How to raise kids with two religions

[bdoran22]

My gf is Jewish and I am Catholic. We talked about if we get married how will we raise our kids. I just assumed catholic, BC she doesn’t seem strong in her religion. but when we talked she said she like to raise them with both views and do each just as much. I on the other hand have been thinking about this for a few months and I feel like I can’t decide. I would like to raise catholic, I feel I am more devoted to my religion as she hasn’t gone to temple in the past 15 years. She dose celebrate the holidays but it so I see that lacking in the belief of her faith and say we do get married and have kids and kids come to church with me and put into CCD. How strings would she be if she herself doesn’t attend temple at all. How will she just pick that up again if she has no desire to go now. I see it as a long hard road

 

[theyoungmonk]

Hmm it is tricky, well the children have to raised Catholic. when you marry outside the church an agreement has to be made that the Children will be raised in the faith. Maybe the best compromise as she seems to be a “cultural Jew” rather than a religious one is to have them taught all the cultural holidays and things and study the Old Testement more but not to do things like attend the synagogue have seder meals etc.

 

[Deus_tecum]

What is at the heart of raising kids with "both views? I think it boils down to this:
Catholic: Jesus is Lord.
Jew: Jesus is not Lord.

Do you want double minded children? “A double-minded man is unstable in all he does.” “A house divided against itself will fall.”

 

[aemcpa]

Since Catholicism is the authentic continuation and fulfillment of the Jewish religion, the only logical answer would be to raise them Catholic. You can feel free to acknowledge the old Jewish holy days as a cultural and historical thing, but the one religion willed for all men by the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob until the end of the world is the Catholic religion.

 

[1ke]

My gf is Jewish and I am Catholic. We talked about if we get married how will we raise our kids. I just assumed catholic, BC she doesn’t seem strong in her religion. but when we talked she said she like to raise them with both views and do each just as much. I on the other hand have been thinking about this for a few months and I feel like I can’t decide. I would like to raise catholic, I feel I am more devoted to my religion as she hasn’t gone to temple in the past 15 years. She dose celebrate the holidays but it so I see that lacking in the belief of her faith and say we do get married and have kids and kids come to church with me and put into CCD. How strings would she be if she herself doesn’t attend temple at all. How will she just pick that up again if she has no desire to go now. I see it as a long hard road

it is not possible to raise your children “both” Jewish and Catholic. That is nonsense. Either Jesus is God or he is not.

A Catholic is obligated to raise their children Catholic. It is not optional. If you “cannot decide” on raising your children Catholic, you are not ready to marry. It is the number one obligation of a Catholic parent.

Please reconsider going down the path of marrying a non-Catholic, let alone a non-Christian.

 

[Elizium23]

Your wife pledged to allow the children to be raised Catholic when she married you. It is a huge red flag now that she is going back on her word despite her lack of faith. I suspect that it is familial pressure. The in-laws always have a greater vested interest in grandchildren growing up in their faith than the parent does.

This is something that should have been addressed during your pre-Cana wedding preparation. It is kind of shocking to me how couples can go through a rigorous preparation period and still have these kinds of surprises after the ceremony, but I suppose that love is blind. If your wife is willing to go back on this promise, then what else will you disagree on in the future? It is never too early to look at your relationship and identify the issues that threaten to drive you apart.

Then don’t just come to an anonymous forum looking for advice. Get professional help. There are many options in the Catholic Church to strengthen married couples. The spiritual direction of a priest can be helpful. The Worldwide Marriage Encounter program will strengthen your relationship. Retrouvaille can rescue a marriage in trouble. But don’t let it get that far. Seek reconciliation now and settle the matter before it eats away at both of you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Your wife pledged to allow the children to be raised Catholic when she married you. It is a huge red flag now that she is going back on her word despite her lack of faith. I suspect that it is familial pressure. The in-laws always have a greater vested interest in grandchildren growing up in their faith than the parent does.

They’re not married yet, thank God. Otherwise your advice is good.

OP, this is one of the worst possible scenarios for a Catholic. Jesus cannot be Messiah and not-Messiah at the same time. Your kids would grow up trusting NEITHER of your faiths and would likely be either at best, agnostic, or at worst, atheist. Please do not marry this woman.

 

[Elizium23]

They’re not married yet, thank God. Otherwise your advice is good.

Oh… reading is fundamental, I see. Well, Juliane and 1ke have given good advice too. This is, as we say, a huge red flag for you. Agreement on how to raise the children is such a basic and important element of a marriage that practically everything else will depend on it. Remember that when we marry someone, we don’t just marry a woman, we marry into a family. If half your family is non-Catholic, and any of them are at all observant in their faith, you will experience enormous pressure to produce the children that they want, rather than the children that your wife and you want. It is unavoidable, so in choosing any mate, always consider her family, see whether they are deeply involved in her life or estranged from her. Determine for yourself if you have the wherewithal to take a stand. For a Catholic husband this should be a matter of the utmost importance: we want to raise children in the faith and carry on after we are gone. There should be no caving or compromise in this matter.

