How to proceed potentially spiritual direction?

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Struggling1

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I have decided I need to stop searching for evidence or proof of Gods existence and to continue praying and trying to do the right thing. How do I move past the skepticism and accept that God exists solely on faith? How do I move from being skeptical? It’s at the base a Pascal’s wager for me but I guess I just need to try to believe and have faith. It’s scares me I don’t have evidence or proof and it frightens me that I may not matter enough for say someone to ever come assist me or to have a mystical experience but I guess 99.9 percent of people don’t. Any advice on what to do? Some people were frustrated at me recently for making posts I’m not trying to be a bother just looking for help in the darkest of times.
 
I listened to a very interesting conference about Luke’s gospel. The speaker is an italian bishop, Mons Ravasi, Gianfranco Ravasi - Wikipedia It is available on youtube but in italian only.

see below, i will try to repeat his words:
Luke 24:13-35

13 That same day two of Jesus’ disciples were going to the village of Emmaus, which was about seven miles from Jerusalem. 14 As they were talking and thinking about what had happened, 15 Jesus came near and started walking along beside them. 16 But they did not know who he was.

17 Jesus asked them, “What were you talking about as you walked along?”

The two of them stood there looking sad and gloomy. 18 Then the one named Cleopas asked Jesus, “Are you the only person from Jerusalem who didn’t know what was happening there these last few days?”

19 “What do you mean?” Jesus asked.

They answered:

Those things that happened to Jesus from Nazareth. By what he did and said he showed that he was a powerful prophet, who pleased God and all the people. 20 Then the chief priests and our leaders had him arrested and sentenced to die on a cross. 21 We had hoped that he would be the one to set Israel free! But it has already been three days since all this happened.

22 Some women in our group surprised us. They had gone to the tomb early in the morning, 23 but did not find the body of Jesus. They came back, saying that they had seen a vision of angels who told them that he is alive. 24 Some men from our group went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said. But they didn’t see Jesus either.

25 Then Jesus asked the two disciples, “Why can’t you understand? How can you be so slow to believe all that the prophets said? 26 Didn’t you know that the Messiah would have to suffer before he was given his glory?” 27 Jesus then explained everything written about himself in the Scriptures, beginning with the Law of Moses and the Books of the Prophets.[a]

28 When the two of them came near the village where they were going, Jesus seemed to be going farther. 29 They begged him, “Stay with us! It’s already late, and the sun is going down.” So Jesus went into the house to stay with them.

30 After Jesus sat down to eat, he took some bread. He blessed it and broke it. Then he gave it to them. 31 At once they knew who he was, but he disappeared. 32 They said to each other, “When he talked with us along the road and explained the Scriptures to us, didn’t it warm our hearts?” 33 So they got right up and returned to Jerusalem.

The two disciples found the eleven apostles and the others gathered together. 34 And they learned from the group that the Lord was really alive and had appeared to Peter. 35 Then the disciples from Emmaus told what happened on the road and how they knew he was the Lord when he broke the bread.

meditate how they recognized Jesus, the sentences that i highlighted.
let you ears listen to the Scriptures and your heart warmed, look at the priest celebrating the Eucharist and participate, so that your eyes too can be opened. But remember, Jesus came near and started walking along beside them. 16 But they did not know who he was. It is a journey
 
I think the darkest question that I am afraid to face is why does God seem to love me less or why has he so abandoned me. I suffer day in and day out and I can’t get what I think I need. That’s the part I need to surrender.
 
There are plenty of ways depending on your level of knowledge an what you are willing to do. I would say praying the rosary daily is one of the best ways. Want a scientific explanation? Well, you know that sound waves travel through all the universe, so it wouldn’t be crazy to say they could reach God even if He received the sound waves outside the universe (because the sound waves reach the limit of the universe). And if you know with technology we can see through a microscope and telescope, then it wouldn’t be imposible for a being to have a mechanism to see our brains from far away, because thoughts are made with physical substances in the brain. They may not be the best examples, but they are reasonable even if hard.

The first christians were sometimes called philosophers by the greeks, and not just because of their moral reasoning. Pope Benedict XVI, for example, said that a rational being can not have been created by something irrational (like chance). Another of the great things in the Church are the teachings that you can apply in your life and see for yourself that are part of human nature and bring happiness. Cardinal virtues, the opposition against capital sins, are christian teachings, and a society can’t know why easily because we have limited experiences and our lives can specialize just in some things and won’t ever know about the rest.

However, Christianity didn’t expand only by promising the truth to everyone but by miracles. You could research miracles of the Church, and it wouldn’t be a bad way to learn, but that isn’t the only way God acts either. God is the Creator of all and it wouldn’t be reasonable to think He doesn’t use nature. Personally, I see too many “coincidences” in my life to say that they are fruit of chance, it is clear to me that God helps me at all times. Aren’t there scientific theories that say that everything tends to chaos? Well, one of the teachings of Jesus says that if you keep looking, you’ll find what you’re looking for. As long as you are sincere and keep looking for the truth, you’ll find it when you need it. I recommend that you get some helping hands from a community, even if it’s hard to find a good one today.
 
I will think on this. Thank you for the response and guidance.
 
Dear Struggling, I do not know why God allows suffering, but I look at the Cross and see Jesus expressing your same feelings and even your words “God, why have you forsaken me?”. I know he can get greater good from it. It is a mystery but you can realize God is there walking along beside you during these dark times. Look at the Cross and pray
 
I will. I can’t help but feel I’m letting him down. I feel utterly abandoned constantly and I can’t see him or feel him or find evidence of him. I can’t see him in creation or nature. I am utterly blind. Some people receive questions when they ask and I don’t believe in deserving of an answer or a miracle or a sign but I wish I could have an inkling. It’s a journey though you mentioned I’ll remember that I appreciate the insight. I would accept suffering endlessly to know for even a minute definitively that God exists.
 
How can I learn to trust a being I can’t witness. What steps do I have to take to break myself down. I’ll do anything!
 
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