How to reassure my wife another child would be ok

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Electricaleng

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I probably started on the wrong foot here as I had some dissenting veiws. But would like some (name removed by moderator)ut.

I have been married for 9 years.when my wife met me I was a single father with 4 children. after we got married we have two children in two years. We were not catholic at the time and out of fear of more children my wife got tubal ligation surgury done. I felt that I pushed for it but she was on board as well. As time went by I grew to regret the desision and then we found the catholic church. I found out that it is pretty easily reversable Outpatient procedure. I have been talking about it to my wife. She is sort of on board but quite hesitant. I am trying to reassure her that another child would be a blessing and not too much of a burdan. we are financially in a better place than years ago when we made that desision. and yes we have confessed the sin of the the tubal already. Any possitive ideas to help reassure her would be appreciated. Thanks
 
Electricaleng said:
I probably started on the wrong foot here as I had some dissenting veiws. But would like some (name removed by moderator)ut.

I have been married for 9 years.when my wife met me I was a single father with 4 children. after we got married we have two children in two years. We were not catholic at the time and out of fear of more children my wife got tubal ligation surgury done. I felt that I pushed for it but she was on board as well. As time went by I grew to regret the desision and then we found the catholic church. I found out that it is pretty easily reversable Outpatient procedure. I have been talking about it to my wife. She is sort of on board but quite hesitant. I am trying to reassure her that another child would be a blessing and not too much of a burdan. we are financially in a better place than years ago when we made that desision. and yes we have confessed the sin of the the tubal already. Any possitive ideas to help reassure her would be appreciated. Thanks
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That would be impossible for us to do without knowing what her objections or risks are. Having another child is something between you and your spouse and God. You know her better than any of us. Does she know you desire another child so bad?
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
That would be impossible for us to do without knowing what her objections or risks are. Having another child is something between you and your spouse and God. You know her better than any of us. Does she know you desire another child so bad?
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Yes she does we even had a meeting with the priest about it. Her reservations are about financing and taking care of so many at once. But my oldest boys are out of the house by now so it is less then before. My wife has always been hesitant of things that are big changes. When she found out she was pregnent with our last child she was so scared as I had little income at the time that she cried for two days straight. But now she states that having our daughter was one of the best parts of her life.
 
Electricaleng said:
Yes she does we even had a meeting with the priest about it. Her reservations are about financing and taking care of so many at once. But my oldest boys are out of the house by now so it is less then before. My wife has always been hesitant of things that are big changes. When she found out she was pregnent with our last child she was so scared as I had little income at the time that she cried for two days straight. But now she states that having our daughter was one of the best parts of her life.
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I have no advice really. This is something that you two need to talk about and pray about. If this is something you have trouble coming to an agreement upon then I would say that you need to both work on sacrificing for each other and communication.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I have no advice really. This is something that you two need to talk about and pray about. If this is something you have trouble coming to an agreement upon then I would say that you need to both work on sacrificing for each other and communication.
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We are praying together. We really get along good. I know we will figure it out. I just really want this so bad.
 
Electricaleng said:
I probably started on the wrong foot here as I had some dissenting veiws. But would like some (name removed by moderator)ut.

I have been married for 9 years.when my wife met me I was a single father with 4 children. after we got married we have two children in two years. We were not catholic at the time and out of fear of more children my wife got tubal ligation surgury done. I felt that I pushed for it but she was on board as well. As time went by I grew to regret the desision and then we found the catholic church. I found out that it is pretty easily reversable Outpatient procedure. I have been talking about it to my wife. She is sort of on board but quite hesitant. I am trying to reassure her that another child would be a blessing and not too much of a burdan. we are financially in a better place than years ago when we made that desision. and yes we have confessed the sin of the the tubal already. Any possitive ideas to help reassure her would be appreciated. Thanks
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She isn’t required to have a tubal ligation reversed.
 
