “brethren” of Jesus. They’re either half-brothers or cousins, the Aramaic isn’t conclusive.)
 
manualman said:
Including a former President of the USA. (What, somebody had to crack that joke!)

I’m not aware of any theological reason a man can’t be called a virgin. As far as I can see the only reason it wasn’t done in the past was the same reason they stoned women for adultery and not men: double standards. Let’s admit that the feminists occasionally make a good point. Women have historically been held to higher standards than men. There are two potential explanations for that. Neither one is flattering to men! (think about it)

We also don’t know for sure Joseph was a virgin. He may have been a widower prior to Mary (which is one of the common explanations for the “brethren” of Jesus. They’re either half-brothers or cousins, the Aramaic isn’t conclusive.)
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Yes, I think that is correct. It is possible (and I have read, likely) that he was a widower, and was married to Mary to take care of her. She had been a consecrated virgin at the temple, but with the arrival of her menarche, she could no longer stay there. So she was married to Joseph, so that he would care for her, but it was not for the purpose of them procreating themselves. Hence, Joseph was chaste as her spouse.
The teaching is from the Protoevangelion of James, the main source of our teaching on Mary’s Perpetual Virginity.
catholic.com/library/Mary_Ever_Virgin.asp

And as was also mentioned, due to cultural standards that were in place throughout history, it was not as “relevant” a fact whether a man was a virgin or not, as whether a woman was, hence the word was applied more to women being held to the standard.
 
I used to favor the old widower view of Joseph myself. Over time, I came to realize that the reason it appealed to me was that Joseph then wouldn’t have had it rough being married to the perfect woman, but having to remain celibate.

On further reflection, it would fit the profile of the suffering first family better if Joseph were a young, virile stud who sacrificed the desires of his biology in favor of the Will of God. Scripture, history and Tradition aren’t conclusive.
 
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