How to save my best friend from becoming gay?

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Hi everyone,

I need some help in guiding my friend. We previously attended an all boys Catholic school. Despite attending a private Catholic school, my friend isn’t Catholic but does have a religion which is not under Christianity but in their religion being homosexual is also wrong. He has always told me that he isn’t gay despite all shameful remarks he hears behind other people’s back… Being a good friend I trust him in this and I knew that not all guys that act like him are gay. He even talks to me about weddings a lot. After graduating high school, we obviously had to go on our separate ways because of college.

Things took a turn after 2-3 years in college. When we met up a 4 months ago, my best friend started telling me this story he had been told from another friend. About two straight people marrying each other because they couldn’t find anymore girlfriends. Then another time during the phone when I asked him why he always talks about looking good and he joking replied to me that “Maybe we are just gay”. He then goes on to ask me if I would still talk to somebody even if they are gay. I asked him again if he was and he said that he isn’t.

A few days ago when I tried to bring the topic of dating and marrying women he said that he has no plans because of personal reasons. This really made me upset because now that we are both in our early 20s I kind of expected that we’d be sharing these sorts of things to each other all the time but sadly it will never happen. He knows I’m a Catholic but I feel that he’s still confused or scared to come out. Is there something I can do to save him? Can I still lead him to the right direction? I really don’t want him to be alone for the rest of his life.
 
I would just recommend to NOT address the gay problem directly. Maybe he isn’t gay and you’re mistaken! Or if he is, he might take great offense to that. I recommend just leading him to Christ. Be a strong friend to him, and invite him to mass and to ask questions about the faith. The Catholic Church is the true Church, and becoming involved within it will certainly clear him up. Radiate Christ to him and to everyone. Be a friend! You both are in my prayers.
 
I don’t think you are in a position to guide your friend. For one thing, he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you. I wonder if maybe your response to his question (when he asked you if you would still talk to a person if they were gay) might have shut him down. It might have made it easier if you had said “Absolutely! I would still remain friends.”

If your friend is struggling with same-sex attraction, he might need someone to speak to, so if you can somehow broach the subject, you might be able to show yourself to be a safe place to talk. He won’t want you to preach and condemn (he’ll stop talking to you), he wants you to help him to figure things out. Always be a safe place to go - no judgement.

However, that doesn’t mean you can’t have your own opinion on the subject, just remember to be compassionate and patient. It’s a huge thing for your friend, and he may never speak to you about it, but if he does, be nice. Tread softly, always be respectful, let him talk about it all without judging him (don’t pretend to be compassionate, really be compassionate). He already knows what his religion teaches, maybe he just needs to get things straight in his own head, and being a friend to him will be the best thing you can do.
 
jdoggin said:
I would just recommend to NOT address the gay problem directly. Maybe he isn’t gay and you’re mistaken! Or if he is, he might take great offense to that. I recommend just leading him to Christ. Be a strong friend to him, and invite him to mass and to ask questions about the faith. The Catholic Church is the true Church, and becoming involved within it will certainly clear him up. Radiate Christ to him and to everyone. Be a friend! You both are in my prayers.
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Alright thank you so much.
admonsta said:
I wonder if maybe your response to his question (when he asked you if you would still talk to a person if they were gay) might have shut him down. It might have made it easier if you had said “Absolutely! I would still remain friends.”
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Yeah, that’s probably the reason why he started telling me those stories 😦

But I did tell him on the phone that I’d defend him if people made fun of him and all because of the way he acts.
 
Masterpiece said:
He knows I’m a Catholic but I feel that he’s still confused or scared to come out. Is there something I can do to save him? Can I still lead him to the right direction? I really don’t want him to be alone for the rest of his life.
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I think you are right, he is afraid to tell you and lose your friendship. People don’t “become gay” so you can’t “save him” from that. If he is sexually active, it’s really his choice unless he asks for moral guidance from you.

