How to love yourself?

[CanMan86]

How does one love themselves? I often feel one’s insecurities and poor self-esteem can be boiled down to the fact that they do not truly love themselves. Has anyone found emotional healing by learning to love themselves? Sometimes I want to hold myself back from loving myself because I worry I’ll be simply focusing on myself and not on God (I tend to get scrupulous about things).

Surely God would want us to love ourselves right? If God is love God would certainly love Himself, how couldn’t He? So why do I feel guilty about learning to love myself.

I don’t think the saints really talk much about loving oneself, they focus more on how God is great and they are miserable sinners. For a guy like me who has struggled with poor self-esteem and depression this kind of thinking would only make things worse. A more positive view of myself would be much more helpful but I can’t but worry I’ll be idolizing my self on some level.

Maybe it’s a sin not to love oneself? I don’t know. I kind of just wish I had a commandment from God to love myself and then I wouldn’t worry so much. I hope people can understand what I am getting at.

Has anyone gone through similar experiences? Any tips?

 

[Evania]

I think a healthy self-esteem would be realizing who you are in the eyes of God. I think if God Himself died for me, then I am worthy of love. You are not a worthless person by that merit alone. Yes, we are miserable sinners in the sense that we can not make it to Heaven on our own. The saints recognize their fallen human nature, and know that attaining Heaven would be impossible without God’s assistance. I think the saints "loved " themselves in the sense that they knew the value God placed on their souls. They exhibited this by their holy lives.

 

[Phil_Marinus]

How do we love ourselves…

    Well when I look at myself in the Mirror at 4.30 a.m in the morning I say....
  Oh Lord it's hard to be Humble when your perfect in every way ....
   and if my mother were still around she would agree with me.... 
  and her having Bi Pola would have no influence on her opinion..
  Just try to be confident in yourself even if others cant see the attraction.

 

[Ben_F]

I don´t remember, who said this, but I like it. Humility is not thinking less of yourself. Humility is thinking of yourself less. God wants you to love everyone, and everything. He doesn´t necessarily want you to like everyone, and everything. How do I love myself? If God loves me, then I´m lovable. I love myself always. Sometimes I don´t like myself. God bless:thumbsup:

 

[JRKH]

How does one love themselves?

Wonderful question.

I often feel one’s insecurities and poor self-esteem can be boiled down to the fact that they do not truly love themselves. Has anyone found emotional healing by learning to love themselves?

You are quite right. Proper self love is essential.
For myself, it took much time but I have found healing in learning to love myself

Sometimes I want to hold myself back from loving myself because I worry I’ll be simply focusing on myself and not on God (I tend to get scrupulous about things).

Yes - this can be a worry - but it need not be if you ask God to help you in learning how to love yourself. After all - if we are keeping God first in our lives shouldn’t we ask Him to help us in this too??

Surely God would want us to love ourselves right? If God is love God would certainly love Himself, how couldn’t He? So why do I feel guilty about learning to love myself.

Yes God wants us to love ourselves. Self love is an integral part of the law and prophets. (Mt 22:36-40). Without self love, how could we love our neighbor as ourselves?

I don’t think the saints really talk much about loving oneself, they focus more on how God is great and they are miserable sinners. For a guy like me who has struggled with poor self-esteem and depression this kind of thinking would only make things worse. A more positive view of myself would be much more helpful but I can’t but worry I’ll be idolizing my self on some level.

I agree that we need more joyful examples of saints.
However - in their defense I think that these saints, already having a self love, are seeking to perfect themselves in that love. Such a pursuit leads them to emphasize their faults so that they can root them out and so love themselves even more perfectly - for the love of God.
Not sure if that sounds right…It’s tricky trying to explain…

Maybe it’s a sin not to love oneself? I don’t know. I kind of just wish I had a commandment from God to love myself and then I wouldn’t worry so much. I hope people can understand what I am getting at.

I do think that I understand what you are getting at.
As I said above, if you read Mt 22:36-40 you will see that self love is an integral part of the second greatest commandment. So - I think we DO have a commandment from God to love ourselves.

Another thing to consider - is it right to hate that which God loves? Naturally the answer is no it is not right to hate that which God loves. Therefore, if God loves us (and we know He does) then it is only right that we love ourselves too.

Has anyone gone through similar experiences? Any tips?

Oh - yes…in fact I’m still trying to figure it out…but I’m getting better.

