How to not start a war against someone with opposing views

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AlphaFoxtrotNW

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Hello, my dudes. Sorry if title is a tad click baity but I got a serious issue. So, I have a family that is Catholic except a relative of mine expresses their disapproval and outright abhorrence to anything related to the Church. With the political and cultural environment as polarized as is, I find myself growing more and more distant from them as they simply do not want to debate about their why they despise me, my family and the Church as a whole. What steps need to be taken to convince them, or are they a lost cause?
 
Have you tried “ok then. Why don’t we agree to disagree?”

To some extent, religion tends to involve people who are entrenched in their position.
 
AlphaFoxtrotNW said:
Hello, my dudes. Sorry if title is a tad click baity but I got a serious issue. So, I have a family that is Catholic except a relative of mine expresses their disapproval and outright abhorrence to anything related to the Church. With the political and cultural environment as polarized as is, I find myself growing more and more distant from them as they simply do not want to debate about their why they despise me, my family and the Church as a whole. What steps need to be taken to convince them, or are they a lost cause?
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If they don’t want to debate, I would suggest honoring their desire not to. But I would insist that they treat your faith and that of your family with respect.
And most effective, pray for them, say a Rosary for them.
No one is a lost cause, but some take more prayers than others.

.
 
I am only an occasional visitor to these boards, and one of the things which I find most off-putting about many of the posts here is their implied self righteousness.

A lot of posters seem to be bubbling with suppressed anger and more anxious to be “right” than “holy” - while hugging to themselves the comforting belief that anyone who doesn’t absolutely disagree with them is hell bound in a handcart…

And surprisingly many posts ask “how to dispute” with someone or other about something or other.

Being constantly in a prickly lather over real or imagined slights is not setting a good example and is more likely to antagonise than inspire.

Kindness and good example will do more than argument, and if your relatives persist - well they are not the only foolish people in the world, and we all have to rub along, so ignore them and change the subject.

Wasn’t there some advice about turning the other cheek?
 
Gilly_flower said:
I am only an occasional visitor to these boards, and one of the things which I find most off-putting about many of the posts here is their implied self righteousness.

A lot of posters seem to be bubbling with suppressed anger and more anxious to be “right” than “holy” - while hugging to themselves the comforting belief that anyone who doesn’t absolutely disagree with them is hell bound in a handcart…

And surprisingly many posts ask “how to dispute” with someone or other about something or other.

Being constantly in a prickly lather over real or imagined slights is not setting a good example and is more likely to antagonise than inspire.

Kindness and good example will do more than argument, and if your relatives persist - well they are not the only foolish people in the world, and we all have to rub along, so ignore them and change the subject.

Wasn’t there some advice about turning the other cheek?
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As a frequent visitor to the board I have to disagree. It’s unfair and bizarre to make a statement as the one I bolded in your post that a “lot of posters” do this or that when you
post infrequently.

Also, you judge the relative as “foolish.”

Wasn’t there some advice about judge not lest ye be judged? Actually this is one of the most judgmental post I have read on this board in a long time.

Mary.
 
I think now we all have trouble accepting opposing view points. I am well acquainted with one family that are politically conservative and Protestant and my own family is atheistic and politically liberal. Dumping either side is not acceptable.

What I do is to try and ignore or contribute to the political discussion and as much as possible to only mention religious things as in everyday things. Such as, the priest is from your hometown, or the pews are uncomfortable. These can be twisted into being controversial such as, well the priest must be really conservative, or why can’t you go to a church with nice cushioned seats? But I try not to take the bait.
 
AlphaFoxtrotNW said:
Hello, my dudes. Sorry if title is a tad click baity but I got a serious issue. So, I have a family that is Catholic except a relative of mine expresses their disapproval and outright abhorrence to anything related to the Church. With the political and cultural environment as polarized as is, I find myself growing more and more distant from them as they simply do not want to debate about their why they despise me, my family and the Church as a whole. What steps need to be taken to convince them, or are they a lost cause?
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I don’t have the experience you have with family but with anti Catholic protestants. Instead of debating what I do is ask questions. Don’t know the circumstances with this person, whether they are protestant or atheist so of course the questions would be different depending. I also would wait and let them bring up the conversation.
 
Just walk away.

Until a person desires a relationship with Christ for themselves (because they see your family happy, at peace, able to deal with what life tosses at you, and being a good citizen of the world in terms of compassion and generosity) there’s not much else you can do.

You can’t force spirituality.
You CAN pray. In the long run, that is the best, and only option.

And ignore the poster who went on the rant. :rolleyes:

I agree with Mary777

“prickly lather” indeed. :rolleyes:
 
pianistclare said:
Just walk away.

Until a person desires a relationship with Christ for themselves (because they see your family happy, at peace, able to deal with what life tosses at you, and being a good citizen of the world in terms of compassion and generosity) there’s not much else you can do.

You can’t force spirituality.
You CAN pray. In the long run, that is the best, and only option.

And ignore the poster who went on the rant. :rolleyes:

I agree with Mary777

“prickly lather” indeed. :rolleyes:
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Yes.

I used to think I could reason with such people, and I would line up my arguments and be ready. Then the person would not respond perfectly the way I envisioned he or she should! 😉

Sometimes people aren’t ready to hear what you have to say. Sometimes you’re not saying it well, or pride takes over and it stops being about the truth and instead is about you being right. Sometimes it’s both. Sometimes actions speak louder than words, too. I think there’s a place for words, definitely. But there’s no use hurling them against a brick wall over and over.

I don’t knot that I’ve ever actually converted anyone, but I do know that I have softened a few hearts. You can’t do that with logic and rhetoric alone, though they can be helpful. Prayer is such a great gift from God. It has helped me soften my heart, also.
 
AlphaFoxtrotNW said:
Hello, my dudes. Sorry if title is a tad click baity but I got a serious issue. So, I have a family that is Catholic except a relative of mine expresses their disapproval and outright abhorrence to anything related to the Church. With the political and cultural environment as polarized as is, I find myself growing more and more distant from them as they simply do not want to debate about their why they despise me, my family and the Church as a whole. What steps need to be taken to convince them, or are they a lost cause?
Click to expand...
How close can you be with someone who despises what you hold dear. I’d shake the dust of my sandals on this one.
 
Ok to address a few things.

Firstly, I am by no means superior to my relative, being intellectually, morally, politically or spiritually. That is the one thing I did not want to imply. When people make themselves to be superior to someone else, you open the door to an authoritarian outlet of aggression and suppression. I am no means saying I am better than them. I am implying that the path they travel will lead in ruin because it makes too many enemies towards them and sooner or later they will find themselves with no friends left to support them. It is like the imagery of the snake that consumes itself because the ideology will eventually implode. This is seen by the aforementioned political environment changing drastically. If I made myself out to be a authoritarian ideologue then that was not my intention.

Secondly, it is harder to ask questions than it is to debate. Specifically if your are going to get the tired excuse of isms.

Thirdly, I cannot bring myself to lose this person. As they might say in the military, no one gets left behind. I know and realize that there is no physical way to make them believe in church teaching. I only use debate to try and discuss ideas and then enlighten the both of us. This is by no means “Im right, your wrong” its more of why do you believe these things. This is the issue here. I cannot get an answer that is coherent enough to explain their actions which deeply troubles me. See paragraph one.

Finally, thank you for all your comments. Boy this is long winded but I understand that I cannot let my ego get too large, let pride become too powerful. Again, authoritarianism. I realize that maybe I have to let go but my morals tell me not too. I will try prayer and see if anything comes of it. Thank you for your participation in this discussion.
 
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