As a faithful Catholic man, you deserve a wife who will lovingly raise children in your faith. Don’t settle for less.

Let me suggest that you seek out a spiritual director and ask for his help as you discern your vocation to married life. Many people think that a SD is only for vocations to the priesthood or religious life, but I think a SD can help adults in their spiritual journey wherever we are headed. I am seeking one now because I am over 40 and still no vocation at all. I want to rule out vocations that I am not suited for. Perhaps I am still called to marriage, it is not out of the question at my age. But I can tell you that I wish I had had a SD 5 years ago when I foolishly asked a woman to marry me. Red flags were already showing themselves in the months we had known each other online, but we got involved, met the parents, and started planning for a wedding, all in the space of two weeks after meeting for real. Well, it was only after a disastrous trip to Spain that she realized that perhaps I was not for her, and it was only after two more breakups with her that I began to realize that she was definitely not for me. She was a convert to Catholicism and yet she believed in nothing the Church had to offer. She rejected the authority of the hierarchy, the efficaciousness of Penance and Eucharist, and she rejected teachings on sexual ethics, marriage, abortion and contraception. Imagine how messed up our children would have been! I got out with my soul intact but the instances I put myself into grave sin because of her weigh heavily on me even now.

Don’t let your love for a woman blind you to the realities of incompatibility. Get objective, unbiased advice and look at your relationship under a microscope before you make any decisions. Good luck, we are praying for you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Oh… reading is fundamental, I see. Well, Juliane and 1ke have given good advice too. This is, as we say, a huge red flag for you. Agreement on how to raise the children is such a basic and important element of a marriage that practically everything else will depend on it. Remember that when we marry someone, we don’t just marry a woman, we marry into a family. If half your family is non-Catholic, and any of them are at all observant in their faith, you will experience enormous pressure to produce the children that they want, rather than the children that your wife and you want. It is unavoidable, so in choosing any mate, always consider her family, see whether they are deeply involved in her life or estranged from her. Determine for yourself if you have the wherewithal to take a stand. For a Catholic husband this should be a matter of the utmost importance: we want to raise children in the faith and carry on after we are gone. There should be no caving or compromise in this matter.

As a faithful Catholic man, you deserve a wife who will lovingly raise children in your faith. Don’t settle for less.

Judaism is not just a religion, it’s a culture. Even the Jews who don’t go to temple still consider themselves to be Jews, fundamentally, and Judaism is passed on via the mother’s line. His GF is likely not going to relish not passing along the Jewish culture, since it is part and parcel of her identity. This is something, IMO, no Catholic should even consider - marrying someone of the Jewish faith. That is, unless the goal is to end up with atheist children.

 

[Piwowar]

Judaism is not just a religion, it’s a culture. Even the Jews who don’t go to temple still consider themselves to be Jews, fundamentally, and Judaism is passed on via the mother’s line. His GF is likely not going to relish not passing along the Jewish culture, since it is part and parcel of her identity. This is something, IMO, no Catholic should even consider - marrying someone of the Jewish faith. That is, unless the goal is to end up with atheist children.

 

[Piwowar]

Judaism is not just a religion, it’s a culture. Even the Jews who don’t go to temple still consider themselves to be Jews, fundamentally, and Judaism is passed on via the mother’s line. His GF is likely not going to relish not passing along the Jewish culture, since it is part and parcel of her identity. This is something, IMO, no Catholic should even consider - marrying someone of the Jewish faith. That is, unless the goal is to end up with atheist children.

It has taken 45 minutes to get up my nerve to reply to the quote " no Catholic should even consider - marrying someone of the Jewish faith." Please forgive me, I have no idea what IMO stands for. I do not text nor do I have a cell phone.

Back to the quote:

First, I guess you have never watched “The Rugrats”.

Second, who gives you the right to tell someone that they should not even consider marrying some of the Jewish faith?

Ojcze nasz, ktorys jest w niebie…

 

[Piwowar]

It has taken 45 minutes to get up my nerve to reply to the quote " no Catholic should even consider - marrying someone of the Jewish faith." Please forgive me, I have no idea what IMO stands for. I do not text nor do I have a cell phone.

Back to the quote:

First, I guess you have never watched “The Rugrats”.

Second, who gives you the right to tell someone that they should not even consider marrying some of the Jewish faith?

Ojcze nasz, ktorys jest w niebie…

Sorry, that is “someone of the Jewish faith.”

 

[Elizium23]

Second, who gives you the right to tell someone that they should not even consider marrying some of the Jewish faith?

The OP (original poster) has given us the right to tell him our opinions (IMO = In My Opinion, often seen as IMHO = In My Humble Opinion). By posting here on an Internet forum we have the implicit right to tell all kinds of people all kinds of things. Whether people believe us, or take our advice, or choose to be offended, or flame us as you have, that is up to the receiving parties. But we are free to share our opinions just as you are.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

It has taken 45 minutes to get up my nerve to reply to the quote " no Catholic should even consider - marrying someone of the Jewish faith." Please forgive me, I have no idea what IMO stands for. I do not text nor do I have a cell phone.

