And you do your best, stumble forward, pray, and confess.
Again and again.
It really is important to emphasize that this is not something you should expect to just be able to stop right away through sheer willpower, and you shouldn’t be discouraged, even if you fall again and again. It is all too easy to sink into despair and just give up. If one slips and falls, it is tempting to feel too weary to go on, to want to simply lie down in the mud rather than getting up and continuing on a path which seems to have no end. It is here that we must rely on God to lift us back on our feet. No matter how many times you fall, He will always he willing to pick you up again. His mercy cannot be exhausted, and there is no shame in allowing God to help you. Our self-centered nature always wants the proud feeling of accomplishing something all by ourselves, but we must avoid this as just another temptation. Any good works that we accomplish require cooperation with God’s grace. Thus, we must not seek to do everything on our own, but recognize our weakness, because it is when we are weak that we can let God be our strength and allow His grace to work in us.
That one’s will alone is not enough to succeed does not mean that the will can be ignored, however. One must recognize one’s sins for what they are, and resolve to turn away from them and follow God. Once one has fallen, it is an act of the will to seek out God’s mercy again in confession. One must will to pray and ask for assistance and strength from God. And to ignore one’s will is dangerous, too, because no matter how much one is tempted, sin is always an act of the will. One can pray for God to strengthen and guide one’s will, but He will never force you to do anything, and no matter how much support or consolation He gives you, it can always be rejected. The goal is that one’s will is conformed to His will, and while this is impossible without God’s grace, it is also impossible without your will as well. Your will need not be strong enough on its own to persevere, but you must at least allow God to carry you if you are to make any progress. And always remember that ultimately, while chastity may seem difficult, it is not impossible. Each time that you confess this sin, you must hope and pray and will that this will have been the last time. And though it might not be clear at first, eventually, by the grace of God, it will be the last time.
Now as for more clear and practical advice, here are some observations coming from my own experience of continuing to struggle with this issue myself:
Of course, one must go to Confession, ideally as soon as possible. This can be difficult, of course, but the longer one goes without confession, the easier it can get to sin again. For example, if I would give into my temptations on Tuesday and the earliest I could get to confession was Saturday, as the week went on the temptation to sin again would just increase. The thought would come to mind “Well, I already have to go to confession, so one more sin can’t hurt” Thoughts like this, of course, are of the devil (whether or not he’s directly instigating them, he certainly would approve), and don’t make sense if you think about it, but when left at the subconscious level and coupled with desires one is used to satisfying, they can be insidious. If it is difficult to get to the set confession times or you need to confess sooner, making an appointment or just asking a priest is always a good idea.
It is also helpful to pray, especially some set routine of prayer. Mass as often as possible is always good, and one must develop a great love for the Eucharist. There have been times for me when the only thing keeping me chaste for the day was knowing that if I did give in to temptation, I wouldn’t be able to receive the Eucharist at the next Mass. Praying some or all of the Liturgy of the Hours is also good, and devotion to Mary is of course important. One must also rely on the communion of saints. There are many saints who are great models of chastity (I am particularly devoted to St. Joseph and St. Thomas Aquinas) and looking to their example and relying on their prayers can be a great help. This also brings out the point that, while we must pray for help and strength to live chastely, our prayer should not be only for ourselves. One must pray for others, one’s family and friends, the souls in purgatory, whoever one encounters throughout the day. Pray not only for yourself to be be able to live in chastity, but pray also for all who struggle with this issue. One thing that I would recommend in regard to this, as well as establishing a routine of daily prayer, is the Confraternity of Angelic Warfare (
angelicwarfareconfraternity.org). I have not officially joined yet, but I have found that starting to follow the prayer discipline has already helped.
Finally. when one is tempted, try to distract yourself from it. This can involve prayer, but it also can just mean finding something to do. If possible, one can go for a walk or at least someplace, even just another room, where one isn’t alone. Put oneself in a situation where either one is totally focused on something else, or simply cannot give in to you temptation (or, ideally, both of these), and stay that way until the temptation subsides, and for a while after that as well. Now, this of course is not always possible, such as late at night perhaps, but whenever you can it is a good idea. One avoids sin not just by never being tempted, but by resisting temptation, however one is able to start doing this, one must be able at least to start resisting more and more in order to gradually break the addiction.
Anyways, I hope this helps someone (just writing all this has already helped me, this is something I really never talk about outside the confessional and it just feels good to be open about it)