Hi,

How did you find out it is easily reversible? Did you talk to the Dr who did the procedure? Did you consider this is still surgery and when there is anesthesia involved there is no guarantees. Did you also look and see the success rates of the reversal? And her age will also play into factor. I think that you need to visit a the Dr who did the procedure in the first place to get all the facts first. If your so set in having another child in your life, why not adopt one. So many kids looking for homes, and not enough homes to go around. Or you could just do foster care. Either one will make a profound impact on a child.

Blessings
 
One thing to bear in mind is that you can’t guarantee to your wife that everything is going to be OK if she has the tubal ligation reversed. She may have a series of miscarriages or a stillbirth. She may have a seriously disabled child or children that will require lifelong care and nearly 24/7 commitment from both of you.

Now, granted, the odds on those possibilities vary quite a lot–while miscarriages are quite common, a stillbirth is somewhat less common, and lifelong disability is even less common. But, on the other hand, the rarer outcomes are very serious and life-changing and will probably demand far more from your wife than from you.

So, this is not something to be taken lightly, or without full buy-in from your wife. You can’t promise her the best possible outcome in advance (easy pregnancy, easy birth, easy healthy baby, easy school years, etc.).

But as to your question, I have two suggestions:
  1. Explain to her what you can do for her and your family. Make it clear to her that she’s not going to be doing this alone. Be prepared to hear about some areas during her last pregnancies where you dropped the ball and be prepared to agree to take on more responsibilities this time.
  2. Here’s an easier one. Make a date with her to go visit Carters (the baby clothes store) and Buy Buy Baby (or similar).
  3. Make opportunities to be around families with babies. Babies often come in waves in families and social groups.
Good luck!
 
We know it is not required. It is just something we have talked about for about 2 years. We have been diacussing it since before we were even catholic. Now that we are catholic we understand some of their teachings regarding this more as there is regret. If we don’t do it soon, she would be too old to have good odds of it working.
 
Electricaleng said:
I probably started on the wrong foot here as I had some dissenting veiws. But would like some (name removed by moderator)ut.

I have been married for 9 years.when my wife met me I was a single father with 4 children. after we got married we have two children in two years. We were not catholic at the time and out of fear of more children my wife got tubal ligation surgury done. I felt that I pushed for it but she was on board as well. As time went by I grew to regret the desision and then we found the catholic church. I found out that it is pretty easily reversable Outpatient procedure. I have been talking about it to my wife. She is sort of on board but quite hesitant. I am trying to reassure her that another child would be a blessing and not too much of a burdan. we are financially in a better place than years ago when we made that desision. and yes we have confessed the sin of the the tubal already. Any possitive ideas to help reassure her would be appreciated. Thanks
Click to expand...
Have you and she discussed this with the OB/GYN that would doing the procedure? Based on how her ligation was originally done, sometimes outpatient micro laparoscopy isn’t the best option for reanastomosis. It could take a full laparotomy with in-patient stay. I know you are hoping for another child, but renastomosis of the tubal ligation isn’t as effective as a vasectomy reversal, so you both should be prepared that her fertility may not be made intact again. I don’t mean to be excessively negative, but realistic in this situation. I think the first thing to do would be to have a consult with the surgeon, as he/she will want to see the original surgical notes to first find what kind of ligation was done. I would recommend doing this first, before getting your (and her) hopes up that it’s a $5000 outpatient procedure with a high percentage of effectiveness instead of a $20,000 in patient procedure with a low rate of effectiveness.
 
HopenHappiness said:
Hi,

How did you find out it is easily reversible? Did you talk to the Dr who did the procedure? Did you consider this is still surgery and when there is anesthesia involved there is no guarantees. Did you also look and see the success rates of the reversal? And her age will also play into factor. I think that you need to visit a the Dr who did the procedure in the first place to get all the facts first.
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Yes. Those are very good ideas, because there may be complicating issues that Dr. Google may not have explained.
 
