How to not sound like a jerk

[llenadegracia]

It is late in the morning as I write, so I will try to keep this short and sweet.

Occasionally I get a question which essentially says, “Why should I be Catholic?/Why can’t I just be Baptist?/So the Catholic Church is superior to my Baptist Church?/I don’t think denomination matters?” I’m sure nearly everyone has heard something like this before. I usually answer by describing Christ’s intent for unity by establishing the papacy and just let the conversation flow from there…Almost always, no one walks away feeling upset. Usually it sparks a good conversation on unity, too.

I am having coffee with my dear boyfriend’s Baptist parents soon (without the BF). They currently hold more of the question of “So the Catholic Church is superior to our Baptist church?”

The boyfriend is a convert to Catholicism.

I want to answer their question in a way that expresses that I do value the truth they have found in their Baptist church while also recognizing the Truth in the Catholic Church. Any tips or ideas on how to approach these types of conversations?

 

[Catholic1954]

Just answer their questions (briefly) and keep the conversation respectful, on both sides.

 

[Avila123]

Just answer their questions (briefly) and keep the conversation respectful, on both sides.

And pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you.

If they do bring up “So the Catholic Church is superior to our Baptist church?” you could respectfully ask them why they think that and hopefully it will bring the conversation round to your normal responses. If they fling in some of the misconceptions that you cannot answer, perhaps you could ask them for the source/evidence and whether they can lay their hands on it or not, suggest that it is discussed the next time you meet. It gives everyone a chance to look into the issue sensibly and if the next time you meet, they do not wish to pursue it, it can be left alone.

May God bless you and I pray that his parents become reconciled.

 

[90Domer]

Favorite Gospel by my priest. The Catholic Church is the only church whose founder’s tomb is empty!

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

I find it’s best to avoid Questions of religion, simply because you can get out of your depth with people smarter than yourself, it’s happened to myself only a couple times,only because I’m interested in religious belief , and I had forgotton my own golden rule to avoid debate,
Just say to people that ask Questions, well, whatever rocks yer boat,
If they persist, then advise there are several web sites where they can field there questions,
Best to keep your thoughts to yourself ,

 

[heidi_storage]

I find it’s best to avoid Questions of religion, simply because you can get out of your depth with people smarter than yourself, it’s happened to myself only a couple times,only because I’m interested in religious belief , and I had forgotton my own golden rule to avoid debate,
Just say to people that ask Questions, well, whatever rocks yer boat,
If they persist, then advise there are several web sites where they can field there questions,
Best to keep your thoughts to yourself ,

Nah, I disagree. Mind you, if people are baiting you, that’s one thing; but if they really want to know, then you ought to explain why you believe that the Catholic Church is indeed the true, original church established by Christ, especially to someone with whom you have some sort of relationship.

 

[JRKH]

Favorite Gospel by my priest. The Catholic Church is the only church whose founder’s tomb is empty!

Don’t think this will work with most people…All Christians will say the same thing…that the Church is founded by Christ.

As a rule I think it best to avoid what I call “bumper sticker” replies.

Peace
James

 

[JRKH]

Nah, I disagree. Mind you, if people are baiting you, that’s one thing; but if they really want to know, then you ought to explain why you believe that the Catholic Church is indeed the true, original church established by Christ, especially to someone with whom you have some sort of relationship.

I agree with this…though I do understand the previous poster’s concern about getting out of one’s depth. Sometimes in apologetics, the most difficult answer seems to be “I don’t know”. We feel like we need to have all the answers.

For me, I like to try to draw people into discussion rather than just “tell them”.

Peace
James

 

[Xantippe]

Ilenadegracia said;

“I am having coffee with my dear boyfriend’s Baptist parents soon (without the BF). They currently hold more of the question of “So the Catholic Church is superior to our Baptist church?””

How about, “If a person believes that the Catholic Church is the Church Jesus founded, they should be Catholic. If a person believes that your Baptist church is the Church Jesus founded, they should join that Baptist church.”

Maybe somebody can improve on that, but I think that’s reasonably even-handed.

If they push after that, you could deflect by saying that this is all very complicated, and it would take a long time to do justice to the subject, and if they really are interested, you could get them a book (maybe Newman’s Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine?) and if they have any questions, you’ll be happy to discuss them as they come up. (I can’t guarantee that the Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine is appropriate (it’s been a long time since I’ve read it), but it does cover the right ground. I would avoid any Rah Rah triumphalistic apologetics works.)

 

[JRKH]

Ilenadegracia said;

“I am having coffee with my dear boyfriend’s Baptist parents soon (without the BF). They currently hold more of the question of “So the Catholic Church is superior to our Baptist church?””

How about, “If a person believes that the Catholic Church is the Church Jesus founded, they should be Catholic. If a person believes that your Baptist church is the Church Jesus founded, they should join that Baptist church.”

Maybe somebody can improve on that, but I think that’s reasonably even-handed.

