How to tactfully tell your church (small group, pastor) that you're considering taking RCIA

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dcarollo

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Hi:

I’ve been on the Catholic exploratory journey for about 6 months now – and feel I’m getting ready to take RCIA in the next couple months or so – which means I have to eventually “face the music” (or firing squad), and tell our small group and pastor.

Not looking forward to that one bit.

Our family still attends a modern, Reformed, “cool” church (20-minute rock concert followed by 1-hour lecture from a casually dressed pastor dude. If you’re from this background, you know the drill!), we also attend a weekly small group – where we’ve gotten to know some pretty nice, spiritual Christians (I have NOTHING bad to say about any of them).

Anyway: I’m just wondering if someone else here has been through this – and maybe some tips on how to tactfully, lovingly, graciously tell them why I can no longer submit to the reformed, protestant framework.

On a Practical level, I’m not sure what my going to RCIA means for my continual church attendance (what makes matters more complicated, is that my wife is a pretty committed protestant, and I don’t see her leaving the church). This means, I will either have to 1) Continue to “attend” the Protestant church with my family – and somehow just keep “under the radar” as much as I can. or 2) Completely leave the church On my own – without my family.

This is not easy.
Any ideas would be appreciated!
 
As a cradle Catholic, I have little to give as advice., However, I can say, if you choose to, there is nothing wrong with continuing to attend your current church with your family, even if you do eventually choose to convert.
 
I came from the same background, but I don’t really have any advice to give you, because I kind of just left. My father in law works there, so I just kind of let him tell the others because I’m a big baby and can’t face anyone on my own. Not saying this was the right thing to do, but I did it.
 
I don’t know what to tell you, because as far as I know most Catholics who leave the Catholic Church either mention that they are on an exploratory journey while they’re on it or else they consider it their private business and just quit showing up.

I don’t think I’d make an annoucement to the group. Say your farewells to the ones to whom you are closest to privately, and wish them well. You will probably find that by the time you tell your pastor, he will have heard via the grapevine. Expect them to feel you are leaving a good thing and to try to get you to reconsider, but that is to be expected. Do not feel you have to do an oral defense to get out. Unless they are some kind of a cult, they realize that you come every week under no compulsion but your own free will.

As far as continuing to attend your wife’s church, you might talk to the priest at the parish where you’ll be doing RCIA, in order to get some guidance. He might also be a good resource if your wife has questions or concerns. (Yes, she is welcome to come with you to Mass, even if she has no intention of ever converting herself.)
 
anp1215 said:
I came from the same background, but I don’t really have any advice to give you, because I kind of just left. My father in law works there, so I just kind of let him tell the others because I’m a big baby and can’t face anyone on my own. Not saying this was the right thing to do, but I did it.
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I think that doing what you did is far better than making a dramatic exit.
 
EasterJoy said:
I think that doing what you did is far better than making a dramatic exit.
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good. I didn’t know if that was rude or not. But hey, I did it, so what’s done is done. I can’t handle conflict well at all, so I thought it was better for all if they heard it through the grapevine.
 
dcarollo said:
This means, I will either have to 1) Continue to “attend” the Protestant church with my family – and somehow just keep “under the radar” as much as I can. or 2) Completely leave the church On my own – without my family.

This is not easy.
Any ideas would be appreciated!
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Prepare for the narrow and often rocky road.

You will understand that you don’t go to two churches. So, leave your church, without comment, and tell your small group your decision. You can visit, call or drop a note to your Pastor. Do not discuss it with them. No arguments. Maybe next spring you can talk to them, right now, you are really not prepared.

Husbands and wives usually manage when they have different faiths - but what about children? The children will need to be raised in the Church. And that will be something you will insist on, once you have stayed the course and understood the Truths.

Pray a lot. We will, too.
 
Don’t say anything. Go to RCIA and when it is time to commit let him know of your journey and decision. Then leave and attend Mass.

Good Luck.
 
I come from a protestant background…i converted my senior year of high school. As someone mentioned above, i would let your group know, but do not make it a discussion. God is obviously calling you home to the Church! What i did was let a few people know, and they were dismayed, but they either accepted it or didn’t. if they didn’t…then too bad for them.
This is an important matter, and as harsh as this sounds, the Truth, and the state of your soul is more important than what your protestant friends have to say about it.

God bless you, and i will pray for you!
 
Part of the reason I DO want to talk with the church group (if there is such a way) , Is that I want the bridge to remain open — meaning, I don’t want to simply LEAVE in a huff (or in dead silence), but also be able to depart gracefully with the hope that they might ALSO come along this journey as well.

I feel compelled to let them know how much I value their fellowship/friendship – while at the same time letting them know I feel compelled to move towards the Catholic church, the sacraments, etc.

It seems a consistent message I’m hearing though — is that it’s best to be brief as possible, not engage in battles…

BTW: I just happened to talk to ONE of the community group leaders in the last couple hours since posting my first message! It actually went surprisingly well — although he doesn’t agree with me on the move towards Catholicism, he also understood where I was coming from and didn’t try to talk me out of it!

