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CrossofChrist
Guest
This is horrific. Leave that relationship NOW
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
This is a disturbing post. You post about behavior that is not loving or decent and then when people point this out to you you defend the culprit. This is classic victim behavior.
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mommy_k
Guest
I would tell him if he keeps calling me names and acting the way he does, he can start calling me his ex…
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pianistclare
Guest
He doesn’t sound sweet.
Clearly he doesn’t respect your words.
He unintentionally put his hand on your bottom? Now I’ve heard everything.
He no longer respects your wishes.
If morality and good behavior are “quirks”…then yes, you do new, friends.
You’re upset he called you a name.
The other stuff really doesn’t seem to matter.
Why?
Keep making excuses for him, and you can expect the same behavior.
It’s really all up to you.
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Wesrock
Guest
I agree with the general thoughts in this topic but this seems to go too far. While the moral conscience may be ill formed on some topics of sexual decency, that doesn’t necessarily extend to going so far as cheating, which the individual might place on an entirely different level.
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EasterJoy
Guest
It is possible he could be a really sweet, helpful guy…for someone else.
Really, OP! Let him go, let him find someone who agrees with him and his friends. Find someone you don’t fight with about sexual intimacy, who never argues with the level of consent you are comfortable with. (You don’t want a man who would teach your daughters otherwise, right?)
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ArielRussu
Guest
I’m upset about both. I wrote my original post asking for a way to respond back when he calls me a prude, and well anyone in general too actually, due to the fact that I follow certain morals and values they find too conservative, outdated and oppressive.You’re upset he called you a name.
The other stuff really doesn’t seem to matter.
Why?
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RCinMT
Guest
Ariel: I think the Church and liberal feminists may disagree on nearly everything but on one thing there is ironclad agreement: It’s not outdated, sentimental or oppressive for a woman to expect to be treated with dignity and for her to be respected as simply as a human being. You’re not an object, you’re not a prude: you’re person with convictions and feelings.
With that out of the way, leave him. If you’re not willing to do that the next time he refers to you as a prude refer to him as a disrespectful womanizing pig. Ask him how he’d feel about a man who treat his grandmother, mother, sisters or a potential daughter the way he treats you.
If that doesn’t give him pause then run.
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pianistclare
Guest
Oh I don’t know…just yesterday you were saying you left the Church because of women’s issues you disagree with.
And this guy is abusing you.
I don’t get it.
Good luck, but I think he will hurt you deeply sooner than later.
Unsubscribing.
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Crusaderbear
Guest
If he can’t respect you, then he doesn’t need to be a part of your life. If there is something you see in him, try explaining your feelings and beliefs in small words he might understand…or just show him this thread.
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ShrodingersCat
Guest
OP, EVERY woman in an unsuitable relationship who ignores advice does it because they think that people don’t get the situation and that they aren’t like those other girls who end up in unhappy relationships. That’s why there are so many unhappy wives in the world.
We have heard what you said and have the capability of being objective. It’s rare you get such unanimous advice on CAF. Do yourself a favor and start listening.
We have heard what you said and have the capability of being objective. It’s rare you get such unanimous advice on CAF. Do yourself a favor and start listening.
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styrgwillidar
Guest
And it goes the other way with guys as well.
Loving with your heart doesn’t mean you should stop thinking rationally. Don’t know how often I’ve heard from both young men and young women
“But you don’t understand! I love him/her!”
Usually from someone thinking they can turn around an obvious trainwreck (to any outside observer), when more experienced folks know that usually ends with both folks hitting a wall together.
Pretty much everybody has positives about them-- that doesn’t mean you’re a fit for them. I certainly can’t square the circle on how the OP thinks someone not respecting her values is in any way accepting who she is, who she chooses to be. And I doubt they’d be the kind of person to be supportive of her being who she wants to be in the future.
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ArielRussu
Guest
Yes. I said I left the CATHOLIC Church, I did not say I renounced my faith and belief in God. I’m nondenominational Christian, and as a believer in God, Jesus Cheist and the Bible, I do still have morals and respect for myself and others. Besides, like I said before, when I first wrote this thread I was looking for ideas to respond back to someone calling me a prude for my religious beliefs and anyone who believes premarital sex and sexual touching before marriage is wrong would be able to help, doesn’t matter if they’re: Catholic, Protestant, Baptist, Lutheran, Orthodox, etc… All those religions are still found under the same branch of Christianity and we’re all people and one belief doesn’t make any one group better than the other. Everyone worships God differently.
