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Captain_America
Guest
Any recommendations on how a parent can teach the value of persistence?
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edwest2
Guest
Even the smallest project requires planning and a goal. Say you want to teach your boy about the value of exercise. It doesn’t have to be formal but if he has a weight issue or not, the goal is to have a well-conditioned body. Take a craft involving building something. Depending on the age, it shouldn’t be too hard but the satisfaction of working on it, bit by bit, and gradually seeing the results is satisfying. Instead of making whatever it is sound like work, make it sound like a fun challenge.
Peace,
Ed
Peace,
Ed
D
Do_Good_Then_Go
Guest
Children do learn from example too so it’s important for parents to model the qualities they want to instill. Let them see their parents working on tasks or projects over time and let them see the satisfaction that comes when persistence pays off.
One of our children had a problem with ‘giving up’ too easily and it was because he was a perfectionist. If he couldn’t do something perfectly, he didn’t want to keep going because he felt he had failed or wasn’t ‘good enough’. He didn’t seem to realise that most things take time and persistence to master or achieve and we couldn’t explain this to him - he thought if he tried hard enough, he should be able to do or achieve whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. He would get very disappointed with himself when this didn’t happen.
It took a lot of patience and gentle encouragement over many years for there to be any change in this and even today, as an adult, he still tends to be too much of a perfectionist and is often too hard on himself.
Otherwise, I think edwest’s advice is pretty good.
One of our children had a problem with ‘giving up’ too easily and it was because he was a perfectionist. If he couldn’t do something perfectly, he didn’t want to keep going because he felt he had failed or wasn’t ‘good enough’. He didn’t seem to realise that most things take time and persistence to master or achieve and we couldn’t explain this to him - he thought if he tried hard enough, he should be able to do or achieve whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. He would get very disappointed with himself when this didn’t happen.
It took a lot of patience and gentle encouragement over many years for there to be any change in this and even today, as an adult, he still tends to be too much of a perfectionist and is often too hard on himself.
Otherwise, I think edwest’s advice is pretty good.
C
Cat
Guest
A few rules for parents to remember:
First and think this one over carefully:
Don’t start anything with a child unless YOU, the parents, are willing to spend the time and money to get all the way to the very top of whatever the activity is. (You probably won’t have to do this, but be willing to do it.)
This rule is very very important, and when parents break this rule, their child learns to be a quitter. Here’s how: a lot of children sense that their parents don’t really want them to be a world-champion figure skater or build the Ultimate Robot that will win First Prize at the National Competition (which is held across the country from where the family lives) or become such a great violinist that they are admitted to Julliard. The children somehow figure out that the parents don’t have the time or money (or have the time and money, but aren’t willing to use it) to devote to their children making it to the very top.
And so the children “cooperate” with their parents by becoming disinterested in the activity, and sometimes “failing” the activity so that they will have an excuse to quit and “please” their parents. The children don’t understand why they are doing this–they actually love the activity, and often they are very good at it and want to continue it. But they want to please their parents, too.
Our very experienced skate pro told us that many children tell their parents that they want to quit the sport of figure skating not because they hate the sport–oh, no! They love the sport. But their skates hurt their feet, and they know that a pair of figure skates costs around $600.00, and that they just got a new pair only a few months ago, and they don’t want to tell their parents that they need a new pair of skates again because they’ve heard their parents sigh about the tremendous cost of the sport and they don’t want their parents to be broke.
So instead of telling the parents the truth, the child tells them that they want to quit skating and give their parents the impression that they don’t like the sport anymore. Of course the parents are disappointed, but many parents are actually quite happy when children quit figure skating because it means they actually have some money again!
They don’t realize that the child didn’t really want to quit–he/she was just trying to please them.
And the child will do this kind of “cooperating” with parents whenever they sense that the parents don’t really want to put the time and money into an activity. And that’s how they learn to quit.
So be careful. If you can’t afford to take a child to the top of the activity, then don’t start it. Sure, go to the rink for a public skating session and do the Hokey Pokey. Or buy one of the little robot kits and have some fun on a weekend. Or let the child take violin lessons, but firmly let the teacher know that you are definitely not interested ever in getting the child on the stage at Carnegie Hall.
But don’t enroll the child in lessons or classes, and then whine about the costs of the activity and complain about how much time it takes and make your child feel like they are hurting you by continuing the activity. Support your child with all your heart and enjoy the ride to the top! Your child probably won’t make it to the top, but he or she will get closer than if they never did the activity.