The idea is to understand what a proper self love IS. A good point to start perhaps is with the golden rule - “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”…
Perhaps we can take this and apply it to ourselves.
Do we want others to treat us with respect? Then we must respect ourselves.
Do we wish others to be honest with us? Then we must be honest with ourselves.
Do we wish others to …

Obviously there is no quick and easy answer to this. It takes time but you can do it.

Peace
James

 

[Mary_Ellen]

I love James’ answer.

If I may just add, we’re a society today where emotion is the highest currency - the ultimate measure of whether something is good or not is how it makes us feel. The saints of old did not live in such a world and did not obsess about such things, at least as much as we do today. I believe we can learn from the saints’ example by remembering this.

On that note, I suffer from severe depression and anxiety. There are many times that my self esteem is so low that I hate, despise and loathe myself. God’s work through medication, counseling and other medical treatments have helped lift me out of the darkest of my despair. On an intellectual and spiritual level I know my true worth is in the eyes of God and I try to hold on to that when the darker days are upon me.

May I suggest Psalm 139? It is a wonderful passage to meditate on when things are not so bad so that you have it in your heart for when times are tough (I find it hard to read when depression is at its deepest). God has brought it to me in some surprising circumstances: from having to read it, in full, before a large crowd to receiving it as a penance from a priest who said that God told him I needed to hear it.

 

[OneSheep]

Wonderful question.

You are quite right. Proper self love is essential.
For myself, it took much time but I have found healing in learning to love myself

Yes - this can be a worry - but it need not be if you ask God to help you in learning how to love yourself. After all - if we are keeping God first in our lives shouldn’t we ask Him to help us in this too??

Yes God wants us to love ourselves. Self love is an integral part of the law and prophets. (Mt 22:36-40). Without self love, how could we love our neighbor as ourselves?

I agree that we need more joyful examples of saints.
However - in their defense I think that these saints, already having a self love, are seeking to perfect themselves in that love. Such a pursuit leads them to emphasize their faults so that they can root them out and so love themselves even more perfectly - for the love of God.
Not sure if that sounds right…It’s tricky trying to explain…

I do think that I understand what you are getting at.
As I said above, if you read Mt 22:36-40 you will see that self love is an integral part of the second greatest commandment. So - I think we DO have a commandment from God to love ourselves.

Another thing to consider - is it right to hate that which God loves? Naturally the answer is no it is not right to hate that which God loves. Therefore, if God loves us (and we know He does) then it is only right that we love ourselves too.

Oh - yes…in fact I’m still trying to figure it out…but I’m getting better.

The idea is to understand what a proper self love IS. A good point to start perhaps is with the golden rule - “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”…
Perhaps we can take this and apply it to ourselves.
Do we want others to treat us with respect? Then we must respect ourselves.
Do we wish others to be honest with us? Then we must be honest with ourselves.
Do we wish others to …

Obviously there is no quick and easy answer to this. It takes time but you can do it.

Peace
James

I love James’ answer too!:thumbsup

I would also add that one of the main instances I don’t love myself is when I haven’t forgiven myself. So forgiving myself is an important part of my own self-love.

 

[Phil_Marinus]

Lot of Navel Gazing here !

 

[Lady_Love]

I don’t think we can even love ourselves enough to satisfy our longing to be loved. We all need more love than we deserve and God is the only one who can give us all that we need. My suggestion is to go to prayer and tell Our Father that you need His love, tell Him that you know that you have done nothing to “deserve” it but you still need it. Think about what it is that makes you feel loved, be it validation, consolations, affirmations, etc. and ask specifically for those things. Then open your bible randomly and look at the first scripture that pops out at you. Meditate on that scripture and see what God wants to say to you. He may show you where you are “attached” to something that is preventing you from experiencing His love or He may affirm you as His son, or any number of things.

If you don’t get the results that you are looking for the first time, don’t give up. Keep seeking the Lord and when you least expect it He will pour out His love and grace on you.

I think it is pointless to love ourselves when we first need to experience love to be able to know what it is to give it away. God is Love! We cannot find love except through Him.

 

[WildCatholic]

In all honesty, I wish I knew how to love myself more too, but I just don’t know how. It doesn’t help that I only have 2 part time jobs and since graduating feel like **** because I can’t find a job in my field. Anyway, i’ve always had this problem though. I don’t know what it is because other than being severely bullied, I didn’t have anything else wrong with me.

