How to overcome severe scrupulosity?

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Alexgrace927

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I am having a really hard time. I was away from the church for ten years, lost my faith, but now I am back and re-learning everything about the faith, and learning a lot of new things too. Taking everything in has been sort of a shock to my system, and its been giving me a lot of existential anxiety. I’ve become afraid that every thought that I have, or everything I do is a sin and that I am damned. I feel like I can never please God no matter how hard I try. This fear is agonizing and has sent me into a terrible depression. Praying is becoming progressively more difficult because I don’t feel like I am worthy to even approach God, Our Lady or The Saints. I fear my eating disorder is re emerging because of this as well, I feel guilty eating because I feel like I don’t deserve food or I am being gluttonous so I try to eat one meal a day. I am also afraid that God wants to punish me by taking away my loved ones. I am always terrified that my fiance or mother is going to die in a horrible accident, and that it might be my fault for offending God. I know logically that God is loving and merciful, but I can’t feel it right now. Does anyone have any advice? I am so lost, and I feel so alone. Please pray for me.
 
First off, know of my prayers. This is indeed a terrible cross to bear, but know that the grace of God helps us to bear it.

I would advise you to do three things:

First, find a priest whom you trust and seek his direction, especially in terms of guidance on how to go to confession and how often. If confession becomes compulsive, he can help you set good boundaries regarding frequency and manner of confessing.

Second, make sure you’re seeking help from a mental health professional regarding the issues you’ve outlined. There is no shame in this. There is certainly no Church teaching against doing so. I say this as someone who suffered from anxiety for many years and who greatly benefited from therapy.

Third, it is very tempting to seek reassurance on this forum and other online places. However, this very often does more harm than good, since no answer will ever be good enough, and it will just further the cycle. So avoid posting your questions or worries online, and wait until you can take them up with your priest and mental health provider.

If I may be of further help to you, please don’t hesitate to message me.

Again, know of my prayers.

-Fr ACEGC
 
Talk to a priest. It seems returning to the faith fueled your scrupulosity
 
Alexgrace927 said:
I am always terrified that my fiancee or mother is going to die in a horrible accident, and that it might be my fault for offending God
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I was diagnosed with OCD several years ago. I used to have this same deluded thought process (among others I won’t get into here). If I did something bad, God would kill my parents.

My advice would be to talk to your doctor about some of the stuff you’re going through and perhaps find a therapist. Scrupulosity and OCD go hand and hand (Not saying that you have OCD necessarily but that’s why I say go to a doctor) and it can be greatly reduced/mitigated through therapy.
 
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  1. Speak with Father.
  2. Speak with doctor.
  3. From interacting with cancer patients since 2008, I know that anxiety (with which scrupulosity is associated) is a major factor and emotionally crippling to many. The drug-free gold standard in treatment is known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Catholic counselors such as Dr. Gregory Popcak at the Pastoral Solutions Institute offer such treatment. Do look into it, as our Lord left us peace - His peace He gave to us. He strongly desires that you live in peace.
 
Yeah I do need to talk to my doctor, I haven’t been to therapy or anything in months. I have always had delusions and paranoid but have never been diagnosed with OCD, but I guess it wouldn’t be that surprising if I did have it. I’m sorry you had to go through this as well.
 
Sorry you’re going through this as well. You’re not alone! These issues are so, so common. You are in my prayers!
 
The people above pretty much said it all, talk to a physical person, spiritual director/priest/religious sister. And know that I am praying for you. I have gone through scrupulosity too, and it’s a hard thing. Saint Ignatius of Loyola wrote a lot about discernment of spirits, and this podcast about his writing really helped me with scrupulosity. I would encourage you to listen to it: Redirect Notice

Again, we are praying for you and you are not alone. Satan often tries to tell us that we are alone but we are surrounded but “so great a crowd of witnesses” cheering us on and interceding for us! You are never alone.

God bless you, God loves you, God’s peace be with you.
 
I wish I could meet Fr. Gallagher in person. I loved that series because it helped reinforce everything I learned on retreat.
 
I too went through scrupulosity when I came back to the faith. It will get better.The book Understanding Scrupulosity by Fr. Santa helped me a lot. It’s written in Q/A format, very easy read, very helpful. You’re in my prayers!
 
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