How to show appreciation to a husband not working?

[RubyWannabe]

Question: All the marriage books I read talk about how we respect our husbands by praising, valuing, and appreciating our husband’s work. In my case, my husband is disabled - through no fault of his own (work accident) - and I love him deeply and do respect him, but I am having a hard time to find an avenue to demonstrate my admiration and respect because we are so dependent in our culture on appreciating a man for his work. He is such a smart man, and I tell him so, but it rings hollow. I think he feels pretty worthless, and I have a hard time dissuading him of this. We have had a rough 20+ years - other issues until the disability began permanently nearly two years ago. Any suggestions are appreciated.

 

[thenewmrssears]

How about complimenting his other strengths?

I find asking questions about what they know most is always a good thing. Nathan knows A LOT [an almost ridiculous amount really] about sports. I really try to ask questions where he can explain it to me. Or in history.

Is there anything he can do? Volunteer?

I can’t imagine how tough this must be on the both of you.

 

[CatholicNerd]

Question: All the marriage books I read talk about how we respect our husbands by praising, valuing, and appreciating our husband’s work. In my case, my husband is disabled - through no fault of his own (work accident) - and I love him deeply and do respect him, but I am having a hard time to find an avenue to demonstrate my admiration and respect because we are so dependent in our culture on appreciating a man for his work. He is such a smart man, and I tell him so, but it rings hollow. I think he feels pretty worthless, and I have a hard time dissuading him of this. We have had a rough 20+ years - other issues until the disability began permanently nearly two years ago. Any suggestions are appreciated.

Some of us are called to bear the marks of Christ’s passion in very visible ways, such as your husband’s disability after his accident. Some people try to drown their pain in alcohol, drugs, sexual addictions, etc. But it seems like he hasn’t turned to any of those things. So thank him for his continued fidelity and his willingness to endure his sufferings like a true man.

The world tells us that people who are unable to work are useless, but they are perhaps the most useful people we’ll encounter. Their suffering and humiliation, when offered to God, can work miracles.

 

[RubyWannabe]

No, he hasn’t turned to those! Thanks so much. That is very helpful. I also like the idea of asking him to explain things. Please, if others have ideas, let me know.

 

[Stella76]

This is not exactly the same situation, but I thought I’d share anywayin hopes it might help.

At the moment, I am the only one bringing in any money. My husband is looking for a job, but his efforts are going nowhere. This bothers him deeply.

He is at home all day. To my shock and amazement, he has begun “keeping house” for me–cooking, cleaning, marketing. At first I took this for granted, but then I relalised, this is his way of contributing because he has no job outside of the home.

Now I thank him all the time for what he does, usually in the form of “Honey, thank you so much for having dinner ready for me when I got home tonight. You are such a lifesaver!” I know it’s a fine line between sounding complimentary and sounding condescending, so I think a lot about what I say before I say it.

Yesterday he spent hours on the phone trying to sort out a billing problem for me. He was soooo proud when I came home and he could tell me he’d been successful in his efforts. We splurged and went out to dinner (pizza, his fave) and told him I wouldn’t have had the patience to do what he did. He was still puffed up with pride this morning, the darling.

For us, it was a matter of me discovering what he took pride in and complimenting him on that.

I’ve babbled enough. Good luck, hon!

 

[kage_ar]

What did the two of you like to do together BEFORE his injury? What did he do for fun?