I honestly don’t know what is up. For some reason I think people who know me don’t really like me or are just nicey nice (basically when I say this, I mean that they are nice just because they have to be, not because they want to be, which seems ungenuine to me). Of course i’m starting to realize it isn’t too, but for some reason, I have this feeling people think i’m weird and that people don’t want to be friends or hang out with me except for one or two people. I just wish God would tell me why i feel this way and heal me. I pray a rosary every day, but still I feel like God is just sitting there allowing me to suffer. Though maybe my suffering will bring a greater good.

 

[Lady_Love]

In all honesty, I wish I knew how to love myself more too, but I just don’t know how. It doesn’t help that I only have 2 part time jobs and since graduating feel like **** because I can’t find a job in my field. Anyway, i’ve always had this problem though. I don’t know what it is because other than being severely bullied, I didn’t have anything else wrong with me.

I honestly don’t know what is up. For some reason I think people who know me don’t really like me or are just nicey nice (basically when I say this, I mean that they are nice just because they have to be, not because they want to be, which seems ungenuine to me). Of course i’m starting to realize it isn’t too, but for some reason, I have this feeling people think i’m weird and that people don’t want to be friends or hang out with me except for one or two people. I just wish God would tell me why i feel this way and heal me. I pray a rosary every day, but still I feel like God is just sitting there allowing me to suffer. Though maybe my suffering will bring a greater good.

Jesus bore a heavy cross of rejection. It is a sign that He is alive and strong in you. It often happens that the more Jesus is visible in you the more you will be rejected but it is not you they are rejecting, it is Him. Poor Jesus, He only wants to love and be loved and He gets cast out. The Pharisees and scribes tried to throw Him off a cliff!!!

Be patient with rejection. If Jesus is showing through you, you will find that those who love Him will love you and those who hate Him will hate you. Just remember that Jesus was not loved and accepted by everyone. Unfortunately, He was rejected more often then accepted. Not much has changed over the years huh?

My Sweet Jesus, “I” love you.

 

[JRKH]

In all honesty, I wish I knew how to love myself more too, but I just don’t know how. It doesn’t help that I only have 2 part time jobs and since graduating feel like **** because I can’t find a job in my field. Anyway, i’ve always had this problem though. I don’t know what it is because other than being severely bullied, I didn’t have anything else wrong with me.

I honestly don’t know what is up. For some reason I think people who know me don’t really like me or are just nicey nice (basically when I say this, I mean that they are nice just because they have to be, not because they want to be, which seems ungenuine to me). Of course i’m starting to realize it isn’t too, but for some reason, I have this feeling people think i’m weird and that people don’t want to be friends or hang out with me except for one or two people. I just wish God would tell me why i feel this way and heal me. I pray a rosary every day, but still I feel like God is just sitting there allowing me to suffer. Though maybe my suffering will bring a greater good.

I can relate to this somewhat as I was never a popular type either…not Athletic…or blessed with the “social graces” as they use to say. I use to have feelings very similar to yours when it came to friends and acquaintances.
It took me many years to really get over much of this and begin to see my worth for what was truly me and not what others thought of me.

As for the matter of not finding work in your field…that is a bummer…but here again, your worth is not in your “work” in a particular field. True you would very likely be happier if you could land a job in your desired field, but you ARE working. You are doing the best that you can for right now - so hold your head up and thank God for your part time jobs, your home, your education, and all the other blessings he has given you.

In short - you have worth in God’s eyes - Love that which God loves and use his gifts in you to help others.

Peace
James

 

[WildCatholic]

I can relate to this somewhat as I was never a popular type either…not Athletic…or blessed with the “social graces” as they use to say. I use to have feelings very similar to yours when it came to friends and acquaintances.
It took me many years to really get over much of this and begin to see my worth for what was truly me and not what others thought of me.

As for the matter of not finding work in your field…that is a bummer…but here again, your worth is not in your “work” in a particular field. True you would very likely be happier if you could land a job in your desired field, but you ARE working. You are doing the best that you can for right now - so hold your head up and thank God for your part time jobs, your home, your education, and all the other blessings he has given you.

In short - you have worth in God’s eyes - Love that which God loves and use his gifts in you to help others.

Peace
James

I know, and the thing is, a lot of people i do know say that the only thing really wrong with me is that I beat myself up so much. I don’t know why, but i do. I honestly am the worst at selling myself, at least in terms of self esteem. It took years for me to get over thinking i was ugly (sure i’m not the most attractive, but my looks don’t matter, and i’m really not too bad if i say so myself). Now its more my personality and such. But thank you so much James