Back to the quote:

First, I guess you have never watched “The Rugrats”.

Second, who gives you the right to tell someone that they should not even consider marrying some of the Jewish faith?

Ojcze nasz, ktorys jest w niebie…

I have no idea what “The Rugrats” is, but if it’s a television show or a movie, it’s hardly real life. The OP has come to this Catholic forum and asked other Catholics about his Jewish girlfriend who is not particularly religious (as many American Jews are not) and yet does not want to raise the children as Catholics only, which the Catholic is obligated to do. This means that she will counter the children’s belief in Jesus as God, with the Jewish perspective that Jesus was not the Messiah. Do you understand that children cannot grasp the subtleties of history, the Old Testament v. the New Testament, and come up with their own accommodation to the contradiction? What happens is that Mom and Dad, with their separate beliefs, cancel each other out, and the children believe…nothing. To side with Mom, they have to discredit Dad, and to side with Dad, they have to ignore Mom. It is a no-win proposition. The only way to handle it, in a child’s psychology, is to believe neither and choose neither. I suppose some might find another religion entirely, such as Islam or Buddhism, but I doubt if many do.

Take what you like and leave the rest, that’s my opinion.

 

[dailey]

It has taken 45 minutes to get up my nerve to reply to the quote " no Catholic should even consider - marrying someone of the Jewish faith." Please forgive me, I have no idea what IMO stands for. I do not text nor do I have a cell phone.

Back to the quote:

First, I guess you have never watched “The Rugrats”.

Second, who gives you the right to tell someone that they should not even consider marrying some of the Jewish faith?

Ojcze nasz, ktorys jest w niebie…

I agree with Therealjuliane.

This is a very serious matter. Besides the concern for the future children, the problems this could create in the marriage between the two of them is a huge concern.

 

[CruceSignati]

Is there anyway the OP could explain to his girlfriend how Judaism kind of led the way into Catholicism? Maybe find some parts of the Psalms that point to a Messiah?

 

[Christianus_Dei]

Whatever you do, don’t give into the whole circumcision ritual. At least not in the modern sense.

Seriously though, you need to be careful here. Your kids probably won’t have any idea what’s going on, and the only thing they’ll likely know about Jesus is confusion.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Raiding a kid with 2 religions is just an insult to both religions. If you can believe in 2 religions, then you don’t really believe in any.

Also, the Catholic Church teaches ‘there is only one true church’. It is a contradiction to even consider raising a kid Catholic and something else

 

[PaulGH]

As others have said, you, as a Catholic, have an obligation to raise your children in the Catholic faith.

As others have also said, it doesn’t make sense to teach children that Jesus is God (Catholic belief) and also that Jesus is not God (Jewish belief). Both propositions cannot be true.

However, it is possible that you could raise your children as Catholics but with a special focus on their Jewish heritage (both their ethnic Jewish heritage from your future wife, and the Jewish religious heritage that all Catholics share). Here are a couple of links that might give you some food for thought along these lines:

Association of Hebrew Catholics

Roy Schoeman - Salvation is from the Jews

(At the first link, you can find things such as ideas on how to celebrate Jewish holidays from a Catholic perspective.)

 

[EasterJoy]

As others have said, you, as a Catholic, have an obligation to raise your children in the Catholic faith.

As others have also said, it doesn’t make sense to teach children that Jesus is God (Catholic belief) and also that Jesus is not God (Jewish belief). Both propositions cannot be true.

However, it is possible that you could raise your children as Catholics but with a special focus on their Jewish heritage (both their ethnic Jewish heritage from your future wife, and the Jewish religious heritage that all Catholics share). Here are a couple of links that might give you some food for thought along these lines:

Association of Hebrew Catholics

Roy Schoeman - Salvation is from the Jews

(At the first link, you can find things such as ideas on how to celebrate Jewish holidays from a Catholic perspective.)

I didn’t read the links, but I think this approach is good, if the Jewish spouse agrees to it. The Jewish case is unique, because the Catholic faith is a religious “sibling”, so to speak, of modern-day Judaism. (It is not as if most modern Jews would go back to the priestly cult offering animal sacrifices, even if they could…that is what I mean by Catholicism being a “sibling” and not a daughter religion. Modern Judaism is something of a daughter religion of the Judaism practiced before the fall of the Temple. I am NOT saying it is wrong to consider Christianity a daughter religion of Judaism, though.) The other special aspect of Judaism is that some of the most significant religious celebrations take place in the home, not at the synagogue. It is not the same as a Christian converting to another religion on the condition that they still get a Christmas tree and Easter basket, that is what I mean. There is more of a true ability to maintain both traditions in one house.

This option may actually be what the Jewish party wants. Still, I would make sure the Jewish party had a chance to go to Catholic liturgical celebrations, to see if they’re OK with it. They really need to have a high tolerance for the Catholic faith and the willingness to fully support the rest of the family’s practice of the faith for this to work, just as the Catholic party has to understand and support the rest of the family’s celebrations of their Jewish ethnic and cultural heritage.