How to percieve a cousin who had a miscarriage

[sidetrack]

At 11:34 .p.m. my other cousin who’s the sister of the impregnator I mention here forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=765274 came out my sister’s room where she had been with her and friends for hours now.I come out suspicious as to why she’s all dressed up like she’s going to go out b/c last I checked she’s been pregnant she’s had for a month and a half now.

“Your going out clubbing”

“Yeah why?”

“Your pregnant”

‘_’ I glare at her for a moment

“I lost it” she still says smiling while I still care

“Oh…you mean a miscarriage?”

“Yeah.Dont worry about it [my name]”

My sister pops up behind me asking “Why are you saying that? [to him/me]” before they grabbed her by the hand to go out clubbing.

Look I really doubt there was a “voluntary termination” seeing as how during the gathering when she revealed this to my I came into the kitchen hearing her talk about how she doesn’t believe in the *proposal I suppose *:ehh: someone said to her about the pregnancy and she said that even though the timing is bad she’s still going to have it ;early 20’s just graduated and got employed for being a dental assistant and was expecting a dilemma of asking for maternity leave so early in her first achieved job.

I mean I feel like I do believe her and want to believe in her but still ‘~’…considering the questionableness of what her brother did… : ( …could it have been a single unmindful action in her lifestyle that caused this ?

Aside in all honesty not meant to be flippant: Dang! >_< it DOES not help that coincidentally the last four intense episodes of a very somber anime I was marathoning through today (“Now and then,here and there”) actually dealt with a girl in anguish and coming to terms with what to do with her pregnancy caused by prison rape (rest assured she keeps it as a sign of hope/second chance at a new life).

 

[Anglewannabe]

Honestly, it appears you are spending too much time thinking about other people’s actions. It is obvious none of these people care to hear about your morals. It also wouldn’t surprise me if they purposefully don’t tell you everything because they are fed up with the lecture.

The way to perceive a cousin who told you she had a miscarriage is a bit of a silly question. Just treat her the way Jesus wants you to.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

So this is the second time you’ve tried to sniff out whether or not someone has had an abortion? Frankly it’s none of your business and none of these people need to answer to you.

 

[Trishie]

God bless you for your loving concern for your family.

Try not to judge. I know that you’re anxious for the best for your family members, but your task is to pray for them and to love them with practical acts of kindness. Much as you care for them you’re not their conscience.

You already know that if you corner them with questions or judgements you only alienate them and your cause for their well-being and souls is undermined, not helped.

Continue to pray for them with all your heart, as even if it seems that God’s grace is not guiding them, God alone can give them the necessary graces when they are able to welcome them…and that time is God’s time, even if it seems to you that nothing is happening.

Kind wishes,

Trishie

 

[Et_Cetera]

I’m not even completely sure about what the initial post is asking or telling.

 

[Aussiegal]

Sidetrack,

Unfortunately we can’t control the actions of others even though we know they may be doing the wrong thing. What we do have control of is our own actions and how we respond to others. Jesus asks us not to pass judgement on others, so sometimes there are times when we are not meant to speak, because our opinions can sometimes be hurtful towards others even if this is not our intention. Quietly pray for that person. I know this is difficult but just take it to Jesus in prayer, ask him to enter this persons life and to heal them. Try to reflect Jesus in your daily life.

Blessings

 

[sidetrack]

Sidetrack,

Unfortunately we can’t control the actions of others even though we know they may be doing the wrong thing. What we do have control of is our own actions and how we respond to others. Jesus asks us not to pass judgement on others, so sometimes there are times when we are not meant to speak, because our opinions can sometimes be hurtful towards others even if this is not our intention. Quietly pray for that person. I know this is difficult but just take it to Jesus in prayer, ask him to enter this persons life and to heal them. Try to reflect Jesus in your daily life.

Blessings

I understand that your saying I can’t do anything to control the actions of someone that they did… but if I may be so bold as to say what’s on my mind are you also implictively saying that I can’t subtly intervene like thru a chat to make sure something like this if it were about to happen,does not happen ?:ehh:

 

[Oneofthewomen]

I understand that your saying I can’t do anything to control the actions of someone that they did… but if I may be so bold as to say what’s on my mind are you also implictively saying that I can’t subtly intervene like thru a chat to make sure something like this if it were about to happen,does not happen ?:ehh:

Think about this…

How would*** you ***feel, if some well-meaning relative, starting chatting you up about some intensly personal issue that is no concern of theirs?

Sorry, but if these are adults, you need to keep you nose out of their business.

 

[maryjk]

So this is the second time you’ve tried to sniff out whether or not someone has had an abortion? Frankly it’s none of your business and none of these people need to answer to you.

I agree BEL.

Sorry, OP, it isn’t up to you to sniff out other peoples sin.

 

[FrenzyJen]

Why would being pregnant mean she can’t go out? I can’t get past that part. Is she supposed to stay at home her whole pregnancy?

 

[maryjk]

Why would being pregnant mean she can’t go out? I can’t get past that part. Is she supposed to stay at home her whole pregnancy?

I wondered that too.

Maybe “clubbing” indicates drinking/getting drunk? Rather than just going out?

