How to respond?

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How does a parent respond if one of their kids does something appalling enough to cause repercussions among friends, relatives, nonrelatives, the parish, people who know us in other states? I would like to crawl into a hole. This is a thoroughly adult person not living with us. I suppose I may just have to keep my head up and my mouth shut, but I’m having trouble sleeping and facing friends I see on a regular basis. If anyone has any experience or thoughts on the subject, I’m eager to hear them.
 
Katy, I think the way you respond depends on what was done. This is an anonymous forum where most people (thankfully for me) have a short memory. I say this not to pry but to better understand why you are upset and how best to consider dealing with it. What happened?
 
To answer this question, it doesn’t matter what the exact matter is about, and it is none of our business. The point is, something occurred that makes this mother of her adult child want to crawl into a hole.

I don’t have any experience to draw on, but I think my reaction would be to be to NOT pretend that all is well or my child did nothing wrong. Be honest with your friends and family that you are embarrassed, shocked, angry, whatever; but at the same time, do NOT “drag your child through the mud.” There are plenty of people who will do that anyway. I would confide any negative feelings only to my closest friends/family, and to everyone else I would say that I am just sick over my child’s behavior and to please pray for him/her and for me.
 
I absolutely also agree with jpjd; that advice surely was inspired by the Holy Spirit:gopray2:

:highprayer:
 
jpjd said:
To answer this question, it doesn’t matter what the exact matter is about, and it is none of our business. The point is, something occurred that makes this mother of her adult child want to crawl into a hole.

I don’t have any experience to draw on, but I think my reaction would be to be to NOT pretend that all is well or my child did nothing wrong. Be honest with your friends and family that you are embarrassed, shocked, angry, whatever; but at the same time, do NOT “drag your child through the mud.” There are plenty of people who will do that anyway. I would confide any negative feelings only to my closest friends/family, and to everyone else I would say that I am just sick over my child’s behavior and to please pray for him/her and for me.
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Thank you. I think I can manage to do that. I can’t really go into the details, but all hell is about to break loose among everyone who knows us. To say I am sick over it is well put and the absolute truth, and prayers are definitely needed.
 
Katy, I am going to say a Rosary for you and ask the Blessed Mother to give you the strength and courage to withstand all and any hardships to come.:knight1:

:blessyou::grouphug:
 
katy said:
How does a parent respond if one of their kids does something appalling enough to cause repercussions among friends, relatives, nonrelatives, the parish, people who know us in other states? I would like to crawl into a hole. This is a thoroughly adult person not living with us. I suppose I may just have to keep my head up and my mouth shut, but I’m having trouble sleeping and facing friends I see on a regular basis. If anyone has any experience or thoughts on the subject, I’m eager to hear them.
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Any friend, relative, non relative, parish, or people who know you from another state who say or do anything other than supporting you during this trying time is someone that you should consider removing from your Christmas card list, cell phone address book, email contacts, and ignore. They aren’t real friends if they would have anything harsh to say to you, or about you.

I’m sorry that you’ve had something happen like this. All I can relate is when my old boss’s sister was caught embezzling major amounts of money from her company and went to federal prison because of it. He never flinched, and now refers to his sister as “my sister the felon.”

What else are you going to do? Hold your head as high as Scarlett O’Hara walking in to Ashley’s birthday party in her garnet velvet dress. (If you’ve seen GWTW you know what scene I’m talking about). Any real friend/relative will behave just as Melanie did when Scarlett arrived!
 
My mother has a friend who is the most amazing person.

Her son ended up in jail, and he deserved to be there. She didn’t say anything; she just went to all of the sessions of the trial and sat there, listening to everything. Whenever she had the opportunity to speak to her son, she said, “No matter what, I always love you.” That’s all. No recriminations, no “I’m so disappointed,” or “I’m so terribly embarrassed,” although I’m sure she must have been both; the situation was the talk of the neighborhood.

But her reaction was just “He’s my son, and I’m his mother, and my job is to love him no matter what.” And she does. She’s not doing anything to try to get him out of jail, because she knows that that’s where he belongs - she’s not living in some kind of fantasy world where she thinks her son has been falsely accused, or that he doesn’t deserve what he’s getting. But at the same time, she’s not letting the situation destroy her love for her son. He will always have a place to come home to, no matter what.

I don’t know what effect that’s having on the young man, but I am betting that it’s giving him hope for the future, and giving him a reason to reform his ways and come out of there, in due time, ready to at least try to make her proud of him.

Now, I don’t know if your son did anything comparable, or perhaps he did something even worse, but I do know that you’re the only mother he’s got. And that anybody who faults you for acting as a mother should act, doesn’t need to be part of any conversation you might be having, whether it’s about your son, or about anything else.
 
=katy;5295988]How does a parent respond if one of their kids does something appalling enough to cause repercussions among friends, relatives, nonrelatives, the parish, people who know us in other states? I would like to crawl into a hole. This is a thoroughly adult person not living with us. I suppose I may just have to keep my head up and my mouth shut, but I’m having trouble sleeping and facing friends I see on a regular basis. If anyone has any experience or thoughts on the subject, I’m eager to hear them.
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Been there and done that so I feel “qualified” to respond.

We re not responsible for decissions made by our adult children. Darn, that easy to say:)

A priest reminded me that that God made each of us with a mind, intellect and freewill. What we do with these gifts are PERSONAL choices, very often not reflecting family values and training. The *** Fundemental Option*** which claims that Its only wrong if I say its wrong**** is aggressively alive and well:eek:

They will always be our Kids, just as all of will always be sons and daughters of God. God tells us whats right and leaves us to decide what we will do, and we ought to do the same.

I personaly know many good Catholic families whose kids have left the Church. are shacking up, doing drugs ect. It is sadly so prevelant, that society does not even take not.

If you’re friends cannot, willnot understand, I wonder how Christian they really are?

We can [and should] love them and pray for them, BUT we cannot [should not] led their lives for them.

This will not make you feel better. But we can only model, pray and love our faith and our kids.

Katy, dear friend, God still is in charge:thumbsup:

Love and prayers,
Pat**
 
Lots of good advice in this thread. Praying for you now that you’ll be able to weather this storm. If nowhere else, at least you know you can get hugs from people here. :hug1:
 
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