How to Talk to a Very Sick Friend

[zaramarie81]

Hi everyone -

I haven’t posted much in the evangelization folder, but I thought some of you here might have some words of wisdom. Here’s the situation:

I have a good friend who was raised Catholic and identifies himself as being Catholic, but does not embrace all the Church’s teachings. He sort of approaches God and the faith on his own terms, if that makes sense. Now, he has been diagnosed with a deadly cancer that could possibly take his life in a matter of months if treatments aren’t successful (he’s only in his 30’s!). It’s a scary time, and he’s had a lot on his mind in regards to God, eternity, etc.

I was talking with him last night, and while he has gotten more “spiritual” as of late, he still holds to a lot of beliefs that concern me. He doesn’t feel the need to repent of sins or to change in any way as he feels God is “fine” with him just the way he is. And while he believes God exists, he doesn’t know if heaven exists or if it matters.

I’m at a loss as to how to talk to him about these topics and am very concerned for his soul. In the past, we would have a good, intellectual argument and we’d laugh afterwards about our differences, but now… I feel awkward and completely frozen. I have never been in his shoes, facing what he’s facing. I am afraid I will saying something hurtful or devastating to him, but am also afraid for the health of his soul. Also, our friendship is long distance, which I have found makes it even tougher… I can’t just sit and be with him, offering the comfort of a supportive friend. All I can do is chat over the phone.

Are there any thoughts on how to discuss the faith with a person who is facing a life-threatening illness?

Thanks so much –

 

[TOP]

Hi zaramarie81,
I can only try to help by relating my own experience with cancer when I was 32, 6 years ago. It was stage 3 and I wasn’t a practicing Catholic. I had no cathechesis after 8 years of age and only believed in God and that He had a Son. When I was in the hospital, I asked to see a priest and when he came, he walked in and said “take advantage of this grace you have” and left. I was like, what is grace?! What I needed to know was I had to get right with the Lord and how to do it.

First of all, be frank, but compassionate. Facing death is a lonely thing. Despite how comforting people can be, no one can die for you. Tell him you understand that , but remind him that someone did already die for him and that was Jesus Christ and that those in communion with Him won’t taste death the same way as those not in His grace. There are no secrets after the grave. This is best backed by scripture, John 8:12 Again therefore, Jesus spoke to them, saying: I am the light of the world: he that followeth me, walketh not in darkness, but shall have the light of life. Darkness in the soul recoils from the illumination that is Jesus Christ. He must purge as much as he can now and join his suffering with that of Christ’s passion.

Th Church has the command to bind and loosing.* Matthew 16:19 And I will give to thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven. And whatsoever thou shalt bind upon earth, it shall be bound also in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose upon earth, it shall be loosed also in heaven. * and *Matthew 18:18 Amen I say to you, whatsoever you shall bind upon earth, shall be bound also in heaven; and whatsoever you shall loose upon earth, shall be loosed also in heaven. *. A priest can absolve him of his sins and unbind the darkness. Then your friend can receive the sacrament of the annointing of the sick, joining his sufferings with Christ. These are things I wish I knew then.

What has been comforting since my recovery has been learning of the mercy of the Lord through St. Faustina. My trust has grown by reading her diary. There are some things in there that he should know like the Divine Mercy Chaplet. I recommend the priest say it with him if possible. Help him come to the Lord and don’t worry about loosing a friend. Hopefully he will be a friend in heaven some day to give witness to your compassion and the Lords mercy. Tim

 

[zaramarie81]

Hi zaramarie81,
I can only try to help by relating my own experience with cancer when I was 32, 6 years ago. It was stage 3 and I wasn’t a practicing Catholic. I had no cathechesis after 8 years of age and only believed in God and that He had a Son. When I was in the hospital, I asked to see a priest and when he came, he walked in and said “take advantage of this grace you have” and left. I was like, what is grace?! What I needed to know was I had to get right with the Lord and how to do it.

First of all, be frank, but compassionate. Facing death is a lonely thing. Despite how comforting people can be, no one can die for you. Tell him you understand that , but remind him that someone did already die for him and that was Jesus Christ and that those in communion with Him won’t taste death the same way as those not in His grace. There are no secrets after the grave. This is best backed by scripture, John 8:12 Again therefore, Jesus spoke to them, saying: I am the light of the world: he that followeth me, walketh not in darkness, but shall have the light of life. Darkness in the soul recoils from the illumination that is Jesus Christ. He must purge as much as he can now and join his suffering with that of Christ’s passion.

Th Church has the command to bind and loosing.* Matthew 16:19 And I will give to thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven. And whatsoever thou shalt bind upon earth, it shall be bound also in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose upon earth, it shall be loosed also in heaven. * and *Matthew 18:18 Amen I say to you, whatsoever you shall bind upon earth, shall be bound also in heaven; and whatsoever you shall loose upon earth, shall be loosed also in heaven. *. A priest can absolve him of his sins and unbind the darkness. Then your friend can receive the sacrament of the annointing of the sick, joining his sufferings with Christ. These are things I wish I knew then.

What has been comforting since my recovery has been learning of the mercy of the Lord through St. Faustina. My trust has grown by reading her diary. There are some things in there that he should know like the Divine Mercy Chaplet. I recommend the priest say it with him if possible. Help him come to the Lord and don’t worry about loosing a friend. Hopefully he will be a friend in heaven some day to give witness to your compassion and the Lords mercy. Tim

Thank you TOP, these thoughts are very helpful. Gives me something to think about. I just feel so lost on how to talk to him, and hearing the perspective one who has “been there” really helps. I hope and pray my friend makes it through this… but if he doesn’t, well, I like what you said… I want to have a friend in heaven.