How to respond...

[yjenkins]

I have an update however I also have to add to this story…They are both military, however, she is active reserve and he is active duty. He is also a single dad, his son is extremely attached to my friend who is now his ex-fiancee. He called her today, she told me he said he called to vent and to also ask for a favor. He initially had her on his family care plan, if he were to deploy, go on a training or have TDY, she would take care of his son. He vented, then he asked her if it was still okay to keep her on the family care plan, she said no, it would only be detrimental for his son. He did not call to reconcile or work things out. He only called because he felt alone and had no one else to go to.

 

[7armyrugrats]

I have an update however I also have to add to this story…They are both military, however, she is active reserve and he is active duty. He is also a single dad, his son is extremely attached to my friend who is now his ex-fiancee. He called her today, she told me he said he called to vent and to also ask for a favor. He initially had her on his family care plan, if he were to deploy, go on a training or have TDY, she would take care of his son. He vented, then he asked her if it was still okay to keep her on the family care plan, she said no, it would only be detrimental for his son. He did not call to reconcile or work things out. He only called because he felt alone and had no one else to go to.

This is complicated. A family care plan is a legal document that a single parent soldier must have in order to remain in service. If he cannot find another person to step in and take her place, he will be chaptered out of the military, and the process is usually very fast. I’ve seen it occur in 30 days time. It is difficult to find a job with benefits faster than the last paycheck rolls in most of the time, not to mention affordable housing arrangements. I would be hesitant to remain in his life, but especially since his son is bonded to her, it would be extremely difficult on the child to have her abruptly leave. Since he’s being raised by a single dad, it’s pretty likely this poor kid has gone through that before.

The purpose of a FCP is to assure the child/children of soldier will be cared for during deployments, FTX, TDY, and other absences. Often these absences occur quite suddenly without much notice. That is why a soldier is required to keep an up to date FCP at all times. Can you imagine how distressing it will be to this boy when dad leaves and he has to go stay with someone he barely knows? I’ve seen it happen too many times. It’s such a heartbreaking thing to watch. In my opinion, she should remain on the FCP for the sake of the child. I understand her hesitation, but this poor kid has no fault and no choice in his family situation. Most people probably won’t agree with me and that’s fine. I have seen this type of situation way too often over the years and influences the way I view this. By all means, drop dad but at least prayerfully consider being there for little boy. It may very well save that poor kid’s life.

 

[bmaj]

I have an update however I also have to add to this story…They are both military, however, she is active reserve and he is active duty. He is also a single dad, his son is extremely attached to my friend who is now his ex-fiancee. He called her today, she told me he said he called to vent and to also ask for a favor. He initially had her on his family care plan, if he were to deploy, go on a training or have TDY, she would take care of his son. He vented, then he asked her if it was still okay to keep her on the family care plan, she said no, it would only be detrimental for his son. He did not call to reconcile or work things out. He only called because he felt alone and had no one else to go to.

Hopefully he has a family member whom he could put on the family care plan instead of his ex-fiance - sibling, parent, uncle, aunt, cousin, etc… Almost any of those choices would likely be beneficial for his son. Sounds like he never was at all repentant about the porn and probably never would be, so it seems like she made an excellent decision. Maybe the FCP issue will help him think about what’s more important his life… his son or his self-centered sin.
Prayers for all.