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EasterJoy
Guest
This tendency isn’t gender-specific.
Here is the thing: Not everyone who has lots of good points, not everyone with whom you have a unique connection, not everyone who is going to make someone a really good spouse is going to make a good spouse for you. It is not a judgment on him as an overall human being to say that he might not be the best match for you, OP. Having said that, the first post raises very big red flags.
Those would be:
- Pushing to be allowed sexual favors and to use sexual language when his or her partner has clearly said she/he does not like it.
- Resorting to name-calling (prude) and using outside pressure from friends to get a partner to give sexual consent. (If his friends aren’t your friends–that is a big red flag.)
- Arguing with reasons that the partner gives for withholding his or her consent
- Belief that one has the ability or the authority to presume to “retrain” one’s partner so that he or she is more to their liking.
Do not think for a moment that this is the last time he will resort to these tactics. It won’t be. That is no way to conduct a mutually-respectful relationship.
Let him go find someone who is not afraid to tell him and his friends to go take a flying leap when he tries to pull this kind of stuff. If you stick around, though, you’d better be ready to do that yourself. If not, prepare to be pushed around for your entire married life and undermined by your husband AND his friends in front of your children, too.
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DarkLight
Guest
I’m going to echo what easterjoy said. I’ve spent plenty of time with liberal feminists. I’ve spent plenty of time in circles that would describe themselves as “sex-positive.” And THEY would tell you to get out of this relationship.
Simply put, no means no. Even the most liberal agree that you have the right to say no to sexual contact, and have that right respected. It is not ok for a guy to pressure you to do something you’re not comfortable with. It’s not ok for him to keep grabbing you after you’ve told him no. It’s not ok for him to call you names because he’s not getting what he wants.
None of that is even necessarily a conservative Christian value. Tell people that you believe in affirmative consent and that you don’t want to give consent at this time.
Simply put, no means no. Even the most liberal agree that you have the right to say no to sexual contact, and have that right respected. It is not ok for a guy to pressure you to do something you’re not comfortable with. It’s not ok for him to keep grabbing you after you’ve told him no. It’s not ok for him to call you names because he’s not getting what he wants.
None of that is even necessarily a conservative Christian value. Tell people that you believe in affirmative consent and that you don’t want to give consent at this time.
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Xantippe
Guest
Right.
I think there has been a lot of good advice in this thread.
Don’t spend 15 minutes more in a relationship with somebody who does not respect your personal boundaries.
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Anglewannabe
Guest
I know this is going to derail the thread, but I just have to speak up. How can you NOT understand your 15 year old not liking the church if this is the type of teen you use to be
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Anglewannabe
Guest
Nope, he is not sweet. Sweet men don’t act like he does when you are alone.
Did your family read your original post?
If that is true, then he obviously has memory issues and I wonder about his intelligence. More likely, he is feeding you a line and secretly chuckling that you believe it
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All men say that on the first. date. It means nothing
Well, a man would get over his bad influences. This guy is more likely just trying to play the pity card
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Crown_of_Stars
Guest
It would be wrong for even a husband to think that way about his wife so nastily like that. It sounds as though he only thinks of you as an object. I wouldn’t even trust him, that he would be faithful. Hopefully, he’s just immature, and been too strongly influenced by the pornographic culture, and will grow out of it and become a real gentlemanly man with age. Otherwise, he might really just be a letch, and who is to say he isn’t doing this to other girls?
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EasterJoy
Guest
He and his friends are just very different than she is. They don’t “get” it. Their reaction to that, however, is to try to pressure her to be different, to become like they are, to agree with them and act they way they think she ought to act. I do not even doubt that they think they’re doing her a favor. They’d see it as out of line if someone did it to them, but they could easily think they are “freeing” her to be more like them. (Yes, that is controlling behavior. Don’t get to do it for the sake of the Gospel, either. No strong-arm tactics.)
When it is something as important and as exceptionally personal as this, that just isn’t going to work for anyone. Let him find someone who will either agree or who doesn’t mind telling the whole group where to get off when they try to pressure her.
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