I have not yet figured out what my next step is.
I want to keep my wife happy, but I also feel compelled that I MUST move on.
 
have you been attending Mass? i was young when i converted, and i had no catholic friends, so i didnt attend mass before rcia. or really until the end…but here i am now as a seminary candidate! but i feel like experiencing the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass as a very important part of discerning your path. it keeps it not just in the realm of the intellect.
 
I just quit showing up at the church i used to go to, mainly due to some unrelated drama that’s ancient history. Fortunately, i was only a visitor, so i wasn’t too involved with them to begin with. Sorry i’m not much help in that department.:o

I see you’ve made some friends at your soon-to-be old church. 🙂 If i were you, i’d talk to them if for no other reason than to make sure the reason you’re leaving is straight from the horse’s mouth. You don’t want them to hear it secondhand through someone else. You may run into other people from the old church periodically, if they ask, tell them. If they don’t, then leave it at that. If they make a big stink over it, then that pretty much tells you all you need to know about them.
 
I’m planning on just attending both and not telling either one! People my age go to night service and don’t go to church in the day. Why not go to Mass in the day and church at night. The Protestant church wouldn’t mind as they believe that all church is church. I may tell the Catholics if there is a real problem but I told my Catholic friend and after explaining the situation to her, she said it was not ideal but it was ok.
 
Questionshf said:
I’m planning on just attending both and not telling either one! People my age go to night service and don’t go to church in the day. Why not go to Mass in the day and church at night. The Protestant church wouldn’t mind as they believe that all church is church. I may tell the Catholics if there is a real problem but I told my Catholic friend and after explaining the situation to her, she said it was not ideal but it was ok.
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This is NOT okay. Catholicism isn’t an a la carte situation. You either believe in it, or you don’t. Protestant at night, catholic in the morning? might as well be a buddhist in the afternoon.
 
My advice is to attend RCIA, look at it as a learning experience, get out of it what you can, but don’t burn any bridges. I know a few people, my husband included, who attended RCIA and discovered that Catholicism just wasn’t their cup of tea.

Best of luck.
 
Posts before have said that you can attend a protestant church. Its ok with Protestants, if its not ok with Catholics do you have to leave the church as in Catholic church? I havn’t even been to Mass yet, going the first time this Sunday.
 
Questionshf said:
Posts before have said that you can attend a protestant church. Its ok with Protestants, if its not ok with Catholics do you have to leave the church as in Catholic church? I havn’t even been to Mass yet, going the first time this Sunday.
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Are you asking if you can still attend Protestant services once you’re officially Catholic? From what i understand, yeah. So long as you don’t take their communion, you’re welcome to sit in on their service.

Congrats on making this Sunday your first Mass! I bet you’ll love it, as did i when i first went to Mass myself. Just so you know, until you’re actually Catholic, you can’t recieve the Sacraments. 🙂
 
Congratulations to you too!!! I see its 4 days until RCIA for you!🙂

I know I went into a chapel for the first time yesterday because my friend was showing me what everything was and actually stepping in for the first time because I was too shy to go by myself. And it gave me the goose bumps it was a bit scary actually. Seeing the box with the bread that is Jesus. It was like stepping on holy ground. It was so safe in their like a haven. And when you put that water on you when you first go in and you make the sign of the cross, it didn’t feel like you were just getting wet. Its like you are so close to God I want to go to Mass everyday. I just can’t believe how holy it was.

Datritle has scared me a bit because I like both churches. Mass and church. I don’t want to leave night Protestant church because I meet God there too and I have lots off friends and the Pastors are so admirable. But at Mass I mean THE Tabernacle is there! How awesome is that!:signofcross:
 
Questionshf said:
I know I went into a chapel for the first time yesterday because my friend was showing me what everything was and actually stepping in for the first time because I was too shy to go by myself. And it gave me the goose bumps it was a bit scary actually. Seeing the box with the bread that is Jesus. It was like stepping on holy ground. It was so safe in their like a haven. And when you put that water on you when you first go in and you make the sign of the cross, it didn’t feel like you were just getting wet. Its like you are so close to God I want to go to Mass everyday. I just can’t believe how holy it was.
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I had that same feeling when I stepped into a Catholic Church for the first time. For lack of better words, it felt so much greater; as close to God as one can get on this earth, and I knew I had to be there as much as I could. Goodness, there are no words. I felt I belonged there, with Him.
Questionshf said:
Datritle has scared me a bit because I like both churches. Mass and church. I don’t want to leave night Protestant church because I meet God there too and I have lots off friends and the Pastors are so admirable. But at Mass I mean THE Tabernacle is there! How awesome is that!:signofcross:
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You will find that there is nothing, NOTHING on this earth that comes even *remotely *close to receiving Jesus in the Eucharist. We can “meet” God anywhere: in our cars, on the street, wherever, but you will only *meet *him this side of heaven in the holy Eucharist. Be not afraid; attend RCIA and learn all you can; you can also begin to attend Mass now. Let Him into your heart, mind, and soul and you’ll see…

I made the journey myself almost 10 years ago. My prayers are with you!
 
What happens if you do take communion at a Protestant Church once you are Catholic? I don’t know what a mortal sin is but it sounds dreadful. If it is a mortal sin, can you be forgiven? And is it really that bad? What if you don’t think its bad even if you are told its wrong. So you do it anyway.

Im not asking this to be rebellious, I just want to make sure I don’t end up in hell.
 
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