If they push after that, you could deflect by saying that this is all very complicated, and it would take a long time to do justice to the subject, and if they really are interested, you could get them a book (maybe Newman’s Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine?) and if they have any questions, you’ll be happy to discuss them as they come up. (I can’t guarantee that the Essay on the Development of Christian Doctrine is appropriate (it’s been a long time since I’ve read it), but it does cover the right ground. I would avoid any Rah Rah triumphalistic apologetics works.)

Best answer so far I think…

Peace
James

 

[sallybutler]

Rather than get into a discussion with your future in-laws about a subject which is probably a sore point with them, given that their son is now catholic, you might want to change the subject.

Or ask them what their son told them.

Or just say that the Catholic Church is where God wants you.

 

[PaulinVA]

Ilenadegracia said;

“I am having coffee with my dear boyfriend’s Baptist parents soon (without the BF). They currently hold more of the question of “So the Catholic Church is superior to our Baptist church?””

How about, “If a person believes that the Catholic Church is the Church Jesus founded, they should be Catholic. If a person believes that your Baptist church is the Church Jesus founded, they should join that Baptist church.”

Maybe somebody can improve on that, but I think that’s reasonably even-handed.

Before the Reformation, there was only the Catholic Church. The various reformers attempted to reform the Church by adding to or taking away from the Catholic Church theology/doctrine.

We believe the Church still has the Truth, however flawed at times it seems to act. We simply believe that the original, non-reformed Church still has the full deposit of the faith.

 

[Xantippe]

MonicaD said:

“Many people who are deeply dedicated to their faith take it like a stab to the heart when their children leave their faith. These people are crushed and probably defensive.”

My two siblings and I all were born into a Pentecostal family and all married Catholics. As my grandma said around that time, “What did we do wrong?”

 

[Winter_Warlock_1]

IIena,

You can try to explain to them that “we” as Catholics are accepting to all other faiths that follow the teaching for Jesus. With all the strife in life if someone chooses to follow the teachings of our Lord and Savior Jesus, regardless of slight differences in how we go about expressing our faith, we are happy that the person in question as accepted Jesus. We do not say that anyone who follows Jesus differently from us is wrong – again we are just happy that they have accepted Him.

I pray that God grants you peace and happiness always.

Winter

 

[JRKH]

It is late in the morning as I write, so I will try to keep this short and sweet.

Occasionally I get a question which essentially says, “Why should I be Catholic?/Why can’t I just be Baptist?/So the Catholic Church is superior to my Baptist Church?/I don’t think denomination matters?” I’m sure nearly everyone has heard something like this before.** I usually answer by describing Christ’s intent for unity by establishing the papacy and just let the conversation flow from there…Almost always, no one walks away feeling upset. Usually it sparks a good conversation on unity, too**.

I think this approach is a wonderful one. It’s one that I use too.
I have a number of quotes from Scripture that all point to a profound and visible unity in a Church with authority.

I am having coffee with my dear boyfriend’s Baptist parents soon (without the BF). They currently hold more of the question of “So the Catholic Church is superior to our Baptist church?”

If someone said this to me - I would have to simply say, “Of course!..If I thought otherwise, I would be baptist instead”. Of course I would be smiling when I said it…
Then I’d want to follow that up with something along the lines of - -
"Well it’s less about “superiority” than it is about “fullness”.
Then let the conversation go from there.

The boyfriend is a convert to Catholicism.

So has he talked to his folks about his conversion?

I want to answer their question in a way that expresses that I do value the truth they have found in their Baptist church while also recognizing the Truth in the Catholic Church. Any tips or ideas on how to approach these types of conversations?

You’ve already received lots of good advice…
Let us know how it goes.

Peace
James

 

[llenadegracia]

This is what stands out for me as the entire heart of the matter. These people are grieving their son. Many people who are deeply dedicated to their faith take it like a stab to the heart when their children leave their faith. These people are crushed and probably defensive.

Show them love, love and more love. Ask them about their lives, ask them about their hobbies, their childhoods and the things they like to do. If they are determined to discuss religion, ask them questions about their Baptist faith and tell them how much you admire their love for Jesus. This seems to me a time to show love and friendship for them, more than a discussion of faith differences.

I assume your relationship with your boyfriend is getting serious or you would not be meeting these people for coffee. As someone else said, pray to the Holy Spirit to guide your words, He will help you. God bless.

Thank you for all the responses, everyone.

The reason we are meeting is because they want to hear what I believe (not because they’re interested in necessarily learning more about Catholicism, but because they’re interested in how this factors into my relationship with their son), so naturally these sort of topics will likely arise.

I absolutely affirm this is a time to show love. I just really want to make sure I am spot-on in answering any questions both accurately and with love. I don’t want to misrepresent what I believe/what the Church teaches. I am anticipating a question about salvation for people who are not Catholic and also something about the superiority of the Church.