Second:
Don’t let them quit anything too soon. Require them to stick it out at least until they have have accomplished something–completed a “session” or a “book” or a “project” or “earn the first badge” or whatever. Sometimes just finishing something and receiving that badge or star or whatever is enough to encourage the child to stick it out for another session or project or whatever.
Third:
Absolutely Do NOT try to live vicariously through your child! Allow the child to try as many different activities and experiences as you can honestly afford the time and money for. But don’t enroll the child in your childhood fantasy sport/art and then insist that they can’t quit ever because they must fulfill your Dream Quest! Make sure the activity is their passion, not yours! If you break this rule, your children WILL quit the activity with gleeful abandon as soon as they get old enough to defy you and quit. This creates a rift between parent and child that sometimes lasts a lifetime.
Fourth:
I agree with edwest2–make it fun. Choose the teacher or coach or leader wisely–pick someone who isn’t just trying to train Olympians, or prepare concert violinists, but who also wants the child to have a lot of fun and learn good life lessons.
First and think this one over carefully:
Don’t start anything with a child unless YOU, the parents, are willing to spend the time and money to get all the way to the very top of whatever the activity is. (You probably won’t have to do this, but be willing to do it.)
This rule is very very important, and when parents break this rule, their child learns to be a quitter. Here’s how: a lot of children sense that their parents don’t really want them to be a world-champion figure skater or build the Ultimate Robot that will win First Prize at the National Competition (which is held across the country from where the family lives) or become such a great violinist that they are admitted to Julliard. The children somehow figure out that the parents don’t have the time or money (or have the time and money, but aren’t willing to use it) to devote to their children making it to the very top.
And so the children “cooperate” with their parents by becoming disinterested in the activity, and sometimes “failing” the activity so that they will have an excuse to quit and “please” their parents. The children don’t understand why they are doing this–they actually love the activity, and often they are very good at it and want to continue it. But they want to please their parents, too.
Our very experienced skate pro told us that many children tell their parents that they want to quit the sport of figure skating not because they hate the sport–oh, no! They love the sport. But their skates hurt their feet, and they know that a pair of figure skates costs around $600.00, and that they just got a new pair only a few months ago, and they don’t want to tell their parents that they need a new pair of skates again because they’ve heard their parents sigh about the tremendous cost of the sport and they don’t want their parents to be broke.
So instead of telling the parents the truth, the child tells them that they want to quit skating and give their parents the impression that they don’t like the sport anymore. Of course the parents are disappointed, but many parents are actually quite happy when children quit figure skating because it means they actually have some money again!
They don’t realize that the child didn’t really want to quit–he/she was just trying to please them.
And the child will do this kind of “cooperating” with parents whenever they sense that the parents don’t really want to put the time and money into an activity. And that’s how they learn to quit.
So be careful. If you can’t afford to take a child to the top of the activity, then don’t start it. Sure, go to the rink for a public skating session and do the Hokey Pokey. Or buy one of the little robot kits and have some fun on a weekend. Or let the child take violin lessons, but firmly let the teacher know that you are definitely not interested ever in getting the child on the stage at Carnegie Hall.
But don’t enroll the child in lessons or classes, and then whine about the costs of the activity and complain about how much time it takes and make your child feel like they are hurting you by continuing the activity. Support your child with all your heart and enjoy the ride to the top! Your child probably won’t make it to the top, but he or she will get closer than if they never did the activity.
Second:
Don’t let them quit anything too soon. Require them to stick it out at least until they have have accomplished something–completed a “session” or a “book” or a “project” or “earn the first badge” or whatever. Sometimes just finishing something and receiving that badge or star or whatever is enough to encourage the child to stick it out for another session or project or whatever.
Third:
Absolutely Do NOT try to live vicariously through your child! Allow the child to try as many different activities and experiences as you can honestly afford the time and money for. But don’t enroll the child in your childhood fantasy sport/art and then insist that they can’t quit ever because they must fulfill your Dream Quest! Make sure the activity is their passion, not yours! If you break this rule, your children WILL quit the activity with gleeful abandon as soon as they get old enough to defy you and quit. This creates a rift between parent and child that sometimes lasts a lifetime.
Fourth:
I agree with edwest2–make it fun. Choose the teacher or coach or leader wisely–pick someone who isn’t just trying to train Olympians, or prepare concert violinists, but who also wants the child to have a lot of fun and learn good life lessons.
E
edwest2
Guest
Thanks. I had to give up my perfectionist tendencies to get back into drawing. You can always erase a mistake, but otherwise, finish one drawing, and do a little better on the next. With art, that usually takes several years of constant application.
Peace,
Ed
Peace,
Ed
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