How to observe a woman on a first date?

[mdleagedguy]

There’s really only one thing you need to worry about on a first date. Do you like her? Anything else is too much for a first date. It takes a lot of time to really, truly get to know someone. You can’t hurry the process. There is no one thing, set of behaviors that can tell you what you want to know. So if you like her and had fun, ask her out again. If you don’t think she’s the one for you, then don’t ask her out again. It really is that simple. Detailed analysis can only happen over a longer period of time.

If you are looking to get detailed information about a person’s character off of a first date, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Guess what! We’re all human, we all have faults, and none of us are perfect. If you begin looking for red flags, you are guaranteed to find them. We all have them.

Here’s something else to consider. If you are looking for some way to analyze a person’s character off of a first date, you will begin exhibiting behaviors that you are analyzing your date’s behavior. When you do that, you will begin affecting that behavior. One of two things will happen. You will make your date uncomfortable which might put up red flags in her behavior that wouldn’t otherwise have come up. The other thing that might happen is that your behavior will put up red flags that can turn your date off. Either way, you increase the likelihood of an unnecessarily failed date. You will increase the odds of missing out on a great person, and so this sort of thing creates self-fulfilling negative prophesies and is counterproductive.

So just go and enjoy yourself. Get to know the person. Don’t worry about it, just enjoy it. Detailed analysis is something you can do when you’re not with her, and you have a lot of dates with the person under your belt which give you sufficient information to decide if she might be the one for you. Until then, you should only consider whether you like her and are having a good time.

Also, you are not an “observer” of your date. You are a participant in a date. Be one.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Most men go after women who are totally decked out! Just remember, all that jewelry, clothing, fancy hair, professional nails, and matching heels…cost big bucks! A lady with a more simple style, could save a family literally 6k a year.

Careful on that one. I do the “decked out” thing pretty often but I’m one of the most thrifty (ok, downright cheap) people in the world. I am awesome at doing hair, and my current highlights and lowlights were done by me at home with 3 bottles of hair dye from Dollar General. My jewelry is all fake, and all of my clothes, with the exception of undergarments come from a very trendy, but dirt cheap thrift store. My name brands, jewelry, and hair probably only cost a couple hundred a year, and it would even if I had a more simple style.

 

[Razanir]

Most men go after women who are totally decked out! Just remember, all that jewelry, clothing, fancy hair, professional nails, and matching heels…cost big bucks! A lady with a more simple style, could save a family literally 6k a year.

Good thing you said “most.” I’m a guy and I don’t really find “hot” girls attractive. I’m the guy who will use words like “cute” or “pretty” to describe someone. “Hot” either means temperature or spicy, and “sexy” isn’t even in my vocabulary. (Unless I’m singing along to Gangnam Style or other songs)

Wow, those are some really deep questions for a first date! If my husband had asked these types of questions on our very first date I would have thought he was way too intense for me. There will be a time and place for such in-depth questions, but not on the very first date. A first date shouldn’t be that serious, it should be fun and light hearted.

Oh, and it should be somewhere where you can talk. Movies and plays don’t work.

Why would children be brought up on the first date? If any did this…I’d be running for the hills!

Yeah… If a girl asked about kids (with the subtext of “our”) on a first date, I’d think she’s about as sane as Overly Attached Girlfriend.

 

[Kelfa28]

Yeah… If a girl asked about kids (with the subtext of “our”) on a first date, I’d think she’s about as sane as Overly Attached Girlfriend.

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[Aggie414]

I agree with several other posters that you might be pre-analyzing the situation a bit, but I think that’s normal with nerves – especially if you’re younger.

I would go expecting to enjoy myself and find out if there’s enough interest in the young lady (or man – can’t remember if OP is male or female) to want to see them again. Once you’ve been on a few dates and people start to relax in each other’s company is really when you can start observing traits and decide if they’re deal breakers or not. A huge deal breaker for me is someone who is rude to wait staff. Another deal breaker for me is someone who can’t leave their phone alone for long enough to have a meal. It’s one thing if they’ve apologized in advance because they’re on call for work or they have to take a quick call because of a work situation – I’ve had that happen. They excuse themselves and take the call and come back and we finished our meal uninterrupted. That’s fine – we’re adults. We sometimes have responsibilities. But if someone has their phone in their lap and they’re texting and can’t be bothered to have a full conversation, that pretty much ends it for me.

 

[Bill_Martin]

80X spotting scope, ghillie suit, and dense cover.

Seriously though, just go and relax. You’ll notice the important things because that is what will subconsciously tell you whether you are attracted to her or not.