How can one “LOVE” chastity (single) rather than make chastity seem like sexual suppression / or an endurance marathon all the time? Every time I feel an urge, I feel that all I do is put a carpet over it all the time, only for the process to repeat.
I’ve posted this a couple of places tonight, some of it is relevant here too:
My best advice is to focus on the goal. When we’re always thinking over and over “I will not do X, I must not do X, I should not do X,” we’re always thinking of X. This can become another sort of trap. Instead, focus on what you do want: “I should do Y, I will do Y.” If you were a runner wanting to finish the race, you’d keep your eyes on the road ahead, not what lies behind. Focus not on the vices you want to avoid, but rather on the virtues you want to cultivate…
Focusing on the virtues you want to cultivate-- what they really mean and how you can actually attain them-- will help. God gives you the power to do this, if you are willing to receive it…
Think about where you’re going and what you’re doing. Will your choices help you to cultivate the virtues you’re working toward?
If you make bad choices along the way, acknowledge that you did wrong, confess your sin honestly, resolve to do good, focus on starting fresh. Each moment is a new chance to do the right thing. God will give you the power to do it. Focus on the virtues you want to cultivate and the best means to do it.
There are many good resources for better understanding Christian virtues and beatitudes, and better understanding the virtues helps us to figure out how we might learn to better practice them.
In addition, I would recommend something Eve Tushnet writes and talks about in her own pursuit of chastity:
sublimation.
Inasmuch as I understand what she’s trying to say is that chastity is best served
not by repressing our attractions and desires, but by redirecting our attractions, desires, and energies into good actions rather than bad.
Let us imagine an unfortunate scenario, for example, in which I am attracted to a person who is married. Clearly it would be wrong for me to reduce this person to an object for my own gratification, or to express my attraction in sexual advances. But I can use my attraction as an opportunity to employ my energies in serving the good of that person, to be a good friend and sibling in Christ. I might, for example, spend some extra time praying for the good of that person’s spouse and marriage, for that person’s sanctity, and so forth. I would not be repressing, in this scenario, but transforming my attraction by engaging in virtue: respecting the person and the person’s good.
Chastity is, fundamentally, not something negative. Chastity means loving and respecting other people and ourselves according to our states in life and vocations.