If it were me, I’d say, “Stop messing around and admit you’re gay so we can stop these games.” Then be quiet and wait. Maybe he’ll tell you and you can stop the games. If you are going to reject the relationship based on this, then maybe it’s best to just cut it off now, before you cause him more pain than he is a obviously already experiencing.
 
Welcome to CAF! 👋

Don’t ever think you can “save” your friend. There’s only one Savior and it ain’t you. 😉

The best thing you can do is pray for him and be a friend to him. If your friend is gay, then it appears – for whatever reason – he does not feel safe talking to you about it. You might reflect on why that is. Have you said or done something to encourage such feelings on his part?

Of course, it’s possible that you’ve said nothing out of the ordinary and he is just making assumptions. I can only imagine how difficult a thing it would be to bring up in conversation. Pray also that you might have the wisdom and prudence to say the right things and to be a good friend.
 
Masterpiece said:
Hi everyone,

I need some help in guiding my friend. We previously attended an all boys Catholic school. Despite attending a private Catholic school, my friend isn’t Catholic but does have a religion which is not under Christianity but in their religion being homosexual is also wrong. He has always told me that he isn’t gay despite all shameful remarks he hears behind other people’s back… Being a good friend I trust him in this and I knew that not all guys that act like him are gay. He even talks to me about weddings a lot. After graduating high school, we obviously had to go on our separate ways because of college.

Things took a turn after 2-3 years in college. When we met up a 4 months ago, my best friend started telling me this story he had been told from another friend. About two straight people marrying each other because they couldn’t find anymore girlfriends. Then another time during the phone when I asked him why he always talks about looking good and he joking replied to me that “Maybe we are just gay”. He then goes on to ask me if I would still talk to somebody even if they are gay. I asked him again if he was and he said that he isn’t.

A few days ago when I tried to bring the topic of dating and marrying women he said that he has no plans because of personal reasons. This really made me upset because now that we are both in our early 20s I kind of expected that we’d be sharing these sorts of things to each other all the time but sadly it will never happen. He knows I’m a Catholic but I feel that he’s still confused or scared to come out. Is there something I can do to save him? Can I still lead him to the right direction? I really don’t want him to be alone for the rest of his life.
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I think you asking him if he was gay as an answer to his question might have scared depending on your tone. He very well might be testing the water to see if you would remain his friend is he came out or he might just be curious.

You are aware that celibacy is objectively superior to marriage right? As such a lack of interest isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
 
You cannot “save” someone from being who they are intrinsically created to be. Love your friend as he is and in so doing let the light of that love attract him to seek his true self in God.
 
Stop worrying about him being gay. If I get your hinting around about his religion, he could be in serious trouble if he came out as gay. It’s not your business, just be his friend.
 
Sweet heart, please pray for your friend.

It is ok, if you friend doesn’t want to marry, there isn’t anything wrong with this and he shouldn’t be pressured. Maybe, someday he will have a call to help others and this is why marriage isn’t appealing to him.

I had no intention to get marry ever and this didn’t make me an homosexual, but i finally did take the plunge at a much later age.

Pray God that he guides you from the Holy Spirit and you will know how to talk with him.

Blessings and love!
 
Chantal25 said:
Sweet heart, please pray for your friend.

It is ok, if you friend doesn’t want to marry, there isn’t anything wrong with this and he shouldn’t be pressured. Maybe, someday he will have a call to help others and this is why marriage isn’t appealing to him.

I had no intention to get marry ever and this didn’t make me an homosexual, but i finally did take the plunge at a much later age.

Pray God that he guides you from the Holy Spirit and you will know how to talk with him.

Blessings and love!
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Perhaps you’re right. I guess I’m just a little sad because I can’t share with him my experiences with relationships and could be over reacting.

He does have other troubles right now such as looking for a job and staying at home instead.
I guess I should help him out. Also Might try and get him to know some of my friends as well since he doesn’t have that many other than myself.
 
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