As you suggested, I plan to ask them questions about their Baptist faith and focus on their love for Christ. They are very strong in their Baptist faith and I really want them (the BF wants this too, but it is difficult because they are grieving and feel betrayed) to play a role in their son and I’s relationship. They can offer so much wisdom from their life experiences from a strong marriage as Christians and I would love to hear them talk more about it. The BF and I are discerning marriage! Either we are getting married, or we will part ways. I want them to be a part of this discernment. I probably won’t mention the word marriage, though…they are absolutely not keen on the idea of Catholic grandbabies…

My heart aches for them. They view their son as turning his back completely on Christ by joining the Church. I understand the pain of watching a loved one step away from their faith, which is what they believe has occurred. I obviously have not experienced this with my own child, though. They are grieving and feel betrayed because this is their son! My heart aches because the result they want…for their son to leave the Church…is not something I can support. I cannot give them want they so desperately want. I want to grieve with them and provide comfort, but I also must celebrate that my boyfriend now is in full communion with the Church.

I want to help them heal and I feel like I (with the BF’s support and guidance, of course) am just guessing and hoping everything works out.

 

[Xantippe]

In that case (that they actually want to know what Catholics believe), it might be a good idea to prepare a sort of care package of books and maybe a list of helpful websites or bloggers so you don’t have to be their only source of information. Non-apologetic books–there should be no I-used-to-be-Baptist-and-then-I-found-the-true-faith books in the bunch.

Here are some possible titles:

–a Catholic RSV Bible
–a prayer book (nothing weird–there are some weird ones)
–Newman’s book on the development of Christian doctrine
–a Catechism
–a biography or two about counter-reformation reformers (especially if you have any particular favorites), for instance somebody like Teresa of Avila or a biography of somebody relatively modern like Cardinal Wyszynski.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stefan_Wyszy%C5%84ski

At some point, if they seem up to it, you and your boyfriend can make plans to take them to Mass with you (with appropriate instructions about communion) and maybe even take them to lunch with a favorite priest friend (if you have one).

There are also opportunities that pop up. I once, for instance, took a Protestant auntie of mine on a Catholic-chartered bus to the March for Life in DC. She got the full immersion experience.

It sounds like these are good people and that there is the opportunity here for a good relationship.

Best wishes!

 

[JRKH]

They view their son as turning his back completely on Christ by joining the Church

. I understand the pain of watching a loved one step away from their faith, which is what they believe has occurred. I obviously have not experienced this with my own child, though. They are grieving and feel betrayed because this is their son! My heart aches because the result they want…for their son to leave the Church…is not something I can support. I cannot give them want they so desperately want. I want to grieve with them and provide comfort, but I also must celebrate that my boyfriend now is in full communion with the Church.

I want to help them heal and I feel like I (with the BF’s support and guidance, of course) am just guessing and hoping everything works out.

This - the bolded - really tells the story here. They have apparently been taught that Catholics are not Christians. Otherwise why would they think he turned his back on Christ by joining the church?
So - I guess this is the main thing you have to show them…that Catholics ARE Christian. This will take a lot of time - more than a single meeting - though you can lay a lot of groundwork.
I would suggest that you find out from them why they object to the Catholic Church. Write down their questions and objections, then - for any you cannot answer adequately - you promise to get back to them on.
Pray with them at the start and end of your meeting…in Jesus name (they will like that especially if you suggest it).

Most of their objections from a teaching standpoint can be dealt with. Their grief over their son’s conversion might take a bit longer. That is more of a sense of personal failure for them.
In that regard…and without knowing any of you…you might approach it this way. You will know how to put it best, but suggest to them that they did a wonderful job raising a Christian son - that because of this his deep and growing love for God is what has led him to the the Catholic Church.

Just some thoughts.

Peace
James

 

[Xantippe]

Yes to almost everything MonicaD said, particularly about not telling the boyfriends’ family about involving them in discernment. They are interested parties.

I would definitely talk to them about marriage (the how-to stuff), though, and while I wouldn’t show up with a pile of books, sending some carefully chosen Catholic reference over is not a bad idea. No proselytizing literature, just basic reference.

Oh–just thought of something. There’s a Catholic study Bible called the Navarre Bible that comes with lots of foot notes about the Church Fathers and what they said about particular passages. There’s a whole fat volume devoted to “Gospel and Acts.” That might be a very good addition to any care package.

JKRH said:

“So - I guess this is the main thing you have to show them…that Catholics ARE Christian. This will take a lot of time - more than a single meeting - though you can lay a lot of groundwork.”

Yes–I think going to one or two well-selected Masses would probably do the job, if they are open-minded (and it sounds like they are, to some extent). Remember, in that neck of the theological woods, Christian = Bible, and if they notice that the Bible occupies a lot of territory in the Mass (which it does), I think 50% of your job is done.

 

[JRKH]

SNIP

Yes–I think going to one or two well-selected Masses would probably do the job, if they are open-minded (and it sounds like they are, to some extent). Remember, in that neck of the theological woods, Christian = Bible, and if they notice that the Bible occupies a lot of territory in the Mass (which it does), I think 50% of your job is done.

Getting them to a mass at some point would be great…but I suspect there will need to be a lot of groundwork laid first…
Don’t want to haul them into a church with statues and such (idolatry )

But definitely talk to them about the importance of Scripture in the Church. If they see you using scripture as support for Church teachings (even if they think you are misinterpreting) it will give them greater respect for you and for the Church.

Peace
James