How to respond to bad manners

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JLCecilia

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Okay, so I have a co-worker who has poor manners. I can tell that it makes my other co-workers uneasy, but I don’t think any of us really knows how to respond graciously. In particular, she expresses her bodily functions loud and proud and instead of saying ‘excuse me,’ she declares them and shares lots of TMIs.

I feel bad about approaching her superior b/c it seems like such a petty complaint, but it really is disturbing. I did address the situation once saying sorting of lightheartedly that at home we teach our little one to say excuse me. I think she was a little embarrassed, so she spewed off some story to excuse the behavior or maybe just to respond to what must’ve felt like criticism from me.

Anyway, so I have made somewhat of an attempt mano e mano. . .what now?

Also, how do we explain to our children the purpose for practicing good manners? I have 2little boys and DH isn’t much of an example for good manners. The only thing I can think of is that when we behave badly or poorly, we cut off our witness as Christians. Also, as a professional when they get older, they can jeopardize their business relations and authority and trustworthiness if they do not express self control in even small ways.

Your thoughts?
 
JLCecilia said:
The only thing I can think of is that when we behave badly or poorly, we cut off our witness as Christians.
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I think you may have answered your predicament. This is entirely the crux of the matter. Whether or not you believe it is your place to attempt to correct or otherwise abate your co-worker depends upon your personal and professional perogative.

You’re also quite right in understanding and teaching your children that manners really do make a difference in the business of our world. I myself work at a funeral home; manners and correct behavior come at an absolute premium and form the very basis of the business. Of course a relative few professions and trades call form their basis on ceremony, but that’s beside the point – professionalism matters. If your line of work doesn’t call for fart jokes and bad behavior (sadly, not all of us get to work for the circus) and it’s affecting your ability to get things done, then this likely merits a chat with your supervisor/manager/boss-person, if not your co-worker.

Two weeks ago, a cell phone went off loudly in the middle of a Vigil service prayer. It belonged to one of our new hires… her ringtone was “Oops I Did It Again” by Britney Spears. Yeah. :mad: I’m suprised she didn’t get fired right then and there, but she’s the managing director’s niece. Even so, she’ll never live it down and almost certainly will get fired if anything like that happens again.

Sorry to derail your thread. Just thought I’d put that out there. 😊
 
JLCecilia said:
… The only thing I can think of is that when we behave badly or poorly, we cut off our witness as Christians. …
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Christians/ Catholics have to fart too. Most of us say “excuse me”
So if I “pass gas” or “belch”, I can’t be a witness to our faith?
Kathy
 
I have to agree with Katie. Altho poor manners may be not the best way to make friends or gain respect in the work place, I find it hard to believe that bodily functions are a sin or looked upon poorly by God. He did design us in His vision, after all. Teach you children to practice good manners as a sign of respect for your fellow humans. You respect your fellow humans because we are all God’s creatures.
 
JLCecilia said:
Okay, so I have a co-worker who has poor manners. I can tell that it makes my other co-workers uneasy, but I don’t think any of us really knows how to respond graciously. In particular, she expresses her bodily functions loud and proud and instead of saying ‘excuse me,’ she declares them and shares lots of TMIs.

I feel bad about approaching her superior b/c it seems like such a petty complaint, but it really is disturbing. I did address the situation once saying sorting of lightheartedly that at home we teach our little one to say excuse me. I think she was a little embarrassed, so she spewed off some story to excuse the behavior or maybe just to respond to what must’ve felt like criticism from me.

Anyway, so I have made somewhat of an attempt mano e mano. . .what now?

Also, how do we explain to our children the purpose for practicing good manners? I have 2little boys and DH isn’t much of an example for good manners. The only thing I can think of is that when we behave badly or poorly, we cut off our witness as Christians. Also, as a professional when they get older, they can jeopardize their business relations and authority and trustworthiness if they do not express self control in even small ways.

Your thoughts?
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Personally, I would hold my tongue/breath. In college, there’s this dude in my class who was one of my project partners, and he had bad table manners, as in not keeping his mouth closed when eating. I mentioned it to him once, and he blew up big time; it was in the computer lab, too. Needless to say, it was very awkward after that. If you work with this person, you need to consider the consequences if she doesn’t respond to it favorably, and it would make for a very uncomfortable work environment. My class project lasted only 1 month; just think how much longer you’d have to put up with awkwardness/bad blood if the same thing happened with this woman coworker. Anyway, just my $0.02.
 
I’ve had the distinction of writing one of my employees up for “excessive flatulence” (had to explain that word to the HR manager).

One day, a group of three of my team members came to my office. The fouth person who shared their workspace was passing gas often and loudly. They asked him to do something about it, he offered to “point his chair in another direction”.

They did exactly what they should have done, followed the chain if command.

I wrote up the corrective memo, wording that if he had a medical condition that caused the excessive flatulance a note from his doctor would have this removed from his file. He and the HR manager and I met, we discussed how to deal with bodily functions in the work place (remove himself to the rest room when he had a gas attack, take anti gas products, eliminate gas producing foods from his diet during work hours…). He changed his behavoir and the team stayed happy.

That is what a good boss does.

Talk to your supervisor. He/she should work with this other person’s supervisor and find a solution that will help the employee follow what is in the HR manual, acting in a professional manner.
 