HopenHappiness said:
Hi,

How did you find out it is easily reversible? Did you talk to the Dr who did the procedure? Did you consider this is still surgery and when there is anesthesia involved there is no guarantees. Did you also look and see the success rates of the reversal? And her age will also play into factor. I think that you need to visit a the Dr who did the procedure in the first place to get all the facts first. If your so set in having another child in your life, why not adopt one. So many kids looking for homes, and not enough homes to go around. Or you could just do foster care. Either one will make a profound impact on a child.

Blessings
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There is a dr in california that is highly regarded that does it for $5200. The sucsess rate is 80 percent get pregnent within 2 years post surgery if done around her age. It is a 2 hour micro lapeoscopic outpatient prosedure. $5200 + travel is affordable adoption is not. Plus with the number of children we have and income would not be approved.

We already are taking the first step of getting medical records to the dr to look at if her type of tubal is even reverable then he will have a phone concult with us to let us know about everything
 
I figure if we try and put it in Gods hands and it doesn’t work well then it isn’t ment to be. But doesn’t hurt to try. We are quite happy with our life. I just have found memories of those times. Even she says she enjoyed being pregnent as it went real well for her and I was quite attentive (I still am 🙂 )
 
Electricaleng said:
$5200 + travel is affordable adoption is not. Plus with the number of children we have and income would not be approved.
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Well, you said that one of your wife’s concerns was finances, and it sounds like that might be a legitimate concern. Maybe you should both take a hard look at your budget and see what you’d have to cut out to afford a baby.
 
Electricaleng said:
There is a dr in california that is highly regarded that does it for $5200. The sucsess rate is 80 percent get pregnent within 2 years post surgery if done around her age. It is a 2 hour micro lapeoscopic outpatient prosedure. $5200 + travel is affordable adoption is not. Plus with the number of children we have and income would not be approved.

We already are taking the first step of getting medical records to the dr to look at if her type of tubal is even reverable then he will have a phone concult with us to let us know about everything
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I have concerns about those numbers, because they seem a little too good to be true (unless your wife is still really young).

For a somewhat older woman, an 80% pregnancy rate within two years is really good, even with no previous sterilization or reversal.

From Wikipedia:

"According to Henri Leridon, PhD, an epidemiologist with the French Institute of Health and Medical Research of women trying to get pregnant, without using fertility drugs or in vitro fertilization[10]

“At age 30
75% will have a conception ending in a live birth within one year
91% will have a conception ending in a live birth within four years
At age 35
66% will have a conception ending in a live birth within one year
84% will have a conception ending in a live birth within four years
At age 40
44% will have a conception ending in a live birth within one year
64% will have a conception ending in a live birth within four years[10]”

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_and_female_fertility

Good luck!
 
Lookingforjoy said:
Well, you said that one of your wife’s concerns was finances, and it sounds like that might be a legitimate concern. Maybe you should both take a hard look at your budget and see what you’d have to cut out to afford a baby.
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Money would be a bit tight but I am entry level in my career moving up pretty fast every year and figured it would be better to do it now even with tighter budget just for better odds of working than to wait till income greater and no chance of it working. We are home owners with quite low monthly payment and all bills are payed early with a bit put aside for emergencys
 
Electricaleng said:
I probably started on the wrong foot here as I had some dissenting veiws. But would like some (name removed by moderator)ut.

I have been married for 9 years.when my wife met me I was a single father with 4 children. after we got married we have two children in two years. We were not catholic at the time and out of fear of more children my wife got tubal ligation surgury done. I felt that I pushed for it but she was on board as well. As time went by I grew to regret the desision and then we found the catholic church. I found out that it is pretty easily reversable Outpatient procedure. I have been talking about it to my wife. She is sort of on board but quite hesitant. I am trying to reassure her that another child would be a blessing and not too much of a burdan. we are financially in a better place than years ago when we made that desision. and yes we have confessed the sin of the the tubal already. Any possitive ideas to help reassure her would be appreciated. Thanks
Click to expand...
Do you want her to tubal ligation because Catholic or because you want to have another child?

If just for another child you can adopt, and by doing so do a really great thing for another human being…
 
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