 

[Aussiegal]

I understand that your saying I can’t do anything to control the actions of someone that they did… but if I may be so bold as to say what’s on my mind are you also implictively saying that I can’t subtly intervene like thru a chat to make sure something like this if it were about to happen,does not happen ?:ehh:

If I’m understanding you correctly, I don’t see anything wrong in giving someone your thoughts on something. Be aware though we all have different views, even to people very close to us & frustrating as it is, for the sake of family harmony sometimes we have to choose our words very carefully.

I think with a lot of situations ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, we never know if our words might hinder or help.

 

[nodito]

How about, “Oh I’m so sorry you lost the baby.” And leave it at that.

 

[sidetrack]

Think about this…

How would*** you ***feel, if some well-meaning relative, starting chatting you up about some intensly personal issue that is no concern of theirs?

Sorry, but if these are adults, you need to keep you nose out of their business.

Well-meaning relative chatting up about intense personal issues is something that I’ll have you know that I don’t mind.I’m sorry but if I feel that there is a chance that someone is going to be killed then that changes my approach in spite of etiquette to one of making sure that btw death and life,life is the one that is decided on to continue.Esp.if it’s being done by ppl who are in fair chance might ethically a/o emotionally misdeveloped or undeveloped,thereby not contemplating much on this I’ll intervene as much as I can.

I think with a lot of situations ask the Holy Spirit for guidance, we never know if our words might hinder or help.

Although you have a point there Aussiegal :ehh: .

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

If you were her husband, I might understand this.

Or, if the situation was more dangerous (say, she was chugging a bottle of vodka in front of you), I might understand this.

But she is (was?) a newly pregnant woman, not a prisoner. Unless you two have some special arrangement, I don’t think she needs to give a personal accounting of everywhere she goes/doesn’t go to you.

 

[maryjk]

Well-meaning relative chatting up about intense personal issues is something that I’ll have you know that I don’t mind. I’m sorry but if I feel that there is a chance that someone is going to be killed then that changes my approach in spite of etiquette to one of making sure that, btw death and life, life is the one that is decided on to continue. Esp.if it’s being done by ppl who are in fair chance might ethically a/o emotionally misdeveloped or undeveloped,thereby not contemplating much on this I’ll intervene as much as I can.

But this post indicates that you are assuming that she is going to have an abortion. When in fact, you know no such thing.

In fact, she is claiming that she had a miscarriage. Whether you believe her or not is really immaterial.

(Capital letters and spaces help us read your posts)

 

[sidetrack]

In fact, she is claiming that she had a miscarriage. Whether you believe her or not is really immaterial.

…:ehh: why?

 

[maryjk]

…:ehh: why?

Because it isn’t up to you to decide who is telling the truth and who isn’t. And it isn’t any of your business. At this point what’s done is done.

You are going on and on about something you know nothing about.

But it sounds like you plan on digging and pushing until you know all of the juicy details. Then you are going to go after your cousin with those details.

Just move on.

Either she had a miscarriage, in which case she needs your prayers. Or she had an abortion, in which case she needs … your prayers.

 

[thewanderer]

Because it isn’t up to you to decide who is telling the truth and who isn’t. And it isn’t any of your business. At this point what’s done is done.

You are going on and on about something you know nothing about.

But it sounds like you plan on digging and pushing until you know all of the juicy details. Then you are going to go after your cousin with those details.

Just move on.

Either she had a miscarriage, in which case she needs your prayers. Or she had an abortion, in which case she needs … your prayers.

Agreed. OP, why in the world would you think she might be lying about this? You seem to be looking for scandal and sin. As Catholics we are bound to give others the benefit of the doubt. We are not supposed to go searching for ways to catch people out and we are not supposed to spread rumors that a person may have sinned. Please read and reflect on this section of the Catechism

2477 Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury.277 He becomes guilty:

• of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;
• of detraction who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them ;
• of calumny who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.

2478 To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor’s thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way:

Every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another’s statement than to condemn it. But if he cannot do so, let him ask how the other understands it. and if the latter understands it badly, let the former correct him with love. If that does not suffice, let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct interpretation so that he may be saved.279

2479 Detraction and calumny destroy the reputation and honor of one’s neighbor. Honor is the social witness given to human dignity, and everyone enjoys a natural right to the honor of his name and reputation and to respect. Thus, detraction and calumny offend against the virtues of justice and charity.

vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P8K.HTM

ETA: I went back to try and bold some more important points to focus on, but realized that doing so would mean bolding the entire passage. Please spend some time honestly reflecting on this passage, it is unfortunately something that many Catholics, including myself, fail at far too often and it is rarely spoken about yet it is an extremely important failing to be careful of.

 

[Mintaka]

Also, someone who miscarries can be up and down in emotions. They’ve got grief and moodswings, and then they’ve got hormone imbalances on top of that.

Maybe it’s an Irish-American thing, but I associate drinking, dancing, and horrible jokes with deep early grief and funerals/wakes. Later on, we get into the whole quiet depressive thing. This is why a lot of folks believe in continuing to go to work, doing lots of activities, cheer-up fun stuff, etc. – because if you don’t keep moving, you brood and fall apart.

I’m glad if she had someone going out with her, to help her and be with her if she does fall apart.