How to make friends? Why cant I make friends?

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BlueTheGuardian

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I just feel like at my age (24) I have so few friends its laughable. I moved from my hometown for college almost 7 years ago and have made little to no friends where I am now. I was in a sorority in the beginning but when I got a boyfriend I feel like everyone distanced themselves from me and didnt want to be friends with me anymore. I got out of that relationship recently and I find myself completely alone and the only friends I have are still back in my hometown. My life is purely work as a teacher and I’m living at home with my family that is severely introverted as in they hate people (To the point of even waking up early to go places because thats when no ones there)
I guess I just feel like every friendship or now relationship I’ve had except one (One! in my entire life!) has ended tragically and I’m not always sure why. My parents tell me it’s because I’m a bit of a busy body and tell the truth too much. Either that or I’m really shy and worried people will think I’m weird.
Long story short, I want friends… How do I do it?
 
Be one.
Surely there is someone eating alone in the lunch room at work?
Surely there is someone in need somewhere. Volunteer.
Visit the sick in hospitals. Take them Holy Communion, inquire at the church about doing this much-needed ministry.
Guessing your sorority sisters felt abandoned. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, as they say. If you get a boyfriend, don’t shut off everyone else. Guys like a well-rounded and social woman.
Your family dynamic does not necessarily need to apply to you.
 
I think also look for a friend in people not necessarily of your own age.
Look for a friend in that person you shake hands with in mass every so often who has a warm smile,you might be suprised.
I often wish I had more friends,and I’ve realised they arnt going to come to me…I need to make the effort to open conversation and look at all kinds of people from all walks of life as freind potential .
 
Having “so few friends it’s laughable” is the wrong mindset, firstly. Hubby has 3-4 good friends, and I have about the same. The rest are acquaintances. That’s part of being an adult.

I hate dealing with people at the grocery store, etc, too. I go when it best suits me.
There’s nothing wrong with that.

You can always try to find fellow Catholics in a Blessed is She group.
 
This book is a goldie-oldie:
“How to make friends and influence people”
I think the author is Dale Carnegie, but it’s easy to google, because it’s a classic.
You might like it.
 
family influences are a big part of my isolation. On the one hand, my mom was very isolationist. She didn’t want me bringing friends over. Then, I didn’t have neighbors who were my age – the neighborhood was very age-stratified. I was considered inappropriate company for younger children. Etc.

I have this problem now, too, at age 68.

I got kicked out of my parish bible study group because I knew more than the person running the course. I was publicly humiliated by this public expulsion. Christ is the answer. I am never alone with Chrisr.
 
My fam was very isolated, too. It didn’t start out that way, but as time and traumas accumulated, it got worse and worse.
It wasn’t easy to overcome all that as an adult. Sometimes I wonder where I would be now if I didn’t have to overcome.
I mostly chalk it up to I was placed there for a reason.
Beats me if I know what that reason was, however!
 
My Mom is much the same… I was never allowed friends over (even now as an adult) and she just talks bad about everyone…
 
I didnt shut everybody out, I literally got an ultimatum saying break up with him or we wont be your friends anymore! lol I wouldnt want to be friends with people like that. I think it’s just hard for me to get out because I’m not sure what I should even go to (That and severe anxiety prevents me from driving another story). I try and look for Young Adult groups here and the closest one is a city away. I’m currently seeing if I can go on a retreat pretty soon, maybe I can meet some people there…
 
My dad actually gave me that book recently haha 😂 I’ve read it a bit it’s pretty good!
 
LOL I can’t say I precisely have a “way”, but if I were starting in a new town, I’d join my parish.
I would also check with the diocese to see what singles opportunity are available.
Or take a class at the local “night school”.
Then I’d go and scope it out and see who looked friendly and nice.
After three or four classes or meetings, I’d suggest (to a group, not one-on-one because I’m kinda shy like that) who wants to go out for coffee after.
Either there will be takers or there won’t.
If there are no takers, and nobody seems even interested (maybe someone would like to, but that’s just not a good time–you’ll know if they seem disappointed), I won’t try again. I’d finish out the next few weeks of the class, then try a different class. Or if it’s a ongoing thing like a club, stay for a few more weeks, then if nothing happens on the friendship front, move on.
It worked for me.
Always be prepared for some rejection along the way, but a lot of people are lonely and like someone to reach out
 
BlueTheGuardian said:
I was in a sorority in the beginning but when I got a boyfriend I feel like everyone distanced themselves from me and didnt want to be friends with me anymore.
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They were jealous and that’s it. You did not lose friends. Friends don’t leave you as in if they leave you for something that small they were not your friends. There is no model life and just because you feel lonely now it does not mean you are doing anything wrong.
You can try moving out so the feeling of being stuck with your family even after school is not so overwhelming.
Don’t blame yourself and don’t let yourself be bullied into guilt that you did something wrong or that you are weird. Everyone is weird. No one is “normal” enough to call you weird.
God bless. :hugs:
 
Mary888 said:
They were jealous and that’s it. You did not lose friends. Friends don’t leave you as in if they leave you for something that small they were not your friends.
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These are wise, and very true words.
 
The answer is simple.
  1. Join a bowling league
  2. Join a western dance club
  3. Join a bible study
    4 take a pottery class or a stained glass class
  4. join a hicking club
    6 join a bird watching club
There now your problem is solved 4 the next year.
God bless. And enjoy yourself!!
 
pianistclare said:
Be one.
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I think this is the best advice. Remember Jesus asking who was neighbor to the man who fell among thieves?

Instead of looking for friends, I look for ways to serve others. I assume everyone who crosses my path was put there for a reason, and even if I don’t like them, I find ways to be loving to them. This takes my mind off focusing on what I will get out of it, and focus on what I am giving into it.
 
Well, first of all, place yourself and your request in God’s hands. He always listens, and his will stands above anything else.
Then, I find a good way to make friends is to carry a little light towards someone else. A small gesture that can make a person’s day. You can also find a community you can join. In my case I train Taekwondo, in my dojo at least, people range from different ages and backstories. I’ve made lots of friends at training, and it’s really nice to be part of a group.
And my most important advice: don’t force it! Don’t over try to make friends, but rather be open to the oportunity of making one!
 
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