I am sitting here laughing and shaking my head. All this fussing because someone farts too much…:rotfl:
Kathy
 
I’m laughing out loud here too!!! I can’t believe you guys have so many coworkers who are farting around you!! Gross! Maybe someone needs to clean the coffee machine or something…😃

ROFL!

:rotfl:
 
Of course people fart. We’re human; it’s part of the program. It’s one thing to poot in private. It’s another to get busty next to someone at work and then be like “KABLAMMO WOO HOO THAT WAS AWESOME!!!1”

That’s just silly.

And I guess that sort of inappropriateness is what I was addressing. 🤷
 
I’m sorry, you guys are serious I know…I can’t help it…it’s so funny, how you are all describing this.

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KCT said:
Good manners are really a way of respecting others.
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Thank you for stating what should be obvious!! I can’t even IMAGINE having to be reprimanded about controlling my bodily functions by a supervisor or co-worker–or anyone else for that matter. It is revolting.

There are plenty of “natural” things the human body does per design that are not fit for public display, professional settings or sharing in confined spaces with relative strangers. It is inexcuseable that this has to be explained to mentally unimpaired adults. Proper self-restraint isn’t some quashing of inalienable “rights,” but the mutual appreciation among adults that individuals don’t indulge every whim, natural urge or drive out of consideration for the sensibilities of others. Grow up out there!! I’d hope that by 2009 we’d all have evolved to the point of having something more impressive to defend or crow about than our sandbox behaviour. 🤷
 
Believe it or not, my company had to send out an email telling people to use personal hygiene at work! There are a couple of folks who just don’t like to wash, I guess, and other employees were lighting small scented candles at their desks to get by.
 
funnyyetsavvy said:
Believe it or not, my company had to send out an email telling people to use personal hygiene at work! There are a couple of folks who just don’t like to wash, I guess, and other employees were lighting small scented candles at their desks to get by.
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I’ve noticed this is quite common with some of the ethnic groups that have immigrated in recent years…there is one discount store that I like to go to occassionally for the deals; however, I KNOW when I go in there, the um…odors…scents…smells…are not the most pleasant. :eek:
 
Etiquette is not morality and obeying etiquette more than exercising charity is no good, but at the same time manners are important.

There are many excuses for the etiquettally ignorant, but there’s no excuse for willingly disrespecting or intentionally offending people or grossing them out, and there’s little excuse for recklessly doing so, either.

Also, the proper way is not to do it and say “excuse me”. The proper way is to distance oneself from the company, do it, come back. That little effort can be taken and the fact bodily functions are natural is little excuse to skip this step.

I would probably ask the offending person to change his behaviour without giving much in the way of reasons for the request. If that were to fail, I would repeat. At some point I would flat out tell him that such behaviour were not tolerable.
 
Please understand that I’m not making a sin of normal, everyday bodily functions. Believe, me, it hits me too, but I try to either be discrete about it or excuse myself to the restroom. My problem lies with the fact that my co-worker is saying things like, ‘wait for it, here it comes,’ releases said gas and then continues with comments like, ‘well, that was such-and-such that I had for breakfast, good thing it didn’t come out the other end!’

Nobody else in our office behaves this way and you can tell that none of us appreciates it, but I don’t think anybody wants to speak up. What’s surprising to me is another one of this co-worker’s rude behaviors. We have a co-worker who has a bit of an unusual name, so this rude co-worker has come up with all sorts of derrogitory (SP?) rhyming names for her, often alluding to male parts of the body. I am surprised that this often outspoken person hasn’t defended herself. I have noticed, however, that she will not respond to our rude co-worker until she calls her by her proper name.

I know it isn’t only me - all of this has become a thorn in all our sides and has a very negative impact on the office morale.
 
Well, your outspoken colleague is clever. It shows the normal eloquence is not without substance. Nice trick. Works on attention seekers as a rule, but not always.
 
JLCecilia said:
Please understand that I’m not making a sin of normal, everyday bodily functions. Believe, me, it hits me too, but I try to either be discrete about it or excuse myself to the restroom. My problem lies with the fact that my co-worker is saying things like, ‘wait for it, here it comes,’ releases said gas and then continues with comments like, ‘well, that was such-and-such that I had for breakfast, good thing it didn’t come out the other end!’

Nobody else in our office behaves this way and you can tell that none of us appreciates it, but I don’t think anybody wants to speak up. What’s surprising to me is another one of this co-worker’s rude behaviors. We have a co-worker who has a bit of an unusual name, so this rude co-worker has come up with all sorts of derrogitory (SP?) rhyming names for her, often alluding to male parts of the body. I am surprised that this often outspoken person hasn’t defended herself. I have noticed, however, that she will not respond to our rude co-worker until she calls her by her proper name.

I know it isn’t only me - all of this has become a thorn in all our sides and has a very negative impact on the office morale.
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Sounds to me that this is starting to go beyond rude and gross to something that needs to be addressed right away. No one should have to put up with rude comments about themselves! I would report him for his comments about her name. How old are we? That’s a terrible way to treat someone and then toss in the bodily issues on top of it! I’m sorry you have to work with this person and I feel sorry for them too! I’m picturing them as a child and I’m willing to bet they didn’t have a whole lot of friends!!
 
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