How to square my marriage with the church?

  • Thread starter Thread starter ollh2002
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
O

ollh2002

Guest
Boy, I don’t know where to start with this one. I was raised Catholic, went to church every Sunday, attended Catholic school, all of it. Around my teen years I kind of started to doubt religion. When I was 16 I got a part-time job aside from school that was on the weekends and my mother allowed me to do that and skip mass. Since then, I have not been back to the church aside from funerals and weddings. I have not received communion, any of it.

For the majority of my 20’s I have identified myself as agnostic, and then later atheist. Now 29, through soul searching, reading, and research, I have moved back to agnostic and am now even considering returning to the church.

One sticking point I have, is in the midst of all of this, I got married. Not in the eyes of the church, but the government. I have been with my wife for over 7 years now. European born, she was baptized, received first communion and confirmation as a matter of “tradition”. Technically, she’s Catholic, but was never raised Catholic and I doubt will have any interest in ever being a practicing Catholic.

What would the church say about my current situation?
 
Last edited:
The Church considers you married, just not sacramentaly married. It’s not uncommon, so don’t feel as if you’d be out of place if you decided to take steps back towards the Church. It’s something many people have been through. If you and your spouse would like, your marriage could be blessed by the Church.
 
ollh2002 said:
What would the church say about my current situation?
Click to expand...
Two Catholics must marry in Catholic form. Presuming there are no impediments (such as prior marriage), you can convalidate your marrriage and resume the sacramental life. Your marriage is not currently valid, but this can be rectified.

Please make an appointment to talk to your pastor about convalidation.
 
One sticking point here is “two Catholics”. My wife will likely have no interest in being a practicing Catholic.

I have always thought her family’s tradition of going through the sacraments simply because that is what they have always done was bizarre. Realistically, the only time this family ever steps foot in a church is for this reason. In practice, they don’t believe in God and never worship. She is Catholic… but she isn’t… if that makes sense?

I know the Church allows marriages to non-Catholics. I wonder what they would consider it in this case. I also have read that marrying someone who is not Catholic requires permission of a Bishop, so I am unsure how that would play out.
 
Hi @ollh2002,

My husband and I were married in a civil ceremony when we first got married.

My husband is not Catholic. He is Jewish, and believes in God.

At one time many years ago, I felt kind of like you did, where I wasn’t sure about my faith at that time, even though I was raised Catholic, by Catholic convert parents.

When we married, neither of us were practicing our faiths and we couldn’t decide on what type of a wedding to have at the time, so that is one of the reasons that we chose to have a civil ceremony.

A few years later though, I wanted to start practicing the Catholic faith again.

My husband was supportive, so we went to talk to the Pastor of the local parish and we had our marriage convalidated.
 
Last edited:
ollh2002 said:
One sticking point here is “two Catholics”. My wife will likely have no interest in being a practicing Catholic.
Click to expand...
That is fine.

She is a Catholic by virtue of her baptism, practicing or not. So my comment regarding two Catholics was merely focused on the law of the church regarding marriage. The law of the church considers her to be a Catholic. But yes it also has provisions in it regarding how to treat the situation when one party is non-practicing.
 
ollh2002., May I suggest that you call the nearest Catholic parish to make and appointment with the priest to discuss the situation.
It would also be desirable to have Confession, a General Confession most likely after such a long period.
Don’t be fazed by that…the peace of soul that would follow will give you much joy.

To marry validly as two Catholics (you both were baptized as Catholics?)
you would need a marriage ceremony, it can be small and quiet,
or if your civilly married spouse is unwilling to go through a convalidation ceremony
then you could ask the priest to help you obtain Sanatio to validate your marriage in the Catholic Church.

I have known couple where a sanation was obtained as one partner didn’t want to be involved, had no objection to their partner taking that route to have the marriage validated,
and have known instances where after a time the other partner did return to the Church.
 
Last edited:
Do not underestimate the power of the Sacraments. They leave an indelible mark on the soul.
Non-practicing Catholics return every day. Pray for her. Fast for her. Talk to your pastor about regularizing your marriage because that is even more grace from the Sacrament of marriage.

Be such a joy filled example of Christ to your bride that she wants what you have.
 
ollh2002 said:
In practice, they don’t believe in God and never worship.
Click to expand...
If you’re including your wife in this statement then there could be a problem with getting a blessing, or convalidation, for your marriage. But I don’t know that for sure. Is that where the crux of your inquiry lies?

In my first post, I made much too definitive of a statement and was rightly corrected by 1ke. I should have said that your marriage could possibly receive a radical sanation which would retroactively make your entire marriage valid. But that would depend on a few things that were not indicated in your first post, so I gave you the benefit of the doubt. The reason I gave you the benefit of the doubt is because in my experience, telling two Catholics that they really aren’t married because they didn’t follow proper form without a dispensation can be very offensive to them, especially when there are no indications of problems in the marriage after several years.

Anyway, if you belong to a parish, the best thing to do is to talk to the pastor about it. He will figure out what can and cannot be done. If you’re not members of a parish then I believe you would make an appointment to see the pastor of whatever parish encompasses the area where you live.
 
Last edited:
My wife could be described as agnostic. She believes there is “something”, she just doesn’t know what. She doesn’t understand the major religions, and assigns them fairy tale status. I can’t blame her, as I spent a large portion of my 20’s thinking the same, and indeed, may have been part of the reason she thinks this way.

In any event, I am new to the area and will reach out to the local parish to schedule an appointment to go over my questions, which there are many.
 
1ke said:
Not at all. Happens every day.
Click to expand...
I think the implication here is more that it could be a problem with the wife, not with the church. I know we’ve seen that crop up on here a few times.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top