How to tell devout catholic parents you have fallen for someone not catholic?

[sarakelley]

Just need help on how to tell my parents that I have fallen for someone who is not catholic.
My whole family are devout catholics btw. So, when i tell them this they are going to be so upset. I cant help who i have fallen for? The guy is divorced and has a kid from the marriage. I know that is wrong in the catholic faith. But, i didnt mean to fall for him. I dont know how to go about this without my family shunning me? Because they will they are very strict catholics. thanks

 

[Della]

If this gentleman proposes and you accept that’s when you need to have a talk with your family and your priest about him applying for an annulment. He would need to have an annulment before you could be married in the Church. If you were to marry him outside the Church your marriage would not be considered sacramental, which is what would really be hard for your family to accept. So, if he proposes and you decide to marry him, you should see to all of this before planning a wedding for everyone’s best interest.

 

[heidi_storage]

I cant help who i have fallen for? thanks

You can’t necessarily keep yourself from FEELING a certain way, but you absolutely can choose to ACT in a certain way. The last thing you want to do is rush into marriage and then discover–after the fluttery feelings fade–that this was a mistake. Values, goals, attitudes toward communication and respect–these things will last a lifetime, and will determine the strength of your marriage. Your current feelings will not.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

In most cases, we can help who we fall in love with. We might not be able to control who we have a crush on, but we don’t have to date every crush. In the vast majority of situations, we only fall in love after we have made the choice to date someone, so the way to “help who we fall for” is just to choose not to date someone who has qualities that would keep them from being a good long term match.

 

[JamalChristophr]

I think you really need to spend more time with him, Sarah, before you take any of it too seriously.

I mean, have you actually even spent any time with him in person? I forget now, but I don’t think you have.

If you want to tell your parents, you better just spill the beans and tell them, but I doubt they’ll react very positively for a number of reasons, and I’m not sure what can change that. If he truly is a very good person, time would reveal that eventually to you and your parents but it won’t happen overnight.

I think you need to pray about it. Seriously!

God Bless.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Just need help on how to tell my parents that I have fallen for someone who is not catholic.
My whole family are devout catholics btw. So, when i tell them this they are going to be so upset.

What are the reasons your family will be upset?

I cant help who i have fallen for?

We cannot help our feelings but you can control or choose your actions now. Also, people tend to fall for people that they spend time with. This is why people are discouraged from spending too much time with people of the opposite sex if one or the other is married; this is how affairs begin. They same idea can be applied here. Why invest time on a man who is technically married to someone else? Never mind you haven’t spent time together in real life, doing real things.

And about the sexting? Don’t be surprised that if you do meet that he will have expectations of illicit sexual activity. Try telling him "no’ to any further sexting and to any sexual activity until…hmm, he’s able to commit to you. (Disclaimer: I know any sexual activity outside of marriage is sinful and I’m not condoning it here. I’m suggesting a conversation that might reveal the real intentions of both parties.) I wonder what his reaction will be initially. I how long it will be before he loses interest or you both lose interest.

The guy is divorced and has a kid from the marriage. I know that is wrong in the catholic faith.

What do you know is wrong?

But, i didnt mean to fall for him. I dont know how to go about this without my family shunning me? Because they will they are very strict catholics. thanks

Does your family often shun others? Shunning isn’t a Catholic thing so I wouldn’t expect that. Some families do shun but it has more to do with maintaining a certain public image for others or bigotry, neither of which is a Catholic approach.

 

[Lou2U]

You say you have ‘fallen for someone’ - What does this mean? Does this mean you have a crush on him? Does it mean you are dating? Does it mean you are talking about having a relationship?

If the second (and perhaps the third), maybe let your parents know you are considering a relationship. If the first, I do not see why you need to tell your parents anything.

Other posters are saying you have not spent any time with him in person and if this is true, I agree with taking things slowly and be careful. It does not matter how many times you have spoken long distance, everything can be totally different and he may not be who he says. Please, consider what you are doing carefully if you have not met before. This would more important to tell your parents, in my opinion than ‘he is not Catholic’ or ‘he is divorced’.

Lou

 

[bisco1]

how old are you?

 

[bisco1]

thanks. sounds like sarakelly is not really catholic. wonder why she is coming here for advice?

 

[Lou2U]

thanks. sounds like sarakelly is not really catholic. wonder why she is coming here for advice?

Everyone makes mistakes, even Catholics.

OP: From the sounds of this post and your previous thread, I want to say again** be careful**. If you have never met this man, how can you know what his true intentions are?

Lou

 

[bisco1]

in the spirit of forgiveness, run as fast as you can o/p, and stay away from the internet. get involved with a group at church, and pray for peace from our Father. God bless!