MM, let me suggest something a little different. Stop trying so hard. Sometimes one has to pick up the entire 100% of the work while the other works through problems.
I know I’d hate it if every day my wife tried to get me to change or do something different or whatever. Try to hold back and keep things low key. Let your wife know you accept her and love her.
And, don’t go back to the way things were ‘in the beginning’. This is now - find what you both enjoy now, what you what you want to do together now. Think about her and what she needs - not what she needs so she can give you what you need.
Absolutely. Do not try to “recapture” the past. It cannot be done. Love her today. Be grateful for whatever she does to love you today, and express your appreciation. Efforts that are noticed are easier to multiply. Love is not love if it is not full of gratitude.
Try to be your wife’s best friend. Whether she is up or down, ask if she wants to talk, and if she does…just LISTEN! The process is that not one of problem-solving, but that you help her come to her own conclusions by helping her clarify what it is that she is saying and what it is she wants, needs, or is thinking.
Make it a point to give her physical affection at various points of the day when sexuality is not even an option. Every morning, smile, hug her, and say good morning. Ask her how she slept. If you get up and leave the house too early, then call when she is up and do it then. When you see each other in the evening, try to be the first to ask her how
her day went.
We all try to hide when we are down, so don’t blow her cover and say, “You look down.” When she is looking great, say so, but when she isn’t looking great, say, “I am so lucky to have married you. How are you doing?” (You’ll want to do this every now and then when she is looking great, too, so it doesn’t simply become a code for “You look terrible.”
)
You know that as a husband, your job is to be Christ in your home. On Holy Thursday, you heard what that meant: wash the feet, attend to the needs of others before your own. If you do that, I’m thinking the return will take care of itself.
If it does not, then tell your wife that something seems amiss, and you would like to go to Marriage Encounter or get some third party to help the two of you to buff things up, in order that there might be no stone left unturned in helping you to know how to be the best husband possible for her.
By the time you have done all that, you should at least know your best course of action.
